TWANG! THOT! Ha! Missed again! That's four! Now it's my turn to be William Tell. Ahhhh, friday night.
1 May 1998
plip bzzzzzzzz Fly paper.
2 May 1998
3 May 1998
This is my new college intern, Biff. Is there something I should be doing? You've got a lot to learn about being a cat, Biff.
4 May 1998
Okay, college intern Biff, do you know what a cat is supposed to do with a ball of yarn? Knit a sweater and sell it to buy food? Wow, and I was just guessing. I'm starting to like this kid.
5 May 1998
Remember, Biff, a cat can't do too little. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Attaboy.
6 May 1998
What should I do now, sir? Go practice your menacing glare. I'll get right on it, sir. You do that. Who are you, and what do you want? Fear me, sir.
7 May 1998
Ah, the fragile fluorescent butterfly... What can be said about the beautiful butterfly? Tastes like chicken?
8 May 1998
I'm expecting an important call. Dinner! Bingo!
9 May 1998
Okay, how many cards? Three. ...and the dealer takes one. I'll be two... Call, and raise. I'll yell at him after he stops winning.
10 May 1998
schlurp ZOING Just how many scoops did you use?! Scoops?
11 May 1998
Thanks for the use of your pen. Too bad it ran out of ink. -
12 May 1998
One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm burning up. I think I'll go lie down. Fun with the thermostat.
13 May 1998
What happened to that last piece of pie I was saving? You're cute when you're stupid. pat pat
14 May 1998
Well, it's friday night and Jon doesn't have a date. Know why? Do there wax lips make me look sexier? Duh...
15 May 1998
Nothing lasts forever. Except whatever is in the back of the refrigerator.
16 May 1998
I hear footsteps. Here comes the cat. Hey, fatso! We're not afraid of you! We've got you outnumbered! United we stand! Right, pal? bzzzzzzzing! Pal? SMACK! You all right? Go fly into a windshield.
17 May 1998
Garfield, all you think about is food. Me, I'm reading a book. "Moby Dick". We're out of Tartar Sauce.
18 May 1998
I don't want to be disturbed. You got it. I'll stand lookout.
19 May 1998
The ghost crept closer and closer... Suddenly, it...GRABBED HIM! AIEEE! That part always scares him.
20 May 1998
This book is about a very brave man. He can't be braver than you, Jon. My dinner is five minutes late.
21 May 1998
This was our annual school pageant. "A salute to area livestock growers". I was the happy pig boy. He tells people these things.
22 May 1998
Here's a cat who can predict earthquakes. Why can't you do something like that? I once slept through an earthquake.
23 May 1998
shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle ZZZT Hee hee hee. shuffle shuffle shuffle STOMP
24 May 1998
RING! Whew! There's nothing worse than waking up from a bad dream. RIINNG Unless it's waking up to a bad reality.
25 May 1998
The tail bone's connected to the face bone.
26 May 1998
You know, Garfield...I'm not your butler. I know. Butlers get paid.
27 May 1998
BARK BARK BARK BARK Is that all you can do? * A little black dog sat on the porch and Bingo was his name... * If I let him bite me, maybe he'll quit.
28 May 1998
Hiya, fatboy! STOMP! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hiya, lefty.
29 May 1998
I'm going to climb up on the roof to replace a shingle. Wanna help? Sure. I'll call the ambulance.
30 May 1998
clac clac clac Ah. AH AH! chew chew chew
31 May 1998