GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! WHERE'S YOUR DINNER?!! WHERE'S MY DINNER?!! Once my eating gains momentum it's hard to shut down.Just what is a diet? A diet is self-denial. Fortunately, I'm such a swell fellow I haven't the heart to deny myself anything.
What's this strange feeling I feel today? I feel like being nice to everyone today! KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS . KISS People don't want nice...people want consistency.
Stand aside, boy. There's lasagna to be eaten! We have an understanding, Garfield and I...I provide the food, shelter, and affection, and he provides the abuse.
Tell me, Guido. Why is Fluffy here in the city pound? His previous owner encountered considerable difficulty in cultivating Fluffy with the proper hygienic habits. Couldn't be housebroken, huh? Puddle City.
How long will I have to stay here in the pound? Till your owner comes to pick you up. What if he doesn't come? Then it's curtains for you. Great! I love to sharpen my claws on curtains. How do I break this to him?
Thanks for helping me escape from the pound, Guido. No sweat. It's nice to finally be out of trouble. What a relief it is to be returning to the safety and comfort of home. Whatever that is...
Watch out, Metropolis. Garfield is in town. This is my night to howl. AROOO Hey, baby, what's happenin' Buzz off, creep. arooooo Hi there, how about a kiss? Don't do me no favors. How about you and me. Pack it in, jack. aroooo.
Have you ever seen such a sad movie in all your life, Garfield? Maybe I'm too hardened. Maybe I'm too cynical... But I wasn't that moved by "Flipper Gets The Ick".
I declare this chair the sole property of Garfield The Cat. Move it, Garfield. That's my chair. My chair. MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! MY CHAIR! KICK! My chair. My cushion.
Poor me. All alone in the rain...nobody notices, nobody cares. I think I'll catch pneumonia and die. That'll make'm feel bad. GARFIELD! GET IN HERE! Everyone needs a good bout with self-pity now and then.
I'm putting you into training, Garfield. CATCH THE MOUSE! KILL THE MOUSE! CHASE IT! I'm disappointed in you. You're just another dumb animal. If I wait for the forward thrust to diminish, I should be able to retrieve it at my leisure.
Why do people expect us cats to eat mice? This mouse could be somebody's mother. This mouse could be a deacon in its little mouse church. And some of the fuzzy sucker's bones might get caught in my throat.
It's time to go to the veterinary clinic, Garfield. Sometimes I think Jon uses me as an excuse to see that lady vet. SLAM Especially when he forgets to take me along.
Hellooo, doc. Remember me? Where's your cat? Forget my cat. Can't we get started without him? Sure. First a vitamin E shot to give your coat a keener sheen. I'll get my cat.
Just remember, Garfield, when we get to the farm you are there to relax. I know last time you wanted to be helpful... But you do not grow chickens by planting chickens in the ground! It was an hones mistake.
Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. Buenos dias, mon sweet. I knew you'd come back to me. Of course you did, fatso. You're sitting on my rubber mouse.
Aren't pet stores fascinating, Garfield? The cute hamsters, the canaries, the tropical fish. Garfield? GARFIELD?!! Oh, there you are. Come on, let's go home for lunch. No thanks, I just ate.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'd like to come back as a movie star. What would you like to come back as, Garfield? What a silly question. A dogcatcher, of course.
A canary walks up to me the other day and he says, "I haven't had a bite in three days." So you know what I did? I ate him! Yah dah dah dah dah dah tappity tappity tappity
BRING! Good morning, Garfield. Here's your yummy breakfast. SPLAT! Yuk. scratch RIP! scratch Chirp chirp EEEEEK! Just another day in the life of a typical cat.
Once again I venture into the wilderness in search of quarry. I spot my prey, but I must make a clean kill. Hamburgers can be vicious if they're only wounded.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, GARFIELD?! You were walking down the street minding your own business... SNIFF You stopped to smell a flower... When a big dog slipped up behind you... CLOBBER And beat the stuffing out of you. You are soright.
Garfield, you hang around the house too much. What can I do to interest you in the great outdoors? You can screen it in and out a roof over it, for starters.
Would you like to go camping, Garfield? WHAT?! AND GET WET WHEN IT RAINS, FREEZE AT NIGHT AND GET THORNS IN MY PAWS?! We'll have pan-baked lasagna. I'm packed. Let's go.
