1978 1979 1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017
 
 


 
   
Garfield

A toast: to the new year! clink This does not bode well... It's not a very good sign, either.

1 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Happy new year. Not so louuud.

2 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, let's just sit here and think deep thoughts. Do monkeys marry? Come back! You're too deep!

3 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I take no pleasure in kicking Odie. BOOT! I do, however, enjoy watching him claw at the air on the way down.

4 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Getting a little plump, aren't we? Plump? Plump, you say? Put it back. Plump is history.

5 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I just had a thought! Darn! Slippery little devils.

6 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen siad not to call her anymore. She says it's too expensive. She says every time I call she rips the phone out the wall. Badda boom.

7 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a lot of things on my schedule. Whoa. All I have on mine is a little ketchup.

8 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Uh-oh. Ahh! A nutritious snack! Please spare me, Mr. Cat! I've got a wife and six kids! Who...uh...are away visiting my mother for an indefinite period of time?... Fish who live in glass houses shouldn't fib.

9 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

What are you doing today, Garfield? I thought I'd finish my memoirs, and then paint the house. I sense sarcasm. ...and then it's on to community service.

10 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

All I ask is that you move enough so I don't have to dust you. Work! Work! Work!

11 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Z Z His daisy-stomping dream.

12 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I had a busy day. Me too. Mine was about eight years ago.

13 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Cats in the jungle must hunt for every meal. I used to do that... Before we put the pizza place on the speed dial.

14 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You know, some cats jump up and romp about the house for no reason at all. So... Not in our lifetime.

15 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

RIIING! * Hello? Yes?.....YES?.... YES?! yeeeeesssssss?... I /sincerely/ apologize... That's my cue to hide behind the drapes for an hour.

16 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Wouldn't you like to have a cat like me around your house? You do have a cookie jar, don't you?

17 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

And the winner of the "Bird of the Year" award is... Stan the sparrow! I'll be accepting on Stan's (burp) behalf.

18 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie, I want you to go far away. Far, far away. One more "far" there, pal...

19 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's a picture of my grandfather's elbow. I see the resemblance.

20 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Why won't you go out with me, Cindy? You're getting a root canal? Mind if I tag along? Won't she be suffering enough?

21 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel like having some fun! The feeling is starting to fade. Maybe you're having fun and don't know it.

22 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

click Cats of the world, unite! It's time to burn our collars and throw off the yoke of oppression! We have suffered under the heel of the humans for far too long! The time to act has arrived! The time to Oh, Flu-ffy! * Uh...thetime to... Flu-ffy! Dinner!

23 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh...another day of toil. No sense lying around. Better get busy. These cartoons won't watch themselves.

24 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Today's program is brought to you by a product we couldn't care less about. We're being cancelled at the end of the season, so it hardly matters anyway... Hey, Petey Everett from third grade...BITE me! Too bad it's ending...it's gettingbetter.

25 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Woof! Woof! Woof!...Uh... Line? "Woof," you idiot! In his defense, it WAS a long speech.

26 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

And now the farm report. Dan, little Nancy Slobo was bitten by a cow today. The incident occured during a game of "Slap the Udder". Cows hate that.

27 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

We at channel 31 are dedicated to quality programming. Informative, educational and responsible, that's us! We now return to "World's Ugliest People". Look at that nose!

28 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Doctor, what is the difference between cats and dogs? Well, dogs have a high degree of loyalty. Where as a cat would turn in its own mother. Only if there's a reward.

29 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield! Mail's here! It arrived! It arrived! Hey, Garfield! Notice anything different about me? New cologne?

30 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Friends may come and friends may go... But a teddy bear is forever. poit!

31 January 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Where are my sweat pants? I don't even want to know where my tee shirt is. Then don't look behind you.

1 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm going to frolic ion the meadow! They built a hotel on it. You could hang out in the lobby.

2 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

That was Mrs. Brown on the phone. She says you bit her. Well?! She was wearing a mumu with pork chops printed all over it.

3 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Florence, remember when you said I was no fun? Well, you'll have to change your tune! "1001 Elephant Jokes," baby! Run, Florence, run!

4 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Remember the good times we've had, Garfield? Remember the mediocre times we've had, Garfield? Yeah...

5 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

...so I said, "it's gotta be brie, baby, or nothing at all..." Uh-oh...here comes your human...hide me! STUFF! On guard, I see. Keep up the good work! SLAP! GULP Mouse! Are you still there?! Barely. I have a death grip on youruvula

6 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Mrs. Feeny's dog is on our lawn. I know. Looks like he's laughing. I hate him. What is he waving about? That was a perfectly good tail.

7 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

BEWARE OF THE DOG!! Spent all their money on advertising.

8 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Dogs are brave. And you smell funny when you're wet! Cats are sarcastic.

9 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Beware Of The Scary Dog grrr That's not scary. booo! Maybe a little annoying...

10 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

That's a great sign! Beware Of The Dog Why, thank you. It really suits you! Aw, gwan! I think I forgot something.

11 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Beware of the dog! How come? Um... Because the people who make those signs have families to feed? sigh

12 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

pat pat unngh unnnnggghhh -

13 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

sniff sniff This snowman smells like coconut oil. Sunblock

14 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

WET PETS! WET PETS! Feel the power.

15 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

GARFIELD!

