When I'm done with the paper, I'll fix your dinner. - RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP - As soon as I said that, I knew it was a mistake. You're done with the paper. Now, fix my dinner!
1 September 2000
There are a lot of problems in the worls. - SOME of which aren't your fault. - Rare praise indeed.
2 September 2000
* - - ! - - - - tap tap Scary Stories II
3 September 2000
Help! I'm a jelly-filled donut! - I'm afraid someone will eat me! - Will you protect me? Some days, life kisses you right on the lips.
4 September 2000
I'm hot. - I'm hot. - Hot's taken. You'll have to be cold.
5 September 2000
The last cookie is gone. - And I think it's safe to assume where it went. Don't be too sure... - I'M not the one with chocolate chips on my tongue.
6 September 2000
www.coffeequick.com tic tic tic - click ** DING-DONG - I now officially love the Internet.
7 September 2000
But WHY won't you go out with me, Beth?! - I can't dance?! Well, I CAN dance! - I'm doing a box step with my cat right now! - Why do you always have to lead?
8 September 2000
Boy, it's hot! - clop clop clop - And we're short of ice cube trays!
9 September 2000
- - - - -
10 September 2000
- Cootchie, cootchie, coo! - You can't stay on the ceiling forever.
11 September 2000
I ate a millipede for lunch. - How was it? Awful! - He went down kicking and screaming and kicking and screaming and kicking...
12 September 2000
- SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT - That was some impressive open-field running. Thank you.
13 September 2000
My uncle Barton was an actor. - He died tragically while shooting a bug spray commercial. - They gave hima union funeral...open cocoon, 21-fly salute...everything. - You're boring me.
14 September 2000
Did you squish my husband yesterday?! Probably. - Then I need you to sign these insurance papers verifying he wasn't injured on the job. What was his job? - Household pest. Then was on the clock, lady.
15 September 2000
Would you like to hear the story of my life? Sure. - SMACK - Keep it short!
16 September 2000
Hot pepper eating contest! - Jalapeno! - Cyenne! - Habanero! - Peruvian death pepper! - FOOM! - You win... Then why am I not happy?
17 September 2000
You're reading? - Instead of paying attention to me?! - Here's an article about you. I can wait.
18 September 2000
The dog says, "arf". - The cow says, "moo". - And the cat says, ... Leave me alone or I'll buy your book.
19 September 2000
He just keeps on reading. - Totally ignoring my needs. - Forcing me to pull one of those little hairs out of his neck.
20 September 2000
Wouldn't it be great to walk on the moon, Garfield? - Oh, I see right through your thinly weiled ploy, pal... - Always trying to get me to exercise!
21 September 2000
"A rubber mouse can provide hours of entertainment for your cat". - Which reminds me... - Where's yours? Melted it down. Made earplugs.
22 September 2000
Jon learns a word every day. - Here's a good one! - The same word. "Filbert".
23 September 2000
still the leader. Go figure.
24 September 2000
- - Out of Order
25 September 2000
Jon's always followed his own fashoin path. - squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank - Stainless steel trousers. squeek clank squeek clank squeek clank I am soooo hip.
26 September 2000
PHHHHHHHHHHHT! - Now you try it. - Towel, please.
27 September 2000
You'd better not pick on me, cat, 'cause if you do... - I'll tell my big brother! - Please spare me.
28 September 2000
Hey, lady, it's friday night! - Maybe you'd like to go to a movie or something? - You can't knit anytime, grandma! A new rejection record!
29 September 2000
Sometimes I don't feel wanted. - Oh, goody, mail! Anything for me? Not much... - Just this eviction note from the planet earth.
30 September 2000