This looks like a good day for some heavy thoughts. Let's put this whole thing in perspective. Eating is important. And sleeping is important. But nothing is more important than holding someone you love. Check that. Reciprocationis nice, too.
1 May 1983
You're too fat, Garfield. Hang it in your ear. Oh, shut up, Odie. Why do I have the feeling there's a conspiracy afoot?
2 May 1983
* ARRRGH! It's diet week. It's diet week.
3 May 1983
I gotta get off this diet. It's starting to mess with my mind.
4 May 1983
Release my hand, Garfield. You release hamburger, I release hand.
5 May 1983
Suicide, exercise and dieting. RIP! Name three forms of self-abuse. True...how true.
6 May 1983
7 May 1983
* Oh, no! My watch has stopped! I've missed Garfield's mealtime. Pets have a way of letting you know when you've missed their mealtime. You're late. I know, I know.
8 May 1983
Tell me, Garfield, when you walk, do your right and left legs travel together, or do you use your opposing legs? I'll never walk again.
9 May 1983
Z Z Z I wonder how birds can sleep in trees without falling out. Z Z Z Z Z Z Aha! ...hammocks.
10 May 1983
This is the only way to spend a sunny afternoon. All you need is a swimming pool. And a good imagination.
11 May 1983
I'm going to take a dip in here, so beat it, bird, before I break your beak. I have a mouth with a death wish.
12 May 1983
Take my advice. Sun yourself in a pool. You stay cooler that way. I shall now turn over in order to tan my back. This is not well thought out.
13 May 1983
As much as I hate to do it... I'd better get out. Even my fur is getting wrinkled.
14 May 1983
Look at those stupid dogs. Yabba yabba yabba. ROWF! BARK! BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK! Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. bbbbbb You just had to get in the last lick, didn't you, Garfield? Me and my big tongue.
15 May 1983
Hey, Garfield, guess what! We're going to visit dad and mom on the farm this week. We'll eat some of mom's down-home cooking and help dad with the farm work. Good thinking, Jon. Let's drive all the way to the sticks and fetch us an applepie and a hernia.
16 May 1983
Your brother, Doc, has come back to work on the farm. He's here now. Doc boy! Don't call me "Doc boy". Jon boy! Mom boy! Doc boy! How are you? Oh boy.
17 May 1983
What brings you to the farm, Jon? I promised Garfield some good home cooking. What would you boys like for breakfast? My guess is Garfield would like some ham and eggs.
18 May 1983
Doc, you're looking more like dad all the time. You take that back! SMACK! Hush up, boy. The three stooges live.
19 May 1983
You know, Doc, for brothers, we don't look much alike. It's hard to believe we came from the same place. You mean, the farm? The funny farm maybe.
20 May 1983
Take care now. See you soon. Don't be a stranger. So long! Bye bye! Bye now. Se yuh. I can't believe the fuss they make over going to bed. You have a very close family.
21 May 1983
22 May 1983
Here comes Arlene. She's crazy about me. Hi, Arlene. Hi, bozo. I'm sure she meant to say, "Hunk".
23 May 1983
Let's go mousing. What's wrong with lasagna? There's no thrill of pursuit. Obviously, you've never snatched one off the table during sundae dinner.
24 May 1983
Why do girls always so good, Arlene? We wear perfume. Sounds kind of sissified to me. I get this from a sex that likes to tattoo themselves.
25 May 1983
What does the moon remind you of, Garfield? The moon reminds me of night, and that reminds me of sleep, which reminds me of breakfast... That wasn't what I had in mind. Then, after breakfast, comes my nap...
26 May 1983
I'm taking you to a great restaurant tonight, Arlene. bonk bonk Look, galvanized, not one of those cheap plastic places. Now I've seen it all...a three-star garbage can.
27 May 1983
I'll see you, Arlene. It is customary, in human circles, to kiss a lady's hand. You're not a human, and that's not a hand. That's a hairy paw. Oil and water, nitro and glycerin, chivalry and realism.
28 May 1983
29 May 1983
I'm going out to a very nice restaurant tonight, Garfield. So you be good while I'm gone. And, no, you can't come with me. Who said I wanted to go to your crummy restaurant, anyway?
30 May 1983
Jon is going out without us tonight, Odie. So you know what to do... You chew his slippers and I'll destroy his chair.
31 May 1983