1978 1979 1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017
 
 


 
   
Garfield

How was your new yearr's party? I had a blast. And how was your microwave popcorn and late-late show? I hate you.

1 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

So the new year's party was a blast, huh? Sure was. I saved you some confetti.

2 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

munch munch munch munch ?

3 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

This is one monday that's NOT gonna get me... Because I'm not getting out of bed! Uh, Garfield... Why are you sleeping in your sandbox?

4 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie is off on an around-the-world balloon trip! Altitude permitting.

5 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Show me happy, Garfield. Now show me sad, Garfield. Forget it. Good, my face was starting to hurt.

6 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel like I have a skinny cat inside me. And he's hungry.

7 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh There's a very fine line between terminal boredom... And friday nights around here. Okay, time to play "Connect the Freckles"!

8 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Everything I did today went wrong. Not me! You didn't do anyhting today, did you? A minor detail.

9 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

roll roll roll PHOOT bweeeeeeeeen BWING * DONG I'll get the door. You do that. Auntie em! Auntie em!

10 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, this is Jon Arbuckle. I'd like to order a large pizza with everything, to be delivered. Thank you. Now THERE'S a little tape that's gouing to come in handy.

11 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Three things that can never come quickly enough. Birthdays, Christmas... And the pizza delivery guy.

12 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG OH, BABY! HEEEEELP!!! Drop the pizza and play dead!

13 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

CHOMP! YAAAHH! Ha! These hot peppers aren't bad at all. Oh...there are hot peppers?

14 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff Some of us happen to LIKE anchovies, okay?

15 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, cat, what didja get on your pizza? BURRRP Garlic.

16 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

No?... WHY won't you go out with me, Denise? Give it to me straight... Okay, you're trying to tell me something here, aren't you? The dawn breaks.

17 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Getting up, Garfield? Nah. I'm just not motivated. Your blanket's on fire. Yes, but it's a tiny fire.

18 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

kick Am I good or what?

19 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Smile, Jon! Then you can be like me... Insincere.

20 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Jon, having a bad hair day? Happy now? Don't ever do that again.

21 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I have GOT to meet that girl over there, Garfield. Hi! Wanny arm-wrestle? PIG! SLAP! The undisputed king of the opening line.

22 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Soetimes life is perfect. Not MY life, of course. What are you looking at?

23 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

BARK All right, you dumb mutt...tha's it! Get ready for a good pounding! SWOOSH SLURRRP! You didn't see that!

24 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You're new around here. Just moved in. Vermin's the name...Herman Vermin! And hey, as long as we're talking here... What exactly does one take to a hole-warming party?

25 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

click click GARFIELD!

26 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The terrified mouse, in mortal fear for his life, tears across the living room floor... ...with the mighty hunter in hot pursuit! Oh, the pulse-pounding thrill of observing nature in the raw.

27 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Bill...Bill... "H. Vermin"? Herman, you really shouldn't give out this address. Hey! I already may be a winner!

28 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Well? Do something! No Loitering *I* could have done that!

29 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I thought you were after the mouse. I was. Then I remembered we had popcorn.

30 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

tick tick tick tick Wakey, wakey! Stop tormenting me. Hey, you think it's easy being an alarm clock?! Sniff...everyone hates me! I feel so alone! THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL! Sorry...I had no idea. Snif...I'm all right...just one morething. What? RIIINNNNG!!! I

31 January 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

NOK-NOK Who is it? Monday. Come back tomorrow! Sorry, that's my day off. Howzabout early next week?

1 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

SOMEBODY threw away all of my shirts except this one. I * Cats I didn't do it! I swear! -

2 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Did you see my cheese danish? Briefly.

3 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You don't respect me one teensy bit. Not one eensy.weensy-teensy-weensy bit. You can stop me anytime, you know. Throw in a few more weensies and I might.

4 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Any moment, that phone will ring, Garfield. RING Ha! And it will be a beautiful woman desiring a date! No, I am NOT plagued by unsightly nose hair. So close.

5 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I can't stop to visit. Well, I can stop, but I don't want to visit.

6 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I am Lorenzo Garbanzo. Many years ago you sent my grandfather to that big web in the sky... Then you offed pop! So I, Lorenzo Garbanzo, am here to avenge my ancestors! SMACK! Forgive me, grandfather. A proud yet squishy people.

7 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* RIIING Hello? I'm back. He WHAT?!! I'm gone again.

8 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

That was Mrs. Woonduck. Hmm...Woondick...Woonduck...hmmmm...Woon-duck...hmm...Woonduck...hmm... You noogied her schnauzer. Oh yeah, the yeller.

9 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The complaints I get about you! I'm surprised you don't have a criminal record! I don't want to know... The food's not as bad as they say.

10 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yes, Mrs. Nostrum?...your clothesline? ...uh.huh?... Your best sheets? ...your chihuahua? ...I'm terribly sorry. It won't happen again... I'm nailing your pet door shut. That's a lovely shade of vermilion you're sporting.

11 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Mrs. Peebrik wants to know what you did with her little dog. Look up. EEEEEEK!!! Amazing stuff, duct tape.

12 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You have terrorized the entire neighborhood this week! I hope you're happy! And wipe that smile off your face! Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

13 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

pat pat Uh-oh -

14 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

-

15 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

It needs something. Yery funny!

