Here's an article about a cat who rescued people from a burning building. - I'll bet you couldn't do that. Sure I could. - Gimme some matches.
1 August 1997
sniff sniff . Do I smell tuna? - They make cologne for cats now.
2 August 1997
- - He's gonna say it. - I just know he's gonna say it. - It wouldn't be Jon if he didn't say it. - 4...3...2...1... - What a long train. ARRRRGH!
3 August 1997
Two visible doughnuts for me. - And two INvisible doughnuts for you. - Give me one of those. Now, now. Don't be greedy.
4 August 1997
- - Next time *I* get to pick what we do.
5 August 1997
This is what's left of the couch. - - scratch scratch scratch
6 August 1997
I hope you appreciate how hard I work preparing meals! - Ouch! - Trouble with the chip bag again? I got a paper cut.
7 August 1997
Ellen won't let me come to her party, Garfield. - I'm so depressed. - At least I have one friend to be with me. I'd love to, but I have a party to go to.
8 August 1997
Z BRRINNG! - Z rrrrriiinng - Z Z
9 August 1997
Whew! - - GOOOSH - grab shake shake shake - PSSSSHHHHHT! - Aw, is the kitty warm? - Joke. That was a joke.
10 August 1997
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth. - Hold it. - This isn't about the last time you had a date, is it?
11 August 1997
Hey, Lori, how about dinner? - Well then, how about lunch? Brunch? Breakfast? - What if I dirve by your house and throw a cheeseburger out the window? Be carefult not to grovel, Jon.
12 August 1997
Ellen, if you don't go out with me, I'll die. - It's just a figure of speech, Ellen. - No, you can't have my computer. Can I have the TV?
13 August 1997
I only need to do one more thing to get ready for my date! - boop boop beep boop beep beep beep boop - Hello, Sheila? Say, what are you doinf tonight? You're pathetic!
14 August 1997
The chicks don't return my calls, Garfield. - I haven't had a date in months. - I must be very intimidating. Welcome to Jon world.
15 August 1997
Hi, Suzy. I'm Jon, your blind date. - So where would you like to eat tonight? - You have a craving for raw meat? At last, a real woman.
16 August 1997
- - - - ! -
17 August 1997
I'm going to put this cake somewhere that won't tempt you. - Let me do it! - Temptation's gone!
18 August 1997
Go away. - - And stay away.
19 August 1997
pat pat pat - It's ninety degrees. - And we're out of powdered sugar!
20 August 1997
I'm bored. - I've got a bat stuck in my hair! - Some people have all the fun.
21 August 1997
Disgusting. - She was referring to you. She was referring to you. - Maybe she was referring to herself. Let's go with that.
22 August 1997
The Cat Is Stoopi* - aHEM klak klak klak klak - The Cat
23 August 1997
Hi, cat. Hi, tree. - Climb me. I don't know. That branch doesn't look very safe. - Try it and see. Oh, all right. - CRACK - SPLAT! - claw claw claw claw claw Ahhhhhhh - The things I'll do for a good back scratch.
24 August 1997
I'm stuck! I can't get up! - All right!
25 August 1997
What would happen if I were as lazy as you? - - I wouldn't have to answer your insipid questions.
26 August 1997
- - I'll be doing my own chewing today. Don't strain anything.
27 August 1997
I thought I told you to move around today. - - Jon has obviously not factored in the rotation of earth.
28 August 1997
Don't you have anything to do? - I've been keeping an eye on that crack in the ceiling. - NOW I don't have anything to do.
29 August 1997
You ought to be ashamed, you lazy, worthless, pathetic excuse for a pet! - - Ah-HA!
30 August 1997
- Mom fixed me up with a blind date tonight. - She says she's got a great sense of humor. Excuse me. - BWAH-HA HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAR HAR HAR - GAH-HA! HA! GASP! SNORT! WAH Ha! Ha! Ha! *wheeze* cough...cough - Do continue. - She won first
31 August 1997