Get out of the car, Garfield. Let us bask in the sun and sleep with nature's creatures, Garfield. Translation: "Let's bake our brains and lie on the ground with bugs and snakes, Garfield".
Well, here we are in the wilds, Garfield. Keep a sharp eye out for wild animals. WHAT?! WHA...?! You're just fooling me, aren't you? Oh, no, you don't, Garfield. I'll wise up to your tricks if it's the last thing I do.
Come on across the creek, Garfield. I don't know why you cats are so afraid of a little mud. You would be too if you had to wash yourself with your tongue.
Well, well, Here comes Arlene. Hey, baby, what's happenin'? Buzz off, creep. How about a gourmet dinner? I'm all yours! You really shouldn't have. Hang the expense. Only the best garbage for you, my dear.
Out! You can scratch my chair, you can insult my mother, you can beat up my dog, and you can play with my rubber mousie... But you don't eat my food and you don't sleep into my bed. Yes, sir.
Hellooo, Mary. Say, good lookin', where have you been all my life? I see...you lived on Main Street until you were two, then you moved to Rosewood where you presently reside. Shall I ask her out, Garfield? Sounds like a match made inheaven.
You know, Garfield, I've come to realize leashes aren't right for cats. Now there's a news flash for you. Next he will come to realize icebergs weren't right for the Titanic.
Dear Garfield, How do I avoid the embarrassment of cat hair all over my house when I have company? Harried. Simple. Never invite anyone to your home again.
It isn't healthy for a cat to be as big as you are, Garfield. Why, you could get heart disease, get fallen arches... Get harpooned. Couldn't resist it could you.
Let me give you a driving session, Garfield. When you're as good a driver as I am, you drive defensively. You look both ways at an intersection. Then you proceed with caution. HONK! SCREEEE! Darn you, Garfield. I'm such a kidder.
Hello, ice cream. Hello, hamburger. Hello, lasagna. Get away from the refrigerator, Garfield. You're on a diet. What were you doing? Just visiting some old friends.
Do you know what this country needs? More dog pounds. Anti-dog mines around fire hydrants! Dog hunting season! Dog traps! Relax, Garfield. You're going to burst something. Why, millions could be saved on carpet cleaning bills alone.
Garfield, I've decided to take a vacation. Great! When do we leave? I don't think you understand. I said "I", not "we". Say you're just kidding. I think you understand.
Aunt Gussie, would you take care of my cat while I'm gone on vacation? ...terrific! You know aunt Gussie, Garfield. She's a sweet old lady. How can you say that about someone who used to double date with Lizzie Borden?
This is the life, Garfield. You know you're on vacation when you see women in bikinis, hibiscus blossoms in the pool... And la cucarachas in the sock drawer.
Hey, Garfield, guess what? The dog next door is being given a birthday party today. This brick should make a spiffy gift. BONK! YIP! YIP! Happy birthday, dog. Hello, doctor? Do you think you could surgically remove my cat from adog?
To win the cat food commercial audition you'll have to be a convincing eater. Can you handle that? Are you kidding? When it comes to eating, I'm a genius.
Is this where my cat auditions for the cat food commercial? Yeh. Hey, Larry. Break out the wide-angle lens. If I don't get the part, the director is going to be sporting those shades up his right nostril.
Okay, cat food commercial audition take two, action! Yuk! Mmph grp bruf What's the director saying, Garfield? Loosely translated, I don't fit the part.
I'll have a steak, fries and a large Cola. And my cat here will have an order or lasagna. WHAP! Make that a double order. BONK! Perhaps a triple order. GOOSH! Heck with it. Give him the whole pan. And give it wings.
rats! I went and did it again. Here I am, doomed to die again. If I stay up here I'll starve. If I jump I'll become a cat pancake. I hope someone rescues me. Stuck up th tree again, Garfield? Help! Help!
Owning a pet is ideal for single people. We have companionship without the hassle of raising a family. Wipe your feet before coming into the house! Okay, dad.
Shoo, mice. Get out of my vitamin pills. Mice get into everything. Somebody could chase them out of here. I wonder why they wanted the vitamins? It beats me.
Where is it written I have to act like a cat?! Why can't I act like a moose instead? Stop being silly, Garfield. Careful, fella. I've gored people for less than that.
Hello, I'm a bluebird. Garfield, you're too big to be acting this way. But I'm small for a sperm whale. I'm thinking of getting you some professional psychiatric help. You mean there are AMATEUR psychiatrists?