16 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, Garfield, it was fun for a while... But now it's gotten out of control. This has to stop.

17 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen, this is Jon. No! Don't hang up! I just want you to ask you for dinner! Yes, NOW you can hang up. Ahem... I'M available.

18 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I worked hard today. Z And so now the fun begins.

19 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

* Welcome. Enter Password: Hmmm * tic tic tikka tic tick tic tic It's "lasagna," isn't it? Just a lucky guess.

20 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap Thank you for that kind applause! clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap I said, thank you! clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap If you don't stopapplauding, I can't start

21 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Presenting Odie...the dog of a thousand faces! Give or take 999.

22 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Spotlight! SPOTLIGHT, you idiots! KRONG!

23 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have an older following.

24 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

We have a really BIG show tonight! -

25 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey! I have a right to singl the blues! I also have the right to eat the pepperoni off of everyone else's pizza.

26 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Yip! Yip! What is it, boy? Jon! Little Timmy has fallen down the old well! And, as it turns out, he LOVES it down there! He has a TV and a VCR, and he's away from his evil foster parents... So PLEASE don't rescue him! This is oneof the days I'm glad I do

27 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

How to Annoy How NOT to be Annoyed

28 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You better not mess with us, Jon! Right, Odie? See? He agrees with me.

29 February 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm using a new shampoo. As what?

1 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Good morning, Garfield. Go away! Special day today! I said, "go away". It's "Check your-pet-for-parasites day"! I know a lawyer!

2 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

It's friday night, Garfield. Another weekend of TV and junk food... Falling asleep during some mindless movie... Yesss!

3 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

YAWN For those of you who came in late, here's what you missed. YAWN

4 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Dinner! Soup? Soup?! SOUP?!! It's cream of lasagna. Souuuuuuuup.

5 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

skitter skitter skitter . STOMP! What's the point of having all these legs if I can't outrun anybody?

6 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Dwayne, look at you! What happened?! SMACK That.

7 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have 342 kids...all teenagers. WHACK! Thank you. Any time.

8 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

A hobo spider...now I've seen everything. Buddy, can you spare a fly? Now I've HEARD everything, too.

9 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

My, my, my, that's a big hammer. You must be a construction worker. Salt of the earth, that's what. Now for the ironic twist.

10 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Funny, I don't remember swatting a spider.

11 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'll see you then! I have a date every night this week! Because the women, they love me! They say everyone in the world has a double somewhere. Jon!

12 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Well, I have something to do. Go ahead. I think I can handle this by myself.

13 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

"...and while the dog slept, the cat sat at the whetstone sharpening his claws." "Tonight would be an eventful night indeed..." To be continued... -

14 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Staring at me doesn't bother me at all. SO STOP IT!

15 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's a good cause, Garfield. I might look into this. All right! It's an endangered species list. Oh, it's not a menu?

16 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a date, and the only thing clean is my gorilla suit. YEAAAAH! He never fails to disappoint me.

17 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate to admit it, but I miss Jon. I miss the laughter...the kindness... THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Maybe I should let him out the closet.

18 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SLAM! What a day! I was downtown and saw a place to get your palm read, so I went in. This old gypsy woman took one look at my palm and couldn't stop laughing! Naturally, this upset me... So I took out my gum and stuck it on hercrystal ball. And that's w

19 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Here you go, hot from the grill! My omelette has feathers. Swap you for the one with a beak.

20 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Two tuna specials, please. Sob! ...sorry, I get emotional. My first husband passed away while eating the tuna special. Cheese! I'll have a grilled cheese!

21 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

This cheeseburger is delicious, Irma! What's your secret? We let our cheese age, hon. Been sitting in my pickup for almost six months now. Spit take on three...

22 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

How's my lobster dinner coming? *SNAP* *SNAP* YAAHH! BY DOES! IT'S GOT BY DOSE! It'll be right up. ...with one interesting garnish.

23 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Would you care for an after-dinner coffee drink? Sure! What have you got? Well, there's your regular and your decaf. You've gotta love your diner.

24 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Nothing going on over there. Nothing going on over there. This must be where the action is.

25 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm terribly sorry... That was Mrs. Feeny complaining about you again. You are NOT to set foot on her property again, understand?! * RING GET YOUR *TOE* OFF HER LAWN!!

26 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I could use some cheering up. No way, Jose. I'm not leaving.

27 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You're a lazy bum, Odie! I like to give him a little praise when he deserves it.

28 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Harold, I'm afraid! Fear not, Harriet. I shall defend you to the end! GULP Well, my job is done.

29 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. pat pat pat Good for you.

30 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a date tonight! I wonder what I should give her? How about a head start?

31 March 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Another day has gone by. Why shouldn't it? We sure did nothing to stop it.

1 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

click ...get rich through real estate! click ...and now we'll pait a happy little deer by our little brook... click ...burn fat! Add muscle! click ...just rub on and watch those wrinkles melt away! click ...it slices! It dices! -Where were you? Oh, just d

2 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You ate one of my goldfish! Now this one will be sad and lonely! Just sad. GARFIELD!

3 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, hey. You know, it's bad luck to eat a goldfish! So, I'll stay out of the casinos.

4 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield! You ate my goldfish! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too!

5 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Have you no shame? Shame...shame... Nope.

