I'm tired. - Not only can't I hold my eyes open... - I can barely hold someone else's eyes open.
1 May 1995
- - I'm hiding from Odie.
2 May 1995
Do not take the lid off this jar! - - I took the jar off the lid!
3 May 1995
How have I been? I'm fine, thank me. - Well, I look good. Thank me for saying so. - Tell me, what have I been up to? I hate it when his guests don't show up.
4 May 1995
I'm in a playful mood. - And when I'm in a playful mood, that can mean only one thing! - Chess by mail! Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!
5 May 1995
Yawn - Oooooo - YAWN Show-off.
6 May 1995
- - pick - - -
7 May 1995
There are your global disasters... - There are your national emergencies... - And then there's Jon. Well, I was flossing, and...
8 May 1995
I can't sleep. - Here it is, 3 A.M., and I'm still wide awake. - You can't possibly realize how annoying that is.
9 May 1995
Marcia, if you're not busy tonight... - I'd like to treat you to a movie. - Well, I was thinking of going too... There's always a catch.
10 May 1995
You are fat, Garfield! - No I'm not! - Your stomach is snowcapped. I was standing too close to the freezer, okay?!
11 May 1995
Z - I feel safer when he's asleep. - BONK! Z
12 May 1995
I put a bell around Garfield's neck. - Now I'll be able to tell where he is. - Ha! Ha!
13 May 1995
BRRRIIINNNGG!!! - - Razor. - scrape scrape scrape - Comb. - - BZZZZZZZZ This going to be even funnier when he wakes up.
14 May 1995
Did you know that spiders aren't insect? - WHAM! - Funny, they squish like insects.
15 May 1995
- - Now THAT'S a strong cup of coffee.
16 May 1995
smack! - SMACK! - Hey! What happened to "The Far Side"?
17 May 1995
Geronimo! - - I'm not getting enough sleep.
18 May 1995
- - tappity tappity tappity
19 May 1995
* lap lap lap lap - lap lap lap - burrrrp
20 May 1995
- tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy tappy - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP - tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity - SPLOT SPLUT! SPLUT SPLOT! - Never follow a dog act.
21 May 1995
Dog: man's best friend. - Man: dog's best friend. - YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!
22 May 1995
The National Nonviolent Network... - proudly presents... - "Balloon Toss at The O.K. Corral". I can't watch!
23 May 1995
Garfield, see wht this tastes like. - Tastes like an old hyena! - It's old hyena. Then why don't I feel like laughing?
24 May 1995
Ah! Snack food! - Potato chips and sparrows! - What have you got there? Potato chips and stuff.
25 May 1995
Z - OGGGG YESSS, IT'S A BEEEAUTIFUL MORNING!! - That's one bubble I can't wait to burst.
26 May 1995
Do you ever feel like you just have to get up and get out? - Happened last week. - I sat on a ferret.
27 May 1995
Z - - - - Z -
28 May 1995
Greetings, folks! I...um...um... - Never hire a dog as a cue card boy. -
29 May 1995
TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY - BONK! - I want that usher's name!
30 May 1995
A funny thing happened on the way to the fence tonight. I walked up to this chihuahua and asked him for five bucks. - He said, "Sorry, I'm a little short right now"! - No, I kid chihuahuas! Seriously, they're a beautiful breed of rat, I mean
31 May 1995