We have with us a man who can talk backwards! Good evening, sir... iH elbaveilebnU.
1 June 2000
Tonight we're interviewing a man without knees! Good evening, sir...have a seat. What is that? Some sort of sick joke?! Ooo, touchy, aren't we? Ask him how he ties his shoes.
2 June 2000
clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety -"Knittin' with Phil" will be right back... As opposed to myself.
3 June 2000
Sigh What is the purpose of my life? I exist to feed you! What's that? ...a weekend in Hawaii? No, I have to slop the cat. The medal of honor?! No, my cat hasn't eaten in three minutes. We're here to remember Jon...a man devoted topopening cat food. Stick
4 June 2000
Look, a card from Dr. Liz, the vet...it's time for your checkup! Oh, boy! Maybe she'll find something WRONG with you! Then we can go back to see her again and again! Can you just feel the love in the room?
5 June 2000
Wanna go for a little ride in the car, Garfield? Uh-ho. That question can only mean one of two things. The lady vet or the farm. Just let me splash a little more cologne and we'll go. It's the vet.
6 June 2000
OK, Garfield, we're at the vet's. Now behave yourself. And remember, the fish tank in the waiting room is NOT a buffet. That means the bib, lemon wedge and drawn butter stay in the car. You are no Mr. Fun, you know that?
7 June 2000
Garfield is here for his checkup. Species? Cat. And you, lady?
8 June 2000
I hate waiting rooms. I hate the stupid pamphlets they put in the waiting rooms. Look, Garfield, an ingrown nose hair! Can I get a painkiller over here?
9 June 2000
I hate the vet's office. They should at least serve coffee. And have a separate waiting room for dogs. I'm gonna get a shot! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
10 June 2000
VET CLINIC kaff kaff hack hack gag The doctor is running about an hour late. Please have a seat. hack aak. a-chew snort haaaack koff kaff gack
11 June 2000
Hmm...I see you have a birthday coming up. Birthdays don't "come up". They jump on you like a brown bear on a picnic basket, like a gorilla on a tire swing. like a fat clown on a mini tramp... Like bags on a cat's eyes!
12 June 2000
Odie, soon I'll be turning 22... Sigh... Sigh... Hee hee I heard that.
13 June 2000
So what would you like for your birthday this year? That has got to be the mother of all can openers. Three-fifty, dual-cam, fuel-injected five-speed!
14 June 2000
So you're going to be 22, huh? That's right. Want to reminisce about your gallbladder or something?
15 June 2000
Getting older isn't so bad, Garfield... Oh, no? Why, I remember when *I* turned 22... Wait a minute...no, I don't. SEE?!!
16 June 2000
I glued the top onto Garfield's birthday present so he can't peek. That should keep him thinking all weekend. Right now I'm thinking some air holes would be nice.
17 June 2000
Sigh... What a lovely day. The sun is shining... The bees are buzzing... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz The birds are singing... ** * The cat's stomach is growling... What a lovely day.
18 June 2000
Garfield, it's monday... I HATE mondays! ...annd your birthday! -but, what do I know?
19 June 2000
GARFIELD You know you've arrived when you get your own parking space.
20 June 2000
You'd like me, Velma. I'm a very down-to-earth kind of guy... Traditional and old.fashioned, that's me. So, do you wanna go to the Henry County Chicken Pluck Frida yNight? I'LL go.
21 June 2000
I wish that phone would ring, and that it would be a beautiful woman's voice. * riiiinng Hello? Hel-LO! Well? My car payment is late.
22 June 2000
Nice dinner, nice movie... No goodnight kiss. Halfway to the front porch, she sucker punched me and ran. Did this one take your wallet too?
23 June 2000
I had the vet take Garfield's temeprature. Let's talk health here. Let's talk dignity here.
24 June 2000
! Garfield! When I left this room, there was a hamburger on this plate. When I returned, all that was left was this pickle chip. Now, I have my suspicions, but I don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions. So tell me...what shouldI do? You could leave th
25 June 2000
So, doc, how have you been? Fine. And how is your boyfriend? I don't have a boy ...friend. Lady, you have no one to blame but yourself.
26 June 2000
Enough of my macho posturing, Liz...may I have the pleasure of escorting you to a movie? ...since you put it that way, yes... ALL RIGHT, BAY-BEE! YESSSS! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!
27 June 2000
DING-DONG ** Hi, Liz. Hmm...cheap suit, but nicely pressed...neat haircut...maybe this date won't be a disaster. We're ready! Man the lifeboats...
28 June 2000
Do you like the corsage, Liz? It's beautiful, Jon, but... How am I supposed to see the movie? I could nibble some eye holes for you.
29 June 2000
Are you sure you're going to get away with this, Jon? Oh, yeah...we go to the movies here all the time. Two, please. Hey, Morty! The freak with the tail is back!
30 June 2000