On with the show! Off with the show!
1 June 1998
You're my kind of crowd! One with a lousy aim!
2 June 1998
Are there any requests? Yeah, hit yourself in the face with a brick! Any requests from a non-dog?
3 June 1998
Hey, you're a beautiful crowd! I love ya. I mean it. Oh. There you are.
4 June 1998
The audience is gazing upon me with rapt attention! Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Or sleeping with their eyes open.
5 June 1998
Thanks for coming! You've been a great crowd! Didn't wake up one.
6 June 1998
Hear ye, knave! Grovel before the Mighty Rubber Chicken! Get lost! You have offended the chicken! I'm gonna burn that thing. His fate is sealed! Know the wrath of the chicken! WHACK! May I see that? The Mighty Chicken senseshostility!
7 June 1998
You look cheerful this morning. I do? That's weird...I'm in a TERRIBLE mood... C'mon face...get with the program!
8 June 1998
BEWARE OF THE SHAGGY DOG Ha! Ha! Ha! You look like a big, stupid mop! That IS a big, stupid mop.
9 June 1998
I'm going to close my eyes, when I open them, I don't want to see your ugly face. If I laugh, I'll only encourage him...
10 June 1998
Do you know what my dinner could use? More cat hair? Less cat hair! I figured it was one or the other.
11 June 1998
I heard you've got a birthday coming up, cat. Yep. Number twenty. Want me to cut that up for you?
12 June 1998
So you're gonna be twenty? I don't want to talk about it. Have you tried denial? What's so great about denial? Cheaper than wrinkle cream, pal. Go away.
13 June 1998
All right! You don't have to remind me! I know I have a birthday coming!
14 June 1998
You look down, cat. My birthday is coming up, scale. How many years? Twenty. Wow. Old AND fat.
15 June 1998
Oh, great...just who I DON'T need to see. Why? If you must know, I'm having a birtday soon. I thought it smelled "old" in here. Where's Nermal? Out getting some fresh air.
16 June 1998
You have to calm down, Garfield. You're obsessed with getting older. poink! A GREY HAIR! Welcome, brother. We've been expecting you.
17 June 1998
Happy, birthday, cat! Here's your present. I wrapped it myself. So I see.
18 June 1998
Well, it's time to look back, and take stock... Time to count my blessings... Happy 20th birthday, Garfield! Time to start lying about my age.
19 June 1998
BEWARE OF THE DOG OUT OF ORDER
20 June 1998
This is a dull day. WHO'S READY TO HAVE FUN? WE COULD SORT LAUNDRY! CLEAN OUT THAT AREA UNDER THE SINK! MAYBE EVEN TIE OLD NEWSPAPERS INTO A BUNDLE! And there's a lot to be said for dull.
21 June 1998
I made your coffee the way you like it. Hang on. Okay, pour away.
22 June 1998
KICK! qssssshhhhhhh Decoy. sssssss
23 June 1998
I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going? I've been working to improve my memory. So, how's it going?
24 June 1998
Today's the big, Garfield... Today we change the light bulb in the refrigerator! I'm masking my indifference with a veneer of detachment.
25 June 1998
* RIIINNG May I speak to the moron of the house? Could you be more specific?
26 June 1998
Even though I'm not very hungry, I guess I ought to eat a little something. CHOMP CHOMP GOBBLE SNARF GULP GULP GULP chomp Burp...just to keep up my strength.
27 June 1998
BOOT! pssshhhh BOOT! Uh, Garfield?
28 June 1998
click click click click click Rats! The channel changing button is stuck! click click click click click click click click click click sAAaaay....
29 June 1998
The All-Cat Channel presents "The Budget Chef"! Today: How to make your rat last a whole week! That stew has whiskers. And only three grams of fat!
30 June 1998