I'm using a new shampoo. As what?
1 March 2000
Good morning, Garfield. Go away! Special day today! I said, "go away". It's "Check your-pet-for-parasites day"! I know a lawyer!
2 March 2000
It's friday night, Garfield. Another weekend of TV and junk food... Falling asleep during some mindless movie... Yesss!
3 March 2000
YAWN For those of you who came in late, here's what you missed. YAWN
4 March 2000
Dinner! Soup? Soup?! SOUP?!! It's cream of lasagna. Souuuuuuuup.
5 March 2000
skitter skitter skitter . STOMP! What's the point of having all these legs if I can't outrun anybody?
6 March 2000
Dwayne, look at you! What happened?! SMACK That.
7 March 2000
I have 342 kids...all teenagers. WHACK! Thank you. Any time.
8 March 2000
A hobo spider...now I've seen everything. Buddy, can you spare a fly? Now I've HEARD everything, too.
9 March 2000
My, my, my, that's a big hammer. You must be a construction worker. Salt of the earth, that's what. Now for the ironic twist.
10 March 2000
Funny, I don't remember swatting a spider.
11 March 2000
I'll see you then! I have a date every night this week! Because the women, they love me! They say everyone in the world has a double somewhere. Jon!
12 March 2000
Well, I have something to do. Go ahead. I think I can handle this by myself.
13 March 2000
"...and while the dog slept, the cat sat at the whetstone sharpening his claws." "Tonight would be an eventful night indeed..." To be continued... -
14 March 2000
Staring at me doesn't bother me at all. SO STOP IT!
15 March 2000
Here's a good cause, Garfield. I might look into this. All right! It's an endangered species list. Oh, it's not a menu?
16 March 2000
I have a date, and the only thing clean is my gorilla suit. YEAAAAH! He never fails to disappoint me.
17 March 2000
I hate to admit it, but I miss Jon. I miss the laughter...the kindness... THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Maybe I should let him out the closet.
18 March 2000
SLAM! What a day! I was downtown and saw a place to get your palm read, so I went in. This old gypsy woman took one look at my palm and couldn't stop laughing! Naturally, this upset me... So I took out my gum and stuck it on hercrystal ball. And that's w
19 March 2000
Here you go, hot from the grill! My omelette has feathers. Swap you for the one with a beak.
20 March 2000
Two tuna specials, please. Sob! ...sorry, I get emotional. My first husband passed away while eating the tuna special. Cheese! I'll have a grilled cheese!
21 March 2000
This cheeseburger is delicious, Irma! What's your secret? We let our cheese age, hon. Been sitting in my pickup for almost six months now. Spit take on three...
22 March 2000
How's my lobster dinner coming? *SNAP* *SNAP* YAAHH! BY DOES! IT'S GOT BY DOSE! It'll be right up. ...with one interesting garnish.
23 March 2000
Would you care for an after-dinner coffee drink? Sure! What have you got? Well, there's your regular and your decaf. You've gotta love your diner.
24 March 2000
Nothing going on over there. Nothing going on over there. This must be where the action is.
25 March 2000
I'm terribly sorry... That was Mrs. Feeny complaining about you again. You are NOT to set foot on her property again, understand?! * RING GET YOUR *TOE* OFF HER LAWN!!
26 March 2000
I could use some cheering up. No way, Jose. I'm not leaving.
27 March 2000
You're a lazy bum, Odie! I like to give him a little praise when he deserves it.
28 March 2000
Harold, I'm afraid! Fear not, Harriet. I shall defend you to the end! GULP Well, my job is done.
29 March 2000
I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. pat pat pat Good for you.
30 March 2000
I have a date tonight! I wonder what I should give her? How about a head start?
31 March 2000