- Back off, Garfield. That turkey leg is for my lunch. - ACHOO! - wipe wipe wipe wipe - scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch - Would you like a turkey leg, Garfield? Only if you don't want it.
What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? Something different! - The usual, you say? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! - One usual coming up! It's things like this that contribute to the high suicide rate among cats.
Let's tighten that leash, Garfield. I hate leashes. - FFT! ROWR! - - Don't worry, Garfield. Some kind passer-by will untie us. - Uh, sir? Pardon me ma'am...hey you there... uh... - SLAM Hi, Jon. Hi, Lyman. - What took you so long? - I had to
Morning, Liz. Jon here. I'm bringing Garfield in for a checkup today. - I know you've been wanting to get to know me better, so why don't you make it a late appointment and we'll go to dinner afterward. - Jon...Jon Arbuckle.
Hi, what have you got there? - This is Monarch, a registered ruddy abyssinian. He's in the grand champion division with 1400 CFA points...what's that? - This is Garfield. He's...uh sort of yellowish orange and he's got stripes. I've never
I've solved the case, captain. The murderer is... - We interrupt this program to tell you there's a thunderstorm coming into the area. - How dare they break into my favorite TV show for a weather report! - I'm calling the station to give
Television should be more informative. Television should be more intellectually stimulating. - I'm going to start a movement for more socially aware TV programming! - Just as soon as I'm finished watching "The Beach Creature Annoys Sandra
What do you have planned for us tonight? - First we'll jet to a Hollywood premiere and reception with the stars. Then have an intimate dinner at a posh restaurant followed by an evening of dancing at a private club topped off with bubbly on
I'm getting tired of your string-arm tactics around here, Garfield. - Remember: blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. - But, in the meantime, the strong will make a pretty comfortable living.
poke poke poke - poke poke poke poke I'm hungry. - Garfield, you know how I hate it when you poke me. poke poke poke - poke poke poke poke Then feed me. - How would you like it if I poked you?! POKE! - POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE!
Snicker snicker What are you snickering about, Lyman? - I've solved our mouse problem. How so? - I've set out mousetraps baited with lasagna. Oh no! - NOT LASAGNA?! - SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! -
- Did you ever own a cat, Lyman? - I grew up with four of 'em. - What were their names? - Let's see... - There was "cat", "cat", "cat" and "cat". No names? - What's the use of naming a pet that won't come if you call it? Good point.
Do you feel personally responsible for the world food shortage? - Every time you go to the beach, does the tide come in? - Have you ever eaten an entire moose? - Can you see your neck? - Do joggers take laps around you for exercise? - If so,
Welcome to National Fat Week. - This is the week all of you, my fat brothers and sisters, celebrate your big, round, beautiful bodies. - Remember, you're not overweight, everyone else is undernourished.
We fat people are constantly being discriminated against. - Airplane and theater seats are too small. Designer clothing is not made in our size. But that's trivial. - What this world really needs is a king-size sandbox.
arf arf - rrrrr - Let's see. I think I'm supposed to raise the fur on my back, recoil in horror and flee i terror. - Or is it: recoil in horror, raise the fur on my back and flee in terror... - Or is it: flee in terror, recoil in horror and
Hmmm, Jon's golf cap. - No one drives faster than the great Enzio Bodoni! - Alms for a tap dancing cat. tappity tappity - Check that oil, mister? - quack quack quack - Sometimes I worry about, Garfield. Ha ha ha ha
scratch scratch scratch - Garfield, what would you say if I said my chair is damaged? I'd say you're right. - What would you say if I said the damage looks like it was done by a cat? I'd say there do appear to be some abrasions of the claw
Hmmm, it feels sleepy out there today. - You're looking a little listless, Garfield. I prefer to think of this as an advanced state of relaxation. - I'm taking you to the vet. Thea have a cure for lazy? - His get up and go got up and went,
How well I remember the day you were born, sonny. Yessire, you were 5 pounds 6 ounces at birth. That's big for a kitten. - I was out of town at the time. - Then how do you remember it? I heard the scream.
Tell me about my youth, grandpa. - You were born in the kitchen of Mamma Leoni's Italian restaurant. You frolicked in the fettucine, rolled in the ravioli and ate all the lasagna in sight. - I must have broken some eating records. Not to
- There's one cute chicky-boo! - She could sharpen her claws on my hassock any time. - I wonder if she'd like to go back to the big caterwauling on Elm Street tonight. - Well, hello there, Garfield. - Oh, hi, Frank.
Granted, declawing a cat may spare the furniture. But it also renders a cat defenseless. - Put yourself in my shoes...how would you like to go through life... - Knowing somewhere out there is a dog with your name on it.
OH BOY! CHICKEN! I LOVE CHICKEN! - Hold it, Garfield. - I don't know how to break this to you. I know it's going to break your heart... - But, I'm never letting you have chicken again. You might choke on the bones. - - - OH BOY! HAMBURGERS! I
I think it's time you met a lady cat, Garfield. - And if you're not sure what to do on a date just watch me in action sometime. I have. - Make an inuendo, get slapped. Make a suggestion, get slapped. Make a move, get slapped.
- No sweat, sarge. I'll take that machine gun nest out with my trusty bazooka here. - So this is what it feels like to be potato salad. - Rhett, rhett. Whatever shall I do? Wherever shall I go? - Take me to your leader, earthling, or I'll