Jon, I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. - It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps straying off course. I've just been preoccupied. - Enough said. Let's get on with it. Huh?
* - Isn't that Halley's comet? - ZIP! - Garfield, did you take my steak? Who? Little ol' me? - Look, I don't have your crummy old steak. - HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK! - I'm going to get you for this, Odie. Burp.
Dogs have the world's stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. - Simple minds, simple pleasures. - It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post wit the springy rubber mouse.
I wonder what my fortune cookie is. - Today you will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food. - That sounds too good to be true.
Oh sure, you're getting all the attention right now, Nermal, But when you grow up you'll be as unloved as I am. - I'm never growing up. Who are you? Peter Pan or something? - I'm a midget. Some cats get all the luck.
Tell me, my little wahine, what do you do? I'll bet you walk along the beach all day, then go home to your little thatched hut at night, right? - I'm a computer programmer from Cleveland. - Close. How about a date? He didn't even blink.
I saw an awful movie last night called "Alien Dog." It was about this gigantic mutt that terrorized the world. - However, they did dispatch him with a rather clever ploy. - They electrified a 12-story fire hydrant.
Look at those stupid dogs. - Yabba yabba yabba. - ROWF! BARK! BARK! - BARK! YIP! BARK! - Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. - bbbbbb - You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? - The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... - That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
I'll see you, Arlene. It is customary, in human circles, to kiss a lady's hand. - You're not a human, and that's not a hand. That's a hairy paw. - Oil and water, nitro and glycerin, chivalry and realism.
I'm in a "what if" mood today. - I wonder what would happen if I married Arlene. - We'd have a huge wedding... - Then we'd raise some kittens... - And they'd crawl all over me. - Forget it! I'd make a lousy father.
Hello. - You can tell a lot about their family from their garbage. - They have an infant who just outgrew its baby clothes. - The father recently gave up golfing. - And the mother cooks lots of pasta. - - Adopt me!
Aw...how sweet. - Wait a minute! I'll bet you want something from me, don't you? - How dare you suggest I trade my affection for selfish reasons! For a bite of that hamburger, I'll forget you said that.
Why don't you like me? You're young and you're cute. - If I were old and ugly, would you like me? Possibly. - This must be one of the things cats do when they think there are no humans around. Where's my cane? Where's my cane?
Garfield, I know you're in my fern. I can see your tail. - What do you have to say for yourself? - If you must know, I am a rare carnivorous fern, and if you don't mind, I'd like to finish eating your cat in peace.
Given the choice, Garfield, would you rather be rich or famous? - You're talking to a cat here, fella. All I need is a warm lap, some good food and a little attention. - I guess a cat wouldn't care about either. I'd rather be rich.
I wish I were a cat instead of a mouse. - Never be ashamed of what you are. We must all accept our plight in life and make the best of it. - You're not on the business end of the food chain. Good point.
It's going to be a scorcher today. - The sidewalk is already hot. - OOCH! EECH! OUCH! - Oog! Argg! Ick! - Garfield! What are you doing on this hot sidewalk? - Why don't we go inside? - What? And disappoint my public? CLINK
It's my dinnertime, Arlene. But don't despair, I'll be right back. The moments will seem like years till you return. - I don't know how she does it... - How one well-turned phrase from that woman can suck all the wind out of your sails.
Isn't that pathetic? - Odie, all you ever do is stare and slobber. - You're too happy, and that's not healthy. - People don't trust a chronically happy person. - Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like this? - - YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
Hi, aunt Gussie. Well if this isn't my daydreaming nephew, Jon, and his cat Blubberbutt. - Look, rodent breath, if you come within ten feet of my canary, I'll make a doily out of your hide. - I like her.
How are you getting along financially these days, aunt Gussie? - Oh, I have my social security, I make quilts and sell my African violets... - And I knock down three hun a week teaching slam dancing at Denny's Pogo Pit.
It was nice visiting with you, aunt Gussie. Same here, Jon. - And you'd better forget about your crush on John Travolta. He's young enough to be your grandson. - DON'T TELL THAT TO MY COMPUTER DATING SERVICE!
Perching high on a door gives vent to a cat's philosophical bent. - Observing life from an omniscient point of view allows one to witness fascinating human rituals. - Like Jon cleaning his ear. squeak squeak
* _ I'm just a ramlin' kind of guy...ramlin', ramblin' - rambl - - Oh, no! I've heard terrible things about city sewers! - They say the pet alligators that are flushed into the sewers grow to huge proportions. - But this is ridiculous.
twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow; HE ALSO HAS A WELL-ROUNDED PERSONALITY.
- Merry Christmas, Garfield. I got you some great presents! - Here is a radio controlled mouse... - And a mink scratching post! - ptoo - Odie, that bone is everything you own in the world. - It's the expensive gifts that impress me.