SNIIIIIFFFFFFFF ...NYAAAACCKK-KOFF HACK HACK KOFF KOFF AACCK Monday air.
1 March 1999
Why can't YOU smile like that? *I* haven't been using your toothbrush.
2 March 1999
I am NOT dull! thud
3 March 1999
I think I'll take a nap. I think I'll stay awake.
4 March 1999
I'm a complicated guy, Ellen. Sort of a puzzle. Like connect the dots. Poor Ellen, poor, poor, poor Ellen.
5 March 1999
HONK Scare you, Garfield? No, but I did swallow my teddy bear.
6 March 1999
squeek squeek Garfield and Odie * It's time the boys learn to share. Dinner! SMACK! May we have a word with you?
7 March 1999
To prepare your bird for roasting, you'll need bread, stuffing, and three eggs. But before we do that... Why don't we play with it a little? bat bat swipe bat The All-Cat Cooking Channel.
8 March 1999
Notice when I throw the ball...the dog fetches it. A cat won't do that. And why not? Does the word PRIDE ring a bell?
9 March 1999
Coming up next... "Mind Readers". I knew that.
10 March 1999
...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!
11 March 1999
Taking a look at tomorrow's weather... The high temperature will be between 40 below zero and 200 above! This guy's never wrong.
12 March 1999
Then we place our casserole into the oven and let it bake for 45 minutes. ** hmm hmm hmm * This part of the program usually gets pretty boring. Anyone know any good jokes?
13 March 1999
Sigh You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? There's only one person for me. Yeeees? One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. Me. But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. ...or not.
14 March 1999
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap Would you mind applauding a little longer? I only have 37 seconds worth of material.
15 March 1999
The Amazing Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! Sorry, folks, you can get your money back at the door.
16 March 1999
17 March 1999
Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!
18 March 1999
So the guy says, "Hey, I thought thet was your face!" But, I wanna tell you... bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz I hate these barber conventions.
19 March 1999
It's great to see all you cool cats out there! Arf! Security!
20 March 1999
munch munch munch
21 March 1999
Inside here, it's warm and cozy. Out there is tribulation. HEY! BIG SOCK SALE TODAY! I rest my case.
22 March 1999
Have you seen Odie? No. WHUMP! So NOW what do you have to say? Obviously we're dealing with an inferior adhesive.
23 March 1999
Hmm hmm * GAAAH See what *I* have to endure? Very funny!
24 March 1999
Wow! Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. I wonder what I could cut off? How about that last shred of dignity?
25 March 1999
Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me! I don't want your sympathy! Unless that work! And he can go even lower, lady.
26 March 1999
It's cold today. I'm wearing socks. Even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
27 March 1999
** DING DONG ** DING DONG ? ** DING DONG * DING * DONG
28 March 1999
Garfield, how would you like a nice treat? Lay it on me! It's sort of a rap polka thing. Suckered again!
29 March 1999
I framed a picture of my hero. Cyrillys Damian, inventor of the accordion. Just before his execution. There IS justice in the world.
30 March 1999
And now, everyone's favorite polka band... "The Geek Boys"! ACCORDION RULES! YESSS! It's the end of the world.
31 March 1999