16 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

WHOCK! ? GARFIELD!!!

17 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

That snowman needs to blow his carrot.

18 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I've stockpiled a gazillion snowballs to do battle with Garfield. I went with quality, not quantity.

19 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

pat pat Rats! This is taking too long! And my hands are freezing. I know! I'll go in and get the ice cream scoop! Good thinking! And while you're at it, bring me the melon baller!

20 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

-

21 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Whew! Okay, let's go outside. Boys? YES?

22 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

If you are cold, you can use one of my sweaters. Thanks. NOT TO START A FIRE! Make up your mind.

23 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

My new goldfish has vanished. What do you suppose happened to it, Garfield? He left you this note. "I'm going on vabation"? That's supposed to be "vacation".

24 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, I got ANOTHER goldfish. If you're good, I'll let you name him. How about "second helping"?

25 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ah-choo. Gesundheit. GARFIELD!

26 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Z GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK Z

27 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

tic ploonk clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap GARFIELD!

28 February 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

SNIIIIIFFFFFFFF ...NYAAAACCKK-KOFF HACK HACK KOFF KOFF AACCK Monday air.

1 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Why can't YOU smile like that? *I* haven't been using your toothbrush.

2 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I am NOT dull! thud

3 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I think I'll take a nap. I think I'll stay awake.

4 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm a complicated guy, Ellen. Sort of a puzzle. Like connect the dots. Poor Ellen, poor, poor, poor Ellen.

5 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

HONK Scare you, Garfield? No, but I did swallow my teddy bear.

6 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

squeek squeek Garfield and Odie * It's time the boys learn to share. Dinner! SMACK! May we have a word with you?

7 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

To prepare your bird for roasting, you'll need bread, stuffing, and three eggs. But before we do that... Why don't we play with it a little? bat bat swipe bat The All-Cat Cooking Channel.

8 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Notice when I throw the ball...the dog fetches it. A cat won't do that. And why not? Does the word PRIDE ring a bell?

9 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Coming up next... "Mind Readers". I knew that.

10 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!

11 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Taking a look at tomorrow's weather... The high temperature will be between 40 below zero and 200 above! This guy's never wrong.

12 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Then we place our casserole into the oven and let it bake for 45 minutes. ** hmm hmm hmm * This part of the program usually gets pretty boring. Anyone know any good jokes?

13 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? There's only one person for me. Yeeees? One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. Me. But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. ...or not.

14 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap Would you mind applauding a little longer? I only have 37 seconds worth of material.

15 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The Amazing Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! Sorry, folks, you can get your money back at the door.

16 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

-

17 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!

18 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

So the guy says, "Hey, I thought thet was your face!" But, I wanna tell you... bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz I hate these barber conventions.

19 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

It's great to see all you cool cats out there! Arf! Security!

20 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

munch munch munch

21 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Inside here, it's warm and cozy. Out there is tribulation. HEY! BIG SOCK SALE TODAY! I rest my case.

22 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Have you seen Odie? No. WHUMP! So NOW what do you have to say? Obviously we're dealing with an inferior adhesive.

23 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hmm hmm * GAAAH See what *I* have to endure? Very funny!

24 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Wow! Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. I wonder what I could cut off? How about that last shred of dignity?

25 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me! I don't want your sympathy! Unless that work! And he can go even lower, lady.

26 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

It's cold today. I'm wearing socks. Even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.

27 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING DONG ** DING DONG ? ** DING DONG * DING * DONG

28 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, how would you like a nice treat? Lay it on me! It's sort of a rap polka thing. Suckered again!

29 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I framed a picture of my hero. Cyrillys Damian, inventor of the accordion. Just before his execution. There IS justice in the world.

30 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

And now, everyone's favorite polka band... "The Geek Boys"! ACCORDION RULES! YESSS! It's the end of the world.

31 March 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I made out my will, Garfield. Can I have the fridge? I want to be cremated... And have my ashes spread over my accordion. Oh, but we'll be creamting your accordion as well.

1 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Will Jon come up with something to do this weekend? The crowd is on the edge of their seats... POLKA! Single file...exit to the left.

2 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Your shoes are on your knees, Jon.

3 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Round table.

4 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Uh-oh. I can feel it coming. It's gonna be a... bad hair day.

5 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I sleep a lot. Sometimes I don't know if I'm awake or dreaming. And then sometimes I get a little hint.

6 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, there are times when I honestly feel you don't respect me. HUHHH Take now for an instance.

7 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Look, Garfield! A chest hair! Are you sure? Only REAL men have chest hair...virile, rugged men... I feel thet's just a piece of lint. OWIEEE Who, it IS a hair.

8 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, the weekend has officially started! Yup, we are now one minute into the weekend. Wake me when it's over.

9 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm off to conquer the world! Maybe the world is this way. I wouldn't know.

10 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

tap tap pat pat pat BURP Mint? Why, thank you. You know, if you're not careful, you're going to spoil me.

11 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

This isn't water... This is COOKING OIL! So much for sparrow fondue.

12 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm going to stand motionless in the backyard. Until lunch. If you know what I mean. Get back here!

13 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I may look like a cat, but I'm actually a REALLY big sparrow. We must do a worm sometime.

14 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

CHOMP Hey! Where's my rubber ducky?!

