There are days when I just don't feel like doing anything. Take today for instance... - -1 August 2000 |
 Garfield, all you ever do is sleep. - What if the whole world were like you? - We'd be a poor, yet rested people.2 August 2000 |
 HI, I'm a worm. - I burrow under the ground and eat dirt. What do you do for fun? - I like to boogie down on the sidewalk after a good rain.3 August 2000 |
 Do you like being a worm? - Do cats eat worms? No. - I LOVE being a worm.4 August 2000 |
 So, you live underground and eat soil? That's right. - What do you do for a living? Dig. - That's not too glamorous. It puts dirt on the table.5 August 2000 |
 Whew! - Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. - You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... - Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. - You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. - C'mon. You know6 August 2000 |
 Garfield, is this your coffee or mine? - sip - Mine.7 August 2000 |
 Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yip! - Yip! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yip! - That's telling it.8 August 2000 |
 I think I pulled a muscle in my pinky finger while trimming the bougainvillaea. - Well, it HURTS! Stand back, everyone...give this man some air...the ambulance is on its way...9 August 2000 |
 You irk me. - Dictionary - Thank you!10 August 2000 |
 I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. - She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. - You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.11 August 2000 |
 Ahhhh...that was a great meal, wasn't it? - What?...oh yeah, sure. - slup slup slup slup That boy loves pizza.12 August 2000 |
 bzzzzzz - I'm a fly. So I see. - I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. - I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. - I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and - SMACK - With all those eyes,13 August 2000 |
 I was a lonely child, Garfield. Ho boy... - My playmates were barnyard animals. - Ever try to get a heifer into a ftree house? Let's not go there.14 August 2000 |
 Ursuella Nelson...my first girlfriend. - We had some wild times. - At night we'd sneak out to the barn and drink unpasteurized milk! Another piece of the puzzle!15 August 2000 |
 I'm not a countryboy anymore, mom. - I even buy eggs at a store. - Don't cry, ma! You could have broken it to her more gently.16 August 2000 |
 I remember summer nights on the farm... - A gentle breeze wafting through the meadow... - Chasing each other with cattle prods... There was something in the water.17 August 2000 |
 Here's a great picture from the farm. - It was taken the day we got indoor plumbing. - The entire family gathered around the toilet. You mom looks so proud cutting that ribbon.18 August 2000 |
 I wasn't a popular child, Garfield. Go figure. - The other kids would go out and play "Jump Rope". - When I came out, it was "Tie the geek to a tree". Hey, they included you.19 August 2000 |
 - - - - - - All right, that was three times...now lie down.20 August 2000 |
 - - BRING MY PANTS BACK!21 August 2000 |
 slap! slap! AAIIIIIEEEE - Nothing like a little aftershave lotion to help you find that paper cut.22 August 2000 |
 I finally got the toilet unclogged. - Know what it was? - Well?! He was having a drink, and I was in a playful mood...23 August 2000 |
 WHIRRRRRRRRRR That's it, Jonny boy...that's it! - WHIRRRRRRRRR Make that baby WHINE! - WHIRRRRRRRRRRR ATTA BABY! ATTA BABY!24 August 2000 |
 ** DING-DONG - YAAAHHHH! - Your date's here.25 August 2000 |
 It's so sad that you don't know how to share. - - Sad for YOU, maybe.26 August 2000 |
 WAH-HOO! - Bay-bee! Bay-bee! - Yes, yes, yes, yes, YESSSSSSS! - Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - Hoo da man?! Hoo da man?! You da man.27 August 2000 |
 Paper says there's an ice age coming. - It'll be here in two million years. - Better start moving to the cellar, Garfield... Ha, ha, ha...28 August 2000 |
 Says here they discovered an ancient city. - Maybe someday they'll find this house! - Wonder what they'll say. "Archaeologist finds bad suit".29 August 2000 |
 - I'm still here. - I can read VERY slowly. I can sit for a LONG time.30 August 2000 |
 I saw a beautiful woman on the bus yesterday, Garfield. - It was love at first sight. - At least on my part. "Woman jumps from moving bus".31 August 2000 |
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