I'm tired. Not only can't I hold my eyes open... I can barely hold someone else's eyes open.
1 May 1995
I'm hiding from Odie.
2 May 1995
Do not take the lid off this jar! I took the jar off the lid!
3 May 1995
How have I been? I'm fine, thank me. Well, I look good. Thank me for saying so. Tell me, what have I been up to? I hate it when his guests don't show up.
4 May 1995
I'm in a playful mood. And when I'm in a playful mood, that can mean only one thing! Chess by mail! Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!
5 May 1995
Yawn Oooooo YAWN Show-off.
6 May 1995
7 May 1995
There are your global disasters... There are your national emergencies... And then there's Jon. Well, I was flossing, and...
8 May 1995
I can't sleep. Here it is, 3 A.M., and I'm still wide awake. You can't possibly realize how annoying that is.
9 May 1995
Marcia, if you're not busy tonight... I'd like to treat you to a movie. Well, I was thinking of going too... There's always a catch.
10 May 1995
You are fat, Garfield! No I'm not! Your stomach is snowcapped. I was standing too close to the freezer, okay?!
11 May 1995
Z I feel safer when he's asleep. BONK! Z
12 May 1995
I put a bell around Garfield's neck. Now I'll be able to tell where he is. Ha! Ha!
13 May 1995
BRRRIIINNNGG!!! Razor. scrape scrape scrape Comb. BZZZZZZZZ This going to be even funnier when he wakes up.
14 May 1995
Did you know that spiders aren't insect? WHAM! Funny, they squish like insects.
15 May 1995
Now THAT'S a strong cup of coffee.
16 May 1995
smack! SMACK! Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
17 May 1995
Geronimo! I'm not getting enough sleep.
18 May 1995
tappity tappity tappity
19 May 1995
* lap lap lap lap lap lap lap burrrrp
20 May 1995
tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity SPLOT SPLUT! SPLUT SPLOT! Never follow a dog act.
21 May 1995
Dog: man's best friend. Man: dog's best friend. YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!
22 May 1995
The National Nonviolent Network... proudly presents... "Balloon Toss at The O.K. Corral". I can't watch!
23 May 1995
Garfield, see wht this tastes like. Tastes like an old hyena! It's old hyena. Then why don't I feel like laughing?
24 May 1995
Ah! Snack food! Potato chips and sparrows! What have you got there? Potato chips and stuff.
25 May 1995
Z OGGGG YESSS, IT'S A BEEEAUTIFUL MORNING!! That's one bubble I can't wait to burst.
26 May 1995
Do you ever feel like you just have to get up and get out? Happened last week. I sat on a ferret.
27 May 1995
Z Z -
28 May 1995
Greetings, folks! I...um...um... Never hire a dog as a cue card boy. -
29 May 1995
TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY BONK! I want that usher's name!
30 May 1995
A funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight. I walked up to this chihuahua and asked him for five bucks. He said, "Sorry, I'm a little short right now"! No, I kid chihuahuas! Seriously, they're a beautiful breed of rat, I meandog! But
31 May 1995