15 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Mrs. Feeney, I may have a clue to the fate of "Mister Sweetywings".

16 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

May I please eat you for lunch? No, you may not. Civilty is overrated.

17 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yeees! The ice cubes have hardened! Garfield! How many times have I told you never to make eye contact with tha tman?!

18 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm in good mood. I wonder if I'm up to something?

19 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Starting contest! At each other, you idiot!

20 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

That's odd. Ever have deja vu? No. That's ood.

21 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

My future is looking bright! CRAMP! CRAMP! Has the future started yet?

22 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ever hear one of those voices inside you, Garfield? A voice telling you to do something wild and crazy?... I'm putting on a kilt! Obeying his inner nerd.

23 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon isn't speking to me. I think. I'm not listening to him.

24 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hmmm... I feel like a snack...maybe that last piece of pie... BURP Or those two hot dogs... BURRRRRRP BURRRRRRP Or the three buffalo wings... BRAAP BRAAP BRAAP Or the six-pack of soda pop... YURP-YURP YURP-YURP YURP-YURP Is thereANYthing left? How about a

25 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Catch the cat! Catch the cat! Say, isn't that a tail? Catch the tail! Catch the tail! Dogs...you gotta love 'em.

26 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Beware Of Dog What's this? This sign is past its expiration date. Hi!

27 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

What a pathetic excuse for a dog! Grrr Check that...

28 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, dog. Your x-rays are back. See that tiny dot? That's your brain. Why can't we all just learn to laugh at ourselves?!

29 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Beware of Insulting Dog. I wonder what that means? Excuse me, SIR. When is the litter due? Ahhh.

30 April 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Grrrrr Are you going to bark or what? I'll get to it! Okay?! Well, I don't have all day.

1 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yeeeeeeessss... * Hmm hmm hmmmm Mighty fine... Lookin' good, big guy. Whaddaya think, Garfield? Let me see... By golly, you're right!

2 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon! I just had a terrible nightmare! Although it wasn't nearly as bad as this.

3 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Did Odie give you my message?

4 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Plain popcorn, no salt, no butter. Sounds good. It'll go great with my plain salt, no butter, no popcorn, and plain butter, no popcorn, no salt.

5 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

All the food is gone! Aand...you were going somehwere with this?

6 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

It's a dark and scary night, Garfield. They say cats can sense when evil is present. So, is it? No, but my geek sensor just went wild.

7 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I've gotta be me! Couldn't you be somebody else?

8 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Garfield...wake up! tap tap Z It's me, the leftover dork chop from the fridge... You should have eaten me when you had the chance, fat boy. Because I've glued you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to Aruba! So long, sucker!nggghhgghh Z YAAHH Sounds

9 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You only date adventurous men? Hey, adventure is my middle name! I once inhaled a cheeseball. On purpose.

10 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I can tell how interested a woman is in me by the way she strolls by. ZOOM I don't know...she was a little to blurred to tell.

11 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen, know what I'd like to do? Run over there and sweep you off your feet! She's nailing herself to the floor. Ouch.

12 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello? Yes, this is he...a date?...with me? This friday night?! Pinch me, I must be dreaming! AAAARRRGGHH!

13 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I'd like you to meet my date. You don't have a date, do you? I'd sure like to meet her, too.

14 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Some days everything goes right. I read that in a book. The one that gave you the paper cut?

15 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Well hello, Mister Butterfly. How lovely you are... Your wings like beautiful paintings... Your graceful flight like. HOOO! Your feet like ice cubes. Sorry.

16 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, what's the grin for? You did something, didn't you? Was there any property damage or loss of life? Define "life".

17 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie is guarding his dish. rrrrrrrrrrrr And he's darn good at it, too. munch munch rrrrr DOG FOOD

18 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I had that falling dream again. You know, the one where I fall? I woke up before I hit bottom, though. That is one man's opinion.

19 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay. Litter box has been changed. About time.

20 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, Mona, I just know you're going to say you'll go out with me. Know why? I'm wearing my lucky socks. I guess the choice is out of her hands.

21 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* ** Got a new can opener case!

22 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

boing boing pant pant pant pant pant pant BOING BOING Garfield, have you seen Od IIIIEEEE SLIP THUD SLURP AAAGGHH

23 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

My next guest needs no introduction. Psst! You're on! Oh. Anyone for radio?

24 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello and welcome to "Hit Me With A Hammer!" I'm your host, Twink Winkerman, and tonight we'll OW Suck it up, Twink, you big baby! Oh yeah?! Baby THIS! OW! Television's finest hour.

25 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

This week on "Unfinished Sentence Theater," we will Thanks for watch Tune in again AAGGGH!

26 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

And now it's time to play "Block That Kick!" Our first contestant is Michael!...ready, Mike? Huh? BOOF GAAHH THAT'S going to raise a welt.

27 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome to "Watching Paint Dry Theater". It's a rerun. Don't tell me how it turns out!

28 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome to "Is It Good?," in which we invite you, the viewer... -to send us your old leftovers from the back of your refrigerator! Contestant number one...is-it-GOOD? Hmmm... SNIFF IT! SNIFF IT!

29 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh... Rats!... I just can't get comfortable! Z

30 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Come on, Garfield, let's be honest. Does anything I say ever get through to you? Y'know, I think that mole on your neck is getting bigger.

