Z Oh, no! What happened to my toes?! -
1 January 1988
In the natural order of things, cats aren't fat, Garfield. PURRR Oh, very well. In the natural order of things, humans ARE gullible, though.
2 January 1988
Pretty impressive, eh, Arlene. Yes, impressive that those legs can move my body. Unngh! GUH! AAAAAK! HIYAAAHGHA! One!
3 January 1988
Some egg foo young, Garfield? Sure. Hoe about some moo goo gai pan. Do you know what I like about chinese food? It's as much fun to say as it is to eat!
4 January 1988
Still haven't mastered those chopsticks, huh, Garfield? Mastered? ...no. Perfected? ...yes.
5 January 1988
I knew you'd like chinese food, Garfield, but Im surprised you ate the octopus. Octopus? ACK! COUGH HACK BLECK! Actually it wasn't half bad.
6 January 1988
Gimme that fortune cookie. Beware of the SPLUT! SPLUT!
7 January 1988
Impressions! A clock! CUCKOO CUCKOO Tah-dah! Aren't they cute?
8 January 1988
psssssh This stuff is guaranteed to keep pets off the furniture. It's so easy it's almost unfair.
9 January 1988
10 January 1988
I hate mondays. I need something to cheer me up. PUNT! Even gravity has it in for me today!
11 January 1988
Garfield! What are you doing? Uh...push-ups? The vet put you on a diet. I want a second opinion. How about a nice leaf of lettuce? PLease! If I laugh I might snort an anchovy!
12 January 1988
I'm so hungry from my diet I couldn't sleep last night. Thereby depriving me of food AND sleep, two of three things I live for. If the third weren't self-pity, I'd kill myself.
13 January 1988
Must you play with your food? Who's playing? I'm picking out vitamins.
14 January 1988
Garfield! You lost another pound! I'm so proud of you! Jon's so naive. It's the same pound I lose every week.
15 January 1988
Where would you like to eat, Garfield? This place? How come? ERNIE'S Eat Till You Explode Restaurant Let's just say, I have a good feeling about it.
16 January 1988
Hey, kid, isn't that Halley's comet? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! IT'S A RABID MUSKRAT! I like the part where he made you fetch it on all fours. Oh, shut up.
17 January 1988
Are you sleeping again? I am NOT sleeping. I'm checking my eyelids for light leaks.
18 January 1988
Hey, you bought new socks! Here, let me break 'em in for you. Gotta Dance Gotta Dance So this is why my feet have been itching.
19 January 1988
Excuse me, Irma, there's a hair in my soup. How do you know it's not one of yours? I use smaller rollers.
20 January 1988
Hey, look, Garfield, Odie's standing on his head! So? Isn't that amazing?! Not really. How does he do that? I glued his head to the table.
21 January 1988
They say cats can see in the dark. CLICK Hey! It's true! I CAN see! I see a whole lot of dark.
22 January 1988
I shall now derive great pleasure from kicking Odie off this table. CRASH! THAT WAs DARNED INCONSIDERATE!
23 January 1988
There's nothing like a quiet evening at home. click click click click click gobble gobble gobble DONK! scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch Not around here, at any rate.
24 January 1988
Guess who this letter is from? Your parents. They're paying us a visit! Know how I knew that? Who else uses barnyard scented stationery?
25 January 1988
Mom! Dad! Welcome to the big city! Ha! You call this one-horse burg big? Uh...care to freshen up? Like from a sink? Sure! Do it all the time! Your father's determined not to be taken for a country bumpkin. Cut the chat. My tractor'sdouble-parked.
26 January 1988
Is dad okay, mom? He sounds a little hoarse. He's a little upset with you on that subject. With me? In your last letter you said you made your plants grow by talking to them. You don't mean?... Ever try to give a pep talk to 40 acres ofsoybeans?
27 January 1988
Here it is, dad, a modern bathroom with all the conveniences. I knoe that! What kind of rube do you think I am? CRACK! MODERN CONVENIENCES, HA! CHEAP, YOU MEAN! Pumped the handle twice and it snapped like a twig!
28 January 1988
I have a big day planned for us tomorrow, so don't forget to set your alarm, dad. What time? Four A.M.? Uh...whenever. Four o'clock, got that? Either he goes, or I go!
29 January 1988
Rise and shine, cat! On the farm we get up with the chickens. So do we. Except our chickens are in the freezer. SO THE MINUTE YOU SEE ONE OF THEM UP AND AROUND GIVE ME A CALL!
30 January 1988
31 January 1988