Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas. pat pat - It is time to declare another NATIONAL FAT WEEK. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat. - I'm talking about you, chubby.
Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways... - For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia. - That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator.
Hey, Odie! Look at this! - It's snowing! Let's go out and catch snowflakes on our tongues! - - Here comes a world record! - - Ooo, that's a very impressive collection. - Surprise boys! I fixed a feast for you! No thanks. We just ate. Urp.
You're shedding again. What am I supposed to do with all this cat hair? Knit the world's largest hairball. - Trade it with your friends, start a mustache factory. - This is going nowhere. Insulate your house! Filter your coffee!
Why are people afraid of mice? Bad press, I guess. - Maybe it's because mice carried the black plague in 1348. I don't know what you're talking about. - As I recall, half of Europe died. - Picky, picky, picky.
Would you look at that mousetrap?! Barbaric, isn't it. - You said it! A nice camembert or creamy brie would be worth going in after. - BUT THAT PROCESSED AMERICAN CHEESE IS AN INSULT TO MY PALATE! Precisely what I was saying.
It's time for your checkup, Garfield. I'll get checked-up while the lady vet gets checked out. - We gotta make sure you're in good condition. Right. - The only condition he's worried about is his glandular condition.
You look much better this morning. You must be over the Hawaiian cat flu. I doubt that I ever had it. - What would you like for breakfast? Just some juice and a Danish. - And a roast pig! And six pineapples! And a pound of Macadamia nuts!
Hey, hey. - Smile big, boys. I'm going to take your picture. - Move back a little farther. - Just a little farther. - SHOOP! - Uh-oh. - There appears to be a camera shoved up your nose. Nas wha I min nrying noo nell you!
I have a date with Mary Lou tonight and I'm going to charm her out of her socks. - I'm going to play it real cool. I'm going to quote poetry and be real suave. - She'll be putty in my hands. You tie is in your coffee.
Let's talk about the responsibilities an owner assumes when he obtains a cat. The first responsibility is to feed that cat. - LATER! - I guess we'll wait to discuss the second responsibility when we're in a little better mood.
Hey, Garfield, here's an article about a guy who thought he could fly by wearing a cape and jumping off a building. - They scraped him off Fifth Avenue with a putty knife. I guess he learned his lesson. - Yeah, he didn't believe.
- Look at Jon's socks, they are all perfectly tucked and organized. - Okay, socks, line up! Count off! - FORWARD HARCH! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOURP! - Stay away from my sock drawer, Garfield. You make me nervous. - - As you were.
position. - Odie is in your basic armchair poily position. Z - When you sleep as much as I do, you crave variety in your attitudes of repose. - For your edification, I shall now attempt the world's most bizarre sleeping position! - Z oooo
will will make up for leaving you alone to fend off the border guards. - AHEE AH-EE AH! - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FLOWER BED?! Scuttlebutt at the precinct is that your daisies were vandalized by an overactive imagination.
- Hey, Garfield! It's going to be a beautiful day! Let's spend it outside! - Where are my swim trunks? - There's suntan lotion in here somewhere. - And now a picnic lunch! - PERFECT DAY, HERE WE COME! - Rats. Missed it.
Z - Z - Rats! I'm hungry. I always wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Oh well, let's look around. - Hello, what's this? It feels like a big old loaf of pumpernickel. - YIP! Sorry about that, Odie. - All right! Olives! I love Olives! I
Let's go to a movie tonight. Here's one about kids at a day-care center who save the world. It's been done. - How about "Ninja Grandmother"? You're getting warmer. - Here it is! "The Angry Mauve Planet" Sounds like a contemporary remake.
the Butz Sisters, Thelda Balducci drops under the groove and passes inside. - Balducci blows a tire and is f-boned by old lady Crowe! - WE GOT THE SALES ITEM FIRST!!! - Do you have any coupon? I forgot it. Rats! Black flagged on the last lap.
- Well, well, well. Odie's sitting in front of the recliner. Let's have some fun, shall we? - Watch this. - - WHUMP! WHAP! - I hate to brag, but it took a brilliant mind to figure that gag out. - SMACK!
Garfield, you make a lovely fire. I do make a lovely fire. - Well, I gotta get ready for my date. You enjoy your lovely fire. I'll enjoy my lovely fire. - HEY! WHERE ARE ALL My BOW TIES?! They make a lovely fire.
Garfield, the world famous tomato soup diver, scours the murky depths in search of the elusive tomato guppy. - QUICK! GIMME THAT CAMERA! - For the first time in history the spawning habits of the tomato guppy are captured on film. CLICK
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey. And people think cats do strange things. - I'm in the mood for love * - Well, Garfield, how do I look? - You don't like it, huh? - Maybe if I changed my tie and my pants and my... - Now what do you think? - Great!
Garfield, you eat food like it grows on trees. I wasn't born yesterday. I know the food fairy brings it in the night. - What if the food just stopped? I could handle that. - It's the eating I would miss.
I have some words of wisdom to help you beat those old blues, buddy. - He's gonna get cryptic again. - Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. - Oh, great...I'm going to be up all night figuring that one out.
Come on, Odie. The sooner we go to bed, the sooner it will be Christmas morning. pat pat pat - Christmas eve is the longest night of the year. - I imagine it would be shorter if we could ever fall asleep.
Well, if this isn't RX-2, the talking scale. How are you today, felly? I'm depressed. - What could a scale possibly be depressed about? - How would you like to be stepped on every day and called a liar? - Good point.