31 May 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Time to get some household chores done. BOOT! Break time.

1 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Remember, kids, pigs are an excellent source of an important nutrient. Bacon grease. Occasionally I put the humor aside and do my part for education.

2 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Some people aren't lucky in love. Like my aunt Edna. They never find the right one. She married a hyena. But still you hope. Oh sure, he was a lot of laughs...

3 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I had a date last night, Garfield. She was a little older than I expected. Orpha, this id Jon. I have your teeth. Oh baby, baby.

4 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I have two hundred french fries in my mouth! You're disgusting. He hates to see me break his record.

5 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

? BONK OW!

6 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Maybe I'll be like you today, Garfield... Lazy! Another convert.

7 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Life is passing you by. Every moment you lie there is another one you'll never have back, you know. That's okay. I won't miss them. Especially the ones spent staring up your nose.

8 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Time for me to not do some sit-ups. How's it going? Darn. Made me lose count.

9 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Look at you... Just LOOK at you! -

10 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You're lucky to have me around. Luck isn't what it used to be.

11 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown! And you say I never exercise.

12 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I suppose you're wondering why I have this sack on my head. Well, I have this big, ugly zit on my face... And it looks so horrific I don't want it seen. ** DING-DONG That's my date. I hope she understands. -

13 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

SMACK Your birthday is coming soon. I know. I marked the calendar.

14 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Would you like a birthday party this year, Garfield? We could invite all of your friends. More cake for him.

15 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I remember my 21st birthday, back on the farm... We played "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"...with a real donkey! I can't recall much after that. This explains a lot.

16 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You shouldn't worry about turning 21. I had an uncle who lived to be 21. Really? I remember what he always used to say to me... What was that? "Who the heck are you?!"

17 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

This is Garfield's birthday present. He'll never figure out what it is. Not until I tuen my flashlight on...

18 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yes, yes, I know it's my birthday. You don't have to rub it in. Then again, perhaps you do.

19 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* dingle dingle dingle * * dingle * dingle * dingle THOOMP GARFIELD!!

20 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel very up today, Garfield. Birds are singing. The sun is shining. And my nose rash is dissipating! I wish YOU'D disspiate.

21 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I love you, Odie. Always stay the way you are! Bronze him.

22 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Everyone has their breaking point. Little things that drive them crazy. bbbbb Like lip flipping.

23 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Walking is good exercise. But you have to take more than one step. There's always a string attached!

24 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I can't believe you ate Dicky bird! Never again to hear thoe little feet scampering around the cage! Relax. The little feet might still be in there.

25 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I bought dancing shoes! The don't seem to work. Maybe there's an on/off switch.

26 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Z UUHHNNYAHHH GAHOOOOOOOOOO HEEEEYUHHHHH HUHYEEEYAHHH Go do your sit-ups outside!

27 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG I wonder who that could be. ** DING-DONG Oh, well, at least I know who it's NOT...he's too short to reach the doorbell. TAH-DAAAH! AAARRRGH! smack!

28 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Greetings, old and fat one! Is the door sagging, or is that you? You used to be cute. Now I'm precious.

29 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Nermal, what brings you here? I though I'd drop by for a short visit. So, you've packed on a few pounds, have't xou? My, my, my...that WAS a short visit!

30 June 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, look who I found on the lawn! That's bcause I PUT him there. I'll leave you two to visit. So, aside from the bigger belly and extra chin, what else is new? Garfield, do you feel a draft?

1 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Now, Garfield, Nermal came to visit you...be nice. Yeah...I thought fat folks were supposed to be jolly. Hee, hee, ha, ho, ho, ha, ho.

2 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

How do you stay so cute? It's a gift, chunky...a gift. What was that flush I heard? I just put Nermal's "gift" in layaway.

3 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* Ah, this is the life... Kicking back and relaxing in my very own po-... Garfield?! What are you doing up on the roof? CANNONBALL! GAAHHH SPLOOSH That was fun! Blow it up again! Kindly remove your foot from my nostril so that Imay kill you.

4 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Some people travel the world. And here I sit with you. I feel sorry for them, too.

5 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Sit! Good boy!

6 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Know what drives me nuts? I'm not telling YOU. Oh, come on, I can always use new ideas.

7 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

There's nothing Jon enjoys more... Than rubbing my tummy. If he knows what's good for him.

8 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, have you ever regretted any of the awful things you've done to me while I'm sleeping? Yes. This isn't one of them, though.

9 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm spending saturday night with a fat, worthless cat! Tht fat part was uncalled for.

10 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* DING * DING * DING * DING * DING Ted's Dong Repair.

11 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ah yes, it's good to be back at the ol' diner! Hi, hon! What can I get you? For starters, a spatula. My hands are stuck to the counter. Some things never change.

12 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Mmm...I love the smells of a diner... Irma, what's that smell? Something sizzling on the grill? Naw. That's chef Tony. I'll be hitchhiking home now.

13 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

How about you ham, Irma? Is it fresh? Oink Yes. Check.

14 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'd like a glass of juice, please. What kind? Orange, sauerkraut, grapefruit or pickle? Uhh...orange. -

15 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

What's this? ...your "He-Man Burger"? That's a five-pound patty of ground beef on a bun. Five pounds?! Who who could eat such a thing? uhh-EEE-yah-EEE-yaaah thump thump thump thump

16 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

This coffee is great, Irma! Thanks, hon. I ground the beans myself. CLOP CLOP CLOP Why is she wearing golf shoes? I'd rather not know.

