Do people call you "worthless"? Do people call you a "couch potato"? - Why should we be held up to public ridicule just because we subscribe to a kinetically passive lifestyle. We should stand up for ourselves! - THE NEXT TIME PEOPLE CALL YOU
Don't forget the National Lazy Week motto, lazy people. "There must be an easier way". - Many great ideas have been spawned from that noble sentiment. - You can bet it wasn't an exercise freak who invented power steering.
For those of you who want to stop abusing your bodies through fanatic exercise, but can't muster the willpower... - You can now join "Garfield's Exercisers Anonymous". - Every time you feel an uncontrollable urge to jog, I send someone over
Waterin' down the coffee again, pilgrim? - Burp - - JON! - JON! WAKE UP! I'M HAVING NIGHTMARES! - Garfield, if you didn't stuff yourself right before going to bed, you wouldn't dream about big, ugly monsters. - Did you hear what he called you
* Oh, Nermalll * - Kittens love to chase things. - CRASH! This can be a very satisfying form of enterteinmant. - BONK! Kittens also love to play catch. - But, the best way to drive them wild is to hide objects from them. - ROWR! cRUNCH! HISS!
Notice anything different about me, Garfield? You're not drinking out of your Binky The Clown mug. - I think my mustache is coming in rather nicely. That's not your cocoa? - Wanna touch it? It feels really weird. Hey, buddy, I have to eat
How's my little buddy today? Crowded. - TAP TAP TAP - Garfield, what are you doing? - SNAP! Charades? I love charades! Let's see...first word...you? No, you're! That's it! You're! - Leg! No! Stand! You're standing in something! - Fourth word!
Don't slobber on the controls, Mr. Odie! - WHAT HO?! - Pistachios! And they're all mine! - crack BOING! - SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF - SNORT! - SLURP! - Dogs APPEAR friendly, but, I'd hate to get caught between one and his appetite. BURP
Hey, stranger. This body ain't big enough for the both of us. - What a week...I fall on my head, totally lose my memory, and have no idea who this Garfield fella is. - - HANg ON! SOMETHING'S COMING BACK! - HA! HA! - WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! - I'm
You just HAVE to restore Garfield's memory, doc. - He doesn't beat up on Odie, he doesn't claw the furniture, he's not lazy and obnoxious... - Are you sure you want me to do this? Come to think of it...
This kind of tired calls for coffee straight up. - - It's one of those mornings. - The kind of morning where you've been up for two minutes and it feels like two days. - If I can just make it to my coffee, I'll be all right. - It's in sight!
* - FFT! BANG! UGH! Rats! The washer's broken! - Com on, Garfield, we have to go to the laundromat. - NO, JON! PLEASE ANYWHERE BUT THERE. - You know what that place is like! Especially on weekends. - I'll get him for this.
Now, be nice to my date. She might be sensitive about her weight. How'd she get in here? Through the garage door? - Her name is Bertha. Figures. - She's a lovely person. You can't judge a book by it's cover, you know. And you can't judge a
Yes, sir. Table for five. - Z - - There it is! Just like I told you! Z - Hey, cat! What is the meaning of this trap? Wha...? - You realize this is a direct violation of our treaty agreement. Aw, gimme a break. - You know this means war! Look,
I think you're going to like this restaurant, Bertha. As long as they serve food. A woman after my own heart. - Would you like a table or a booth? A table, please. And the lady will have a booth. - What do you have to do to get any serive
HA! HA! HA! HEE! HA! - - Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - * We're going for a walk, and you have to wear a dog coat. * - * We're gonna walk by some dogs, and they're gonna call you a nerd. * - * Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaah * - Come on,
Garfield, meet the newest member of our family, Sweety Bird. - I just know you two are going to get along famously, right, Garfield? - Right, sure. Uh, would you happen to have a light for my cutting torch?
Hello, I'm Sweety Bird. I sing sweet happy songs to brighten your morning. - BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! DO YOU WANT TO BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! - Then you can march out of that cage and crawl between two slices of bread. JON!
Garfield, do you like sweety bird? He's right up there with dogs and mondays. - You wouldn't intend him any harm, would you? I don't know what you're talking about. - Then why is he covered with clam sauce? An old family recipe.
The lone gourmet strikes again. - TAP! TAP! - YAWN - You go out and play, Pooky. - ZIP! WHAT tHE...? - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NAILED TO MY BED! - WHA?!! - I suppose this was for putting the lizard in your shoe? Now we're even.
You're a slob, Garfield, Why can't you stay as clean as other cats? - You're supposed to wash yourself like this. Oh, very well. - Start with this arm and make it snappy. You have a lot of territory to cover.
