My feet were cold, so I put on seven pairs of sicks. Then I couldn't get my shoes on. Then I figured, what do I need with shoes?! I'm going to go play in traffic.
1 October 1999
"...and they all lived happily ever after". You notice they didn't have a cat. Is that a shot?
2 October 1999
hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...hoo..hoo... Stupid owl. hoo...hoo...hoo... fling! KONK! OW!
3 October 1999
I love diners...they're so warm and friendly. It's nice to come to a place where everybody knows everybody's name. HI, hon. And that name is "hon".
4 October 1999
How's your turkey? Great. How's your fish? Great. How's your chicken? Poor thing has a fever today. Hold the chicken.
5 October 1999
I'll have a hamburger, well-done with extra onions. You got it. YO, TONY! BURN A COW, AND MAKE HER CRY! Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. It's with mine...waiting for us in the car.
6 October 1999
Is the meat loaf good? You'll love it. It's the chef's mother's recipe, rest her soul. I wonder how she died? Meat loaf's up! I'm betting she choked on a horn.
7 October 1999
For being such good customers, here's a special treat from me! Thanks, Irma! This is a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone. Hand me one of those butter pats.
8 October 1999
Irma? There's a hair in my chicken salad. Nice try, Mister Joker... Chickens don't have hair. All in favor of leaving...
9 October 1999
SLAM! I had an accident today at the salad bar. I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of Garbanzo beans onto the floor. A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen. Then herhusband threw a bowl
10 October 1999
I've won a cruise?! All expenses paid?! A one-way ticket to Ninny Island? You could be among your own!
11 October 1999
Meow! What? Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Odie, with that thick dog accent, I can't understand a word you're saying.
12 October 1999
Jon's putting up some new blinds. Wanna know how I'm doing? SHOONK No.
13 October 1999
If Jon's socks are in this drink... Where is the ice? My feet are cold. Duh!
14 October 1999
I know why you won't go out with me, Ellen. It's because I don't drive a big, fancy car! OK...and I'm boring. Are you going to take the car back?
15 October 1999
You know, Garfield. Some people enjoy dressing their pets up in funny outfits. Believe me. You wouldn't enjoy it.
16 October 1999
Here, put these on! Who cares if I can't get a date?! We're wearing party hats!! And we're having a good time! The whole NEIGHBORHOOD is gonna have a good time! Everybody! Hop! Hop! Hop! Hubert, I'm very afraid. Shut up and conga.
17 October 1999
Hey, chicky boo, chicky boo, boo, boo! Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! Yo, chick-o, chick-o, chick-o-rama. And he's available, ladies!
18 October 1999
Remember me? Uh... We went on a date once. We did? I ran screaming from the room. You'll havr to be more specific.
19 October 1999
Hey look, a clown! Don't you agree that it's rude to comment on the attire of others? Make me laugh, clown boy. YOur seltzer bottle, clown boy.
20 October 1999
Garfield, that girl is smiling at me! The one picking lettuce out of her teeth? Time to turn on the cool. Whoa, didn't even stay to pay the check.
21 October 1999
Chicks dig me. Boy, this is uncomfortable. Let's see you walk.
22 October 1999
We have a new member with us tonight. My name is Jon Arbuckle. And I'm wearing a bad suit. We see your pain.
23 October 1999
DING-DONG ** Whay, thank you so much! slam! Look, Garfield! Mrs. Feeny brought us a cake! She made it herself...wasn't that thoughtful of POP You destroyed her daisies again, didn't you? I also maimed her marigolds and mauled hermums.
24 October 1999
Death, taxes. and teddy bears. Three things you can always count on!
25 October 1999
Give me the dog whistle. What dog whistle?
26 October 1999
Garfield, I'm depressed. I could use a hug. I could use a Lamborghini but you don't hear me whining.
27 October 1999
Cat hair! My entire world is covered with cat hair! Except my toothbrush. Ah! THERE'S my ear groomer!
28 October 1999
Actually, Betty, I am deep. In fact, lately I've been contemplating my mortality. I'm donating my brain to science. That shouldn't take up too much space on the ol' shelf.
29 October 1999
You know, Jon... Life is filled with myteries. I wish you hadn't taken the labels off all our canned food. Many myteries indeed.
30 October 1999
I'm hungry. I wish I had a big ham. POOF! Wow! I wish Jon was here to see this! Yes? This has got to be a dream... I wish it wasn't, though. POOF Real bright, Garfield.
31 October 1999