17 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig That's deep enough, Odie!

18 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

AIIIEEEEEE YAH YAH YAH YAH YAAAAHHHH Anything interesting today? Nah, just bills.

19 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The next time I see you two, I expect you to be doing something worthwile. You know what that means, Odie? We'll never see Jon again.

20 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a real problem with your attitude latey, mister! That, and your Short attention span.

21 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Do you think your life can have an impact on the world? Absolutely. Have you noticed that there are fewer sparrows around here than there used to be?

22 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

RING I won't go out with you! I wonder who that was? Rejected by wrong numbers! SMACK

23 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You need to eat a more balanced diet. Balanced? You mean as in more than one kind of donut?

24 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, mouse. Hi, cat. So, what are you standing here for? I'm waiting for my carpool. Carpool? Oh, right...a mouse carpool! That's a hot one! slam! screeee Care to explain this? Mind if I don't?

25 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Pooky's looking a little dirty...what say I run him through the wash? My teddy bear is NOT dirty! Dusty, maybe.

26 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

So long, old pal! Have a safe journey! sniff Bon voyage! You have no idea how much pressure I'm under.

27 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Pooky is in the wash this morning. You'll just have to find a subsitute for the next hour. Uh, Garfield. Shh. Pooky doesn't talk.

28 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, Pooky made it through the wash cycle...I'm adding fabric softener now. No...this instead. Conditioner.

29 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, Garfield, here comes Pooky... All clean and fresh from the dryer! -

30 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

There he is, fresh from the dryer and all clean! What do you think? LICK Missed a spot.

31 July 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

DING-DONG ** Mrs. Feeny is at the door. She claims you epoxied her weimaraner to a cross-town bus. Is this true? No! I swear!

1 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Respect is an important part of a pet-owner relationship, Garfield. Wouldn't you agree? Perhaps you wouldn't.

2 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Gee, I didn't know we had any of those flavored coffees. I found your cough drop. sniff

3 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Looky, Garfield! Looky! Looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, looky, Hello, doctor? Could you reboove a rubber bouse frub by dose? One "lloky" too many.

4 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You missed a spot. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work!

5 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Mr. Smith, I'm calling to ask permission to marry your daughter. No, we haven't had a date yet...dad. That's rather unkind, Mr. Smith. We like to alienate the entire family.

6 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH Usually you let the seeds grow, and then you eat the plant. I'm not a spatient as I used to be.

7 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

RIIING! Congratulations, lucky contestant! Answer just two questions and win, win, win! Question one: What is the sound a cat makes? Meyow. Correct! And for the GRAND prize, question two: what is the sound a DOG makes?! DUHHHHHHH -I doubt if I was eligib

8 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Many viewers are asking: "Can television sink any lower?" Let's find out! All right!

9 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome to "Scary Theater". Tonight's feature: "The Cat Who Shed on the Furniture". What's so scary about AIEEEE!

10 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Sorry, kids, but Binky the Clown isn't feeling well today. Filling in for him is his brother...Mel the Accountant! Today we'll be discussing the importance of saving receipts... Sounds funny coming from a guy in a gree wig.

11 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Mr. Smith, you say you can communicate with plants? That's right. Hello, Mr. Plant, how are you? I am fine, Mr. Smith. Hey! I saw your lips move! 149 channels to go.

12 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

A report states television viewing destroys brain cells. Let me repeat that for our frequent viewers. TV...duh! I am highly offended.

13 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, handsome, how's your aftershave? C'mere...come closer...closer... Uh...that's close enough, dork boy. Et tu, TV?

14 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm bored. I have gum and a potted plant stuck on my head. A meteorite just crushed my car. And there's a gian gorilla on the roof... ...swatting at airplanes. You have gum?

15 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon says gluttony will kill me. That was true of my uncle Morty. He tried to take a papaya from a silverback gorilla.

16 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie has a personality all his own! Nobody else wanted it.

17 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I wish you wouldn't attack the mailman. YAAHH!! HELP! HELLLlllp And while I'm at it, I also wish I had a million dollars and a new car.

18 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I warned you about laziness, Garfield. You can't just lie around all day. You gotta be alert. Just open the bag.

19 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You WOULD like to go to a movie?! With me?! Rats. You had to press it, didn't you?

20 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

IT'S TIME TO GET UP, GARFIELD! Excellent, Jon! You've never yelled better! Z

21 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Is that it? Is that the best you can do?! That was nothin'! Come on! Gimme your best shot! Better.

22 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, we have a mouse problem. Oh, you can't see them, but they're here. I can sense it. Cool it, guys.

23 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I had a dream that you caught a mouse. Sounds silly, doesn't it? Not at all. I have dreams all the time.

24 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Go, Garfield, go! All right! Beat him to the last cookie!

25 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

That's it! If I see one more mouse around here, you're grounded! Let me rephrase that. No, no, I LIKE the concept!

26 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The mice are out of hand, Garfield! And that upsets me! Okay, everybody, group hug! Group hug!

27 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm moving out. You're going to be proud of me! Much better.

