- Back off, Garfield. That turkey leg is for my lunch. - ACHOO! - wipe wipe wipe wipe - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Would you like a turkey leg, Garfield? Only if you don't want it.
What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? Something different! - The usual, you say? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! - One usual coming up! It's things like this that contribute to the high suicide rate among cats.
Morning, Liz. Jon here. I'm bringing Garfield in for a checkup today. - I know you've been wanting to get to know me better, so why don't you make it a late appointment and we'll go to dinner afterward. - Jon...Jon Arbuckle.
I'm getting tired of your string-arm tactics around here, Garfield. - Remember: blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. - But, in the meantime, the strong will make a pretty comfortable living.
Snicker snicker What are you snickering about, Lyman? - I've solved our mouse problem. How so? - I've set out mousetraps baited with lasagna. Oh no! - NOT LASAGNA?! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! -
- Did you ever own a cat, Lyman? - I grew up with four of 'em. - What were their names? - Let's see... - There was "cat", "cat", "cat" and "cat". No names? - What's the use of naming a pet that won't come if you call it? Good point.
Welcome to National Fat Week. - This is the week all of you, my fat brothers and sisters, celebrate your big, round, beautiful bodies. - Remember, you're not overweight, everyone else is undernourished.
We fat people are constantly being discriminated against. - Airplane and theater seats are too small. Designer clothing is not made in our size. But that's trivial. - What this world really needs is a king-size sandbox.
Hmmm, Jon's golf cap. - No one drives faster than the great Enzio Bodoni! - Alms for a tap dancing cat. tappity tappity - Check that oil, mister? - quack quack quack - Sometimes I worry about, Garfield. Ha ha ha ha
How well I remember the day you were born, sonny. Yessire, you were 5 pounds 6 ounces at birth. That's big for a kitten. - I was out of town at the time. - Then how do you remember it? I heard the scream.
- There's one cute chicky-boo! - She could sharpen her claws on my hassock any time. - I wonder if she'd like to go back to the big caterwauling on Elm Street tonight. - Well, hello there, Garfield. - Oh, hi, Frank.
Granted, declawing a cat may spare the furniture. But it also renders a cat defenseless. - Put yourself in my shoes...how would you like to go through life... - Knowing somewhere out there is a dog with your name on it.
I think it's time you met a lady cat, Garfield. - And if you're not sure what to do on a date just watch me in action sometime. I have. - Make an inuendo, get slapped. Make a suggestion, get slapped. Make a move, get slapped.