I hate 3-D movies. - Here, Odie! Here, boy! - I'll throw the bone and you fetch it, okay, boy? Arf! - There it goes! - Odie just fell for the oldest trick in the book. - ZIP! WHUMP - Now what kind of dog would have a bone that big? - Oh, THAT
How did you get to be so lazy, Garfield? - Brains, hard work, tenacity and dedication. You're not just born lazy, you know. It's an acquired skill... - I'm sorry I asked. ...an art form if you will, not unlike poetry, dance or music.
Ouch! Where did the mailman get chain mail socks? - All right! It's here! - Look, Garfield! It's the world's largest balloon! We'll see about that. - Uh...that's pretty big, Garfield, You ain't seen nothing yet. fuh! fuh! fuh! - Garfield?!
Come on, Odie. There's no reason to be afraid of the dark. - - Just look at this! Someone has left the cellar door open! - Jon has told me a hundred times to keep it closed. - Or somebody might get hurt. SLAM! - thump thump thump thump thump
Stop being so melodramatic, Garfield, You've only been on your diet for ten minutes. - Z - Mmm, food! - I love food. - GARFIELD! YOUR EATING IS OUT OF CONTROL! - More food! - More trainloads of food! Air-drop food into my mouth! More cattle!
How about some fine cuisine en boite this evening, my dear? That's French for "food in a can". - KNOCK KNOCK - Good evening, Lori, my dear. Our dinner awaits. - Your steak, madam. pant pant pant - ODIE! GET OUT OF HERE! - rrrrr GIMME THAT! -
Let me guess. There's another spider in the house. - - ARRRRGH! - GARFIELD! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LIE NEAR THE DOOR?! - I'M SICK OF TRIPPING OVER YOU! All right! All right! - Why does this always happen to me? - ARRRRGH! - HOW
You're going on a diet, Jon! NO! NO! - Z - Z - Z - SNORT. WHA?!! - GARFIELD, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! WHAT DO YOU WANT? - What every other cat in the world wants from its owner at 3:00 A.M. - My teddy bear!
No Soliciting Attack Cat On Duty - - Okay, Odie, now for a lesson in home plumbing. - All the water lines in this house are connected. - Thusly, if I turn the hot water on here, there will no longer be hot water in Jon's shower. - Observer. -
LEAVE THAT FERN ALONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?! - Good heavens, you really ARE listening to me. Could it be you're starting to respect me? - Let's see you make that little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat dance around again!
- This could be any refrigerator, maybe yours. - Deep within the frozen wastes it lurks. - Ancient mayonnaise, fossilized cabbage, slowly mutating over untold eons, gradually achieving consciousness... - Until that terrible day when it is
I can understand why you watch TV to escape, Garfield, You have so mucht to escape... - The 12 hour naps, the free room and board, the nonstop snacking. - The srcasm, Jon. You forgot the endless sarcasm.
My zest for life must be a quart low. - Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and his trained dog will now perform for you. - Do a back flip, Odie. - Beg, Odie. - Roll over, Odie. - GARFIELD! DINNER! - Burp, boy, great dinner. - Now where's Odie?
- Hello, plants. Oh no! Shoo! Scat! - Well, let's see what's on the menu today. Mrs Brown! There's a cat out here! - I think I'll start with a salad. NOOO! RUN, HAROLD! RUN! - GLOMP HAROOLD! WE GOT HAROLD! - burp Oh, Ralph! What will we do?!
Uh-oh, it looks as though Mr. Cliche is about to unburden himself of another stale platitude. - "He who fills his pockets with the rocks of misdeeds will surely sink in the river of good fortune". - That boy wasn't born, he was found in a
- Is this seat taken? Not at all. - Wow! That's a big cat! He didn't look that big from the front of the bus 'cause things look smaller from far away. - You, if he had a mane he'd look like a lion, but, then they'd make him get off at the
You've got a pretty good thing going here, don't you? Yup. - Jon feeds me, strokes me, changes my kitty litter and caters to my whims. So what does HE get out of it? - He gets to call himself "Master".
Dear Hair Ball Cat Food Co., I find your cat food gives my cat a "long silky coat of hair" as advertised... - However, I think you should add a disclaimer. - "Do not feed your cat more than 36 cans a day."