28 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

BZZZzzzzzzzz Darn ol' fly. BZZZzzzzz ZZZZ... CLAP! Got him! BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZ That's no ordinary fly. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YAAAAHHH! That's a fly fueled with my coffee!

29 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Let's think happy thoughts! All right. Aren't you thinking happy thoughts? I'm not letting my face know.

30 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi'ya, Odie! Thanks a lot!

31 August 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Never help me with the laundry again! Let's hear it for incompetence.

1 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's a double helping of lasagna, Garfield, with a steak o the side. Why, thank you so much! And here are your car keys. Thank you so much.

2 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm ready for my date! Looking forward to it, are you? It's in three weeks!

3 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I just lost my job. I'm here to end it all. Go ahead. Swat me. NO. Oh, you ARE cruel.

4 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, Garfield... I'm putting this cake here and turning my back. Let's see if you can withstand temptation. Okay, my back is turned. Be strong, Garfield. Hey, fat boy. You wanna piece of me?! You can do this. Huh?! SLAP! Huh? SLAP! Garfield, Garfield, Ga

5 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Coffee kicked in.

6 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's your coffee. Careful, it's hot. Thank you, Dr. Science.

7 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I have had two lousy days in a row. Today HAS to be a good day. The law of averages is on my side. There's a fly in your coffee.

8 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

For health reasons, I've decided to give up coffee. For sanity reasons, I've decided to give up giving up.

9 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

C'mon, just one more cup. Nope. You've had enough. bzzzzz And just what makes you think that?

10 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hmmm...what do we have here? Let me guess. Hot coffee in the lap? The pain!

11 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello. Are you lookin' at me? Nice day. Oh yeah? Sez who?! They say it might rain later. Is that a threat?! But I hope it doesn't. Chicken! I'm planning to take a little walk. Go ahead! Try it! I dare you! Would you like to comealong? Not until you apolo

12 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Fausto's Pizza...home of the megacheese pizza. We got onion...we got pepperoni...we got anchovies...whaddya want? Hello? Anybody there? I love you, Fausto.

13 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Observe the ever-alert watchdog. Psst. That's you, dummy.

14 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

WOOOOOO! I am guilt! You stole Jon't lunch! WOOOOOOOooo! The spirit of lunches past.

15 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

HA! HA! HA! HA! Elen likes men who are able to laugh at themselves. HA! HA! HA! HA! I wonder what the normal people are doing?

16 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You would love to go out with me? You say you're thrilled I asked? I'm practicing. No kidding.

17 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I am a thinking human being, and you are a lowly house pet. WHAM! I meant to do that! The thinking human being missed the doorway.

18 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

* beedle beedle beedle beedle beedle beedle * * beedle beedle beedle I CAN'T FIND MY CELL PHONE! beedle beedle beedle *

19 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I had a busy day. Same here. Except for that "busy" part.

20 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Huh! Lying around all day...must be nice! ...I said, MUST BE NICE! Do you hear me arguing?

21 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You seem depressed, Garfield. Back on the farm, we had a cure for that. We'd go out to the barn and tickle the goats. Touch me and die.

22 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

scratch scratch That was quite burst of activity. I hope nobody got hurt.

23 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yesterday you were here. Today you're here! WE HAVE MOVEMENT! I wonder if Charlie Brown could use a cat?

24 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

What if I did nothing, like you? You'd never catch up.

25 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

So, did you finish all your dinner? WAH HAHA YAH HAA HAA AHHH YAH HA HA HA HA HOO HOO HEE NEE HEE HEE HEE SNORT SNORT AHHH YAH HA HAHAHA

26 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Some people think the universe is constantly expanding. All right! Room for another donut!

27 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

SLAP! Too much happiness! AHHH!

28 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I just finished drawing a moustache on every picture of Jon in the house! I jusr drew a moustache on my face! Troublemaker!

29 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'll never forget my days back in school I'm sure. If I had my pants run up the flagpole every day, I'd remember it, too.

30 September 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

My feet were cold, so I put on seven pairs of sicks. Then I couldn't get my shoes on. Then I figured, what do I need with shoes?! I'm going to go play in traffic.

1 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

"...and they all lived happily ever after". You notice they didn't have a cat. Is that a shot?

2 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...hoo..hoo... Stupid owl. hoo...hoo...hoo... fling! KONK! OW!

3 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I love diners...they're so warm and friendly. It's nice to come to a place where everybody knows everybody's name. HI, hon. And that name is "hon".

4 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

How's your turkey? Great. How's your fish? Great. How's your chicken? Poor thing has a fever today. Hold the chicken.

5 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'll have a hamburger, well-done with extra onions. You got it. YO, TONY! BURN A COW, AND MAKE HER CRY! Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. It's with mine...waiting for us in the car.

6 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Is the meat loaf good? You'll love it. It's the chef's mother's recipe, rest her soul. I wonder how she died? Meat loaf's up! I'm betting she choked on a horn.

7 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

For being such good customers, here's a special treat from me! Thanks, Irma! This is a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone. Hand me one of those butter pats.

8 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Irma? There's a hair in my chicken salad. Nice try, Mister Joker... Chickens don't have hair. All in favor of leaving...

9 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

SLAM! I had an accident today at the salad bar. I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of Garbanzo beans onto the floor. A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. Then herhusband threw a bowl

10 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I've won a cruise?! All expenses paid?! A one-way ticket to Ninny Island? You could be among your own!