6 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, have you met my new goldfish? Why yes, I... ! PTOO clonk

7 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Full moon tonight. That's when I turn into a primal beast. I see I'm not alone. Go ahead. Stick your hand in here.

8 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Wow! Look at that pretty girl in the water, Garfield! I'll get her attention! SHARK! YAAAHHH! EEEEK! YAAA! Look...here she comes! SLAP! How dare you panic all those people! Well, it can't get any worse than this. You called?

9 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Boy, this is taking forever. tap tap Stop signs don't turn green, you dip.

10 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm hungry. What are you doing in the glove compartment, Garfield? Looking for a snack. Care to join me? We have ketchup, mustard, relish, salt and soy sauce.

11 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon cleaned his windshield this morning, and guess what that means... SPLAP You got it. YAAAH!

12 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Two Happy Burgers. You don't sound happy. I said, two Happy Burgers, pal! Well, maybe you'll like a Grumpy Burger. HAPPY BURGERS! Would you like some rude fries with that?

13 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm expecting an important call. Even a WRONG NUMBER could be important! I'll leave you alone with your fantasies.

14 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, there's a rat out there! It's big enought to eat a dog! So, do something! * Heere, Odie!

15 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

scritch scritch scritch "Dear Diary..." Har-dee-har, har, har, Arbuckle.

16 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

hammer hammer hammer hammer WHACK! MOMMY! Uh, I mean, ow! Too late.

17 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Yah. Paper cut. YAAH Envelope cut. THAAAH And that would be the stamp.

18 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ah gah a papah on my thung licking ahn anvewope. Potato chip? Thunks. NYAAH GAAHH NYAH NYAH GAH GAH GAH Fun with salt.

19 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

hammer hammer hammer hammer WHACK! OWWwwsaaay... THAT'S an interesting shade... Wave bye-bye to Mr. Fingernail.

20 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

saw saw saw saw saw sa Oops. Boy, I hope that can be sewn back on. Hey, I lost a button...Garfield?

21 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer hammer BOY, this is a long nail. Try hitting it with your forehead.

22 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

-

23 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

We need a change. How's that? It's a start.

24 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

The tablecloth just isn't enough. We really need to spice this place up. -

25 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING! Odie's cup runneth over.

26 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

DING ** DONG There's a dictionary salesman who's like to have a word with you.

27 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm thinking positively, Garfiel. That phone WILL ring, it WILL be a woman, and she WILL go out with me! * RIING HELLO! Well? I'm taking mom to Bingo saturday.

28 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, don't mess with my new plant. It's very expensive. And exotic. And friendy.

29 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SMACK! SMACK! Garfield, what are you doing? I'm practicing being exasperated. I'm videotaping my sock drawer! SMACK!

30 April 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

This was my great uncle Norbert. He was a color-blind electrician. He had more trouble with those read and black wires. Interesting hair style.

1 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

There's my great uncle Floyd. He drove a dynamite truck. And there he is again... and there, and there, and there...

2 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

This is a picture of "Scraps," our neighbor's dog on the farm. Boy, he loved to play fetch. Then, one day he chased a stick right into a thresher. At least he lived up to his name.

3 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

...and here's good old uncle Buford, a lifelong bachelor. I never could figure out why. Maybe it was that third arm... Couldn't exactly shop off of the rack, could he?

4 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

...and there's cousin leonard. He believed he'd been kidnapped by aliens. The aliens, of course, denied the whole thing. Okay, NOW I'm frigthened. Are you frigthened?

5 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

There's old uncle Enos... He was the state champion apple corer. He had three medals. And six fingers too, I see.

6 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Mister big shot! Not so high and mighty without your newspaper, are you?! Well, now the advantage is MINE! Ha ha ha ha ha!! FLINK Z I loathe you.

7 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

ATTENTION, THERE! I HAVE tHE BEAR! COME OUT OF THE BED NOW! You'll never take me awake!

8 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

When you're overweight, you have questions... How is my energy?... How is my health?... Am I wearing loafers?

9 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I taught Odie a new trick! Who broke this vase?! Take the rap, Odie! Take the rap!

10 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Thanks, doctor. GARFIELD, THAT WAS THE VET'S OFFICE! YOU HAVE A FUNGUS! Great! Say it a little louder, why don't you?!

11 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

No one has ever regretted going out with me, Gina. Well, maybe they got a little upset. All right! They changed their names and moved! But no regrets.

12 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Always stretch before you exercise. Got it. Never stretch.

13 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Nobody understands me! Not you! And not you! Oh, maybe my sock puppet understands me a LITTLE... But not YOU guys! And that's a good thing, right, Odie?

14 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon's doing a little home improvement today. * TWANG He's just attempting to adjust his recliner. CRASH!

15 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome, you're just within time! Jon is screwing in a light bulb. screw screw screw KLUNK! screw screw screw KLUNK! Darn! Clockwise, brain boy!

16 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome back. Today, Jon is... -replacing a washer in the kitchen faucet. ABANDON HOUSE!!

17 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey! A chocolate donut! POW! Hey! Where's my inner tube?!

18 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Friday night: I bet the ringer is busted. Right sure, yeah, we'll run with that.

19 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr BLEEEAACCKKK YACK ACK ACK ACK G-G-G-G-GACK Stupid blender! Aw, that was your best necktie, too.

