I'm spending the evening with a cat! HA! HA! HA! Hey!
1 December 2001
tap tap tap SLAM! VRRRMMMM r-r-r-r-r-r-r I told you, I am NOT going Christmas shopping today! But the car's all warmed up!
2 December 2001
Boys! Hot chocolate! ZIP ZIP Where's Odie? I'm standing on him.
3 December 2001
Santa is coming soon. Have you been good this year? Yes, I have. Too late! I saw your pupils dilate!
4 December 2001
No, no, NO!!! It's SIX eyelashes on each doll...SIX! Get it right! We will return to "Stewey, the Anal-Retentive Elf"... Maybe YOU will...
5 December 2001
"Dear Jonathan G. Arbuckle," "a /very/ Happy Holidays /to you/, Jonathan Q. Arbuckle, /and yours on this, the most joyous time of year/, Jonathan Q. Arbuckle." How sweet. He loves the folks at the insurance company.
6 December 2001
Have you written your letter to Santa yet? * RIIINNG Hello? This is Santa. You paged my beeper? Here's my list.
7 December 2001
SLUURRP! AAAGGHH Eww...what is he doing? Wringing out his beard. Visit Santa >
8 December 2001
Scissors. snip snip snip snip Tape. snick Tape. snick Tape. snick Help. Lassie I ain't.
9 December 2001
I'm feeling all christmasy! I know... It's catching!
10 December 2001
So did you put up a tree and everything? Oh, yeah. Only this year we went with an artificial one. Artificial? Yeah, it's one of those pine-scented air fresheners shaped like a douglas fir.
11 December 2001
Guess what, Ellen...I have a mistletoe! If I hold it over your head, you have to kiss me. Yeah, well, it's the law, Ellen! There are worse things than jail.
12 December 2001
We now return to "Edward Fernbergle, The Certified Public Accountant Who Saved Chistmas". * RIIING * RIIING Hello? Santa, the elves have been skimming from petty cash! Ed! You've saved us! Slap them in tiny irons!
13 December 2001
Hi, mom? It's Jon. I'm calling because I need your top-secret recipe for Christmas cookies! No, mom, the line is not tapped. Are you SURE?
14 December 2001
Before too long it'll be time to get a new Christmas tree. So I guess we ought to take the old one down. Can't we just scoot it over... Next to the other one?
15 December 2001
Hi, mom! Just called to wish you happy holidays, mom! Wha?...yes, I ate just a few hours ago...hmm? Who? Sure! Put him on! Hi'ya, dad! Happy holidays! ...I'm fine...yep, changed my oil last week...grandma? Sure! Put her on! Hi, grandma!...I said HI!! ...n
16 December 2001
I'm looking for a Christmas tree. Who isn't? A great big one! I like your style. Let's talk HUGE! Let's talk financing.
17 December 2001
I can't believe what you charge for a Christmas tree! Well, we do also sell the kit... Kit? This ia PINE CONE! Some assembly required.
18 December 2001
I'm going out to hang the Christmas lights on the house. Remember now... I know, I know... If I hear a scream, call the fire department. For a scream and a "bzzzt," call the power company. For a scream, a "bzzzt" and a "thud"
19 December 2001
shake shake shake You're not peeking, are you? Only with my ears.
20 December 2001
SNIFFFFFFFF You're looking cheerful this morning. I just tanked up on Christmas spirit.
21 December 2001
Hi, cat. Hi, flea. Just wanted to stop by and say merry Christmas before I take off. Where to? Oh, I'm catching a Greyhound to Kansas City.
22 December 2001
pop Merry Christmas.
23 December 2001
Christmas Eve, and I can't sleep. I need a sedative. Quick, tell me a story about your boyhood on the farm.
24 December 2001
Hey! You know, that Santa is even nicer than I thought... He left ME a cookie.
25 December 2001
Hi, mom?...it's Jon. About that sweater you made Garfield for Christmas?... YOu left out a hole. How fo you leave OUT a hole?!
26 December 2001
Karen, how'd you like to go out with me on new year's eve? What's it worth to you? Uh...paint your house? I like this one already.
27 December 2001
None of the girls I called want to go out with me on new year's eve. Maybe if I called them again and used a french accent... Who needs cable TV when you've got this?
28 December 2001
Can you believe it?! Patti broke our date, and now I'm stuck with two tickets to the new year's eve dance! Now what do I do? Duh... Go stag, scalp the other ticket at the door, and buy me something.
29 December 2001
Sigh...come with me... We need a blow-dryer, and a really, really long extension cord.
30 December 2001
Why can't I get a date for new year's eve, Garfield? Why, why, why, why?! WHY, WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY,WHY ?!! Can you say "mature"?
31 December 2001