Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?
* Isn't that Halley's comet? ZIP! Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.
Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. Simple minds, simple pleasures. It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.
I wonder what my fortune cookie is. Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. That sounds too good to be true.
Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.
Did I ever tell you about my uncle Nick? He loves to destroy things. He can shred a recliner in 12 seconds... Mangle ferns by the carload and turn a set of china into powder in the blink of an eye. He is presently a postal employee inChicago.
You don't seem to be having a good time, Garfield. A keen observation. What's the problem? I tell you what you do. Find the biggest, heaviest fur coat you can and put it on. Then go lie in the blazing sun for a few hours and see how manyyouks you have.
Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.
I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.
This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. Let's put this whole thing in perspective. Eating is important. And sleeping is important. But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. Check that. Reciprocationis nice, too.
Look at those stupid dogs. Yabba yabba yabba. ROWF! BARK! BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK! Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. bbbbbb You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an applepie and a hernia.
What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
I'm in a "what if" mood today. I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. We'd have a huge wedding... Then we'd raise some kittens... And they'd crawl all over me. Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.
Hello. You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. The father recently gave up golfing. And the mother cooks lots of pasta. Adopt me!
Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?
Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.
Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.
It's going to be a scorcher today. The sidewalk is already hot. OOCH! EECH! OUCH! Oog! Argg! Ick! Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? Why don't we go inside? What? And disappoint my public? CLINK
It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. I don't know how she does it... How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.
Isn't that pathetic? Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. You're too happy, and that's not healthy. People don't trust a chronically happy person. Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.
It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!
Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak
* _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' rambl Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. But this is ridiculous.
Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! Here is a radio controlled mouse... And a mink scratching post! ptoo Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. It's the expensive gifts that impress me.