20 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

* riiing * riiing Hello? Yes, Mrs. Feeny? ...your little dog? ...collar taken? ...shaved bald? ...painted green? -uh-huh? Yeesh. No, he's been here asleep all day. Yes, all day, really, uh-huh...goodbye. *

21 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So, Garfield. How's the laziness business? Slow.

22 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Cats and mice are SUPPOSED to be enemies! Fascinating. Merits discussion. Cheese? My place.

23 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm tired of looking at that face of yours, Odie. Cool! Now do a hamster!

24 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

AAA! AAA! LEG CRAMP! LEG CRAMP! It's always about YOU, isn't it?

25 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Are you Jon's date? ...stamp your foot once for yes and twice for no.

26 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SIGH

27 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I feel that life is passing us by. Passing us by...heck, it's lapped us.

28 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

...and what do we have for the runners-up, Bob? We have a lovely parting gift for each of them Chuck... One-way tickets to LOSERville! At last, an honest game show.

29 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome to the All-Opera Channel. click Welcome to "Great Works of Literature". click Welcome to "Professional Monkey Wrestling". At last!

30 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woob! CUT! Real dumb.

31 May 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

We have with us a man who can talk backwards! Good evening, sir... iH elbaveilebnU.

1 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Tonight we're interviewing a man without knees! Good evening, sir...have a seat. What is that? Some sort of sick joke?! Ooo, touchy, aren't we? Ask him how he ties his shoes.

2 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety -"Knittin' with Phil" will be right back... As opposed to myself.

3 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh What is the purpose of my life? I exist to feed you! What's that? ...a weekend in Hawaii? No, I have to slop the cat. The medal of honor?! No, my cat hasn't eaten in three minutes. We're here to remember Jon...a man devoted topopening cat food. Stick

4 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Look, a card from Dr. Liz, the vet...it's time for your checkup! Oh, boy! Maybe she'll find something WRONG with you! Then we can go back to see her again and again! Can you just feel the love in the room?

5 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Wanna go for a little ride in the car, Garfield? Uh-ho. That question can only mean one of two things. The lady vet or the farm. Just let me splash a little more cologne and we'll go. It's the vet.

6 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

OK, Garfield, we're at the vet's. Now behave yourself. And remember, the fish tank in the waiting room is NOT a buffet. That means the bib, lemon wedge and drawn butter stay in the car. You are no Mr. Fun, you know that?

7 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield is here for his checkup. Species? Cat. And you, lady?

8 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate waiting rooms. I hate the stupid pamphlets they put in the waiting rooms. Look, Garfield, an ingrown nose hair! Can I get a painkiller over here?

9 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I hate the vet's office. They should at least serve coffee. And have a separate waiting room for dogs. I'm gonna get a shot! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

10 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

VET CLINIC kaff kaff hack hack gag The doctor is running about an hour late. Please have a seat. hack aak. a-chew snort haaaack koff kaff gack

11 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hmm...I see you have a birthday coming up. Birthdays don't "come up". They jump on you like a brown bear on a picnic basket, like a gorilla on a tire swing. like a fat clown on a mini tramp... Like bags on a cat's eyes!

12 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie, soon I'll be turning 22... Sigh... Sigh... Hee hee I heard that.

13 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So what would you like for your birthday this year? That has got to be the mother of all can openers. Three-fifty, dual-cam, fuel-injected five-speed!

14 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So you're going to be 22, huh? That's right. Want to reminisce about your gallbladder or something?

15 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Getting older isn't so bad, Garfield... Oh, no? Why, I remember when *I* turned 22... Wait a minute...no, I don't. SEE?!!

16 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I glued the top onto Garfield's birthday present so he can't peek. That should keep him thinking all weekend. Right now I'm thinking some air holes would be nice.

17 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh... What a lovely day. The sun is shining... The bees are buzzing... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz The birds are singing... ** * The cat's stomach is growling... What a lovely day.

18 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, it's monday... I HATE mondays! ...annd your birthday! -but, what do I know?

19 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

GARFIELD You know you've arrived when you get your own parking space.

20 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You'd like me, Velma. I'm a very down-to-earth kind of guy... Traditional and old.fashioned, that's me. So, do you wanna go to the Henry County Chicken Pluck Frida yNight? I'LL go.

21 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I wish that phone would ring, and that it would be a beautiful woman's voice. * riiiinng Hello? Hel-LO! Well? My car payment is late.

22 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Nice dinner, nice movie... No goodnight kiss. Halfway to the front porch, she sucker punched me and ran. Did this one take your wallet too?

23 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I had the vet take Garfield's temeprature. Let's talk health here. Let's talk dignity here.

24 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

! Garfield! When I left this room, there was a hamburger on this plate. When I returned, all that was left was this pickle chip. Now, I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions. So tell me...what shouldI do? You could leave th

25 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So, doc, how have you been? Fine. And how is your boyfriend? I don't have a boy ...friend. Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.

26 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Enough of my macho posturing, Liz...may I have the pleasure of escorting you to a movie? ...since you put it that way, yes... ALL RIGHT, BAY-BEE! YESSSS! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!

27 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

DING-DONG ** Hi, Liz. Hmm...cheap suit, but nicely pressed...neat haircut...maybe this date won't be a disaster. We're ready! Man the lifeboats...

