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Garfield

ZOOM! The early cat gets the jelly-filled donut.

1 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz Shoo, fly! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I HATE PESKY FLIES! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz UNNGH! zzzzzzzzzzzz DIE, FLY! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ROWR Feel better, Garfield? I think I hurt myself.

2 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

BRINNNG! WHAM! BRINNNG!

3 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I didn't know that you like to dance, Garfield. What are you talking about? I was scratching my back with your toothbrush.

4 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Good morning, Odie. Hey, get away from Jon's stamp collection! Too late.

5 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What should do tonight? SPLUT Good idea. I think I'll go sing on the fence.

6 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

OH, NO! FIRE ARROWS! THOCK I'M A GONER! THOCK A CAT ALWAYS GOES DOWN WITH HIS FENCE!

7 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I can't believe that tacky pack of music haters burned my fence down. The only thing to do is to get right back up there and start singing again. But...somehow it just isn't the same.

8 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here he comes...tweedledee, the wonder dummy. Hey, Odie, would you like to play ball? squeak tie tie Hey, Garfield, where's Odie? He's tied up at the moment. dribble dribble dribble

9 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

SLAM Hey, Garfield. I'm home. You're certainly excited to see me. Believe me, inside I'm hopping up and down and shouting with glee.

10 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

So I say to this clerk, "Look, if the whole bunch of bananas is 54 cents, why can't I have one for 6 cents? Don't you want to hear how the story came out? Tell it to your plants.

11 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, you seem to be preoccupied this week. Huh?

12 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield hasn't been listening to me lately, watch this. Hey, Garfield, what say we go to the vet and get you declawed? That would be fine. Case closed.

13 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate it when Garfield ignores me. DARN IT! PAY SOME ATTENTION TO ME! Z I think I'm going to cry.

14 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?

15 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

ZOO Do Not Feed The Animals I wonder what it would be like to be a wild animal. First, I'd alter this stupid sign. Feed the Animals Then I'd pace around looking kinda fierce. Then I'd scare the heck out of the crowd. SWIPE EEEEK! -That was a pretty convin

16 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I love it when they entertain me.

17 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It appears Jon has prepared himself a very nice meal, but something is missing. What could it be? Why, of course... The cat hair!

18 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, okay, I'll turn the heat up.

19 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is my humble abode, my dear. Who were they? Oh, just a couple of animals I'm giving away soon.

20 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, sometimes I think you don't like it when I have dates. Absolutely. Dating leads to marriage. Marriage leads to children. And do you know what children do to cats?

21 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Jon, what's happening? Eat your breakfast, Garfield. Where's your sense of humor?

22 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* Isn't that Halley's comet? ZIP! Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.

23 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Playing with a ball of yarn is a great way to get attention. THOCK! GARFIELD! Tah dah.

24 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, there's a lasagna under the bed! Thanks for dusting under the bed for me, Garfield. I hate you.

25 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

WHIRRR! nightie-night, Jon. I hate you.

26 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Surprise, Garfield! I brought you another rubber mouse. Yippee skip. By the way, what happened to your last one? It was tragic. He was caught and eaten by a rubber cat.

27 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Surprise, Garfield! I threw your old bed in the trash and got you this new one. What do you think? Z

28 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. Simple minds, simple pleasures. It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.

29 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* ROWR! ARRRGH! THAT WASN'T FUNNY; GARFIELD! Funny is in the eye of the beholder.

30 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

plop! EEEEEEK! I'm almost afraid to ask what happened here.

31 January 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

QUICK! QUICK! PUT POOKY'S ARM BACK ON! Relax, Garfield. I'll fix Pooky right up. It's no big deal. No big deal?! Look, buster. I've never lost a loved one before.

1 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I sewed Pooky's arm back on as good as new, Garfield. Yes, but will he ever play the piano again? Me thinks the cat doth expect too much.

2 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You did a pretty good job of sewing Pooky's arm on. I used small stitches so as not no leave a scar. I think he's picking on me.

3 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Pooky, when you lost your arm, I got to thinking about our mortality, and that's depressing. So promise me you'll never lose your arm again, okay? -

4 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder what my fortune cookie is. Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. That sounds too good to be true.

5 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I can stare anything down. Uh, Garfield, fish can't blink. Now he tells me...now that my eyeballs are all dried out?

6 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder what awful thing is going to happen to me today? Maybe the sky will fall. Maybe Odie will bring his long lost twin brother home... Or worse yet, maybe Nermal will come for a visit.

7 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.

8 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

If you want to be cute like me, you have to play wit a ball of yarn. That sounds simple enough. Yours is over there. I hate him

9 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Nermal, you're so sweet, why don't I just stuff you into this sugar bowl. Go ahead and try it, fat boy. Say, Garfield, Where's Nermal? At a humility lesson.

10 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You disgust me, Nermal. You're a wide-eyed, mindless, little piece of fluff. You're so cute everyone loves you. Eat your heart out, bozo. I am, I am.

11 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Unk. You've overstayed your welcome. Where's Nermal? You know...I was strange, he muttered "unk" and then left without a word.

12 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

And just when I thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen. Garfield, why don't you like to take baths? Bathing robs cats of precious natural oils that protect us from skin disease. What do you know? Hop in there right now. Let me getmy tubby toys. Tod

13 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Are you sure you want to watch this, Garfield? It's a depressing movie about a man-eating lion that terrorizes a native village. You root for your side, I'll root for mine. Lion.

14 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate movies about man-eating lions. How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim? Explain that to the chicken you had for dinner.

