Hello, Grandma? This is Jon. Well, I'm a little sad. I can't seem to get a date. She says that's because I'm a dork. I'm sure she meant it in the best possible way.
1 December 2000
You don't remember me, Becky? No? All right! Really? Ask her out!
2 December 2000
SLUP Well, Garfield... The holidays are coming up... And it's quiet here... Too quiet... WAAAY to quiet... Maybe I should sing... HARRUMPH MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! slap slap slap slap bam bam bam bam
3 December 2000
I wonder if Garfield knows Christmas is coming soon. HUG He knows.
4 December 2000
Snow always makes it feel more christmasy... Well, fah lah, lah lah lah...
5 December 2000
What is that snowman doing in the living room? Melting.
6 December 2000
Jon's decorating the Christmas tree. ZZT Frayed extension cord. That ain't all that's frayed, pal.
7 December 2000
SMACK Got a nifty tree topper. Go away!
8 December 2000
Just remember: Santa is WATCHING you. Here's to you, big guy!
9 December 2000
WHUMP! WHUMP! ? WHUMP! Just testing. Needs more lard.
10 December 2000
I remember christmases when I was growing up... ...dad carving the roast fly... ...the yule gnat burning in the fireplace... You're putting me off my eggnog here.
11 December 2000
I remember back on the farm, we had an electric toy train that ran around the Christmas tree. Then one year Doc Boy licked the track. He glowed for three days. I take back everything I said about him no being very bright.
12 December 2000
Behold: the candy cane... A holiday icon...sleek...dazzling in its simplicity. And too darn tasty to pontificate on any longer.
13 December 2000
Haaaaahhhh Mmmmmm Candy cane breath.
14 December 2000
Let's make a deal... You tell me where you've hidden my Christmas present... And I won't rip your lips off and throw them on the roof. I don't like that look.
15 December 2000
...so what would you say to Santa if he looked you straight in the eye and asked, "have you been GOOD this year?" Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr That's a kitty cat cop-out. So what? I'm desperate.
16 December 2000
Gad... I can't take much more of this... The waiting... The not knowing... How is ANYone supposed to stand this kind of suspense. For...for... Eight more days. EIGHT MORE DAYS?!!
17 December 2000
slam! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I BARELY ESCAPED WITH MY LIFE!! Christmas shopping at the mall.
18 December 2000
Garfield! That was the shopping mall calling! Santa's elf wants his booties back. The crybaby.
19 December 2000
Look what came, Garfield...a Christmas package from my mom! Okay, I'm going to cut the string... Careful...don't spill the gravy.
20 December 2000
Have you been climbing the Christmas tree? Not ours. ** DING DONG Cover for me.
21 December 2000
Sigh...what great Christmas memories... But, you know, we shouldn't live in the past... I certainly don't. I live for the PRESENT!
22 December 2000
I'm very sorry, Mrs. Feeny. Happy holidays to you. She says you left a present on her doormat. 'tis the season for giving. A hairball?!! I made it myself.
23 December 2000
pant pant pant pant pant pant squeak squeak squeak -
24 December 2000
I love Christmas. So do I. And I love you, Garfield. So do I. And we all love you! Merry Christmas!
25 December 2000
So long, Christmas! Good-bye! Don't be a stranger!
26 December 2000
Hi, Denise, it's Jon! Are you doing anything for New Years's? I mean BESIDES avoiding me at all costs. Zing!
27 December 2000
Nobody will go out with me on new year's. Don't feel bad, Jon. They wouldn't go out with you even if it weren't new year's. pat pat pat pat
28 December 2000
WHY can't I get a date?! What am I? Ugly?...No! What am I? Impolite?...No! What a I? Boring?... Z OH, SHUT UP!
29 December 2000
Dating is overrated. New year's overrated. Dates on new year's, however, are not. WAAAH!
30 December 2000
Ten...nine... eight...seven... six...five... four...three... two...ONE... Garfield, it's seven in the morning... Practice makes perfect! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
31 December 2000