28 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Do you like the corsage, Liz? It's beautiful, Jon, but... How am I supposed to see the movie? I could nibble some eye holes for you.

29 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Are you sure you're going to get away with this, Jon? Oh, yeah...we go to the movies here all the time. Two, please. Hey, Morty! The freak with the tail is back!

30 June 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So, Jon, what movie are we seeing? "Sludge Monster VII: The Oozing". Would you like a bucket of popcorn? No, just the bucket, please.

1 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

mmmmm YAWN a-HEM Sigh a-HEM

2 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Isn't this great, Liz? I've been waiting for weeks to see this movie! Pardon me. Look! It's starting! Excuse me...pardon me... I * Elvis

3 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You HAD to change seats, didn't you? I couldn't see with that fat gux in front of me. But this is the front row! My eyes are crossing. At least we won't get nosebleeds. My neck is stiff. And if those sprinklers go off, we'll drown!

4 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Boy, that popcorn sure smells good, doesn't it? Uh, excuse me... Get your own!

5 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Pretty scary movie,, huh Liz? If you get too frightened, feel free to throw your arms around me. RAAAHHHHRR!!! My knight in shining armor. suck suck suck suck suck suck More like your sissy in double knit.

6 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Thank you for the movie, Jon. You're very sweet. And I'd just like to say... HONK! HONK! HONK! GARFIELD! If you don't stop honking that horn, I'm going to rip it out off the steering column and shove it up your nose! SLAM! Hello?

7 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

S'matter, hon? Unlucky at love? You can tell? Yeah, you have that look. What look is that? You look like you're having coffee in a siut with your cat in a diner on a saturday night. The woman is psychic.

8 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello, cat. Hello, tree. Feel like a nice climb up me? Not a chance. Very clever, but the answer is still no. Nice try. * ding Oh, I'm weakening.

9 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Happy monday. The mother of all oxymorons.

10 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

There's a dead bird on the lawn...must've flown into a window. Poor dumb animal. WHACK! Sliding glass door.

11 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Psst, hey pal...c'mere. Wanny buy a watch?

12 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Do we need any truffels?

13 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Barbara, would you like to go out with. CLICK Hello? ... Hello?! I don't believe it! We were cut off! It must be very peaceful in Jonland.

14 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

* chirp chirp chirp * chirp ch... ...irp

15 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

GA ping R zing F wing I E GULP L Seconds? D

16 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I smell hamburgers. Do you smell hamburgers? Maybe you should move that thing outside. But I AM outside.

17 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Well, the battery in my car is dead again. I can't understand how I keep forgetting to turn my headlights off! About your night games...

18 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm declaring this house free of mice! And, if anybody asks, you're a hamster.

19 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

* NOK NOK The aluminium siding has to go. But it was such a deal!

20 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

saw saw saw Where are you going? Switzerland.

21 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Yes, what's the best way to get rid of mice? Gee, what a grear idea! "Get...a......cat". I'm drowning in sarcasm here.

22 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ahem... Can you spare a cup of crickets? Sorry. How a bout a pinch of gnats? No can do, pal. Dot any diced dung beetle? Darn, just ran out. Minced millipede? Had it for leftovers last night. A fistful of fuit flies? If you hadstopped by yesterday... Well,

23 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Smile and the whole world smiles with you. I'll never do that again.

24 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

All is well in my world. We were out of shampoo, so I used floor wax! Fortunately, Jon is not in my world.

25 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

They say having a pet can lower your blood pressure. They say having a pet can relax you. I need a 5/16 drill bit. ...so they say.

26 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Did you know that dogs pant to cool themselves? pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant pant And to annoy me?

27 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen, what say we drive out to Lovers' Lane tonight? Oh, there's a place you'd rather go? No, I've neve rheard of "You make me puke" Lane. I know that place.

28 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I think I'll lie here for a while. Then, after that... I think I'll lie here for a while.

29 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

-click tappy tappy type type tappy tappy type -click Your order has been processed, thank you. "www.dingleball.com"?

30 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

It's the crown prince of laziness! All hail his highness, Prince Fat Slob! Off with his mouth!

31 July 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

There are days when I just don't feel like doing anything. Take today for instance... -

1 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, all you ever do is sleep. What if the whole world were like you? We'd be a poor, yet rested people.

2 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

HI, I'm a worm. I burrow under the ground and eat dirt. What do you do for fun? I like to boogie down on the sidewalk after a good rain.

3 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Do you like being a worm? Do cats eat worms? No. I LOVE being a worm.

4 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So, you live underground and eat soil? That's right. What do you do for a living? Dig. That's not too glamorous. It puts dirt on the table.

5 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Whew! Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. C'mon. You knowyou want me... He's licki

6 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, is this your coffee or mine? sip Mine.

7 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yip! That's telling it.

8 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I think I pulled a muscle in my pinky finger while trimming the bougainvillaea. Well, it HURTS! Stand back, everyone...give this man some air...the ambulance is on its way...

9 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You irk me. Dictionary Thank you!

10 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.

11 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ahhhh...that was a great meal, wasn't it? What?...oh yeah, sure. slup slup slup slup That boy loves pizza.

