This is getting out of hands. - Gentlemen, start your engines! - The crowd is tense as the race cars inch to the starting line... - scoot scoot scoot - - And as the starting light flashes green, our hero punches the gas! - SHOOM! - grrrrrr
Garfield, what are you doing? Pretending I'm on the "Animal Kingdom" show. - You just lie araound! I've been hit with a tranquilizer dart. - You're lazy! Soon I'll be tagged, so they can study my migration patterns.
Quick! Turn to channel five! It's tie for "Gone Fishin' with Billy Bob Beauchamp"! - What's the deal, Garfield? Here, read this! - "This week Billy Bob removes a hook from his neck". They've been hyping it for weeks!
Si-gh. - We had a cat back on the farm. Here we go. - He was a good old cat. - And a great hunter. - Whenever he caught a mouse, he'd bring it to the house. - Sort of an offering from pet to master. - I miss those days.
Garfield, I think I've lost my identity. Nonsense! I'll help you find it. - Nobody listens to me. Yup, it's right here in the trash compactor. - Nobody respects me. Right next to your dignity and intelligence.
Sniff-sniff...boy, these flaming croquettes sure smell goo- - YAAAHH! MY TIE'S ON FIRE!! - Would you like another drink, my dear? No, Jon, if I'm in the mood for another Shirley Temple, I'll suck it out of your tie.
I don't believe I just flushed one of my contact lenses down the toilet! Somehow I do. - And th eonly glasses I brought are my sunglasses. That's okay, Jon. They'll make you look continental. - Kinda like a french dweeb.
I read the most fascinating article the other day... Good, Jon! Appeal to her intellect! - Did you know there are microscopic crawly things living in your eyebrows? - I have to go home now. Take me with you.
Your hair is like a field of golden wheat in the sun...your eyes are like limpid pools of blue... - Your nose is like an ice pick stuck in a barn door. - Rats. - Should've skipped the nose and moved right to the lips.
Could it be that I've built my expectations too high for what's actually in my gift? - Should I never open it in order to preserve the hope and magic that is the true gift of the Christmas season? - NAAAAH!