...and so the moose says, "that was no chicken, that was my wife!" KONK! Even the band hates my act.
1 November 1994
Greetings, ladies and germs! Welcome to... tappity tappity tappity SPLOT! The dinner show.
2 November 1994
Fellow cats, please welcome the amazing Zarconi Brothers! MICE!!! Tough crowd. BURP Encore!!
3 November 1994
Anyone here tonight from out of town? BONK! Hawaii! How nice!
4 November 1994
Hey, you've been a beautiful audience! clap clap clap clap Just beautiful! Don't ever change, and I mean it! Love ya! Goodnight!... clap clap clap clap Mom clap clap clap clap
5 November 1994
Look, boys! Pigs! Let's all imitate a pig! Do we have to? Oink Oink Oink Oink Oink Very good. Ooo! Cows! Let's be a cow! Moom Moooo Moooo A POSSUM! THUMP! THUMP! Very funny.
6 November 1994
I'm back from my world travels! Weren't you just in the kitchen? It's the world to ME.
7 November 1994
I love comedy! Hitting someone with a pie isn't funny. Oh. I love drama.
8 November 1994
It's impossible not to be cheerful when Odie's around. So I'll leave.
9 November 1994
WHIRRRRRRRRRR Garfield! What are you doing? Eliminating the middleman.
10 November 1994
Jon went shopping. He read that women are attracted to men who wear hats. Oh yeah?! Well there are chicks who go crazy for earflaps! A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
11 November 1994
Yes! Exercise! Yes! Just lying here!
12 November 1994
lap lap lap ODIE! Do not drink my water! GARFIELD! Keep your paws off my potatoes! STOP LICKING MY PORK CHOP! GOBBLE GOBBLE NARF NARF CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! HA! What are you trying to do? Make us sick?
13 November 1994
You know what we could use around here? Some hilarious high jinks. Would that require getting up?
14 November 1994
I'm almost completely bored. My foot is having a good time.
15 November 1994
Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on a lot of things? Yes, I do. Is that bad?
16 November 1994
Sigh. My standards are too low. And don't think I don't appreciate that.
17 November 1994
Ah, friday night. SPLAT! SPLAT! Looks like I win again, Garfield! Yee-ha. Fun with sardines.
18 November 1994
Is it boring in here, or is it just you?
19 November 1994
wind wind wind -
20 November 1994
Howdy, pardner. A ten-gallon hat on a one-quart head.
21 November 1994
Howdy, Garfield! I am a genuine cowbow! Yee-ha. Let's hit the trail! Right after our sissy hangin'.
22 November 1994
I have the clothes...I have the guitar... I'm Jon Arbuckle, singing cowboy! ** I'm sittin' on my spurs, mama ** First we hang his guitar and make him watch.
23 November 1994
My new fish is very exotic. When threatened, it expands to fifty times its size. You don't say.
24 November 1994
Another goldfish eaten. Think of the money I've spent on these things. Really. You could have saved up and bought me a trout.
25 November 1994
You are way too fat. Unless, of course, you're an elephant. Whoa! Jon thinks I'm an elephant.
26 November 1994
27 November 1994
Wow. The same thing is on every channel! click click click click click click The remote is broken. click click click click Get real! what are the chances of that?
28 November 1994
Coming up next: shows that are three seconds long... For those who like to change channels... But are too lazy to press the buttons! Finally!
29 November 1994
Today on "Cooking for Cats"...healthy salads! We have our lettuce, our carrots, our tomatoes... And now we add our squirrel. I like organic food.
30 November 1994