Would you just look at this? Jon's making me wear a kitty sweater. People dress their pets up because it makes them look like little people. Well, I'm NOT a little person, I'm a CAT. For instance, I like a pinch of catnip in my morningcup of coffee.
When you own a cat, its hairs get everywhere. Every time I eat, I find a cat hair in my food. Let me show you. I know it's here something. I CAN'T EAT 'TIL I FIND THAT HAIR! Silly me. I forgot to put it in there.
I'll bet you can't wait to see what kind of cat food you're having for dinner. I'll bet I can. Here it comes... You can cut the tension with a knife. LIVER! Oh, hooray, hop about, clap paws, squeal with glee.
Spring is here. The warm spring sun is coaxing trees to bud and flowers to bloom. Fledging songbirds are testing their lilting voices. Soft spring zephyrs are wafting the sweet scent of lilacs. Spring is here. Big, fat hairy deal.
I know you've been in a nasty mood this week, Garfield. Many of us occasionally feel angry for no reason at all...psychologists all it a free-floating anxiety. SPLAT! FREE-FLOAT THIS! I wonder if this ever happened to Freud.
GROWL The cat craves fresh meat. What-ho, the cat senses unsuspecting quarry o'er yon knoll. Coiling like a spring, he prepares to lunge. Steely sinews propel him toward his helpless prey. Once again a cat's primal instincts providesustenance.
Boy, I', starved. I think I'll have sausage. hash browns and some eggs over easy. Good morning, Garfield. Here's tuna and liver surprise! The sausage and hash browns are delicious. But I do believe the eggs are a bit overdone.
Tell me what you think of my new poem, Garfield. "MY BUDDY" I have a buddy. My buddy's a toad. He's kind of muddy, he's flat on the road. But, he is my buddy, my buddy to stay, 'til he's peeled up and sailed away. Garfield?
PURRRR PURRR tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity scratch! scratch! scratch! scratch! Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to another glorious, fun-filled day with your favorite pet! I'm so happy to own a cat, I could justthrow up.
Hello, Julie? How about a movie tonight? Oh, I see. Okay, goodbye. Darn, she said she was just walking out the door to visit her brother in Tokyo. That's what I call bad timing. That's called getting shot out of the saddle, you turkey.
Did I ever tell you about my uncle Harry? He was a famous mouser at a glass plant in Gas City, Indiana. Legend has it that uncle Harry chased a mouse fight into tank #2 Now he's a paperweight in Bayonne, New Jersey.
Hello, Carolyn? Hey, now about taking in a movie tonight? Uh...oh sure, I understand. She said she would love to have gone out with me tonight. click But she had to stay home and pluck her eyebrows. Subtle.
DING DONG tug tug Good evening, Felicia, my dear. Dinner awaits. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou (heh-heh) Oh, brother. WAHCHOO! I'm allergic for cats! Either he goes or I go. SNIFF! POOMP! Gee, and she was cute, too.Salud.
How about a snack, Garfield? Here's some liver left from dinner. Blech! It's good. Really. Watch me. M-m-m-m nummy nummy nummy Oh, very well. A MOUSE! GET IT! GARFIELD, WHY CAN'T YOU CHASE MICE LIKE OTHER CATS? If Jon eats onefirst, I'll consider it.
Tell me, Liz, haven't we met somewhere before? A rice paddy in Hong Kong? Look, jerk. I'll be the vet for your cat, but I won't play fall guy for your stupid lines. Understood? Uh-huh. So long, doctor. Have a nice day.
We'll make an appointment for Garfield's next checkup in about six months. What if there's an emergency? Then you can call me day or night. Come on, Garfield. Let's go home and play in traffic. That's not funny.
We're going to see your veterinarian today, Garfield. She's one cute chicky-boo. I'd marry her in a second. It's comforting to know the high values placed on the sacred institution of marriage are still with us today. In a half-second!
I suppose you want to know how my date went with Liz, the vet...well, don't ask. I won't. She didn't show. Old Jon just stood up. I don't want to hear about it. You know, Garfield. I like you better than people. Tell me more.