15 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Rather than fix your breakfast every day, Garfield, I've decided to let you serve yourself. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.OH, NO! THE LION RAN DOWN ANOTHER VILLAGER! The original fast-food franchise. Now what disgusting is the lion doing? He's spitti

16 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Tell me when the lion is finished eating the villager, okay, Garfield? You can look now. EEEEEK! He wasn't done yet! Oh, I thought you meant the MAIN parts.

17 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

GOOD! They shot the lion! What do you think of those apples, Garfield? Big deal. At the gun it was villagers:1, lion:42.

18 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Well, what do you think of the man-eating lion movie? You know I hate that, Garfield.

19 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

That ice should be good for some yuks. Ice, one. Odie, nothing. Watch this. Air mail! Have a nice trip, Jon! OH NO! MY TOMATO PASTE!

20 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Z BARK! -

21 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, a heat vent. The next best thing to my sunbeam.

22 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Jogging is much more enjoyable if you have the proper motivation. Ding Dong ICE CREAM

23 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'd better save some of this blueberry pie for Jon. To eat it all would be inconsiderate and selfish. I am what I am.

24 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is called a bird feeder, Garfield. And this is called putting birdseed into the bird feeder. He can call it what he likes. I call it baiting the trap.

25 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

WOW! LOOK AT ALL THIS GOOD FOOD AND NEAT CLOTHING! This is great stuff. Stay out of the trash, Garfield. How did you know?

26 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oboy! Jellybeans! These green jellybeans are pretty tasty. I don't care if they are Jon's favorite, I'm going to eat them all. Why, hello there, Odie. Here, you may have the last green jellybean. Aren't I sweet? My last greenjellybean! I'm going to kill y

27 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate mondays. Maybe if I tore mondays off the calendar there'd be no more mondays. RIP! -

28 February 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There must be an easier way to eat. GO AHEAD AND START WITHOUT ME, BREAKFAST. Burp...I should have thought of that long ago.

1 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What a unique perspective. Noe the ceiling is the floor and the floor is the ceiling. Hi, Garfield. ZIP Whatever goes down, must come up.

2 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder whose glasses there are. Pablo Picasso's.

3 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel good today. I feel strong. I feel invincible. I feel as tall as a skyscraper. Get off there, King Kong. ayieeee

4 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* Hop up here, Garfield. It's dinner time. "hop up here," he says.

5 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel like a change of pace. I think I'll move in slow-motion today. Wha!? Oh, no, you don't. It's hard to take what you want in life when they see you coming.

6 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Uh-oh, there's a package for me. I don't think I'm going to like it. Beware of gifts bearing air holes.

7 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Gee, I hope this package doesn't have a bomb or a monster in it. GASP! IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN MY MOST HIDEOUS FEARS! It's another sweater for me from Jon's mother.

8 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch I hate wool sweaters.

9 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There is one thing I like about this sweater. Z

10 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There's more than one way to skin a cat. TWANG Check that...CHOKE a cat.

11 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate designer sweaters. Look at this. The lizard chewed the armpit out of it.

12 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo PLOP Garfield need a better balanced diet. So I'm disguising this liver as dessert. Why, hello, Garfield. I fixed a yummy treat for you. I call it "Sweet Surprise" He'll be surprised, all right. ARRGH! He ate it!He ate it! Su

13 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, look at what I got at the barber shop. Th-dah! What do you think? It's tacky, tasteless and disgusting. It's you.

14 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Bingo! Hook shot! Ha-ha-ha, Garfield, ha-ha-ha-

15 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon sure looks dumb with this fake mustache. Very few people can wear a mustache. Like evil Roy Gato, for instance.

16 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Nyah, nyah, nyaaah, evil Roy Gato does his daily dirty deed. push The mustache made me do it.

17 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, there you are, Garfield. Let me guess...you stole my fake mustache and ate my spaghetti, right? How'd you guess?

18 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Give me a kiss, sweetheart. KISS How do you tell a lady her mustache needs more wax?

19 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This looks like a good spot to rest. I never saw a spot that wasn't a good spot to rest. Well, Garfield, here we are in the great outdoors. It's outdoors, all right, but I'd debate the "great". Just listen to the sounds of nature. Soundslike noi

20 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

COME ON, MONDAY! DO IT TO ME NOW! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! THOCK Thank you for your prompt consideration.

21 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Did I ever tell you about my uncle Nick? He loves to destroy things. He can shred a recliner in 12 seconds... Mangle ferns by the carload and turn a set of china into powder in the blink of an eye. He is presently a postal employee inChicago.

22 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Nice try, Garfield, but I don't buy your stupid watermelon disguise. RATA TATTA TATTA TATA

23 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Don't make fun of Odie, Garfield. That's not nice. That's even less nice.

24 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Come and get it, Garfield. CRASH! Your not a sailplane, you know. Oh, shut up.

25 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Dinnertime, Garfield! BANZAI -

26 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* I hate dogs and dogs hate me, I chase the tiny ones, the big ones chase me. Do Not Open This Gate! Hello, what's this? That's an open invitation if I ever saw one. Of course, it may not be wise to open the gate. But that neverstopped me before. I'll jus

27 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

PUNT This is turning out to be a decent Monday for a change. POOMP!

28 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

gobble gobble gobble Garfield, you eat too fast. No, I don't. I'm just overqualified for the job.

29 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield will never reach this pie up here. CHINK And just where are you going? For my morning scale?

