Here it is, dad, a modern bathroom with all the conveniences. I knoe that! What kind of rube do you think I am? - CRACK! MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN! - Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
Garfield, you're not still mad at me for serving you that rubber pizza last night are you? Nah. - And you're not planning some sinister revenge, are you` I'm bigger than that. - Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Look, Garfield! This is my first serious attempt at making gourmet food. "first humorous" attempt is more like it. - I call it "chicken surprise". Somehow, I'm not surprised. - Fresh from the oven. I know. I heard the microwave laughing.
I think I'll write a book! A book about a handsome, debonair cat who saved the world from alien invaders, ended war and solved world hunger. - Nah. - There are already too many autobiographies out there.
The most important part of writing a book is picking a good title. I think I'll call mine "Nights Of Indiscretion". - No, no. A writer must write something he knows about. - That's it! I'll call it "Nights Of Indigestion".
Garfield, I hope you're not thinking of climbing my curtains. - I wouldn't dream of climbing your stupid curtains, Jon. - But, to be the first cat ever to lead an expedition up the southwest face of Mt. Everest, that's another matter!
Hey, Garfield, let's jog around the block. You'll get outside and give those lungs some exercise. No way. - I'm beginning to worry about you! - And close the door! I don't want any unnecessary air getting in here!
Those tonsils will have to come out, Mr, Arbuckel I'm putting you in the hospital. Okay, doc. Hospitel? - JON! DON'T GO! How touching, a cat who's concerned about his owner. - WHO'S GOING TO FEED ME?!!
See you later, Garfield. I have to pick up spring water and fertilizer. Boy, is Jon spoiling that fern. - I require only the simple things in life, like a long nap in a warm sunbeam. - This has got to stop.
Even the Caped Avenger requires special effects. - - Z - click! - That's it! I'm tired of living with you bozos! - I'm moving out an taking my stuff with me. - How's apartment life, Garfield? With the exception of one nosy neighbor, not bad.
Good morning, boys and girls! Good morning, Uncle Roy! - I love you just the way you are! I love you too, uncle Roy! - Of course, you could stand to lose a little weight... CLICK I wonder what Binky The Clown is up to?
Good morning, boys and girls! I love you just the way you are! I love you too, Uncle Roy. - Golly. I feel good today! And do you know why? Why? - Because I have so many wonderful friends like you! Translation: Uncle Roy's ratings are up.
Let's take a walk in my neighborhood, boys and girls. Would you like that? Sure, Uncle Roy. - Here we are outside my hou... HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! - HELP! BLINKY THE CLOWN'S STEALING MY HUBCAPS! It must be ratings week.
This is Odie-wan-Kanobe. He has the force to help us. He hides it well. - - EEEK! - HELP! HWLP! HELP! - - Garfield, you sissy. I can't believe you're afraid of a little spider. - I need your book. - FWAP - Thank you very much. - EEEK!
Garfield, I know you're depressed about your upcoming birthday... - But, remember you're only as old as you feel. - Let's see...how old are you going to be? About 12 million years old, give or take a millenium.
I remember breakfast back home. - Lying in bed. The smell of bacon on the griddle... - The sound of mom giggling as she made patterns in the potato pancakes with my baby shoes. She's a disturbed woman.
Morning, Garfield. Have a good sleep? - It was a decent sleep, even a better-than-average sleep. - A sleep, perhaps, thet the uninitiated might think a first-rate sleep, but not a sleep that we conoisseurs would consider... I'm sorry I asked!
This is great, Jon. What are you going to have? - * - Hey, Garfield. - Did you know muscles earn you respect? - Did you know chicks go crazy over guys with big muscles? - - - Did you know you can flex fat?
Here's a picture of my brother and me. Boy we were pretty wild. - An night we'd sneak out of our room... - Then we'd fill our shoes with chicken feed and run through the henhouse! Two real fugitives from justice.
Here's a famous phrase for you, Garfield. - "Curiosity killed the cat". My uncle Bernie coined that one. - Right afte rhe coined the phrase, "never listen for a train by putting your ear on a train track".
This space for rent GARFIELD Jon has no sense of humor. - - unscrew unscrew unscrew - SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE - Good morning, Garfield. - PLOP - GOOSH! - Garfield! One more trick and no more TV for a week! - Uh, about your croissant.
The big dripper. - DINNERTIME! - Hungry, Garfield? Is Odie stupid? - Great! let's go to the refrigerator and find something to eat. - Come on, Odie. Don't do it, Jon! - I'd better go to the rescue. - - SLAM! Clean out the refrigerator, Jon!
That's the last time I hide pet snacks on my person. - - Some pets are well behaved, and then there are my pets. I can't leave them alone for a second, watch this. - So long, boys! I'll only be gone for a second! - One. - I rest my case.
I can't believe Judy asked us to leave her party. - By the way, what were you doing in the salad bowl? Bobbing for croutons. - Boy was she mad. You'd think she'd never had hair on her tomato wedges before.
WAH! - Hey, Odie! - Fetch, boy! - DONK PLOP - SHOOM! - Odie, you stupid idiot! That's a fire hydrant! Not a bone! - Oh well, maybe this will make a nice planter or something. squeak squeak - I don't even want to know.
Ah, yes. There it is. That old Christmas spirit is in the air once again. - What would you like for breakfast, Garfield? A blueberry waffle, please. - AND A CAR, A PONY AND A VILLA IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!
Z - BARK! - Oh yeah, it's Christmas morning. - The morning I have to get up early, be nice to people, skip breakfast... - Urf! I love you, Garfield! I wish it would never end. Merry Christmas! Jim Davis 12.25