Don't forget the National Lazy Week motto, lazy people. "There must be an easier way". Many great ideas have been spawned from that noble sentiment. You can bet it wasn't an exercise freak who invented power steering.
Notice anything different about me, Garfield? You're not drinking out of your Binky The Clown mug. I think my mustache is coming in rather nicely. That's not your cocoa? Wanna touch it? It feels really weird. Hey, buddy, I have to eatwith these hands!
Don't slobber on the controls, Mr. Odie! WHAT HO?! Pistachios! And they're all mine! crack BOING! SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNORT! SLURP! Dogs APPEAR friendly, but, I'd hate to get caught between one and his appetite. BURP
* FFT! BANG! UGH! Rats! The washer's broken! Com on, Garfield, we have to go to the laundromat. NO, JON! PLEASE ANYWHERE BUT THERE. You know what that place is like! Especially on weekends. I'll get him for this.
Now, be nice to my date. She might be sensitive about her weight. How'd she get in here? Through the garage door? Her name is Bertha. Figures. She's a lovely person. You can't judge a book by it's cover, you know. And you can't judge aship by its hull.
Garfield, meet the newest member of our family, Sweety Bird. I just know you two are going to get along famously, right, Garfield? Right, sure. Uh, would you happen to have a light for my cutting torch?
Hello, I'm Sweety Bird. I sing sweet happy songs to brighten your morning. BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! DO YOU WANT TO BRIGHTEN MY MORNING?! Then you can march out of that cage and crawl between two slices of bread. JON!
Garfield, do you like sweety bird? He's right up there with dogs and mondays. You wouldn't intend him any harm, would you? I don't know what you're talking about. Then why is he covered with clam sauce? An old family recipe.
The lone gourmet strikes again. TAP! TAP! YAWN You go out and play, Pooky. ZIP! WHAT tHE...? HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NAILED TO MY BED! WHA?!! I suppose this was for putting the lizard in your shoe? Now we're even.
You're a slob, Garfield, Why can't you stay as clean as other cats? You're supposed to wash yourself like this. Oh, very well. Start with this arm and make it snappy. You have a lot of territory to cover.
I hate 3-D movies. Here, Odie! Here, boy! I'll throw the bone and you fetch it, okay, boy? Arf! There it goes! Odie just fell for the oldest trick in the book. ZIP! WHUMP Now what kind of dog would have a bone that big? Oh, THATkind of dog.
How did you get to be so lazy, Garfield? Brains, hard work, tenacity and dedication. You're not just born lazy, you know. It's an acquired skill... I'm sorry I asked. ...an art form if you will, not unlike poetry, dance or music.
LEAVE THAT FERN ALONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?! Good heavens, you really ARE listening to me. Could it be you're starting to respect me? Let's see you make that little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat dance around again!
My zest for life must be a quart low. Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and his trained dog will now perform for you. Do a back flip, Odie. Beg, Odie. Roll over, Odie. GARFIELD! DINNER! Burp, boy, great dinner. Now where's Odie?
Dear Hair Ball Cat Food Co., I find your cat food gives my cat a "long silky coat of hair" as advertised... However, I think you should add a disclaimer. "Do not feed your cat more than 36 cans a day."
...and I was wondering if you'd go out with me tonight? You say you'd rather go out with camel spittle? Zap her back! Zap her back! "But what if your brother already has plans?" That's what I should have said! Ol' Lighning Wit strikesagain.
Being depressed is bad enough. Now Jon will probably try to cheer me up with stupid platitudes. You're depressing, Garfield. And you're fat and lazy too. Then again, even stupid platitudes have their good points.
Do you always insult the people you weigh? Yes. It's a defense mechanism. Insults compensate for my own depressions, my insecurities, my loathing for this job and my lot in life. I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks, blubber bottom.
Don't go away, folks, I'll be right back. Honest Ed seems nice enough, Garfield, but there's something about him I don't trust. Maybe it's the fact his office is in a pickup truck with the engine running.
Nice doin' business with you. And, remember, at Honest Ed's, we stand beside every car we sell. Don't you mean you stand "behind" every car you sell? Not with the mechanics I've got working for me! VAROOM! CRASH
Honestly, Garfield, I forgot that it was decaffeinated. rrrrr KNEAD KNEAD KNEAD Z Z Oh, no!! My guilt! Oh, well,,,I suppose I shouldn't yeall at him... He's just doing what comes naturally for a ca GARFIELD!
You awake yet? The wild house cat spies his unsuspecting prey. Potato chips! Why do they make these bags so hard to open? EERRRGGHH NNGGNNFF SQUEEZE KA-BLAM! GARFIELD! WHAT HAPPENED? They oughta put warnings on those bags!
Odie's never around when I need a fall guy. Hmmm. Hey, Jon, look what I can do with this grape. poo! GUNK! Oh, yeah? Watch this! I'm not impressed. WATCH THIS! OH YEAH? WATCH THIS! Veterinary clinic What the... Don't ask.
This year I pledge to lose weight and get in shape! No, no, be realistic, Garfield, That's a bit much to bite off. Perhaps I should set a bit more realistic goal. I pledge to establish contact with aliens from another planet!
Let's see. This year I've eaten 2,190 snacks and taken 1,822 naps. Oh, no! According to my figures I missed a nap in april and two in july! Uh...Garfield? QUIET, MAN! I HAVE SOME SERIOUS CATCHING UP TO DO!