I'm using a new shampoo. - - As what?
1 March 2000
Good morning, Garfield. Go away! - Special day today! I said, "go away". - It's "Check your-pet-for-parasites day"! I know a lawyer!
2 March 2000
It's friday night, Garfield. - Another weekend of TV and junk food... - Falling asleep during some mindless movie... Yesss!
3 March 2000
YAWN - For those of you who came in late, here's what you missed. - YAWN
4 March 2000
- Dinner! - Soup? - Soup?! - SOUP?!! - It's cream of lasagna. - Souuuuuuuup.
5 March 2000
skitter skitter skitter . STOMP! - What's the point of having all these legs if I can't outrun anybody?
6 March 2000
Dwayne, look at you! What happened?! - SMACK - That.
7 March 2000
I have 342 kids...all teenagers. - WHACK! - Thank you. Any time.
8 March 2000
- A hobo spider...now I've seen everything. Buddy, can you spare a fly? Now I've HEARD everything, too.
9 March 2000
My, my, my, that's a big hammer. - You must be a construction worker. - Salt of the earth, that's what. Now for the ironic twist.
10 March 2000
- - Funny, I don't remember swatting a spider.
11 March 2000
- I'll see you then! - I have a date every night this week! - Because the women, they love me! - - - They say everyone in the world has a double somewhere. Jon!
12 March 2000
- Well, I have something to do. Go ahead. - I think I can handle this by myself.
13 March 2000
"...and while the dog slept, the cat sat at the whetstone sharpening his claws." - "Tonight would be an eventful night indeed..." To be continued... -
14 March 2000
Staring at me doesn't bother me at all. - - SO STOP IT!
15 March 2000
Here's a good cause, Garfield. - I might look into this. All right! - It's an endangered species list. Oh, it's not a menu?
16 March 2000
I have a date, and the only thing clean is my gorilla suit. - - YEAAAAH! He never fails to disappoint me.
17 March 2000
I hate to admit it, but I miss Jon. - I miss the laughter...the kindness... - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Maybe I should let him out the closet.
18 March 2000
- SLAM! - What a day! - I was downtown and saw a place to get your palm read, so I went in. - This old gypsy woman took one look at my palm and couldn't stop laughing! Naturally, this upset me... - So I took out my gum and stuck it on her
19 March 2000
Here you go, hot from the grill! - - My omelette has feathers. Swap you for the one with a beak.
20 March 2000
Two tuna specials, please. - Sob! ...sorry, I get emotional. - My first husband passed away while eating the tuna special. Cheese! I'll have a grilled cheese!
21 March 2000
This cheeseburger is delicious, Irma! - What's your secret? We let our cheese age, hon. - Been sitting in my pickup for almost six months now. Spit take on three...
22 March 2000
How's my lobster dinner coming? - *SNAP* *SNAP* YAAHH! - BY DOES! IT'S GOT BY DOSE! It'll be right up. ...with one interesting garnish.
23 March 2000
Would you care for an after-dinner coffee drink? - Sure! What have you got? - Well, there's your regular and your decaf. You've gotta love your diner.
24 March 2000
Nothing going on over there. - Nothing going on over there. - This must be where the action is.
25 March 2000
I'm terribly sorry... - That was Mrs. Feeny complaining about you again. - You are NOT to set foot on her property again, understand?! - - * RING - - GET YOUR *TOE* OFF HER LAWN!!
26 March 2000
I could use some cheering up. - No way, Jose. - I'm not leaving.
27 March 2000
- You're a lazy bum, Odie! - I like to give him a little praise when he deserves it.
28 March 2000
Harold, I'm afraid! Fear not, Harriet. I shall defend you to the end! - GULP - Well, my job is done.
29 March 2000
I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. - - pat pat pat Good for you.
30 March 2000
I have a date tonight! - I wonder what I should give her? - How about a head start?
31 March 2000