tick tick tick tick - Wakey, wakey! Stop tormenting me. - Hey, you think it's easy being an alarm clock?! - Sniff...everyone hates me! I feel so alone! - THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL! Sorry...I had no idea. - Snif...I'm all right...just one more
- I am Lorenzo Garbanzo. - Many years ago you sent my grandfather to that big web in the sky... - Then you offed pop! - So I, Lorenzo Garbanzo, am here to avenge my ancestors! - SMACK! - Forgive me, grandfather. A proud yet squishy people.
Yes, Mrs. Nostrum?...your clothesline? ...uh.huh?... - Your best sheets? ...your chihuahua? ...I'm terribly sorry. It won't happen again... - I'm nailing your pet door shut. That's a lovely shade of vermilion you're sporting.
...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! - ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! - Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!
Sigh - You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? - There's only one person for me. Yeeees? - One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. - Me. - But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. - ...or not.
Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! - Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! - DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!
Hmmm... - I feel like a snack...maybe that last piece of pie... - BURP - Or those two hot dogs... BURRRRRRP BURRRRRRP - Or the three buffalo wings... BRAAP BRAAP BRAAP - Or the six-pack of soda pop... YURP-YURP YURP-YURP YURP-YURP - Is there
Z - Garfield...wake up! tap tap Z - It's me, the leftover dork chop from the fridge... - You should have eaten me when you had the chance, fat boy. - Because I've glued you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to Aruba! - So long, sucker!
- I suppose you're wondering why I have this sack on my head. - Well, I have this big, ugly zit on my face... - And it looks so horrific I don't want it seen. - ** DING-DONG That's my date. - I hope she understands. -
* - Ah, this is the life... - Kicking back and relaxing in my very own po-... - Garfield?! What are you doing up on the roof? - CANNONBALL! GAAHHH - SPLOOSH - That was fun! Blow it up again! Kindly remove your foot from my nostril so that I
- - Hi, mouse. Hi, cat. - So, what are you standing here for? - I'm waiting for my carpool. Carpool? - Oh, right...a mouse carpool! That's a hot one! slam! screeee - Care to explain this? Mind if I don't?
- RIIING! - Congratulations, lucky contestant! Answer just two questions and win, win, win! - Question one: What is the sound a cat makes? Meyow. - Correct! And for the GRAND prize, question two: what is the sound a DOG makes?! - DUHHHHHHH -
Sorry, kids, but Binky the Clown isn't feeling well today. - Filling in for him is his brother...Mel the Accountant! - Today we'll be discussing the importance of saving receipts... Sounds funny coming from a guy in a gree wig.
Okay, Garfield... - I'm putting this cake here and turning my back. - Let's see if you can withstand temptation. - Okay, my back is turned. - Be strong, Garfield. Hey, fat boy. You wanna piece of me?! - You can do this. Huh?! SLAP! Huh? SLAP!
- Hello. Are you lookin' at me? - Nice day. Oh yeah? Sez who?! - They say it might rain later. Is that a threat?! - But I hope it doesn't. Chicken! - I'm planning to take a little walk. Go ahead! Try it! I dare you! - Would you like to come
SLAM! - I had an accident today at the salad bar. - I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of Garbanzo beans onto the floor. - A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. - Then her
Here, put these on! - Who cares if I can't get a date?! - We're wearing party hats!! - And we're having a good time! - The whole NEIGHBORHOOD is gonna have a good time! - Everybody! Hop! Hop! Hop! Hubert, I'm very afraid. Shut up and conga.
DING-DONG ** - Whay, thank you so much! - slam! - Look, Garfield! Mrs. Feeny brought us a cake! - She made it herself...wasn't that thoughtful of- - POP - You destroyed her daisies again, didn't you? I also maimed her marigolds and mauled her
- - You're not a spider... Very perceptive, brick brain. - For your information, I happen to be a centipede... - A flat arthropod of the class chilopoda, with numerous body segments and legs. - Now you can write in your diary that you
boing boing - Good day, sir. My name is Frank Flea and I'm a recent college graduate in search of an entry-level parasite position. - I assure you'd find me a dedicated employee, a hard worker, and a team player! - I may be new to this field,
Look, a Christmas card from Doc Boy! - "Happy holidays to my chicken-ticklin', cow-tippin', rooster-rasslin', city boy brother". - How sweet of him to remember all that! You can take the dork aout of the farn, but you can't take the farm out
"Dear son, happy holidays from the farm. So much has been happening here..." - "The mare had a foal, the sow had a litter, and the chicken had a stroke..." - "...she was sure tasty, though". I'm starting to enjoy these letters from home.
Okay, here we go... - Dear Santa, I am writing this letter for my cat, Garfield, who has been an okay cat most of the year. - SLAP! - Delete Delete Delete Delete - ...good all year. SLAP! - Delete Delete Delete Delete tick tick tic tikka
Santa Claus isn't stupid, you know! - I'd think twice before sending him that letter about how good you were this year! - Maybe I should take out that part about winning the nobel peace prize. Really?! Can I shake your hand?
We now return to "Murray, the Snake who Saved Christmas". Sssay, Sssanta, how about me guiding the sleight tonight? - STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! - Uh...we will return to...uh..."Cybil, the Chipmunk who Saved Murray" in a minute. I wonder who'll
O.K., the lights are up, the tree is up, the cards have been mailed, and the presents are wrapped. - Let's see...what else needs to be don- smack - Oh yeah...bake the cookies. Where ARE your priorities, man?!
Hi, Lisa, it's Jon Arbuckle... - I have two tickets to the polka joe concert at the Bowl-O-Rama for this new year's eve. Care to join me? - I just learned three new words. Unsuitable for a comic strip, no doubt.