Here's an article about a cat who rescued people from a burning building. I'll bet you couldn't do that. Sure I could. Gimme some matches.
1 August 1997
sniff sniff . Do I smell tuna? They make cologne for cats now.
2 August 1997
He's gonna say it. I just know he's gonna say it. It wouldn't be Jon if he didn't say it. 4...3...2...1... What a long train. ARRRRGH!
3 August 1997
Two visible doughnuts for me. And two INvisible doughnuts for you. Give me one of those. Now, now. Don't be greedy.
4 August 1997
Next time *I* get to pick what we do.
5 August 1997
This is what's left of the couch. scratch scratch scratch
6 August 1997
I hope you appreciate how hard I work preparing meals! Ouch! Trouble with the chip bag again? I got a paper cut.
7 August 1997
Ellen won't let me come to her party, Garfield. I'm so depressed. At least I have one friend to be with me. I'd love to, but I have a party to go to.
8 August 1997
Z BRRINNG! Z rrrrriiinng Z Z
9 August 1997
Whew! GOOOSH grab shake shake shake PSSSSHHHHHT! Aw, is the kitty warm? Joke. That was a joke.
10 August 1997
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth. Hold it. This isn't about the last time you had a date, is it?
11 August 1997
Hey, Lori, how about dinner? Well then, how about lunch? Brunch? Breakfast? What if I dirve by your house and throw a cheeseburger out the window? Be carefult not to grovel, Jon.
12 August 1997
Ellen, if you don't go out with me, I'll die. It's just a figure of speech, Ellen. No, you can't have my computer. Can I have the TV?
13 August 1997
I only need to do one more thing to get ready for my date! boop boop beep boop beep beep beep boop Hello, Sheila? Say, what are you doinf tonight? You're pathetic!
14 August 1997
The chicks don't return my calls, Garfield. I haven't had a date in months. I must be very intimidating. Welcome to Jon world.
15 August 1997
Hi, Suzy. I'm Jon, your blind date. So where would you like to eat tonight? You have a craving for raw meat? At last, a real woman.
16 August 1997
17 August 1997
I'm going to put this cake somewhere that won't tempt you. Let me do it! Temptation's gone!
18 August 1997
Go away. And stay away.
19 August 1997
pat pat pat It's ninety degrees. And we're out of powdered sugar!
20 August 1997
I'm bored. I've got a bat stuck in my hair! Some people have all the fun.
21 August 1997
Disgusting. She was referring to you. She was referring to you. Maybe she was referring to herself. Let's go with that.
22 August 1997
The Cat Is Stoopi* aHEM klak klak klak klak The Cat
23 August 1997
Hi, cat. Hi, tree. Climb me. I don't know. That branch doesn't look very safe. Try it and see. Oh, all right. CRACK SPLAT! claw claw claw claw claw Ahhhhhhh The things I'll do for a good back scratch.
24 August 1997
I'm stuck! I can't get up! All right!
25 August 1997
What would happen if I were as lazy as you? I wouldn't have to answer your insipid questions.
26 August 1997
I'll be doing my own chewing today. Don't strain anything.
27 August 1997
I thought I told you to move around today. Jon has obviously not factored in the rotation of earth.
28 August 1997
Don't you have anything to do? I've been keeping an eye on that crack in the ceiling. NOW I don't have anything to do.
29 August 1997
You ought to be ashamed, you lazy, worthless, pathetic excuse for a pet! Ah-HA!
30 August 1997
Mom fixed me up with a blind date tonight. She says she's got a great sense of humor. Excuse me. BWAH-HA HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAR HAR HAR GAH-HA! HA! GASP! SNORT! WAH Ha! Ha! Ha! *wheeze* cough...cough Do continue. She won firstplace at the country fai
31 August 1997