12 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

bzzzzzz I'm a fly. So I see. I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and SMACK With all those eyes,you'd have thought he would ha

13 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I was a lonely child, Garfield. Ho boy... My playmates were barnyard animals. Ever try to get a heifer into a ftree house? Let's not go there.

14 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ursuella Nelson...my first girlfriend. We had some wild times. At night we'd sneak out to the barn and drink unpasteurized milk! Another piece of the puzzle!

15 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm not a countryboy anymore, mom. I even buy eggs at a store. Don't cry, ma! You could have broken it to her more gently.

16 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I remember summer nights on the farm... A gentle breeze wafting through the meadow... Chasing each other with cattle prods... There was something in the water.

17 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's a great picture from the farm. It was taken the day we got indoor plumbing. The entire family gathered around the toilet. You mom looks so proud cutting that ribbon.

18 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I wasn't a popular child, Garfield. Go figure. The other kids would go out and play "Jump Rope". When I came out, it was "Tie the geek to a tree". Hey, they included you.

19 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

All right, that was three times...now lie down.

20 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

BRING MY PANTS BACK!

21 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

slap! slap! AAIIIIIEEEE Nothing like a little aftershave lotion to help you find that paper cut.

22 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I finally got the toilet unclogged. Know what it was? Well?! He was having a drink, and I was in a playful mood...

23 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

WHIRRRRRRRRRR That's it, Jonny boy...that's it! WHIRRRRRRRRR Make that baby WHINE! WHIRRRRRRRRRRR ATTA BABY! ATTA BABY!

24 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG YAAAHHHH! Your date's here.

25 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

It's so sad that you don't know how to share. Sad for YOU, maybe.

26 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

WAH-HOO! Bay-bee! Bay-bee! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YESSSSSSS! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Hoo da man?! Hoo da man?! You da man.

27 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Paper says there's an ice age coming. It'll be here in two million years. Better start moving to the cellar, Garfield... Ha, ha, ha...

28 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Says here they discovered an ancient city. Maybe someday they'll find this house! Wonder what they'll say. "Archaeologist finds bad suit".

29 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm still here. I can read VERY slowly. I can sit for a LONG time.

30 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I saw a beautiful woman on the bus yesterday, Garfield. It was love at first sight. At least on my part. "Woman jumps from moving bus".

31 August 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

When I'm done with the paper, I'll fix your dinner. RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP As soon as I said that, I knew it was a mistake. You're done with the paper. Now, fix my dinner!

1 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

There are a lot of problems in the worls. SOME of which aren't your fault. Rare praise indeed.

2 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

* ! tap tap Scary Stories II

3 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Help! I'm a jelly-filled donut! I'm afraid someone will eat me! Will you protect me? Some days, life kisses you right on the lips.

4 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm hot. I'm hot. Hot's taken. You'll have to be cold.

5 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

The last cookie is gone. And I think it's safe to assume where it went. Don't be too sure... I'M not the one with chocolate chips on my tongue.

6 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

www.coffeequick.com tic tic tic click ** DING-DONG I now officially love the Internet.

7 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

But WHY won't you go out with me, Beth?! I can't dance?! Well, I CAN dance! I'm doing a box step with my cat right now! Why do you always have to lead?

8 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Boy, it's hot! clop clop clop And we're short of ice cube trays!

9 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

-

10 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Cootchie, cootchie, coo! You can't stay on the ceiling forever.

11 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I ate a millipede for lunch. How was it? Awful! He went down kicking and screaming and kicking and screaming and kicking...

12 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT That was some impressive open-field running. Thank you.

13 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

My uncle Barton was an actor. He died tragically while shooting a bug spray commercial. They gave hima union funeral...open cocoon, 21-fly salute...everything. You're boring me.

14 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Did you squish my husband yesterday?! Probably. Then I need you to sign these insurance papers verifying he wasn't injured on the job. What was his job? Household pest. Then was on the clock, lady.

15 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Would you like to hear the story of my life? Sure. SMACK Keep it short!

16 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hot pepper eating contest! Jalapeno! Cyenne! Habanero! Peruvian death pepper! FOOM! You win... Then why am I not happy?

17 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You're reading? Instead of paying attention to me?! Here's an article about you. I can wait.

18 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

The dog says, "arf". The cow says, "moo". And the cat says, ... Leave me alone or I'll buy your book.

19 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

He just keeps on reading. Totally ignoring my needs. Forcing me to pull one of those little hairs out of his neck.

20 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Wouldn't it be great to walk on the moon, Garfield? Oh, I see right through your thinly weiled ploy, pal... Always trying to get me to exercise!

21 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

"A rubber mouse can provide hours of entertainment for your cat". Which reminds me... Where's yours? Melted it down. Made earplugs.

22 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon learns a word every day. Here's a good one! The same word. "Filbert".

23 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Come, my son... Are you ready, my son? Yes, my father. For generations our men have been tested. He who catches the brick will lead our people. I will make you proud, may father. Good luck, my son. CLUNK I guess this means you'restill the leader. Go figur

24 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Out of Order

25 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon's always followed his own fashoin path. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank Stainless steel trousers. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank I am soooo hip.

26 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

PHHHHHHHHHHHT! Now you try it. Towel, please.

27 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You'd better not pick on me, cat, 'cause if you do... I'll tell my big brother! Please spare me.

