Here's your mail. - And here's the mailman's wallet. - Leave the poor man alone! Boy, are his kids ugly.
1 January 2001
What do you want to do? - OKay. -
2 January 2001
Home is where you can walk around in your underwear. - Home is where you can drink milk out of the carton. - Home is where you can scratch where it itches.
3 January 2001
I met a reporter yesterday, Garfield. - She was looking for a human-interest story. - She took my picture! "Park Attracts Geeks"
4 January 2001
Friday night... - And I'm home with a cat! - Could anyone be more depressed?
5 January 2001
My life stinks, Garfield...like a wet dog. - Like old sweat socks... - Like... I GET THE POINT!
6 January 2001
- donk! Donk? Donk? - donk donk donk donk donk Wow! Look at that! - donk donk donk donk Golf ball-sized hail! - donk donk donk donk donk -He really should seek professional help. donk thwock
7 January 2001
I didn't buy any kitty treats, Garfield, and you know why? - Because life is not a treat, that's why. - Rmeember that as I pull out a neck hair.
8 January 2001
I have things to do! - I have places to go! - So, that's what having a life feels like. Never hurts to practice.
9 January 2001
Time to reflect on the day... - YAAAAAHHH!! - Why do you do that to yourself?
10 January 2001
Odie...a water balloon... - A claw... - That didn't turn out quite how I had hoped.
11 January 2001
"The crew of the doomed ship had lost hope." - "Provisions gone...no one had eaten in days..." - "The ship's cat appeared on the deck..." Bedtime!
12 January 2001
We had a cat back on the farm, Garfield. - He was a great ratter. The bigger the better! - You would have liked him. I don't hang with psychos.
13 January 2001
Yes?... - You WILL go out with me?!...if I what?... - - cluck-cluck-buck.buc-buc-buc-kaww... - Am I what? - - Yes, I'm flapping my arms. Heaven forbid he should embarrass himself in front of the cat.
14 January 2001
Quiet on the set! - ACTION! - Nice try.
15 January 2001
All is right in my universe. - Stringmaaaan! - Gotta get a smaller universe.
16 January 2001
I have many hopes and dreams for the future. - I have a salami sandwich! - How about dreaming up some iced tea?
17 January 2001
- - Been eating those fruit-shaped refrigerator magnets again? Maybe.
18 January 2001
BAT - BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT BAT - My parents wanted me to be a sweater, but noooooo...
19 January 2001
Empires raise and fall. - SE?! - WHY RISE?!
20 January 2001
bip bip boop beep boop - Hello, is Evelyn there? - What's that? She doesn't live there anymore? - She's hopped a freighter for Borneo? - She's forsworn all her material possessions and modern ways of living? - Wow. - She didn't mention that
21 January 2001
Today wasn't a good day. - But I guess it wasn't a bad day either. - So you're saying it wasn't a day at all.
22 January 2001
I'm not going to shed anymore. - I've contracted the job out. -
23 January 2001
Out there are all of nature's wonders! - In here are corn chips and dip. - I want it all!
24 January 2001
Crime, taxes, war, strife... - Natural disasters, economic ruin... - Sigh... There sure is a lot of shedding in this world.
25 January 2001
- Make a note, Garfield. - Never eat a goldfish right before bedtime.
26 January 2001
You! - Remember this! - It's not polite to point!
27 January 2001
- - - - - - FOOMP -
28 January 2001
Good movie on tonight, Garfield. - Herbie the Chipmunk in... - "Attack of the Tiny Herbivores". I guess all the scary animals have been used up.
29 January 2001
"Moby Dick". - Big whale...obsessed sea captain...chase...fight...Ahab buys the farm, Moby swims into sunset. The End. - Tune in again for "Ten-Second Stories". Next week they're doing "War and Peace".
30 January 2001
Today on "Everybody Corner," my lovely assistant and I will be demonstrating correct plucking techniques. - poink! OW! - JERK! pssst! PEPPER SPRAY! GAAHH! SECURITY! I love TV.
31 January 2001