30 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

ARRRRGH! What a horrible nightmare! I dreamt I was a dog. Thank goodness it was only a dream. scratch scratch scratch

31 March 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

No more of this sniveling sissy stuff. I'm getting out of this tree like a man. On the other hand, sniveling does have its attributes.

1 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I gotta get out of this tree. Oh well, they tell me a cat always lands on his feet. However, THEY failed to mention the pain.

2 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

We must have lunch sometime. Things aren't always as they seem.

3 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, let's take a vacation. We'll go someplace tropical. Save your money. Go sit in your aquarium.

4 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Vacation is going to be so great, Garfield. We'll get away from this rat race. There'll be no hassles. A change of pace would be nice.

5 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, what do you think of this shirt for our vacation? Tah-dah! That's awful. Do you know how many turkeys were destroyed to make that shirt?

6 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Good news, Garfield! The airline has a special allowing children to fly free. So? So when you leave on vacation, you can pose as my son and ride up front. I will not demean myself by dressing up as some stupid kid. Otherwise, you'll haveto ride in a kitt

7 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hope you don't mind flying, Garfield. Some animals don't travel well. Nonsense. If a dog can be a World War I flying ace, I can surely fly commercial.

8 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Just bear in mind, Garfield, even though we're leaving on vacation... And even though we're going to have fun... It's always nice to get back home.

9 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is going to be fun, Garfield. Ha ha ha, wheee. I think you'll like flying. I'd like it if I could keep one paw on the ground. Oooooh, I think I'm getting airsick. What's that? It sounds like a wing cable fraying! I SMELL SMOKE!sniff sniff WE'RE GOING

10 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Tell me, Garfield. Are you nervous about flying? I take no chances.

11 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I think you'll enjoy flying, Garfield. It's a very comfortable and smooth way to travel. Then what are these little bags for? The easter egg hunt?

12 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

No pets allowed. This is my son. He has a body hair problem. How old are you, sonny? Rowr. That's baby talk for "one going on two".

13 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

crunch crunch What do you think of airline meals, Garfield? GULP The only thing with food content was the plastic fork I just ate.

14 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

The captain has advised that the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign be observed in case some slight air turbulence is encountered.

15 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Well, Garfield, how did you like your first airplane ride? Aside from the nausea, cramps and indigestion, I'm fine. Have a nice day. HAVE A NICE DAY?! LET HER LIVE, GARFIELD! LET HER LIVE!

16 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Ah, this is the life, isn't it, Garfield? For real relaxation, it's hard to beat the tropics. Oh, go sit on a sandburg. You should go play in the surf, Garfield. Maybe next year. There are fish out there, you know. Well, why didn't yousay so?! Ha ha ha. S

17 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Do you know what I love about the tropics, Garfield? I have a feeling you're going to tell me. It's the miles and miles of sparkling beach. It may be a beach to you, but it's just a sandbox to me.

18 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There's one thing I love about the tropics. grrrr FLIP! The tiny dogs.

19 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You don't seem to be having a good time, Garfield. A keen observation. What's the problem? I tell you what you do. Find the biggest, heaviest fur coat you can and put it on. Then go lie in the blazing sun for a few hours and see how manyyouks you have.

20 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.

21 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is the life, isn't it, Garfield? More fun than a cat should have. Nothing to do but lie here in the sun. Listening to your brain bake. Are you bored, Garfield? Is there sand in your swimsuit?

22 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is going to upset you, Garfield... Because I know you've had a great time. But it's time we think about going home.

23 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

La la la There's nothing like a bubble bath to cure what ails you, Garfield. pop pop POW! Hey, Jon, what happened to you guys? You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

24 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Dear Garfield, what is your favorite all-time film? It's "Old Yeller". I love movies with happy endings.

25 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

And just what do you think you're doing? Asserting my cathood?

26 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, why is it cats like to get out at night? That's when we like to sing on fences. In the daylight, we'd be easy targets.

27 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Today is thursday, and that's lasagna day. Here's your cat food, Garfield. Will there be anything else? Let me jog your memory.

28 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why do you have such large teeth, Garfield? All the better to eat you with, my dear. Stop that! Obviously, sir, you are not a patron of the classics.

29 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.

30 April 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. Let's put this whole thing in perspective. Eating is important. And sleeping is important. But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. Check that. Reciprocationis nice, too.

1 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You're too fat, Garfield. Hang it in your ear. Oh, shut up, Odie. Why do I have the feeling there's a conspiracy afoot?

2 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* ARRRGH! It's diet week. It's diet week.

3 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I gotta get off this diet. It's starting to mess with my mind.

4 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Release my hand, Garfield. You release hamburger, I release hand.

5 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Suicide, exercise and dieting. RIP! Name three forms of self-abuse. True...how true.

6 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

-

7 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* Oh, no! My watch has stopped! I've missed Garfield's mealtime. Pets have a way of letting you know when you've missed their mealtime. You're late. I know, I know.

8 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Tell me, Garfield, when you walk, do your right and left legs travel together, or do you use your opposing legs? I'll never walk again.

9 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Z Z I wonder how birds can sleep in trees without falling out. Z Z Z Z Z Z Aha! ...hammocks.

10 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is the only way to spend a sunny afternoon. All you need is a swimming pool. And a good imagination.

11 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm going to take a dip in here, so beat it, bird, before I break your beak. I have a mouth with a death wish.

12 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Take my advice. Sun yourself in a pool. You stay cooler that way. I shall now turn over in order to tan my back. This is not well thought out.

