Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?
ZOO Do Not Feed The Animals I wonder what it would be like to be a wild animal. First, I'd alter this stupid sign. Feed the Animals Then I'd pace around looking kinda fierce. Then I'd scare the heck out of the crowd. SWIPE EEEEK! -That was a pretty convin
* Isn't that Halley's comet? ZIP! Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.
Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. Simple minds, simple pleasures. It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.
I wonder what my fortune cookie is. Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. That sounds too good to be true.
Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.
And just when I thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen. Garfield, why don't you like to take baths? Bathing robs cats of precious natural oils that protect us from skin disease. What do you know? Hop in there right now. Let me getmy tubby toys. Tod
Rather than fix your breakfast every day, Garfield, I've decided to let you serve yourself. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.OH, NO! THE LION RAN DOWN ANOTHER VILLAGER! The original fast-food franchise. Now what disgusting is the lion doing? He's spitti
Oboy! Jellybeans! These green jellybeans are pretty tasty. I don't care if they are Jon's favorite, I'm going to eat them all. Why, hello there, Odie. Here, you may have the last green jellybean. Aren't I sweet? My last greenjellybean! I'm going to kill y
Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo PLOP Garfield need a better balanced diet. So I'm disguising this liver as dessert. Why, hello, Garfield. I fixed a yummy treat for you. I call it "Sweet Surprise" He'll be surprised, all right. ARRGH! He ate it!He ate it! Su
This looks like a good spot to rest. I never saw a spot that wasn't a good spot to rest. Well, Garfield, here we are in the great outdoors. It's outdoors, all right, but I'd debate the "great". Just listen to the sounds of nature. Soundslike noi
Did I ever tell you about my uncle Nick? He loves to destroy things. He can shred a recliner in 12 seconds... Mangle ferns by the carload and turn a set of china into powder in the blink of an eye. He is presently a postal employee inChicago.
* I hate dogs and dogs hate me, I chase the tiny ones, the big ones chase me. Do Not Open This Gate! Hello, what's this? That's an open invitation if I ever saw one. Of course, it may not be wise to open the gate. But that neverstopped me before. I'll jus
Good news, Garfield! The airline has a special allowing children to fly free. So? So when you leave on vacation, you can pose as my son and ride up front. I will not demean myself by dressing up as some stupid kid. Otherwise, you'll haveto ride in a kitt
This is going to be fun, Garfield. Ha ha ha, wheee. I think you'll like flying. I'd like it if I could keep one paw on the ground. Oooooh, I think I'm getting airsick. What's that? It sounds like a wing cable fraying! I SMELL SMOKE!sniff sniff WE'RE GOING
Ah, this is the life, isn't it, Garfield? For real relaxation, it's hard to beat the tropics. Oh, go sit on a sandburg. You should go play in the surf, Garfield. Maybe next year. There are fish out there, you know. Well, why didn't yousay so?! Ha ha ha. S
You don't seem to be having a good time, Garfield. A keen observation. What's the problem? I tell you what you do. Find the biggest, heaviest fur coat you can and put it on. Then go lie in the blazing sun for a few hours and see how manyyouks you have.
Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.
I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.
This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. Let's put this whole thing in perspective. Eating is important. And sleeping is important. But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. Check that. Reciprocationis nice, too.
Look at those stupid dogs. Yabba yabba yabba. ROWF! BARK! BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK! Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. bbbbbb You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an applepie and a hernia.
skitter skitter skitter That's odd...two little bugs in full Shakespearean dress. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? I'm right here, Juliet. I bring bad news, Julie baby. Our families are feuding and don't want us to date anymore.Oh no! That does it
What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
I have a new plant in here, Garfield. Yum yum. And I don't want you messing with it, okay? Sure. First I think I'll eat its tender little leaves, then I'll pick my teeth with its stems, followed by stomping the rest of the plant outof existence. Prepare
I'm in a "what if" mood today. I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. We'd have a huge wedding... Then we'd raise some kittens... And they'd crawl all over me. Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.
Something's wrong. Hey, Garfield! Let's have some fun! forget it, Jon. I want to take you to an Italian restaurant for a lasagna dinner. No way. They have ferns for dessert. Big deal. Then we can come home and I'll hold Odie downwhile you beat him up. Try
Hello. You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. The father recently gave up golfing. And the mother cooks lots of pasta. Adopt me!
How about a manly game of arm-wrestling, Garfield? You're on. Are you ready, you furry sissy? Ready when you are, wimp. Unnngh Rrrr What say we call it a draw, Garfield? I'll let you off the hook this time. I'll see you, Garfield. Solong, Jon. Speak to me
What do you think of my Ming vase, Garfield? CRASH! Min, Shming, they don't make'm like they used to. WHA!... GUH!... I DON'T!... BUH!... YOU!... YOU! YOU DUMB ANIMAL! YOU'RE SO STUPID, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID! I know I destroyed a priceless Ming dyn
Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?
Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. What do you have to say for yourself? If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.
CATCH THAT MOUSE! Garfield, why don't you eat mice like other cats? I don't like to hurt mice. How can I get that through your thick skull? * Dear Jon: The mice and I have an agreement. They don't bug me and I don't bug them. Therefore,I will never hurt m
Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.
Silly me had to fall into the heating vent. Now here I am, residing deep within the bowels of my house. Forced to spend my remaining days fending for myself in the tin tunnels of the duct work, the solenoid jungle of the wiring system andthe polyvinyl chl
It's going to be a scorcher today. The sidewalk is already hot. OOCH! EECH! OUCH! Oog! Argg! Ick! Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? Why don't we go inside? What? And disappoint my public? CLINK
I don't believe my eyes! I've finally found the perfect skipping stone! The perfect weight, perfectly round and flat, everything. But there are no lakes around here, and it's too far to the river. Darn it! I've got this stone begging tobe skipped and no p
It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. I don't know how she does it... How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.
Isn't that pathetic? Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. You're too happy, and that's not healthy. People don't trust a chronically happy person. Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
We are nearing the bewitching hour when evil forces well up within me. I love it. EEEK! Gargle snort drool YIP Heh, heh, heh-another fruitful Halloween of scaring kids and dogs. Rats. My mom told me if I made this face too often,it would freeze in this p
This looks like a good place to sit and muse. What is the thing called life, Odie? Montaigne said, "The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in how we make use of them." Holmes said, "Life is painting a picture, not doing asum.
How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.
It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!
Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak
GASP! OH NO! WE'RE OUT OF COFFEE! This is your fault, you guzzler! You didn't buy any! Look at us, Garfield. We're getting irritable and shaky. We need coffee! SNIFF...WHAZAT?! ZAT!S COFFEE! EEEK! LOOK, HUBERT! PEEPING TOMS! Don'tflatter yourself, Reba. N
* _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' rambl Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. But this is ridiculous.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there; FILL THIS ONE, SANTA! The childrenwere nestled all
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. WHAT'S A SASH? The moon on the breast of the new-fallensnow Gave the l
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came. And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! ON, DOPEY! ON, SNEEZY! ON, HAPPY! "Tothe top o
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. OH, NO! A CHIMNEY MONSTER! He was dressed all in fur,from his head to
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed, like a bowiful of jelly. HO! HO! HO! A FEW SIT-UPS WOULD TAKE CARE OFTHAT, FELLA. H
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like to down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, are he drove out of sight, HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! WHAT A NICE GUY, WHAT A NICE STORY. -Have a happy an
Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! Here is a radio controlled mouse... And a mink scratching post! ptoo Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. It's the expensive gifts that impress me.