Here comes Arlene. One look from those dewy eyes turns me into jelly. I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. Touch my teddy bear and you'll be picking those false eyelashes off the ceiling, lady.
I love those pointy little ears of yours and those luscious ruby red lips. And I love listening to the melodic strains of the wind whistling through the gap between your front teeth. You went one to far, fella. You're cute when you'reangry.
Okay, Mr. Cat. You caught me. Go ahead and eat me. Don't worry about the fact I have seven kids at home. I'm not going to eat you. Go home. To seven screaming kids? What kind of monster are you?
I hear mice spread filth and disease. Do you believe everything you hear? Yes. I hear swinging a dead cat over your head by the full moon at midnight brings good luck. Touche.
Why don't we run out there and eat all the food? My owner won't let us. Then let's kill him. It is not wise to rub out the hand that feeds you. Can I nibble the toes out of his sweat socks?
You know, some foods are funnier than others. Beets are funny. Liver...not funny. Prunes are funny, potatoes aren't. Chicken, now, that's funny. How about pickles and kumquats for lunch, Garfield? WAH HA HA!
AROOOOOO EROWRRR SHUT UP, STUPID CAT ROWRRR EITHER CLOSE YOUR MOUTH OR I'LL CLOSE IT FOR YOU. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Dictionary
Some people say I'm mean, but they never knew my uncle Nick. He used to eat whole chickens. But uncle Nick wasn't very bright. One day he jumped an ostrich by mistake. His last words were: "That's the biggest chicken I ever saw."
Garfield will be in here any minute to wake me for breakfast. He'll pry my eye open to see if I'm awake. Then he will tap dance eon my head. And then he'll sit on my chest and breathe in my face until I get up! OKAY! OKAY! Whatdid I do?
You know, Garfield... I wonder what people would do without cats? Wither away and die, I suspect. I wonder what cats would do without people? who'd change our kitty litter?
I, Garfield The Cat, resolve to spend the entire week in bed. Oh sure, the going may get tough at times... But my sheer will and determination should resist the temptation to get up.
I'm going to get you out, Garfield. But I'd like to do it without hurting the window blind. It's things like this that let you know where you stand in life.
Here I am, Nermal, the world's cutest kitten! What makes you think you're so cute? Simple, ALL kittens are cute until they grow into cats and become ugly. I didn't have to hear that. I tell it like it is, baby cakes.
Hey, Garfield. Let's spend today celebrating all that's good in mankind. Let's do a good deed for a stranger, stop and smell a flower and compliment a friend. That's a heavy thing to lay on a cat first thing in the morning.
My what a nice looking tie. What are you? Some kind of weirdo or something? Some people aren't very nice, are they, Garfield? Welcome to planet earth, Jon.
What's your philosophy of life, Garfield? All the world's a cookie jar, and all the men and women merely crumbs. And how do you feel about yourself? I happen to be one of the chocolate chips.
Isn't it a glorious morning, Garfield? Big, fat, hairy deal. You know, Garfield, I have the feeling you're a cat with a little cynic in you. That's not true! I'm a cynic with a little cat around me.
Time passes slowly on a weekend. A fly crawls up the wall. One of those iridescent flies of fall. Time passes slowly on a weekend. That's my Jon. He's raised boredom to an art form.
Tell me doc, if we were married, would you be Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or doctor Mrs. Jon Arbuckle, or Mrs. doctor Liz Arbuckle, or... I hate to see a grown doctor cry.
How about a date, Liz? And what do you have in mind? I'd love to just hold your hand and gaze into your eyes. I like that. It's amazing the headway you can make when you stop playing games.
Tonight I am going to take Liz out SOLO. You are staying home, Garfield. Where's my favorite tie? I get to go with you, and the tie lives. What say we double date, old buddy?
Good evening, Liz. I have a wonderful time planned for us. We'll have dinner, go to a movie, and many more things too numerous to mention. You brought the cat. That was one of the unmentionables.
Oh no! Pooky! Where's your eye? Don't worry, old buddy. I'll get you fixed up. There's nothing more pathetic than a teddy bear with no depth perception.
Jon's mother certainly knows how to humiliate a guy. This unraveled thread should be my ticket out of this sweater. FREE! I'm FREE! click click click Aw, mom.
Congratulations, Jon. Your cat has just made dieting medical history. How so? He's suffering from sugar withdrawal... And grease withdrawal, and starch withdrawal... And withdrawal withdrawal...