13 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

As much as I hate to do it... I'd better get out. Even my fur is getting wrinkled.

14 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Look at those stupid dogs. Yabba yabba yabba. ROWF! BARK! BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK! Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. bbbbbb You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.

15 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an applepie and a hernia.

16 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Your brother, Doc, has come back to work on the farm. He's here now. Doc boy! Don't call me "Doc boy". Jon boy! Mom boy! Doc boy! How are you? Oh boy.

17 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What brings you to the farm, Jon? I promised Garfield some good home cooking. What would you boys like for breakfast? My guess is Garfield would like some ham and eggs.

18 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Doc, you're looking more like dad all the time. You take that back! SMACK! Hush up, boy. The three stooges live.

19 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, Doc, for brothers, we don't look much alike. It's hard to believe we came from the same place. You mean, the farm? The funny farm maybe.

20 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Take care now. See you soon. Don't be a stranger. So long! Bye bye! Bye now. Se yuh. I can't believe the fuss they make over going to bed. You have a very close family.

21 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

skitter skitter skitter That's odd...two little bugs in full Shakespearean dress. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? I'm right here, Juliet. I bring bad news, Julie baby. Our families are feuding and don't want us to date anymore.Oh no! That does it

22 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. Hi, Arlene. Hi, bozo. I'm sure she meant to say, "Hunk".

23 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Let's go mousing. What's wrong with lasagna? There's no thrill of pursuit. Obviously, you've never snatched one off the table during sundae dinner.

24 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why do girls always so good, Arlene? We wear perfume. Sounds kind of sissified to me. I get this from a sex that likes to tattoo themselves.

25 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...

26 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm taking you to a great restaurant tonight, Arlene. bonk bonk Look, galvanized, not one of those cheap plastic places. Now I've seen it all...a three-star garbage can.

27 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'll see you, Arlene. It is customary, in human circles, to kiss a lady's hand. You're not a human, and that's not a hand. That's a hairy paw. Oil and water, nitro and glycerin, chivalry and realism.

28 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a new plant in here, Garfield. Yum yum. And I don't want you messing with it, okay? Sure. First I think I'll eat its tender little leaves, then I'll pick my teeth with its stems, followed by stomping the rest of the plant outof existence. Prepare

29 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm going out to a very nice restaurant tonight, Garfield. So you be good while I'm gone. And, no, you can't come with me. Who said I wanted to go to your crummy restaurant, anyway?

30 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon is going out without us tonight, Odie. So you know what to do... You chew his slippers and I'll destroy his chair.

31 May 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

GARFIELD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CHAIR! I DON'T DESERVE THIS! I was only gone for the evening. Now I know the face. Weren't you a former owner of mine?

1 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know being a cat owner is a big responsibility. BUT I SHOULD Be ABLE TO LEAVE FOR AN EVENING WITHOUT YOU DESTROYING EVERYTHING! I WANT A DIVORCE! I get half of everything.

2 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

squirt OKAY! WHO GREASED MY WIENER?

3 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, What do you think of the new turtleneck sweater mom made you? You're right. It isn't very flattering, is it?

4 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm in a "what if" mood today. I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. We'd have a huge wedding... Then we'd raise some kittens... And they'd crawl all over me. Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.

5 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, it's noon. Are you getting out of bed? I'd love to get up... But the blanket is extra heavy today.

6 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Think about a big, juicy bone, Odie. -

7 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Z Z

8 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, meet my new pet frog, "Herbie". Isn't he great? Yeh, good ol' "Herbie". Good ol' "your days are numbered as soon as Jon turns his back, Herbie".

9 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

(null)

10 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It seems like an age since I gave Odie a boot. BOOT! I'm just a sentimental fool.

11 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Something's wrong. Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! forget it, Jon. I want to take you to an Italian restaurant for a lasagna dinner. No way. They have ferns for dessert. Big deal. Then we can come home and I'll hold Odie downwhile you beat him up. Try

12 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

In this box, I have a singing and dancing mouse. I have spent four years training him. He will now entertain you. I guess I should have cut air holes in the box.

13 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It's hard to believe I'm going to be five years old this sundae. Shucks, golly, gee-whiz, ratso. I'm going to have to start watching my language.

14 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I hope the sun shines on your birthday. What a nice thing to say. I'm going camping. I didn't need that.

15 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Mother nature has certainly been kind to you, Garfield. I wish I could say the same for father time.

16 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

They say the first thing to go on a cat is its hearing. Or was that eyesight?

17 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Your birthday gift is inside the card, Garfield. Someday, my signature will be worth a lot of money! -

18 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

sssh This is the perfect surprise. It's much too early for Garfield to be up. He's a year older today, you know. SURPRISE! -And a year sneakier.

19 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

BARK! FUMP! Amoeba Man strikes again.

20 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Amoeba Man goes in search of food. BONK! Amoeba man should probably cut eyeholes in his exoskeleton.

21 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Amoeba Man spies food, but Amoeba Man has no mouth. munch munch A wonderful thing, osmosis.

22 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Ooooh. Amoeba Man should not have eaten that hamburger so fast. I have a nucleus ache.

23 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Amoeba Man stops to admire himself in the mirror. Face it, fells. you're one good-looking hunk of protoplasm.

24 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Amoeba Man falls in love. If I may be so bold, you have a great-looking pseudo pod, my dear.

25 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello. You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. The father recently gave up golfing. And the mother cooks lots of pasta. Adopt me!

26 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? Dr. Livingstone, I presume.

