There are days when I just don't feel like doing anything. Take today for instance... -
1 August 2000
Garfield, all you ever do is sleep. What if the whole world were like you? We'd be a poor, yet rested people.
2 August 2000
HI, I'm a worm. I burrow under the ground and eat dirt. What do you do for fun? I like to boogie down on the sidewalk after a good rain.
3 August 2000
Do you like being a worm? Do cats eat worms? No. I LOVE being a worm.
4 August 2000
So, you live underground and eat soil? That's right. What do you do for a living? Dig. That's not too glamorous. It puts dirt on the table.
5 August 2000
Whew! Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. C'mon. You knowyou want me... He's licki
6 August 2000
Garfield, is this your coffee or mine? sip Mine.
7 August 2000
Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yip! That's telling it.
8 August 2000
I think I pulled a muscle in my pinky finger while trimming the bougainvillaea. Well, it HURTS! Stand back, everyone...give this man some air...the ambulance is on its way...
9 August 2000
You irk me. Dictionary Thank you!
10 August 2000
I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.
11 August 2000
Ahhhh...that was a great meal, wasn't it? What?...oh yeah, sure. slup slup slup slup That boy loves pizza.
12 August 2000
bzzzzzz I'm a fly. So I see. I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and SMACK With all those eyes,you'd have thought he would ha
13 August 2000
I was a lonely child, Garfield. Ho boy... My playmates were barnyard animals. Ever try to get a heifer into a ftree house? Let's not go there.
14 August 2000
Ursuella Nelson...my first girlfriend. We had some wild times. At night we'd sneak out to the barn and drink unpasteurized milk! Another piece of the puzzle!
15 August 2000
I'm not a countryboy anymore, mom. I even buy eggs at a store. Don't cry, ma! You could have broken it to her more gently.
16 August 2000
I remember summer nights on the farm... A gentle breeze wafting through the meadow... Chasing each other with cattle prods... There was something in the water.
17 August 2000
Here's a great picture from the farm. It was taken the day we got indoor plumbing. The entire family gathered around the toilet. You mom looks so proud cutting that ribbon.
18 August 2000
I wasn't a popular child, Garfield. Go figure. The other kids would go out and play "Jump Rope". When I came out, it was "Tie the geek to a tree". Hey, they included you.
19 August 2000
All right, that was three times...now lie down.
20 August 2000
BRING MY PANTS BACK!
21 August 2000
slap! slap! AAIIIIIEEEE Nothing like a little aftershave lotion to help you find that paper cut.
22 August 2000
I finally got the toilet unclogged. Know what it was? Well?! He was having a drink, and I was in a playful mood...
23 August 2000
WHIRRRRRRRRRR That's it, Jonny boy...that's it! WHIRRRRRRRRR Make that baby WHINE! WHIRRRRRRRRRRR ATTA BABY! ATTA BABY!
24 August 2000
** DING-DONG YAAAHHHH! Your date's here.
25 August 2000
It's so sad that you don't know how to share. Sad for YOU, maybe.
26 August 2000
WAH-HOO! Bay-bee! Bay-bee! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YESSSSSSS! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Hoo da man?! Hoo da man?! You da man.
27 August 2000
Paper says there's an ice age coming. It'll be here in two million years. Better start moving to the cellar, Garfield... Ha, ha, ha...
28 August 2000
Says here they discovered an ancient city. Maybe someday they'll find this house! Wonder what they'll say. "Archaeologist finds bad suit".
29 August 2000
I'm still here. I can read VERY slowly. I can sit for a LONG time.
30 August 2000
I saw a beautiful woman on the bus yesterday, Garfield. It was love at first sight. At least on my part. "Woman jumps from moving bus".
31 August 2000