28 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, lady, it's friday night! Maybe you'd like to go to a movie or something? You can't knit anytime, grandma! A new rejection record!

29 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sometimes I don't feel wanted. Oh, goody, mail! Anything for me? Not much... Just this eviction note from the planet earth.

30 September 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

ssssss Hey! There's cat hair all over the waffle iron! Tell me something I DON'T know!

1 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Taking care of a cat isn't easy, but it's worth it! To the cat, I mean.

2 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Here's another ball of yarn! Twice the fun.

3 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ah, the simple pleasure of lying in a basket of freshly washed laundry. Get out of there. Be careful, lest you offend ZARTOK, earthling!

4 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I was painting, you were shedding. I love what you've done with this room!

5 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I think I'll chase my tail. Gotcha. I don't know what dogs see in this.

6 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Listen to that! rrrr rrrr rrrr There's no mistaking the purring of a contented cat. rrr rrr rrr You forgot to jiggle the handle again. rrr rrr

7 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah... ...and on days we didn't have chores to do, Doc Boy and Iwould borrow the tractor and d

8 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I could have done things with my life. But I didn't. -

9 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sometimes it's hard to express our inner feelings. Nonsense. I LOVE BACON! Your turn.

10 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm growing a moustache, Garfield. Facial hair is macho, you know. I'VE always thought so.

11 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Odie, you're such a good boy! And Garfield, you're such a...such a... cat. A "good boy" would kill you, wouldn't it?

12 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

That bully didn't like me looking at his girlfriend. But the joke's on him. My tie was darn tasty. That will teach him.

13 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon and Odie aren't home. I hate being by myself. There's no thrill in stealing your own food.

14 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Z Z Z Z Z Z Where have you been? Taking a progressive nap.

15 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Tails! Heads! Heads! Welcome to "Catnip Corner"!

16 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Tonight, on "Weird but True," we're interviewing a man with a railroad spike through his head! Hi, Bob, glad to be here. So, sir, how exactly did this happen? Hi, Bob, glad to be here. Uh...has this affected you in any way? Hi, Bob, gladto be he

17 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

It's the "Binky the Clown Show"! Today is "Health Day," kids! Let's see who's at the door... Why, it's "Petey," the bloated tick! That is one ugly puppet.

18 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Okay, I admit it. I was wrong. Whaddya want, an apology?! All, right, FINE! I'm sorry, do you hear me?!...SORRY! S-O-R-R-Y!!! The weatherman is losing it.

19 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I did something unusual last night, Garfield. I videotaped my entire date! click Here she is slashing my tires. She's waving.

20 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Welcome to sixty minutes of televised silence. Read a book, why don't you? Quality programming.

21 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

My hair's on fire! Ankle-biting woodchucks! I'm being deported to Mongolia! Locusts! Your dinner will be a teense late. Why does everything happen to ME?!

22 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Now take that glass of milk... Is it half full, or half empty? Depends. Do you have half a cookie?

23 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

cluck cluck cluck cluck That might explain the fried hat for dinner.

24 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Do NOT kick the dog WHAP!

25 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel kinda low, mom. I have no friends, I can'T get a date... And the cat is wearing my underwear. I prefer your boxers.

26 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I have a date with Sally tonight, Garfield. She likes her men strong and rugged. I'm wearing a gorilla suit. With those shoes?

27 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

My memories...by Jon Arbuckle. I was born on a farm. And them I wrote about my boring, empty existence. Short but honest.

28 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

YAWN I'M sorry, sir, your're too late. We're no longer serving breakfast this morning. SQUEEEZE Boy, that smarts.

29 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Do you own an orange cat? Uh, yes. Mr. Throttle's tulip bed is off limits. Let's see you scratch your nose.

30 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield, I think we have vampires. There are two puncture holes in my donut. And all the jelly's been sucked out! I'll be in my coffin.

31 October 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG The guy is here to fix the roof.

1 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Can we spare a cup of ants?

2 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Do you want your car washed?

3 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

** DING-DONG Who was it? I never discuss existentialism before noon.

4 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

What a beautiful day! Only one little cloud. ...one stinking little cloud.

5 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

It's almost time to eat. What think, Garfield? I'm going to say this once, Jon. Anytime I'm NOT eating is "almost time to eat".

6 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, Odie! Never mind.

7 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder where Jon is? The toes on my right foot are hairier than the toes on my left foot! LEt's pretend I couldn't find him.

8 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Do you think you get enough exercise? Exercise? Do I get enough exercise?! I think I just pulled a muscle.

9 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! Because your date is at the door.

10 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I made a list of the things we need from the grocery... "Everything". Get two. I'm hungry!

11 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

bzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzz zip Gotcha! GRAB Hey... Are you gonna eat that?...Dinner's running late. Fine. Any last words?

12 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

If you squish me, you'll hate yourself in the morning! Not likely. I'm never up before noon.

13 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You squished my mother! You squished my father! You squished my brother! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my sister! You squished my brother! You squished my sister! You squished my brother! You squished mybrother! You squishe

14 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Oh, great...my hands are asleep and my nose itches! a-HEM Howzat? Sa'right.

15 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hey, cat, this is my cousin, Louie the Tarantula. SMACK! Who, by the way, I never really liked.

16 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I had a moth for dinner last night. Was it good? You bet! Flame broiled to perfection on th eporch light...num!