27 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Slow down there, ace. Slow down, in deed. Jon doesn't realize how much I have to eat to maintain my figure.

28 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Bark! Bark! Bark! Garfield, get out of the cookie tin. WHANG!

29 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

-

30 June 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield! You ate my raisin cookies! I thought you didn't like raisins. I don't.

1 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Shoo! Shoo! Go away! I don't like you. SLURP! I hate blind devotion.

2 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

How about a manly game of arm-wrestling, Garfield? You're on. Are you ready, you furry sissy? Ready when you are, wimp. Unnngh Rrrr What say we call it a draw, Garfield? I'll let you off the hook this time. I'll see you, Garfield. Solong, Jon. Speak to me

3 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield! I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? I say we attack the fort at dawn.

4 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder what this is. Ah, a booby trap.

5 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

-

6 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There you have it... Odie's so stupid, he doesn't even understand the law of gravity.

7 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

They say hammocks are very relaxing. Big deal.

8 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

-

9 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What do you think of my Ming vase, Garfield? CRASH! Min, Shming, they don't make'm like they used to. WHA!... GUH!... I DON'T!... BUH!... YOU!... YOU! YOU DUMB ANIMAL! YOU'RE SO STUPID, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID! I know I destroyed a priceless Ming dyn

10 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I could sure use some of Jon's deodorant. ssst How's it going, Garfield? fine, until I found the spray starch in your cabinet.

11 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Go fetch the paper, will you, Garfield? That's what i live for. Here you are, sahib. Hey! This paper is all chewed up! Sahib asks fish, paper is wet. Sahib asks cat, paper is holey.

12 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

WAH-HA HA-HA! I hate it when they do that.

13 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

slup slup slup Drool fuel.

14 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Aw...how sweet. Wait a minute! I'll bet you want something from me, don't you? How dare you suggest I trade my affection for selfish reasons! For a bite of that hamburger, I'll forget you said that.

15 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? Arf?

16 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* I am about to outdo myself. WHAP!

17 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? Pardon me, sir. Have you seen a tail here around?

18 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You don't like me, do you? I like you. No, you don't. I'm crazy about you. I love you. Now why don't you go play in the blender? SEE?

19 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?

20 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate to do this. I don't know how I'll get out of this tree. But at least I'll be away from Nermal.

21 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What are you doing up here? Did you come to save me? No, I just came to visit. Well, talk fast. I was just considering leaping to my death.

22 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

How do we get out of this tree? We jump. If that little twerp can jump, so can I. -

23 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Rise and shine. Time to get up, Jon. I'm hungry. This ought to wake him up. Jon must really be socked out. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.

24 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? You'll have to speak up. I can't hear you over the band.

25 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Gee...uh, thanks, Odie. clunk! What is it, Garfield? I'd wager it would have been easier to recognize before it wandered into traffic.

26 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here comes Odie. His bark is worse than his bite. Bark! Bark! BARK! And his breath is worse than his bark.

27 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

SPLAT! Spaghetti can turn on you when it's wounded.

28 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, boy! I love to sluck spaghetti! SLUCK! Sorry about that.

29 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

SLUCK There's only one irritating thing about slucking spaghetti... The whiplash.

30 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield. I have a big date with Liz tonight. What do you think about my outfit? Mmmph Hee hee hee I don't have to take this. WAH-HA-HA-HA! No cat's going to make a fool out of me.

31 July 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.

1 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

HA-HA! YOU DIDN'T GET MY FOOD THAT TIME! SPLAT

2 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You've been reading "Alice in Wonderland" again, haven't you? You must be psychic.

3 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

RRR RRR!!!!! I want to know why you did that, Garfield! That's not half as interesting as how I got up there to begin with.

4 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I want you to get all the mice out of this house, right now! Oh, very well. Be a good boy and call my attorney, will you? And have him serve them with an eviction notice.

5 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

ARRRGH!!! B-B-B-B! Cats are so unpredictable. Predictably so.

6 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

CATCH THAT MOUSE! Garfield, why don't you eat mice like other cats? I don't like to hurt mice. How can I get that through your thick skull? * Dear Jon: The mice and I have an agreement. They don't bug me and I don't bug them. Therefore,I will never hurt m

7 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

OH, NO! My legs re shrinking!

8 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I've really done it this time. My belly has outgrown my legs. I guess there's only one thing to do... Get fitted for stilts.

9 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* Hummm * Oh, no! You know you're overweight when you're sitting around rocking, and you realize you don't have a rocking chair.

10 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, you're getting dangerously overweight. How dangerous can a little extra fat be? Who, blub, would, blub, have, blub, guessed?

11 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Don't worry about your condition, Garfield. You can still lead a useful and productive life. As a paperweight, a doorstop, a... Put your face closer to thee claws.

12 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Rats! The dog next door! Ever had a nightmare come true?

13 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* Hi, hi, Daisy-Waisy. Would you wike some wa-wa? Oh boysy-woysy. If you speak nicely to plants, they grow better, Garfield. Bologna. DIE! Live and learn.

14 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

RIIIP! Cruelty is second nature to that cat.

15 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Diet time. Rats.

16 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Happy diet, Garfield. Here's a banana for breakfast. Bang!

17 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

As long as you're dieting, Garfield, why don't you exercise, too? Sure...why not? As long as the noose is around my neck, I might as well jump off the horse.

18 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Sticking to your diet, Garfield? Yup. FUMP But I did eat the pictures out of your cookbook.

19 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You're looking slim there, Garfield. Thanks. I couldn't find a corset. So I borrowed one of Jon's tube socks.

