1 January 1985
I don't mind grocery shopping. And I don't mind carrying them home. This is the part I dread.
2 January 1985
As long as you're in the way, why don't you find a place to put these groceries. GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! I wanted you to put them in the pantry! Urp...that can be arranged.
3 January 1985
Okay, guys, I have a new house rule. From now on no pets are allowed on the furniture. Harf! Harf! Harf! Wah! Ha! Ha! I don't get no respect.
4 January 1985
One thing I love about Odie... He's so pushoffable.
5 January 1985
6 January 1985
Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas. pat pat It is time to declare another NATIONAL FAT WEEK. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat. I'm talking about you, chubby.
7 January 1985
We fat people get a lot more out of life. We eat big. We drink big, we laugh big. HAR! HAR! HAR! Are you okay, Garfield? You wouldn't understand, skinny person.
8 January 1985
Being skinny isn't always a bed of roses. It must be tough wearing suspenders to hold your socks up. I knew a guy who was so skinny, he had to step on the scales twice to weight himself!
9 January 1985
I think skinny people are funny... Their pants keep falling down. thump thump thump I knew a kid who was so skinny, all he could wear was a hat!
10 January 1985
Don't eat that pie! It's fattening! Eat it! You'll regret it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! FLIP I'd be thinner if my conscience were quicker-witted.
11 January 1985
Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways... For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia. That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator.
12 January 1985
This is my lucky day. Wha...? SCRIIICK POOF! It grew back! I've discovered the bottomless pan of lasagna! BLIP I knew it! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true!
13 January 1985
SLUP! THAT WAS MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE! I spilled some. You can suck it out of my sweater.
14 January 1985
What are you watching, Garfield? I don't know. Who's the lead character? I don't know. What's the plot? Hey! I'm watching television! Stop making me think, okay?
15 January 1985
SLURP GULP BURP SMACK ERP OH YUK! How disgusting! There's a people hair in my cat food!
16 January 1985
One of my pet peeves is people who never finish what they start. I do not happen to be one of those people. My philosophy is, "never start anything."
17 January 1985
BLAT! Oops! Clean that up, Garfield. Patience, my friend. There are people to do those things. ZIP!
18 January 1985
OOOOO BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I'll bite. What is it? A dummy detector.
19 January 1985
tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity BONK! PANT PANT plunk CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
20 January 1985
zip! Hey! Give my napkin back! Smile when you speak to Sumo Cat, fella.
21 January 1985
Sumo Cat has studied Sumo wrestling for years. Sumo Cat has mastered the most dreaded tricks of his trade. SNAP!
22 January 1985
Sumo Cat assumes the classic Sumo wrestling position. There is only one tiny drawback to this position... Severe cramping!
23 January 1985
Karate Cat demonstrates his art on a table leg. HIIYAH! SNAP! Karate Cat also demonstrates incredible lack of foresight.
24 January 1985
Most practitioners of Karate are impervious to pain. HIIYAH! SMACK! I happen to be of the previous to pain persuasion.
25 January 1985
For your pleasure, I, Judo Cat, will lay a basic move on this hapless bystander. SMACK! Leave it up to a dumb dog's rubber tongue to make a mockery of the martial arts.
26 January 1985
Fetch the apple, Odie. I send Odie to fetch an apple, and he brings back an apple pie. I think I'm onto something here. Fetch the T-bone, Odie, my boy. -
27 January 1985
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cutest cat of all? Hi there. Don't answer that.
28 January 1985
Do you know what I hate about you, Nermal? You're so one dimensional. Oh yeah? And what dimension is that? YOUTH!
29 January 1985
Nermal, you're cute, but you're not very bright. Doesn't that bother you? Oh no. I figure I'll grow out of this cute stage sooner or later. I rest my case.
30 January 1985
Nermal, would you rather have your good looks or my intellect? My good looks. I have years and years to get your intellect. That hurt.
31 January 1985