On with the show! - - Off with the show!
1 June 1998
You're my kind of crowd! - - One with a lousy aim!
2 June 1998
Are there any requests? - Yeah, hit yourself in the face with a brick! - Any requests from a non-dog?
3 June 1998
Hey, you're a beautiful crowd! I love ya. I mean it. - - Oh. There you are.
4 June 1998
The audience is gazing upon me with rapt attention! - Z Z Z Z Z Z Z - Or sleeping with their eyes open.
5 June 1998
Thanks for coming! - You've been a great crowd! - Didn't wake up one.
6 June 1998
Hear ye, knave! - Grovel before the Mighty Rubber Chicken! - Get lost! You have offended the chicken! - I'm gonna burn that thing. His fate is sealed! - Know the wrath of the chicken! - WHACK! - May I see that? The Mighty Chicken senses
7 June 1998
You look cheerful this morning. I do? - That's weird...I'm in a TERRIBLE mood... - C'mon face...get with the program!
8 June 1998
BEWARE OF THE SHAGGY DOG - Ha! Ha! Ha! You look like a big, stupid mop! - That IS a big, stupid mop.
9 June 1998
I'm going to close my eyes, when I open them, I don't want to see your ugly face. - - If I laugh, I'll only encourage him...
10 June 1998
Do you know what my dinner could use? - More cat hair? - Less cat hair! I figured it was one or the other.
11 June 1998
I heard you've got a birthday coming up, cat. Yep. Number twenty. - - Want me to cut that up for you?
12 June 1998
So you're gonna be twenty? I don't want to talk about it. - Have you tried denial? What's so great about denial? - Cheaper than wrinkle cream, pal. Go away.
13 June 1998
- - - - All right! You don't have to remind me! - I know I have a birthday coming!
14 June 1998
You look down, cat. My birthday is coming up, scale. - How many years? Twenty. - Wow. Old AND fat.
15 June 1998
Oh, great...just who I DON'T need to see. Why? - If you must know, I'm having a birtday soon. I thought it smelled "old" in here. - Where's Nermal? Out getting some fresh air.
16 June 1998
You have to calm down, Garfield. You're obsessed with getting older. - poink! - A GREY HAIR! Welcome, brother. We've been expecting you.
17 June 1998
Happy, birthday, cat! Here's your present. - - I wrapped it myself. So I see.
18 June 1998
Well, it's time to look back, and take stock... - Time to count my blessings... - Happy 20th birthday, Garfield! Time to start lying about my age.
19 June 1998
BEWARE OF THE DOG - - OUT OF ORDER
20 June 1998
- This is a dull day. - WHO'S READY TO HAVE FUN? - WE COULD SORT LAUNDRY! - CLEAN OUT THAT AREA UNDER THE SINK! - MAYBE EVEN TIE OLD NEWSPAPERS INTO A BUNDLE! - And there's a lot to be said for dull.
21 June 1998
I made your coffee the way you like it. Hang on. - - Okay, pour away.
22 June 1998
KICK! - qssssshhhhhhh - Decoy. sssssss
23 June 1998
I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going? - - I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going?
24 June 1998
Today's the big, Garfield... - Today we change the light bulb in the refrigerator! - I'm masking my indifference with a veneer of detachment.
25 June 1998
* RIIINNG - May I speak to the moron of the house? - Could you be more specific?
26 June 1998
Even though I'm not very hungry, I guess I ought to eat a little something. - CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE SNARF GULP GULP GULP chomp - Burp...just to keep up my strength.
27 June 1998
- - BOOT! - pssshhhh - - BOOT! - - Uh, Garfield?
28 June 1998
click click click click click Rats! The channel changing button is stuck! - click click click click click - click click click click click sAAaaay....
29 June 1998
The All-Cat Channel presents "The Budget Chef"! - Today: How to make your rat last a whole week! - That stew has whiskers. And only three grams of fat!
30 June 1998