Tell me, Guido. Why is Fluffy here in the city pound? - His previous owner encountered considerable difficulty in cultivating Fluffy with the proper hygienic habits. - Couldn't be housebroken, huh? Puddle City.
How long will I have to stay here in the pound? Till your owner comes to pick you up. - What if he doesn't come? Then it's curtains for you. - Great! I love to sharpen my claws on curtains. How do I break this to him?
Watch out, Metropolis. Garfield is in town. - This is my night to howl. - AROOO - Hey, baby, what's happenin' Buzz off, creep. - arooooo - Hi there, how about a kiss? Don't do me no favors. - How about you and me. Pack it in, jack. - aroooo.
- Poor me. - All alone in the rain...nobody notices, nobody cares. - I think I'll catch pneumonia and die. That'll make'm feel bad. - GARFIELD! GET IN HERE! - Everyone needs a good bout with self-pity now and then.
I'm putting you into training, Garfield. - CATCH THE MOUSE! KILL THE MOUSE! CHASE IT! - I'm disappointed in you. You're just another dumb animal. If I wait for the forward thrust to diminish, I should be able to retrieve it at my leisure.
Why do people expect us cats to eat mice? - This mouse could be somebody's mother. This mouse could be a deacon in its little mouse church. - And some of the fuzzy sucker's bones might get caught in my throat.
Just remember, Garfield, when we get to the farm you are there to relax. - I know last time you wanted to be helpful... - But you do not grow chickens by planting chickens in the ground! It was an hones mistake.
- Aren't pet stores fascinating, Garfield? - The cute hamsters, the canaries, the tropical fish. - Garfield? - GARFIELD?!! - Oh, there you are. - Come on, let's go home for lunch. No thanks, I just ate.
Well, here we are in the wilds, Garfield. Keep a sharp eye out for wild animals. - WHAT?! - WHA...?! - You're just fooling me, aren't you? - - Oh, no, you don't, Garfield. - I'll wise up to your tricks if it's the last thing I do.
- Well, well, Here comes Arlene. - Hey, baby, what's happenin'? Buzz off, creep. - How about a gourmet dinner? I'm all yours! - - You really shouldn't have. Hang the expense. Only the best garbage for you, my dear.
Let me give you a driving session, Garfield. - When you're as good a driver as I am, you drive defensively. - You look both ways at an intersection. - Then you proceed with caution. - HONK! SCREEEE! - Darn you, Garfield. I'm such a kidder.
Do you know what this country needs? More dog pounds. - Anti-dog mines around fire hydrants! Dog hunting season! Dog traps! - Relax, Garfield. You're going to burst something. Why, millions could be saved on carpet cleaning bills alone.
Aunt Gussie, would you take care of my cat while I'm gone on vacation? ...terrific! - You know aunt Gussie, Garfield. She's a sweet old lady. - How can you say that about someone who used to double date with Lizzie Borden?
Is this where my cat auditions for the cat food commercial? Yeh. - Hey, Larry. Break out the wide-angle lens. - If I don't get the part, the director is going to be sporting those shades up his right nostril.
I'll have a steak, fries and a large Cola. - And my cat here will have an order or lasagna. - WHAP! - Make that a double order. - BONK! - Perhaps a triple order. - GOOSH! - Heck with it. Give him the whole pan. And give it wings.
- - rats! - I went and did it again. - Here I am, doomed to die again. If I stay up here I'll starve. If I jump I'll become a cat pancake. I hope someone rescues me. - Stuck up th tree again, Garfield? Help! Help!
Hello, I'm a bluebird. - Garfield, you're too big to be acting this way. But I'm small for a sperm whale. - I'm thinking of getting you some professional psychiatric help. You mean there are AMATEUR psychiatrists?
Here comes Arlene. One look from those dewy eyes turns me into jelly. I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. - - Touch my teddy bear and you'll be picking those false eyelashes off the ceiling, lady.
- You know, some foods are funnier than others. - Beets are funny. - Liver...not funny. - Prunes are funny, potatoes aren't. - Chicken, now, that's funny. - How about pickles and kumquats for lunch, Garfield? - WAH HA HA!
Some people say I'm mean, but they never knew my uncle Nick. He used to eat whole chickens. - But uncle Nick wasn't very bright. One day he jumped an ostrich by mistake. - His last words were: "That's the biggest chicken I ever saw."
Here I am, Nermal, the world's cutest kitten! - What makes you think you're so cute? Simple, ALL kittens are cute until they grow into cats and become ugly. - I didn't have to hear that. I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
Hey, Garfield. Let's spend today celebrating all that's good in mankind. - Let's do a good deed for a stranger, stop and smell a flower and compliment a friend. - That's a heavy thing to lay on a cat first thing in the morning.
Isn't it a glorious morning, Garfield? Big, fat, hairy deal. - You know, Garfield, I have the feeling you're a cat with a little cynic in you. That's not true! - I'm a cynic with a little cat around me.