When I'm done with the paper, I'll fix your dinner. RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP As soon as I said that, I knew it was a mistake. You're done with the paper. Now, fix my dinner!
1 September 2000
There are a lot of problems in the worls. SOME of which aren't your fault. Rare praise indeed.
2 September 2000
* ! tap tap Scary Stories II
3 September 2000
Help! I'm a jelly-filled donut! I'm afraid someone will eat me! Will you protect me? Some days, life kisses you right on the lips.
4 September 2000
I'm hot. I'm hot. Hot's taken. You'll have to be cold.
5 September 2000
The last cookie is gone. And I think it's safe to assume where it went. Don't be too sure... I'M not the one with chocolate chips on my tongue.
6 September 2000
www.coffeequick.com tic tic tic click ** DING-DONG I now officially love the Internet.
7 September 2000
But WHY won't you go out with me, Beth?! I can't dance?! Well, I CAN dance! I'm doing a box step with my cat right now! Why do you always have to lead?
8 September 2000
Boy, it's hot! clop clop clop And we're short of ice cube trays!
9 September 2000
10 September 2000
Cootchie, cootchie, coo! You can't stay on the ceiling forever.
11 September 2000
I ate a millipede for lunch. How was it? Awful! He went down kicking and screaming and kicking and screaming and kicking...
12 September 2000
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT That was some impressive open-field running. Thank you.
13 September 2000
My uncle Barton was an actor. He died tragically while shooting a bug spray commercial. They gave hima union funeral...open cocoon, 21-fly salute...everything. You're boring me.
14 September 2000
Did you squish my husband yesterday?! Probably. Then I need you to sign these insurance papers verifying he wasn't injured on the job. What was his job? Household pest. Then was on the clock, lady.
15 September 2000
Would you like to hear the story of my life? Sure. SMACK Keep it short!
16 September 2000
Hot pepper eating contest! Jalapeno! Cyenne! Habanero! Peruvian death pepper! FOOM! You win... Then why am I not happy?
17 September 2000
You're reading? Instead of paying attention to me?! Here's an article about you. I can wait.
18 September 2000
The dog says, "arf". The cow says, "moo". And the cat says, ... Leave me alone or I'll buy your book.
19 September 2000
He just keeps on reading. Totally ignoring my needs. Forcing me to pull one of those little hairs out of his neck.
20 September 2000
Wouldn't it be great to walk on the moon, Garfield? Oh, I see right through your thinly weiled ploy, pal... Always trying to get me to exercise!
21 September 2000
"A rubber mouse can provide hours of entertainment for your cat". Which reminds me... Where's yours? Melted it down. Made earplugs.
22 September 2000
Jon learns a word every day. Here's a good one! The same word. "Filbert".
23 September 2000
Come, my son... Are you ready, my son? Yes, my father. For generations our men have been tested. He who catches the brick will lead our people. I will make you proud, may father. Good luck, my son. CLUNK I guess this means you'restill the leader. Go figur
24 September 2000
Out of Order
25 September 2000
Jon's always followed his own fashoin path. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank Stainless steel trousers. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank I am soooo hip.
26 September 2000
PHHHHHHHHHHHT! Now you try it. Towel, please.
27 September 2000
You'd better not pick on me, cat, 'cause if you do... I'll tell my big brother! Please spare me.
28 September 2000
Hey, lady, it's friday night! Maybe you'd like to go to a movie or something? You can't knit anytime, grandma! A new rejection record!
29 September 2000
Sometimes I don't feel wanted. Oh, goody, mail! Anything for me? Not much... Just this eviction note from the planet earth.
30 September 2000