20 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

They say we can visit him 2 to 4 on saturday. Food gone! Food all gone!

21 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I can't possibly eat all this food. It's time for a...FOOD FIGHT! SPLUT! You stay out of this, Monday.

22 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hallo, folks. How do you do? I'm Garfield, the cat. I'll entertain you. SPLAT! You stay out of this, mom.

23 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I just flew in from Pittsburgh and, boy, are my arms tired. The guy on the hook must be asleep.

24 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I gotta sing! I gotta dance! BAP! BOP! BIFF! I gotta be crazy.

25 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Goody, Jon's not around. Jon stifles my lifestyle. Put the dog down! He's no fun.

26 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

ZIP! I don't know how we does it, we jus' does it.

27 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

splut plik bat scratch drip Bored, Garfield? Some days I get tired of being a cat.

28 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

That wasn't very nice, Garfield. In this business, "nice! doesn't put bread on the table.

29 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why is it I'm crazy about you, Garfield? Probably because I'm perfect. You claw the drapes, shed on the furniture, steal my food and hassle the dog. Nobody's perfect.

30 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield's in for a surprise. I put an alarm on the refrigerator. That's the first rule for successfully living with a cat. You must be smarter than the cat.

31 August 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.

1 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Any last words, Garfield? How about "Gotcha"?

2 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's some salad and dressing, Garfield. You may mix them to your taste. gluk gluk gluk How was it? Could've use more dressing.

3 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Fire Destroys House It's time you boys learn where the fire exit is. In case of fire, go straight to your swinging pet door, got that? I'd better give them a little test. FIRE! Clever me.

4 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon must be cleaning the heating grate. I wonder what grates are for, anyway. OOPS! Obviously, they're to keep one's house from eating one's cat.

5 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Silly me had to fall into the heating vent. Now here I am, residing deep within the bowels of my house. Forced to spend my remaining days fending for myself in the tin tunnels of the duct work, the solenoid jungle of the wiring system andthe polyvinyl chl

6 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Meyow! GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU? I'm in the plumbing. WHAT CAN I DO? Just don't flush the toilet.

7 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Odie! I'm trapped in the heating vent. Help me out! A hacksaw-great! -

8 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Unnngh Garfield...where are you? Down here in the floor's joists, plotting your untimely demise.

9 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Free at last! There is something to be said for brute force. It is usually followed by brute stupidity.

10 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Z BARK! grrrr slurp! Z ZIP! You can growl in my face, you can lick my head, but if you touch my food, consider yourself dead.

11 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Whew, not much room left. I'll have to decide between the blueberries or cheese for dessert. I hear the blueberries are lovely this time of year.

12 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why haven't I ever seen talking food before? Because you're as dumb as your look. Oh, yeah? Touche. I can't believe I'm talking to a cheese.

13 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wish I were a cat instead of a mouse. Never be ashamed of what you are. We must all accept our plight in life and make the best of it. You're not on the business end of the food chain. Good point.

14 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a confession to make. My mother was a lemming. What's a lemming? A gerbil with suicidal tendencies. My condolences.

15 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

So you're half lemming. Yes, my mother always had the urge to cast herself off a cliff into the sea. AWK! Darn you, mom.

16 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What the heck are you doing? I'm half lemming, you know. So? I'm getting back to my roots. I had to ask.

17 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

If you eat this pie, I'm going to kill you. GARFIELD! YOU ATE MY PIE! One of the great criminal minds of your time, I ain't.

18 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Rats. I used up my eating energy on the getting here.

19 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm tired of being out of shape. I can't catch Odie. I can't catch my breath. Heck, I can't even catch my lunch.

20 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I really don't like myself when I'm out of shape and overweight. Well, this time I'm going to do something about it! I'm going to lower my expectations!

21 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Come on, Jon! Up and at'em! There's a fresh new day out there. Are you going to join me, or are you going to lie there and wither away? There's nothing worse than a born-again jogger.

22 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

hop hop hop hop Leg warmers.

23 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Get on your mark, get set... Jog! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

24 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It's going to be a scorcher today. The sidewalk is already hot. OOCH! EECH! OUCH! Oog! Argg! Ick! Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? Why don't we go inside? What? And disappoint my public? CLINK

25 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm not one to brag on my teddy bear, but you are not going to believe this. Okay, Pooky, pay attention now. Are you ready? Play dead!

26 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm getting too old to have a teddy bear. It's not that I feel silly... It's the peer pressure.

27 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Pooky, I have to start weaning myself from you. I gotta make it out there on my own. That's good enough for the first week.

28 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I have to break this teddy bear dependency. -

29 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I've made it a whole day without my teddy bear, but if I don't cuddle something soon, I'll go crazy. This sweat sock just isn't the same.

30 September 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

POOKY! So much for kicking the teddy bear habit. It's unnatural to be near someone you love and not hold them now and then.

1 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I don't believe my eyes! I've finally found the perfect skipping stone! The perfect weight, perfectly round and flat, everything. But there are no lakes around here, and it's too far to the river. Darn it! I've got this stone begging tobe skipped and no p

2 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate it when Odie gets caught outside in the rain. Not that I care that much for Odie, mind you. -

3 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's one of the great mysteries of the universe... When Odie closes his mouth, where does his tongue go?

4 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wanted to buy you another bed, Garfield. But the only sizes they came in were small, medium and large. They didn't have showboat! A quick wit is best accompanied by quick reflexes.

