SNIIIIIFFFFFFFF - ...NYAAAACCKK-KOFF HACK HACK KOFF KOFF AACCK - Monday air.
1 March 1999
Why can't YOU smile like that? - - *I* haven't been using your toothbrush.
2 March 1999
I am NOT dull! - - thud
3 March 1999
I think I'll take a nap. - - I think I'll stay awake.
4 March 1999
I'm a complicated guy, Ellen. - Sort of a puzzle. - Like connect the dots. Poor Ellen, poor, poor, poor Ellen.
5 March 1999
- HONK - Scare you, Garfield? No, but I did swallow my teddy bear.
6 March 1999
squeek squeek - Garfield and Odie * - It's time the boys learn to share. - Dinner! - SMACK! - May we have a word with you?
7 March 1999
To prepare your bird for roasting, you'll need bread, stuffing, and three eggs. - But before we do that... - Why don't we play with it a little? bat bat swipe bat The All-Cat Cooking Channel.
8 March 1999
Notice when I throw the ball...the dog fetches it. - A cat won't do that. - And why not? Does the word PRIDE ring a bell?
9 March 1999
Coming up next... - "Mind Readers". - I knew that.
10 March 1999
...and lastly, we flambe our souffle with an acetylene torch! - ahhhh-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! FOOOSH YAAAH! - Please stand by: "Psych Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties. "Technical"? Grab him! Grab him!
11 March 1999
Taking a look at tomorrow's weather... - The high temperature will be between 40 below zero and 200 above! - This guy's never wrong.
12 March 1999
Then we place our casserole into the oven and let it bake for 45 minutes. - ** hmm hmm hmm * - This part of the program usually gets pretty boring. Anyone know any good jokes?
13 March 1999
Sigh - You know, Arlene... Yes, Garfield? - There's only one person for me. Yeeees? - One person, worthy of my adoration... Oh, Garfield. - Me. - But enough about me. You talk about me for a while. - ...or not.
14 March 1999
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! clap clap clap - - Would you mind applauding a little longer? I only have 37 seconds worth of material.
15 March 1999
The Amazing Odie will now attempt to read his own mind! - - Sorry, folks, you can get your money back at the door.
16 March 1999
17 March 1999
Hi, everyone, we're The Puppet Friends! - Will you be our friend? You silly, EVERYONE loves puppet friends! - DEATH TO PUPPETS! Except for that moron in the second row! Yeah, steop closer and say that, punk!
18 March 1999
So the guy says, "Hey, I thought thet was your face!" - But, I wanna tell you... bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz - I hate these barber conventions.
19 March 1999
It's great to see all you cool cats out there! - Arf! Security!
20 March 1999
- - - - - - - - - - munch munch munch
21 March 1999
Inside here, it's warm and cozy. - Out there is tribulation. - HEY! BIG SOCK SALE TODAY! I rest my case.
22 March 1999
Have you seen Odie? No. - WHUMP! - So NOW what do you have to say? Obviously we're dealing with an inferior adhesive.
23 March 1999
Hmm hmm * - GAAAH - See what *I* have to endure? Very funny!
24 March 1999
Wow! Van Gogh cut off his ear for the woman he loved. - - I wonder what I could cut off? How about that last shred of dignity?
25 March 1999
Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me! - I don't want your sympathy! - Unless that work! And he can go even lower, lady.
26 March 1999
It's cold today. - I'm wearing socks. - Even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
27 March 1999
** DING DONG - ** DING DONG - ? - ** DING DONG - - * DING- - * DONG
28 March 1999
Garfield, how would you like a nice treat? - Lay it on me! - It's sort of a rap polka thing. Suckered again!
29 March 1999
I framed a picture of my hero. - Cyrillys Damian, inventor of the accordion. - Just before his execution. There IS justice in the world.
30 March 1999
And now, everyone's favorite polka band... - "The Geek Boys"! - ACCORDION RULES! YESSS! It's the end of the world.
31 March 1999