Up next, "Pasta Parade," followed by "World of Waffles". I love this all-food channel. - I ask you...what more to life could there possibly be? - Decisions, decisions... - Should I eat first and then sleep or sleep first and then eat? -
...and I was wondering if you'd go out with me tonight? - You say you'd rather go out with camel spittle? Zap her back! Zap her back! - "But what if your brother already has plans?" That's what I should have said! Ol' Lighning Wit strikes
Why is it the phone only rings when I'm in the bath? Relax, one call a week isn't that bad. - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - That's right, Beverly, I will not go out with you tonight. - Yes, I know you're madly in love with me, but I have better
Jon, is this one of those cult films? - One, two! One, two! One, two! - Hey, Garfield, I've noticed you're pretty out of shape. Nonsense, I watch 30 minutes of Aerobics a day. - So I bought you these jogging shoes! I hope you kept the
- A hungry vulture perches above his prey, silently, patiently, waiting for his meal to draw its last breath. - CLICK - - CLICK STOP THAT! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT! - NO MORE VULTURES! No more vultures. - Z A voracious alligator stealthily glides
Nothing is showing up on the computer radar so I'll put a nice "Mr. Sunshine" right here. - But, satellite photos show an approaching low-pressure area, so I'll put mean ol' "Mr. Thunderstorm" and his lighning bolt right here. - LOOK OUT, MR.
Being depressed is bad enough. Now Jon will probably try to cheer me up with stupid platitudes. - You're depressing, Garfield. And you're fat and lazy too. - Then again, even stupid platitudes have their good points.
Can we be of assistance? * - That stupid dog next door is in for a BIG surprise. - When he comes by, he will mistake the mirror for me. - Then he will attack and fall into this pit. - Then this net will fall on him. - Then this cement mixer
Do you always insult the people you weigh? Yes. It's a defense mechanism. - Insults compensate for my own depressions, my insecurities, my loathing for this job and my lot in life. - I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks, blubber bottom.
Like the sandwich I made for you, Odie? - Hey, Garfield! Come out here! - Watch me blow this bubble. You're going to get a bang out of it. - FUH-FUH-FUH-FUH - BANG - You're right. That was fun. - HERE! YOU CHEW THE GUM THIS TIME! - That's it,
One of these days, Arlene! One of these days...POW! To the moon! - - OH-NO! SOMEONE ATE MY DINNER! - AHA! FAT MICE! - You guys wouldn't know what happened to my dinner, would you? Oh, sure! Blame us. - It's always the mice's fault, right men?
That's not what I meant by "drop anchor", little buddy. - First things first, let's talk about me. - You see, Renee, I'm a pretty mature, suave kinda guy. - Are these yours? - Heh, het. Well...uh. They have teddy bears all over them. - What's
Don't go away, folks, I'll be right back. - Honest Ed seems nice enough, Garfield, but there's something about him I don't trust. - Maybe it's the fact his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.
Nice doin' business with you. And, remember, at Honest Ed's, we stand beside every car we sell. - Don't you mean you stand "behind" every car you sell? - Not with the mechanics I've got working for me! VAROOM! CRASH
Honestly, Garfield, I forgot that it was decaffeinated. rrrrr - - KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD - Z Z - Oh, no!! My guilt! - Oh, well,,,I suppose I shouldn't yeall at him... - He's just doing what comes naturally for a ca- - - GARFIELD!
You awake yet? - The wild house cat spies his unsuspecting prey. - Potato chips! - Why do they make these bags so hard to open? - EERRRGGHH - NNGGNNFF SQUEEZE - KA-BLAM! - GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENED? They oughta put warnings on those bags!
Let's just say, talking during the movie is a pet peeve of mine. - Z - Garfield, you must be the slowest, laziest thing on the face of the earth. On the contrary. - I'm not slow at everything I do. - I'm the fastest eater I know. GOOSH! - I
Oops! I think I've made a tiny mistake! - CRASH! - Boy, am I in a rotten mood. - Out of my way, brie breath! PUNT! - Hey, you! You can't do that or I'll tell my sister, Loretta! Loreatta? - She'll pound you flat! Bring her on. A good fight
Odie's never around when I need a fall guy. - Hmmm. - Hey, Jon, look what I can do with this grape. - poo! - GUNK! Oh, yeah? Watch this! - I'm not impressed. - WATCH THIS! OH YEAH? WATCH THIS! - Veterinary clinic What the... Don't ask.
I feel awful, but I don't think it could be anything that I ate. - - Hee, hee, hee. - Hey, Garfield, remember thet time I was drinking root beer and you made that funny face. - And I snorted the root beer right out my nose? - And I got all
I wonder what that is? - Up and at 'em, boys! It's a bright new day! - Let's plan the day, boys. Here we go again. - First item of business: the Christmas tree. Let's leave it up a while longer. - Translation! "Let's leave the tree there till
This year I pledge to lose weight and get in shape! - No, no, be realistic, Garfield, That's a bit much to bite off. Perhaps I should set a bit more realistic goal. - I pledge to establish contact with aliens from another planet!
Let's see. This year I've eaten 2,190 snacks and taken 1,822 naps. - Oh, no! According to my figures I missed a nap in april and two in july! - Uh...Garfield? QUIET, MAN! I HAVE SOME SERIOUS CATCHING UP TO DO!