5 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I love a well-balanced meal. Something from the four basic food groups... Meat, vegetable, dairy and catsup.

6 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield should be finding that rubber hot dog in his bowl right about now. And he should be coming for me right about... Now.

7 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I think I'll have pancakes for breakfast. Once again our nation's criminal element has callously disregarded the truth in packaging laws.

8 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Ho with a capital hum. I wish I could kick this industrial-strength depression I have today. Mother nature, if you had a body and a face, I'd give you a hug and a kiss.

9 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. Hi, Arlene. I said..."Hi, Arlene".

10 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Arlene. Guess how much weight I can press. I'll bet you don't know. I'll bet I don't care. Right now I'd trade all this strength for just one snappy comeback.

11 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Arlene. Look at this. So what? Just what does it take to impress you, lady? A challenge to my head as well as my heart. As soon as she regains consciousness, I'll challenge the heart part.

12 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. I don't know how she does it... How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.

13 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Arlene, I'm sick of the witmatching mood you're in. Okay, I'll stop it. There's no battle of the intellects here anyway. You're right. It was kind of like swatting a fly with a buick.

14 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

How about a kiss, Arlene? What kind of animal are you? A cat! AUUGH! I did it! I did it! She said, "what kind of animal are you?" and I said, "a cat!"

15 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Isn't that pathetic? Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. You're too happy, and that's not healthy. People don't trust a chronically happy person. Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!

16 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, boy, am I down today. You look down today, Garfield. But I think I'm even downer. I hate one-downmanship.

17 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I am down...down, down, down, down, down. Down, down, down, dooby doo down, down. Comma, comma, down dooby doo down, down.

18 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm so depressed it's depressing. Tell me about it. I think I'll go out and shoot myself. Sure. You're just trying to cheer me up.

19 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why are we so depressed, Garfield? I have this theory. We've been staying up too late, lately. And being happy takes entirely too much energy.

20 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

We've gotta do something about this depression, Garfield. Check. Maybe a change of surroundings would cheer us up. Check. Wrongo. Check

21 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

There's only one way out of this deep blue funk we're in, Garfield. I hate to do it, but it has to be done. I hope it works. Ooch! Eech! Tah-dah! Bingo!

22 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

click HEY! click I was watching "Cheerleader High!. click Well, I'm watching "Wonder Cat"! rip CRASH I was much more passive before I became a wonder cat cadet.

23 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello, folks. I'm here to entertain you! Are you glad to see me? -well, are you? Okay, I can take a hint. Who needs you anyway? I DO!

24 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I knew a cat who was so ugly, he had to tie a squirrel around his neck to make the dog chase him. BAP! KONK! It's nice to see I'm attracting a crowd with some taste.

25 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I knew a dog who was really stupid... He was so stupid, when he turned around to lie down, he had to stop to ask directions! I thought that was better than a one-shoe joke.

26 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What do you get if you cross a cat with a doctor? You get a cat with a low golf handicap. BONK KONG!

27 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Did you hear the one about the bucktoothed chicken? He...uh, raised a lovely family, was a well-respected member of the community, and led a comfortable life, titty boom.

28 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Stop me if you've heard this one. SMACK KONG! WHOP! BAP! Let me rephrase that.

29 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

We are nearing the bewitching hour when evil forces well up within me. I love it. EEEK! Gargle snort drool YIP Heh, heh, heh-another fruitful Halloween of scaring kids and dogs. Rats. My mom told me if I made this face too often,it would freeze in this p

30 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's some chicken soup, Garfield. No thanks, I really couldn't. I've never known Garfield to refuse food.

31 October 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm taking this steak and there's nothing you can do about it, Chipmunk Cheeks. I've always encouraged Garfield to be assertive. But I believe he's crossed the fine line to obnoxious.

1 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! Odie's going to have to learn to walk one of these ways.

2 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder what pets do when they don't know their owners are watching. Let's find out. I don't believe it. Neither do I. Odie just drew to an inside straight.

3 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

CLANG! Hey, Garfield, how do you like my new dinner bell? It got my attention.

4 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh no! My legs are turning to jelly! My mind is turning to mush! Could it be a laser? ...a death ray? No! It's... My sunbeam.

5 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This looks like a good place to sit and muse. What is the thing called life, Odie? Montaigne said, "The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in how we make use of them." Holmes said, "Life is painting a picture, not doing asum.

6 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Garfield, we're going to visit aunt Gussie. I know she's old and mean, but underneath she has a heart of gold. I hear she used to double-date with Lizzie Borden.

7 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, aunt Gussie. Well if this isn't my daydreaming nephew, Jon, and his cat Blubberbutt. Look, rodent breath, if you come within ten feet of my canary, I'll make a doily out of your hide. I like her.

8 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why, aunt Gussie! I didn't know you were homecoming queen in 1922. You bet. Back then I had beauty, style, grace, charm... And a body that wouldn't quit!

9 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.

10 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

What would you like for Christmas, aunt Gussie? Oh...nothing much. Maybe something for my bed like a little lacey throw pillow. Stuffed with John Travolta's chest hair.

11 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!

12 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

click! Well, look who's in the television set. Garfield is such a clown. Ha-ha-ha. WAH HA HA Wait a minute! Something just occurred to me.

13 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Look at all those people. All going to work to process food, produce electricity, manufacture kitty litter and so on. All just for me. I'd thank them individually, but they know who they are.

14 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie WHOCK! SPLAT That's for not being a cat.

15 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I guess I shouldn't have clobbered Odie for not being a cat. If everyone had a choice, we'd all be cats. So I can't blame him for not being a cat. This is for being a dog! punt!

