We have with us a man who can talk backwards! - Good evening, sir... - iH - elbaveilebnU.
1 June 2000
Tonight we're interviewing a man without knees! - Good evening, sir...have a seat. - What is that? Some sort of sick joke?! Ooo, touchy, aren't we? Ask him how he ties his shoes.
2 June 2000
clickety clickety clickety clickety - clickety clickety clickety clickety -"Knittin' with Phil" will be right back... As opposed to myself.
3 June 2000
Sigh - What is the purpose of my life? - I exist to feed you! - What's that? ...a weekend in Hawaii? No, I have to slop the cat. - The medal of honor?! No, my cat hasn't eaten in three minutes. - We're here to remember Jon...a man devoted top
4 June 2000
Look, a card from Dr. Liz, the vet...it's time for your checkup! - Oh, boy! Maybe she'll find something WRONG with you! - Then we can go back to see her again and again! Can you just feel the love in the room?
5 June 2000
Wanna go for a little ride in the car, Garfield? Uh-ho. - That question can only mean one of two things. The lady vet or the farm. - Just let me splash a little more cologne and we'll go. It's the vet.
6 June 2000
OK, Garfield, we're at the vet's. Now behave yourself. - And remember, the fish tank in the waiting room is NOT a buffet. - That means the bib, lemon wedge and drawn butter stay in the car. You are no Mr. Fun, you know that?
7 June 2000
Garfield is here for his checkup. - - Species? Cat. And you, lady?
8 June 2000
I hate waiting rooms. - I hate the stupid pamphlets they put in the waiting rooms. - Look, Garfield, an ingrown nose hair! Can I get a painkiller over here?
9 June 2000
I hate the vet's office. - They should at least serve coffee. - And have a separate waiting room for dogs. I'm gonna get a shot! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
10 June 2000
- VET CLINIC - kaff kaff hack hack gag - The doctor is running about an hour late. Please have a seat. hack aak. - a-chew snort haaaack koff kaff gack
11 June 2000
Hmm...I see you have a birthday coming up. Birthdays don't "come up". - They jump on you like a brown bear on a picnic basket, like a gorilla on a tire swing. like a fat clown on a mini tramp... - Like bags on a cat's eyes!
12 June 2000
Odie, soon I'll be turning 22... - Sigh... Sigh... - Hee hee I heard that.
13 June 2000
So what would you like for your birthday this year? - - That has got to be the mother of all can openers. Three-fifty, dual-cam, fuel-injected five-speed!
14 June 2000
So you're going to be 22, huh? That's right. - - Want to reminisce about your gallbladder or something?
15 June 2000
Getting older isn't so bad, Garfield... Oh, no? - Why, I remember when *I* turned 22... - Wait a minute...no, I don't. SEE?!!
16 June 2000
I glued the top onto Garfield's birthday present so he can't peek. - That should keep him thinking all weekend. - Right now I'm thinking some air holes would be nice.
17 June 2000
Sigh... - What a lovely day. - The sun is shining... - The bees are buzzing... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - The birds are singing... ** * - The cat's stomach is growling... - What a lovely day.
18 June 2000
Garfield, it's monday... - I HATE mondays! - ...annd your birthday! -but, what do I know?
19 June 2000
- GARFIELD - You know you've arrived when you get your own parking space.
20 June 2000
You'd like me, Velma. I'm a very down-to-earth kind of guy... - Traditional and old.fashioned, that's me. - So, do you wanna go to the Henry County Chicken Pluck Frida yNight? I'LL go.
21 June 2000
I wish that phone would ring, and that it would be a beautiful woman's voice. * riiiinng - Hello? Hel-LO! - Well? My car payment is late.
22 June 2000
Nice dinner, nice movie... - No goodnight kiss. - Halfway to the front porch, she sucker punched me and ran. Did this one take your wallet too?
23 June 2000
- I had the vet take Garfield's temeprature. - Let's talk health here. Let's talk dignity here.
24 June 2000
! - Garfield! - When I left this room, there was a hamburger on this plate. - When I returned, all that was left was this pickle chip. - Now, I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions. - So tell me...what should
25 June 2000
So, doc, how have you been? Fine. - And how is your boyfriend? I don't have a boy- - ...friend. Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
26 June 2000
Enough of my macho posturing, Liz...may I have the pleasure of escorting you to a movie? - ...since you put it that way, yes... - ALL RIGHT, BAY-BEE! YESSSS! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!
27 June 2000
DING-DONG ** - Hi, Liz. Hmm...cheap suit, but nicely pressed...neat haircut...maybe this date won't be a disaster. - We're ready! Man the lifeboats...
28 June 2000
Do you like the corsage, Liz? - It's beautiful, Jon, but... - How am I supposed to see the movie? I could nibble some eye holes for you.
29 June 2000
Are you sure you're going to get away with this, Jon? - Oh, yeah...we go to the movies here all the time. - Two, please. Hey, Morty! The freak with the tail is back!
30 June 2000