My feet were cold, so I put on seven pairs of sicks. - Then I couldn't get my shoes on. - Then I figured, what do I need with shoes?! I'm going to go play in traffic.
1 October 1999
"...and they all lived happily ever after". - - You notice they didn't have a cat. Is that a shot?
2 October 1999
hoo hoo hoo - hoo hoo hoo - hoo...hoo..hoo... Stupid owl. - hoo...hoo...hoo... - fling! KONK! - - OW!
3 October 1999
I love diners...they're so warm and friendly. - It's nice to come to a place where everybody knows everybody's name. - HI, hon. And that name is "hon".
4 October 1999
How's your turkey? Great. - How's your fish? Great. - How's your chicken? Poor thing has a fever today. Hold the chicken.
5 October 1999
I'll have a hamburger, well-done with extra onions. You got it. - YO, TONY! BURN A COW, AND MAKE HER CRY! - Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. It's with mine...waiting for us in the car.
6 October 1999
Is the meat loaf good? You'll love it. It's the chef's mother's recipe, rest her soul. - I wonder how she died? Meat loaf's up! - I'm betting she choked on a horn.
7 October 1999
For being such good customers, here's a special treat from me! Thanks, Irma! - - This is a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone. Hand me one of those butter pats.
8 October 1999
Irma? There's a hair in my chicken salad. - Nice try, Mister Joker... - Chickens don't have hair. All in favor of leaving...
9 October 1999
SLAM! - I had an accident today at the salad bar. - I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of Garbanzo beans onto the floor. - A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. - Then her
10 October 1999
I've won a cruise?! - All expenses paid?! - A one-way ticket to Ninny Island? You could be among your own!
11 October 1999
Meow! What? - Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! - Odie, with that thick dog accent, I can't understand a word you're saying.
12 October 1999
Jon's putting up some new blinds. - Wanna know how I'm doing? - SHOONK No.
13 October 1999
If Jon's socks are in this drink... - Where is the ice? - My feet are cold. Duh!
14 October 1999
I know why you won't go out with me, Ellen. - It's because I don't drive a big, fancy car! - OK...and I'm boring. Are you going to take the car back?
15 October 1999
You know, Garfield. - Some people enjoy dressing their pets up in funny outfits. - Believe me. You wouldn't enjoy it.
16 October 1999
Here, put these on! - Who cares if I can't get a date?! - We're wearing party hats!! - And we're having a good time! - The whole NEIGHBORHOOD is gonna have a good time! - Everybody! Hop! Hop! Hop! Hubert, I'm very afraid. Shut up and conga.
17 October 1999
Hey, chicky boo, chicky boo, boo, boo! - Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! - Yo, chick-o, chick-o, chick-o-rama. And he's available, ladies!
18 October 1999
Remember me? Uh... - We went on a date once. We did? - I ran screaming from the room. You'll havr to be more specific.
19 October 1999
Hey look, a clown! - Don't you agree that it's rude to comment on the attire of others? - Make me laugh, clown boy. YOur seltzer bottle, clown boy.
20 October 1999
Garfield, that girl is smiling at me! The one picking lettuce out of her teeth? - Time to turn on the cool. - Whoa, didn't even stay to pay the check.
21 October 1999
- Chicks dig me. - Boy, this is uncomfortable. Let's see you walk.
22 October 1999
We have a new member with us tonight. - My name is Jon Arbuckle. - And I'm wearing a bad suit. We see your pain.
23 October 1999
DING-DONG ** - Whay, thank you so much! - slam! - Look, Garfield! Mrs. Feeny brought us a cake! - She made it herself...wasn't that thoughtful of- - POP - You destroyed her daisies again, didn't you? I also maimed her marigolds and mauled her
24 October 1999
Death, taxes. - and teddy bears. - Three things you can always count on!
25 October 1999
- - Give me the dog whistle. What dog whistle?
26 October 1999
Garfield, I'm depressed. - I could use a hug. - I could use a Lamborghini but you don't hear me whining.
27 October 1999
Cat hair! - My entire world is covered with cat hair! - Except my toothbrush. Ah! THERE'S my ear groomer!
28 October 1999
Actually, Betty, I am deep. - In fact, lately I've been contemplating my mortality. - I'm donating my brain to science. That shouldn't take up too much space on the ol' shelf.
29 October 1999
You know, Jon... - Life is filled with myteries. - I wish you hadn't taken the labels off all our canned food. Many myteries indeed.
30 October 1999
I'm hungry. - I wish I had a big ham. - POOF! - Wow! I wish Jon was here to see this! - Yes? This has got to be a dream... - I wish it wasn't, though. POOF - Real bright, Garfield.
31 October 1999