16 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

whirrr glup plop How's your cat food, Garfield? I could say more for the presentation.

17 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, look, it's one of those things you pull on for service. YANK! Bring me a danish and a cup of coffee.

18 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Stop playing with your food, Garfield. I'm not. It dried out while my face was in it.

19 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This looks like a good place for a little nap-nap. click WHIRRR GASP! SPLAT! Hello, mom? The washing machine just spit out my jockey shorts. That's one thing I'd never admit to my mother.

20 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here you go, Garfield. Take a big bite. OH NO! Just kidding.

21 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

SLAM! Yo, Garfield! What'cha doing? Casting a critical eye on a career as a doorstep.

22 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Sitting atop this door, I see all and know all. Now where's that fat cat of mine? Don't take my name in vain. SMACK!

23 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak

24 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I wish I knew how to get off this door. Sometimes it would be nice to have all the decisions made for you. SLAM! and sometimes not.

25 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

PLOP Where did you come from, Garfield? Rumor has it the stork brought me.

26 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

They didn't call me the shimmy king for nothing.

27 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate mondays. I can't shake this awful feeling that something dreadful is going to happen to me. I'm saved! It's nice to see a friendly face. You're going to the vet, Garfield. ARRRGH!

28 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

You don't look happy, Garfield. Happy about going to the clinic? Put yourself in my shoes. You get to flirt with the lady vet while I get the business end of her thermometer.

29 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Did you know I'm a medical curiosity, doc? I'm not surprised. I'm missing a major organ. Your brain? My heart, you've stolen it away. I hate to see a doctor cry.

30 November 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I'd like to make another appointment, Liz. Sure, when? How about Friday night for dinner? NO! Subtle but firm.

1 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Your cat is in good health, Mr. Arbuckle. Dandy. Now let's talk about us. Let's do. Really? You owe me forty dollars. I just adore love patter.

2 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, Odie. If that dog's brain were a car, it would be jammed in neutral.

3 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

GASP! OH NO! WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE! This is your fault, you guzzler! You didn't buy any! Look at us, Garfield. We're getting irritable and shaky. We need coffee! SNIFF...WHAZAT?! ZAT!S COFFEE! EEEK! LOOK, HUBERT! PEEPING TOMS! Don'tflatter yourself, Reba. N

4 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

It's time you earn your keep around here, Garfield. There's a mouse hole and there's some cheese. You know what to do. I certainly do. -

5 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's the scenario: cat crouches by cheese waiting for mouse to exit hole to retrieve same. Cat catches mouse. Fade out. The End. Heck with it. I prefer stories with a happy ending.

6 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Why should I have to catch an innocent little mouse? I have nothing against him. In fact, he's kind of lovable. If you don't catch that mouse, I'm putting you out i the cold! The furry twerp dies.

7 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This is demeaning. I have a noble heritage. I am a unique, vital individual. And all I'm considered as around here is a mousetrap. I must speak to my kitty litter changer about that.

8 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I don't want to catch that mouse. He's cute. I've even nicknamed him... "Stretch"

9 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Live and let live, I say.

10 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

* _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' rambl Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. But this is ridiculous.

11 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

OH NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! TURN BACK! TURN BACK! Sometimes, a cat's feet just gotta climb.

12 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Here I am, stuck up a tree. Things couldn't be worse. Okay, okay, NOW things couldn't be worse. BOOM

13 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

I maybe stranded up a tree... But at least I'm on a sturdy limb. The story of my life.

14 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, fatso. What does a bird like you eat? Cats. chirp chirp

15 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This isn't safe. Shoo! Shoo! Somebody might get hurt! TOING!

16 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

A way down! All I have to do is dive into that birdbath. 7.0 6.5

17 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Uh-oh, I feel a sneeze coming on! Wah, wah. WAH! WAH! WAH! WACHOO! Auntie em! Auntie em! Yeah, I got you, my pretty, and your little dog, too.

18 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there; FILL THIS ONE, SANTA! The childrenwere nestled all

19 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. WHAT'S A SASH? The moon on the breast of the new-fallensnow Gave the l

20 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came. And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! ON, DOPEY! ON, SNEEZY! ON, HAPPY! "Tothe top o

21 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. OH, NO! A CHIMNEY MONSTER! He was dressed all in fur,from his head to

22 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed, like a bowiful of jelly. HO! HO! HO! A FEW SIT-UPS WOULD TAKE CARE OFTHAT, FELLA. H

23 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like to down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, are he drove out of sight, HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! WHAT A NICE GUY, WHAT A NICE STORY. -Have a happy an

24 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! Here is a radio controlled mouse... And a mink scratching post! ptoo Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. It's the expensive gifts that impress me.

25 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Heh he rattle rattle Cats have such active imaginations. I wonder what's going on in Garfield's mind right now. Well...here I am, in a brown paper bag.

26 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Interesting. Residing in a brown paper bag gives one an all-new perspective of one's self. I feel like a dirty magazine.

27 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

This bag needs eyeholes. rip rustle rustle Something's not right here.

28 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Got my sack, got my eyeholes, what more could a cat need? ARRRRGH! Armholes, definitely armholes.

29 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

Awk! There's someone in this bag with me. Oh, it's you. Hello, bellybutton.

30 December 1983
 
 
   
Garfield

fffff POW! I didn't know you were in the bag, Garfield. I was playing a trick on Odie. At least I died for a good cause.

31 December 1983
 




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