That was some new year's celebration last night, wasn't it, Garfield? Did anyone get the license number of the party that hit me? - Are you going to get up today? No way! I got up yesterday and look what happened to me! - Not feeling well,
1 January 1985
I don't mind grocery shopping. - And I don't mind carrying them home. - This is the part I dread.
2 January 1985
As long as you're in the way, why don't you find a place to put these groceries. - GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! - I wanted you to put them in the pantry! Urp...that can be arranged.
3 January 1985
Okay, guys, I have a new house rule. - From now on no pets are allowed on the furniture. - Harf! Harf! Harf! Wah! Ha! Ha! I don't get no respect.
4 January 1985
- One thing I love about Odie... - He's so pushoffable.
5 January 1985
I'm bored. - I'm bored, bored, bored. - Wait a minute! I control my own destiny! I'll create an exclusive country club resort. - First, I'll put some sandbox sand in the sunbeam. - Replete with the usual resort accouterments. - Hey, what a
6 January 1985
Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas. pat pat - It is time to declare another NATIONAL FAT WEEK. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat. - I'm talking about you, chubby.
7 January 1985
We fat people get a lot more out of life. We eat big. We drink big, we laugh big. - HAR! HAR! HAR! - Are you okay, Garfield? You wouldn't understand, skinny person.
8 January 1985
Being skinny isn't always a bed of roses. - It must be tough wearing suspenders to hold your socks up. - I knew a guy who was so skinny, he had to step on the scales twice to weight himself!
9 January 1985
I think skinny people are funny... - Their pants keep falling down. thump thump thump - I knew a kid who was so skinny, all he could wear was a hat!
10 January 1985
Don't eat that pie! It's fattening! Eat it! - You'll regret it tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes! - FLIP I'd be thinner if my conscience were quicker-witted.
11 January 1985
Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways... - For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia. - That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator.
12 January 1985
This is my lucky day. - - Wha...? SCRIIICK POOF! - It grew back! - I've discovered the bottomless pan of lasagna! - BLIP - I knew it! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true!
13 January 1985
- SLUP! - THAT WAS MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE! I spilled some. You can suck it out of my sweater.
14 January 1985
What are you watching, Garfield? I don't know. - Who's the lead character? I don't know. - What's the plot? Hey! I'm watching television! Stop making me think, okay?
15 January 1985
SLURP GULP BURP SMACK ERP - OH YUK! How disgusting! There's a people hair in my cat food!
16 January 1985
One of my pet peeves is people who never finish what they start. - I do not happen to be one of those people. - My philosophy is, "never start anything."
17 January 1985
BLAT! Oops! - Clean that up, Garfield. Patience, my friend. - There are people to do those things. ZIP!
18 January 1985
OOOOO - BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! - I'll bite. What is it? A dummy detector.
19 January 1985
- tappity tappity tappity - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - - BONK! - PANT PANT plunk - CLAP CLAP CLAP Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
20 January 1985
zip! - Hey! Give my napkin back! - Smile when you speak to Sumo Cat, fella.
21 January 1985
Sumo Cat has studied Sumo wrestling for years. - Sumo Cat has mastered the most dreaded tricks of his trade. - SNAP!
22 January 1985
Sumo Cat assumes the classic Sumo wrestling position. - There is only one tiny drawback to this position... - Severe cramping!
23 January 1985
Karate Cat demonstrates his art on a table leg. - HIIYAH! SNAP! - Karate Cat also demonstrates incredible lack of foresight.
24 January 1985
Most practitioners of Karate are impervious to pain. - HIIYAH! SMACK! - I happen to be of the previous to pain persuasion.
25 January 1985
For your pleasure, I, Judo Cat, will lay a basic move on this hapless bystander. - SMACK! - Leave it up to a dumb dog's rubber tongue to make a mockery of the martial arts.
26 January 1985
- Fetch the apple, Odie. - - I send Odie to fetch an apple, and he brings back an apple pie. I think I'm onto something here. - Fetch the T-bone, Odie, my boy. -
27 January 1985
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cutest cat of all? - Hi there. - Don't answer that.
28 January 1985
Do you know what I hate about you, Nermal? You're so one dimensional. - Oh yeah? And what dimension is that? - YOUTH!
29 January 1985
Nermal, you're cute, but you're not very bright. Doesn't that bother you? - Oh no. - I figure I'll grow out of this cute stage sooner or later. I rest my case.
30 January 1985
Nermal, would you rather have your good looks or my intellect? - My good looks. - I have years and years to get your intellect. That hurt.
31 January 1985