11 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Meow! What? Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Odie, with that thick dog accent, I can't understand a word you're saying.

12 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon's putting up some new blinds. Wanna know how I'm doing? SHOONK No.

13 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

If Jon's socks are in this drink... Where is the ice? My feet are cold. Duh!

14 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I know why you won't go out with me, Ellen. It's because I don't drive a big, fancy car! OK...and I'm boring. Are you going to take the car back?

15 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, Garfield. Some people enjoy dressing their pets up in funny outfits. Believe me. You wouldn't enjoy it.

16 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Here, put these on! Who cares if I can't get a date?! We're wearing party hats!! And we're having a good time! The whole NEIGHBORHOOD is gonna have a good time! Everybody! Hop! Hop! Hop! Hubert, I'm very afraid. Shut up and conga.

17 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, chicky boo, chicky boo, boo, boo! Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! Yo, chick-o, chick-o, chick-o-rama. And he's available, ladies!

18 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Remember me? Uh... We went on a date once. We did? I ran screaming from the room. You'll havr to be more specific.

19 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey look, a clown! Don't you agree that it's rude to comment on the attire of others? Make me laugh, clown boy. YOur seltzer bottle, clown boy.

20 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, that girl is smiling at me! The one picking lettuce out of her teeth? Time to turn on the cool. Whoa, didn't even stay to pay the check.

21 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Chicks dig me. Boy, this is uncomfortable. Let's see you walk.

22 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

We have a new member with us tonight. My name is Jon Arbuckle. And I'm wearing a bad suit. We see your pain.

23 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

DING-DONG ** Whay, thank you so much! slam! Look, Garfield! Mrs. Feeny brought us a cake! She made it herself...wasn't that thoughtful of POP You destroyed her daisies again, didn't you? I also maimed her marigolds and mauled hermums.

24 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Death, taxes. and teddy bears. Three things you can always count on!

25 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Give me the dog whistle. What dog whistle?

26 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I'm depressed. I could use a hug. I could use a Lamborghini but you don't hear me whining.

27 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Cat hair! My entire world is covered with cat hair! Except my toothbrush. Ah! THERE'S my ear groomer!

28 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Actually, Betty, I am deep. In fact, lately I've been contemplating my mortality. I'm donating my brain to science. That shouldn't take up too much space on the ol' shelf.

29 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, Jon... Life is filled with myteries. I wish you hadn't taken the labels off all our canned food. Many myteries indeed.

30 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm hungry. I wish I had a big ham. POOF! Wow! I wish Jon was here to see this! Yes? This has got to be a dream... I wish it wasn't, though. POOF Real bright, Garfield.

31 October 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Cats eat mice. Theyplay catch 'em. They play with 'em... AND THEY EAT EM! Not enough catsup in the world, pal.

1 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

...and that's my pet cat. I have a name, you know!

2 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Food! GOTCHA! LUNCH TIME! In front of the TV, or out on the patio? TV!

3 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, these mice are out of hand! Get tough with them! Understand?! Okay. The ballet is off! Awwww...

4 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

See, Garfield, you are the hunter...the mouse is the prey. Now what does the hunter do? Dork Boy

5 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Servant's entrance. I knew that.

6 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You're not a spider... Very perceptive, brick brain. For your information, I happen to be a centipede... A flat arthropod of the class chilopoda, with numerous body segments and legs. Now you can write in your diary that youactually learned something new

7 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

We've sure had some good times, haven'T we, Garfield? WELL?! Is this one of them?

8 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

-

9 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Check it out, Garfield. You can tell a lot about a man by his suit. And his cologne. You're a clown who works in a fish market?

10 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

"Dear diary: I am bored." "The pets, on the other hand..."

11 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen, this is Jon. EEEEK! CLICK She must have had an accident! Self-inflicted, no doubt.

12 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Don't let me keep you from whatever you were doing, Jon! Or to put it another way, get lost!

13 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, Odie... This time we go for the world's record. Urf. One...two...thre...go! SLURP! YAAAAAAHHHHH

14 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I enjoyed a brisk three-mile run before breakfast. So, what did YOU do? Burp *I* enjoyed your breakfast.

15 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

New book, Garfield. It's called "Normal Pets". You're not listed. I shun publicity.

16 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

If you gain any more weight, you won't be able to move! Wow. A fringe benefit.

17 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Breathing? Just checking. Appreciate it.

18 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Lions are in the cat family. Lions are great hunters. YOU are a disgrace. Careful, I just slaughtered a herd of pickles.

19 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You could use some ambition. Does that come with fries?

20 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon! Look! Look, Jon, look! Look! Look! Look! Jon! Jon! Jon! Jon! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS IT?!! Made you look.

21 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

We'd like to order a pizza. That's right. With everything that might conceivably be edible. They knew it was for you. I'm so proud.

22 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Pizza delivery truck? Three houses down...pepperoni!

23 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

HONK! HONK! Bring the pizza to the door! I'm not getting out of my truck! Your cat's nuts! Hey, I'm a touchy, feely kinda guy.

24 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

You the guy who ordered thew extra-extra-extra large pizza? Yes. Looks like we're gonna have to take out a wall. Heaven... * I'm in heaven. *

25 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Yuk! What? There's cat hair on my pizza! Hey, no big deal. And it doesn't appear to be yours. POO! POO!

