Uh-oh. - Ahh! A nutritious snack! - Please spare me, Mr. Cat! I've got a wife and six kids! - - - Who...uh...are away visiting my mother for an indefinite period of time?... - Fish who live in glass houses shouldn't fib.
click - Cats of the world, unite! - It's time to burn our collars and throw off the yoke of oppression! - We have suffered under the heel of the humans for far too long! - The time to act has arrived! The time to- Oh, Flu-ffy! * - Uh...the
Today's program is brought to you by a product we couldn't care less about. - We're being cancelled at the end of the season, so it hardly matters anyway... - Hey, Petey Everett from third grade...BITE me! - Too bad it's ending...it's getting
...so I said, "it's gotta be brie, baby, or nothing at all..." - Uh-oh...here comes your human...hide me! - STUFF! - On guard, I see. - Keep up the good work! SLAP! GULP - Mouse! Are you still there?! Barely. - I have a death grip on your
- Yip! Yip! What is it, boy? - Jon! Little Timmy has fallen down the old well! - And, as it turns out, he LOVES it down there! - He has a TV and a VCR, and he's away from his evil foster parents... - So PLEASE don't rescue him! - This is one
- SLAM! - What a day! - I was downtown and saw a place to get your palm read, so I went in. - This old gypsy woman took one look at my palm and couldn't stop laughing! Naturally, this upset me... - So I took out my gum and stuck it on her
click - ...get rich through real estate! click - ...and now we'll pait a happy little deer by our little brook... click - ...burn fat! Add muscle! click - ...just rub on and watch those wrinkles melt away! click - ...it slices! It dices! -
Wow! - Look at that pretty girl in the water, Garfield! I'll get her attention! - SHARK! - YAAAHHH! EEEEK! YAAA! - Look...here she comes! - SLAP! How dare you panic all those people! - Well, it can't get any worse than this. You called?
Sigh - What is the purpose of my life? - I exist to feed you! - What's that? ...a weekend in Hawaii? No, I have to slop the cat. - The medal of honor?! No, my cat hasn't eaten in three minutes. - We're here to remember Jon...a man devoted top
Look, a card from Dr. Liz, the vet...it's time for your checkup! - Oh, boy! Maybe she'll find something WRONG with you! - Then we can go back to see her again and again! Can you just feel the love in the room?
Wanna go for a little ride in the car, Garfield? Uh-ho. - That question can only mean one of two things. The lady vet or the farm. - Just let me splash a little more cologne and we'll go. It's the vet.
OK, Garfield, we're at the vet's. Now behave yourself. - And remember, the fish tank in the waiting room is NOT a buffet. - That means the bib, lemon wedge and drawn butter stay in the car. You are no Mr. Fun, you know that?
Hmm...I see you have a birthday coming up. Birthdays don't "come up". - They jump on you like a brown bear on a picnic basket, like a gorilla on a tire swing. like a fat clown on a mini tramp... - Like bags on a cat's eyes!
! - Garfield! - When I left this room, there was a hamburger on this plate. - When I returned, all that was left was this pickle chip. - Now, I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions. - So tell me...what should
You HAD to change seats, didn't you? - I couldn't see with that fat gux in front of me. But this is the front row! My eyes are crossing. - At least we won't get nosebleeds. My neck is stiff. And if those sprinklers go off, we'll drown!
Pretty scary movie,, huh Liz? If you get too frightened, feel free to throw your arms around me. - RAAAHHHHRR!!! - My knight in shining armor. suck suck suck suck suck suck More like your sissy in double knit.
Thank you for the movie, Jon. You're very sweet. And I'd just like to say... HONK! HONK! HONK! - GARFIELD! If you don't stop honking that horn, I'm going to rip it out off the steering column and shove it up your nose! - SLAM! Hello?
S'matter, hon? Unlucky at love? You can tell? - Yeah, you have that look. What look is that? - You look like you're having coffee in a siut with your cat in a diner on a saturday night. The woman is psychic.
Ahem... - Can you spare a cup of crickets? Sorry. - How a bout a pinch of gnats? No can do, pal. - Dot any diced dung beetle? Darn, just ran out. - Minced millipede? Had it for leftovers last night. - A fistful of fuit flies? If you had
Whew! - Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. - You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... - Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. - You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. - C'mon. You know
I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. - She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. - You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.
bzzzzzz - I'm a fly. So I see. - I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. - I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. - I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and - SMACK - With all those eyes,
Did you squish my husband yesterday?! Probably. - Then I need you to sign these insurance papers verifying he wasn't injured on the job. What was his job? - Household pest. Then was on the clock, lady.
Come, my son... - Are you ready, my son? Yes, my father. - For generations our men have been tested. - He who catches the brick will lead our people. - I will make you proud, may father. Good luck, my son. - CLUNK - I guess this means you're
Tonight, on "Weird but True," we're interviewing a man with a railroad spike through his head! Hi, Bob, glad to be here. - So, sir, how exactly did this happen? Hi, Bob, glad to be here. - Uh...has this affected you in any way? Hi, Bob, glad
You squished my mother! You squished my father! - You squished my brother! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my brother! You squished my sister! - You squished my brother! You squished my
The chicks, they just aren't digging me, Garfield. I gotta do something. - Well, Jon, perhaps you should strive to become more empathetic to the female psyche. - That would enable you to establish a more meaningful dialog, thus contributing
I remember back on the farm, we had an electric toy train that ran around the Christmas tree. - Then one year Doc Boy licked the track. - He glowed for three days. I take back everything I said about him no being very bright.