17 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I feel like taking on the world! ? -

18 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

RRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRR Okay, Garfield...I left you a spot. Whatta guy.

19 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

This is interesting... Say here your pet's name should reflect its personality. What think, sloth boy? Could be, thimble brain.

20 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm bored. You're also boring. You do it all!

21 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

No, that's not it. It was a stick! I hate fetch.

22 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, I'm Howie the Happy Turkey! Brrrr...I'm cold! Would you put me in the oven? Stop it, Garfield. I wanna be a sandwich!

23 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ellen, this is Jon. CLICK Oh, no! Someone cut her phone line! Sound like a job for a denial man.

24 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I remember the mischief we got into as kids. We'd sneak up to a house... And flip their welcome mat over! Ah, that would explain your key collection.

25 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hmmm...forgot the catsup. * click WOOP WOOP Step away from the meat loaf! I sense a lack of trust here.

26 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

The chicks, they just aren't digging me, Garfield. I gotta do something. Well, Jon, perhaps you should strive to become more empathetic to the female psyche. That would enable you to establish a more meaningful dialog, thus contributingto deeper, more rew

27 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

See that girl staring at me, Garfield? She can't help it. I'm a chick magnet. An absent-minded chick magnet.

28 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Marsha, I'm looking for an old-fashioned girl. A girl with solid family values... A girl who can milk a goat dry in three minutes flat! Bye-bye, Marsha.

29 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Yesiree, Garfield, there are a lot of women out there. Yesiree...plenty of fish in the sea. I'll just cast out the old line. Your bait's dead.

30 November 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hello, Grandma? This is Jon. Well, I'm a little sad. I can't seem to get a date. She says that's because I'm a dork. I'm sure she meant it in the best possible way.

1 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

You don't remember me, Becky? No? All right! Really? Ask her out!

2 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SLUP Well, Garfield... The holidays are coming up... And it's quiet here... Too quiet... WAAAY to quiet... Maybe I should sing... HARRUMPH MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! slap slap slap slap bam bam bam bam

3 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I wonder if Garfield knows Christmas is coming soon. HUG He knows.

4 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Snow always makes it feel more christmasy... Well, fah lah, lah lah lah...

5 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

What is that snowman doing in the living room? Melting.

6 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Jon's decorating the Christmas tree. ZZT Frayed extension cord. That ain't all that's frayed, pal.

7 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

SMACK Got a nifty tree topper. Go away!

8 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Just remember: Santa is WATCHING you. Here's to you, big guy!

9 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

WHUMP! WHUMP! ? WHUMP! Just testing. Needs more lard.

10 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I remember christmases when I was growing up... ...dad carving the roast fly... ...the yule gnat burning in the fireplace... You're putting me off my eggnog here.

11 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I remember back on the farm, we had an electric toy train that ran around the Christmas tree. Then one year Doc Boy licked the track. He glowed for three days. I take back everything I said about him no being very bright.

12 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Behold: the candy cane... A holiday icon...sleek...dazzling in its simplicity. And too darn tasty to pontificate on any longer.

13 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Haaaaahhhh Mmmmmm Candy cane breath.

14 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Let's make a deal... You tell me where you've hidden my Christmas present... And I won't rip your lips off and throw them on the roof. I don't like that look.

15 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

...so what would you say to Santa if he looked you straight in the eye and asked, "have you been GOOD this year?" Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr That's a kitty cat cop-out. So what? I'm desperate.

16 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Gad... I can't take much more of this... The waiting... The not knowing... How is ANYone supposed to stand this kind of suspense. For...for... Eight more days. EIGHT MORE DAYS?!!

17 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

slam! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I BARELY ESCAPED WITH MY LIFE!! Christmas shopping at the mall.

18 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Garfield! That was the shopping mall calling! Santa's elf wants his booties back. The crybaby.

19 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Look what came, Garfield...a Christmas package from my mom! Okay, I'm going to cut the string... Careful...don't spill the gravy.

20 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Have you been climbing the Christmas tree? Not ours. ** DING DONG Cover for me.

21 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Sigh...what great Christmas memories... But, you know, we shouldn't live in the past... I certainly don't. I live for the PRESENT!

22 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I'm very sorry, Mrs. Feeny. Happy holidays to you. She says you left a present on her doormat. 'tis the season for giving. A hairball?!! I made it myself.

23 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

pant pant pant pant pant pant squeak squeak squeak -

24 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

I love Christmas. So do I. And I love you, Garfield. So do I. And we all love you! Merry Christmas!

25 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

So long, Christmas! Good-bye! Don't be a stranger!

26 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Hi, Denise, it's Jon! Are you doing anything for New Years's? I mean BESIDES avoiding me at all costs. Zing!

27 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Nobody will go out with me on new year's. Don't feel bad, Jon. They wouldn't go out with you even if it weren't new year's. pat pat pat pat

28 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

WHY can't I get a date?! What am I? Ugly?...No! What am I? Impolite?...No! What a I? Boring?... Z OH, SHUT UP!

29 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Dating is overrated. New year's overrated. Dates on new year's, however, are not. WAAAH!

30 December 2000
 
 
   
Garfield

Ten...nine... eight...seven... six...five... four...three... two...ONE... Garfield, it's seven in the morning... Practice makes perfect! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

31 December 2000
 




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