I feel great today! I feel like curing a major disease, writing a best-selling book and stopping poverty! - LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE COMES GARFIELD! Is there anything yu need, Garfield? - Yes...I need you to stop me.
The mailman makes a great scratching post. - We'll be right back after this announcement. - - Oooo! A warm spot. - It's no sunbeam, but it will do. - - ROWRR! - The first rule of owning a cat: "Look before you sit".
GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - There is enough static electricity in 20 cats to start a car. - But, it still won't start on a cold morning! Come on, guys. I'm late for work! Take a hike, jack. z z z z Believe it, or DON'T!
GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Nick, a cat in Sweden, has eaten six mice a day for twelve years. That's over 26,000 mice! - I spite of his notoriety, poor Nick is still single. Nick, about your breath... Believe it, or DON'T!
GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - Cats and dogs evolved from a single animal called a "cog". It became extinct when it barked up the wrong tree... BARK! BARK! BARK! - A tree named "Bubba. Believe it, or DON'T!
GARFIELD'S Believe it, or DON'T! - A cat in Lubbock, Texas gave birth to 57 kittens. - When asked how she felt after giving birth to quinseptulets, she said: I'll feel better when the start sleeping through the night. Believe it, or DON'T!
In the news, today, cat season opens tomorrow! - Z - Snort, what's that sound? - OH NO! I LEFt THE TELEVISION ON! - On the all night movie channel! - CLICK! - CLUNK! - I feel like such an unworthy parent! Z
Do you know what I love about cats the most? It's our dignity. Even royalty could learn from the dignified style with which we conduct our lives. - Well, I see by the old clock on the floor, it's lunch time. - Time to beg for table scraps.
Cat's cradle? I doubt it. - World's LArgest Ball Of Twine - World's largest ball of twine, huh? - I wonder what this is for. - Uh-oh! - - - - Don't worry, Garfield! I'll protect you from that fierce piece of string! I hate him.
Z - I wonder how Garfield would look in my gag glasses? Z - And tie, and shorts, and tennies? Z - Good morning, Garfield. snort...Morning. - Hee hee What are you laughing at, pea-brain? - - Sometimes I wish I were awake when I'm asleep.
We writers have an uncanny ability to observe ouselves from an omniscient point of view. - "As the handsome cat gazed upon the folly of life about him he tossed his head back in laughter... Ha! Ha! Ha!" - And the he fell right off his chair.
What do you guys want to do today? Let's spread pestilence! - Nah, let's lower somebody's property value. Or take a scenic sewer tour. - You're disgusting. It's a living. Or run up an old man's pant leg?
scritch scritch scrith - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH - SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH BARK! BARK! Why don't you boys let yourselves out for a change? - WHA?! - - CRASH - It's time I give some serious consideration to adding a pet door.
I shall now meditate in order to enrich my life. - There is nothing like meditation to get in touch with on'e self. - Self...if you don't get out of this stupid position in about three seconds, you kneecaps are going to fall off!
Life is like a birdbath. It's made of concrete, filled with water, and uh...birds like to splash in it. - Boy, that was dumb. Life isn't anything like a bird bath. tap tap - Life...is like a sock monkey...
EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET! I know, I saw one once in a movie. - I'll tell you what, if you got ot there peacefully, I'll never ask you to see a sunrise again. Agreed. - Rats. I'm all choked up. Let's go in.
I'd like to be able to stop each of those cars and aske the people where they're going. If they didn't have a good excuse I'd send them home. - Of course, some of them may not have a home...how sad. - "Car people".
The birds seem to be singing more this time of year. chirp chirp tweet - They may be heralding a change in seasons. * tweet - Then again, it could be the shower Jon installed in the birdbath. * tweet *
think, sir? I think dogs are smarter. POKE - How about you, little boy? Pigs are smarter than cats or dogs. - Pigs are smarter than we are? That's hard to accept. - Come on, Odie. Let's go discuss this over a ham sandwich.
- Hold the diving board steady, Odie. - Okay, let's give it a try! - Out of the way, mutt! I'll be the first to try this swimming pool. - - Maybe we should check the assembly instructions again. scrittch scritch
I have some bad news about your birthday cake, Garfield. - It collapsed under the weight of the candles. Is that an age joke? - Oh well, it would probably have set off the smoke alarm anyway. TIME-OUT! UNFAIR! AGE JOKE!
Happy birthday, Garfield. Here's a double-chocolate fudge marshmallow cream cake! - And here's chocolate chip ice cream, sugar cookie and a cherry phosphate! Any queszions? Yeh... - What's for dessert?
What a night! I dreamed the house was surrounded by a pack of vicious dogs chanting, "Send out the cat! Send out the cat!" - Good morning, Garfield. Would you like to go out? - I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE! Or would you rather stay in?
Why do *I* have to catch the rat? They're mean, with large pointy teeth. - Hold on, boy. Remember you're a cat. A fierce, carnivorous, predarory animal. - THe KING OF THE JUNGLE! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Listen up, cat. I'm Binky The Clown. I'm the head clown around here and don't you forget it! It's a little hard to ignore. - And respect...I demand respect. - When I honk my nose, people snap to attention. He's full bore looney all right.
Odie, come here, boy. I have a wet surprise for you. - - KNOCK KNOCK - OH, NO! WET PETS! - MY CHAIR! - GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! - ARRRRGH! - Sob. There's a proud man, Odie. He won't let us see him cry.
Well, the gifts are under the tree and the food is prepared. There's only one more order of business... - I just want to tell you guys how much I love you. - Jon is like Christmas. I only appreciate him once a year.