Here's your mail. And here's the mailman's wallet. Leave the poor man alone! Boy, are his kids ugly.
1 January 2001
What do you want to do? OKay. -
2 January 2001
Home is where you can walk around in your underwear. Home is where you can drink milk out of the carton. Home is where you can scratch where it itches.
3 January 2001
I met a reporter yesterday, Garfield. She was looking for a human-interest story. She took my picture! "Park Attracts Geeks"
4 January 2001
Friday night... And I'm home with a cat! Could anyone be more depressed?
5 January 2001
My life stinks, Garfield...like a wet dog. Like old sweat socks... Like... I GET THE POINT!
6 January 2001
donk! Donk? Donk? donk donk donk donk donk Wow! Look at that! donk donk donk donk Golf ball-sized hail! donk donk donk donk donk -He really should seek professional help. donk thwock
7 January 2001
I didn't buy any kitty treats, Garfield, and you know why? Because life is not a treat, that's why. Rmeember that as I pull out a neck hair.
8 January 2001
I have things to do! I have places to go! So, that's what having a life feels like. Never hurts to practice.
9 January 2001
Time to reflect on the day... YAAAAAHHH!! Why do you do that to yourself?
10 January 2001
Odie...a water balloon... A claw... That didn't turn out quite how I had hoped.
11 January 2001
"The crew of the doomed ship had lost hope." "Provisions gone...no one had eaten in days..." "The ship's cat appeared on the deck..." Bedtime!
12 January 2001
We had a cat back on the farm, Garfield. He was a great ratter. The bigger the better! You would have liked him. I don't hang with psychos.
13 January 2001
Yes?... You WILL go out with me?!...if I what?... cluck-cluck-buck.buc-buc-buc-kaww... Am I what? Yes, I'm flapping my arms. Heaven forbid he should embarrass himself in front of the cat.
14 January 2001
Quiet on the set! ACTION! Nice try.
15 January 2001
All is right in my universe. Stringmaaaan! Gotta get a smaller universe.
16 January 2001
I have many hopes and dreams for the future. I have a salami sandwich! How about dreaming up some iced tea?
17 January 2001
Been eating those fruit-shaped refrigerator magnets again? Maybe.
18 January 2001
BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT My parents wanted me to be a sweater, but noooooo...
19 January 2001
Empires raise and fall. SE?! WHY RISE?!
20 January 2001
bip bip boop beep boop Hello, is Evelyn there? What's that? She doesn't live there anymore? She's hopped a freighter for Borneo? She's forsworn all her material possessions and modern ways of living? Wow. She didn't mention thaton our date last night. You
21 January 2001
Today wasn't a good day. But I guess it wasn't a bad day either. So you're saying it wasn't a day at all.
22 January 2001
I'm not going to shed anymore. I've contracted the job out. -
23 January 2001
Out there are all of nature's wonders! In here are corn chips and dip. I want it all!
24 January 2001
Crime, taxes, war, strife... Natural disasters, economic ruin... Sigh... There sure is a lot of shedding in this world.
25 January 2001
Make a note, Garfield. Never eat a goldfish right before bedtime.
26 January 2001
You! Remember this! It's not polite to point!
27 January 2001
28 January 2001
Good movie on tonight, Garfield. Herbie the Chipmunk in... "Attack of the Tiny Herbivores". I guess all the scary animals have been used up.
29 January 2001
"Moby Dick". Big whale...obsessed sea captain...chase...fight...Ahab buys the farm, Moby swims into sunset. The End. Tune in again for "Ten-Second Stories". Next week they're doing "War and Peace".
30 January 2001
Today on "Everybody Corner," my lovely assistant and I will be demonstrating correct plucking techniques. poink! OW! JERK! pssst! PEPPER SPRAY! GAAHH! SECURITY! I love TV.
31 January 2001