26 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I wish I could be liked and admired. Or that I had a large sausage pizza. Of course, if I had a large sausage pizza, I wouldn't need to be liked and admired.

27 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

boing boing Good day, sir. My name is Frank Flea and I'm a recent college graduate in search of an entry-level parasite position. I assure you'd find me a dedicated employee, a hard worker, and a team player! I may be new to this field,but I come from a l

28 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

YEOWWW! Sometimes you just have to bite something.

29 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie chased his tail. Odie caught his tail. Odie buried his tail.

30 November 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Let's play "Find the Donut!" Some days I hate you. All right, I'll give you a hint.

1 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Will you stop staring at my food?! STOP IT! Not even a forlorn glance?

2 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

My name is Stephano. I am very rich and macho. tick tick tick Anyone want to chat? tick tick tick Whoa... Nobody can empty a chat room like Stephano.

3 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I have places to go and things to do! I have no place to go and nothing to do. I'm running late! I'm right on schedule.

4 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Who? Me?! Who?......me? Who? ME?! WHO?! Meeeee? Whooo? Me? Who? Meeeee?! Who?! Me?! He what? GARFIELD! Show time.

5 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Ahem. stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp Yes, I'm aware of how many daysit is till Christmas. Well, let's get cracking!

6 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Pooky, Christmas is coming! He's containing his excitement.

7 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Christmas is just around the corner, Odie! -

8 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Look, a Christmas card from Doc Boy! "Happy holidays to my chicken-ticklin', cow-tippin', rooster-rasslin', city boy brother". How sweet of him to remember all that! You can take the dork aout of the farn, but you can't take the farm outof the d

9 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

"Dear son, happy holidays from the farm. So much has been happening here..." "The mare had a foal, the sow had a litter, and the chicken had a stroke..." "...she was sure tasty, though". I'm starting to enjoy these letters fr

10 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

May I borrow three marshmallows? Sure. GARFIELD!

11 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, here we go... Dear Santa, I am writing this letter for my cat, Garfield, who has been an okay cat most of the year. SLAP! Delete Delete Delete Delete ...good all year. SLAP! Delete Delete Delete Delete tick tick tic tikkatikka tic A SAINT!!! Oh, PLE

12 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Santa Claus isn't stupid, you know! I'd think twice before sending him that letter about how good you were this year! Maybe I should take out that part about winning the nobel peace prize. Really?! Can I shake your hand?

13 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

The All-Cat Channel now returns to: "Snowball, the Cat Who Slept Through Christmas". What's on? Z Some movie based on a true story.

14 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

No exact change? ...awww, go on through! On donner! On blitzen! We will return to "Melvin Weederpate, the Toll Booth Guy who Saved Christmas". This is getting out of hand.

15 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

We now return to "Murray, the Snake who Saved Christmas". Sssay, Sssanta, how about me guiding the sleight tonight? STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Uh...we will return to...uh..."Cybil, the Chipmunk who Saved Murray" in a minute. I wonder who'lls

16 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, Grandma? It's Jon, calling to wish you happy holidays! Grandma? GANDMA?! CAN YOU HEAR M-... O.K., I'LL WAIT!! Turning her hearing aid? Turning down the heavy metal CD on her stereo.

17 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I love the holidays. And I found the cutest Christmas decorations! Now, go stand on on the roof. Guess who's getting a rat in his stocking this year?

18 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, no...forget that! You ain't kissin' ME under the mistletoe, pal! SLUUURRRP!

19 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay! OKay! We'll go buy a Christmas tree!

20 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Time me! UNNGH! THUMP! OW! GAAH! DONK! WONK! NYAAHH! CRUNCH DOINK! TWIST The tree is up! Six hours, thirty-two minutes and sventeen seconds...a new record!

21 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello, tree! Long time, no see! Hugging th tree again? You're just jealous.

22 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

O.K., the lights are up, the tree is up, the cards have been mailed, and the presents are wrapped. Let's see...what else needs to be don smack Oh yeah...bake the cookies. Where ARE your priorities, man?!

23 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Any sign of him? Not yet. We ordered pizza.

24 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. C'mere, you. Merry Christmas!

25 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

bip boop bip beep Hi, Barbara, it's Jon Arbuckle... hOW'd ...you like to go... OUtwith me new yEARs EEEve? Stop pinching me!! That was fun! Call someone else.

26 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

I don't know, Garfield... I still say someone switched the gift tags. Nonsense. That flea collar is for you.

27 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, Lisa, it's Jon Arbuckle... I have two tickets to the polka joe concert at the Bowl-O-Rama for this new year's eve. Care to join me? I just learned three new words. Unsuitable for a comic strip, no doubt.

28 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

No, no, I understand completely, Patti. Some other new year's eve, perhaps. She hat to stay home to floss her otter. Trusting soul, or blooming idiot? You make the call.

29 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Beth, sweetie, how'd you like to go out with the one and only MEEE on new year's eve? Ever laugh so hard you choke? Oh, I've hacked up a hairball or two...

30 December 1999
 
 
   
Garfield

Testing: one...two... BLAAT! New year's eve sound check. Come closer...

31 December 1999
 




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