There are days when I just don't feel like doing anything. Take today for instance... - -
1 August 2000
Garfield, all you ever do is sleep. - What if the whole world were like you? - We'd be a poor, yet rested people.
2 August 2000
HI, I'm a worm. - I burrow under the ground and eat dirt. What do you do for fun? - I like to boogie down on the sidewalk after a good rain.
3 August 2000
Do you like being a worm? - Do cats eat worms? No. - I LOVE being a worm.
4 August 2000
So, you live underground and eat soil? That's right. - What do you do for a living? Dig. - That's not too glamorous. It puts dirt on the table.
5 August 2000
Whew! - Boy, it's a scorcher today! It sure is. - You look like you could use a break from the heat, pal... - Nooo, no...you're just a mirage. You can't be real. - You'll never know for sure unless you have a little taste. - C'mon. You know
6 August 2000
Garfield, is this your coffee or mine? - sip - Mine.
7 August 2000
Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yip! - Yip! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yap! Yip! Yap! Yip! - That's telling it.
8 August 2000
I think I pulled a muscle in my pinky finger while trimming the bougainvillaea. - Well, it HURTS! Stand back, everyone...give this man some air...the ambulance is on its way...
9 August 2000
You irk me. - Dictionary - Thank you!
10 August 2000
I saw a woman at the mall today with a big tattoo of a bowling ball on her leg. - She wore an eye patch, and was carrying an iguana. - You asked her out, didn't you? Shot me down like a one-winged duck.
11 August 2000
Ahhhh...that was a great meal, wasn't it? - What?...oh yeah, sure. - slup slup slup slup That boy loves pizza.
12 August 2000
bzzzzzz - I'm a fly. So I see. - I have wings and you don't. I can fly and you can't. - I can walk on the ceiling and you can't. - I have compound eyes made up of hundreds of hexagonally-fitting facets, and - SMACK - With all those eyes,
13 August 2000
I was a lonely child, Garfield. Ho boy... - My playmates were barnyard animals. - Ever try to get a heifer into a ftree house? Let's not go there.
14 August 2000
Ursuella Nelson...my first girlfriend. - We had some wild times. - At night we'd sneak out to the barn and drink unpasteurized milk! Another piece of the puzzle!
15 August 2000
I'm not a countryboy anymore, mom. - I even buy eggs at a store. - Don't cry, ma! You could have broken it to her more gently.
16 August 2000
I remember summer nights on the farm... - A gentle breeze wafting through the meadow... - Chasing each other with cattle prods... There was something in the water.
17 August 2000
Here's a great picture from the farm. - It was taken the day we got indoor plumbing. - The entire family gathered around the toilet. You mom looks so proud cutting that ribbon.
18 August 2000
I wasn't a popular child, Garfield. Go figure. - The other kids would go out and play "Jump Rope". - When I came out, it was "Tie the geek to a tree". Hey, they included you.
19 August 2000
- - - - - - All right, that was three times...now lie down.
20 August 2000
- - BRING MY PANTS BACK!
21 August 2000
slap! slap! AAIIIIIEEEE - Nothing like a little aftershave lotion to help you find that paper cut.
22 August 2000
I finally got the toilet unclogged. - Know what it was? - Well?! He was having a drink, and I was in a playful mood...
23 August 2000
WHIRRRRRRRRRR That's it, Jonny boy...that's it! - WHIRRRRRRRRR Make that baby WHINE! - WHIRRRRRRRRRRR ATTA BABY! ATTA BABY!
24 August 2000
** DING-DONG - YAAAHHHH! - Your date's here.
25 August 2000
It's so sad that you don't know how to share. - - Sad for YOU, maybe.
26 August 2000
WAH-HOO! - Bay-bee! Bay-bee! - Yes, yes, yes, yes, YESSSSSSS! - Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - Hoo da man?! Hoo da man?! You da man.
27 August 2000
Paper says there's an ice age coming. - It'll be here in two million years. - Better start moving to the cellar, Garfield... Ha, ha, ha...
28 August 2000
Says here they discovered an ancient city. - Maybe someday they'll find this house! - Wonder what they'll say. "Archaeologist finds bad suit".
29 August 2000
- I'm still here. - I can read VERY slowly. I can sit for a LONG time.
30 August 2000
I saw a beautiful woman on the bus yesterday, Garfield. - It was love at first sight. - At least on my part. "Woman jumps from moving bus".
31 August 2000