SMACK! - - You're late. Sorry.
1 March 2001
I don't have time to stop! - SMACK! - You must learn to relax. How's this?
2 March 2001
SPIDER! Wait! - Spiders eat insects! - INSECT EATER! SMACK!
3 March 2001
- - WHACK! - - - ? - Wheeeeeeeeee!! BLAT!
4 March 2001
SLORP! SLURP! SLUP! SLURP! - Please, Garfield, thare's nothing more disgusting than that! SLORP! SLUP! - Except that.
5 March 2001
Garfield, help! I locked myself out getting the paper! - Hurry! I don't have any pants on! - I'm wearing the puppy underwear! - Then come in through the pet door.
6 March 2001
- - Tomorrow, I'm going back to getting dressed AFTER I take my shower! Well, at least you tried something.
7 March 2001
RRRrrrrrrr - Garfield, was that the blender? - Forget it, I don't want to know. Bunny-slipper frappe?
8 March 2001
I know how to get a woman's attraction. - WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME BARNYARD IMITATIONS?! - Well, that got her attention. I didn't know anyone could run that fast in heels.
9 March 2001
Heh, heh, heh... - Oh, the trouble I could cause! - If my claws weren't stuck in the table.
10 March 2001
than cold coffee. twitch twitch - EEEEYAAAAAAHHH!!! - Okay...soggy shorts, -maybe.
11 March 2001
C'mon, Garfield...up an' at 'em! - LIFE is calling! - Tell life to leave a message.
12 March 2001
...it's not like I haven't done anything with my life... - Oh, wait a minute... - Yes, it is!
13 March 2001
You apologize to Odie for what you did to him, or I'll punish you severely! - - Punish me severely.
14 March 2001
Wanna hear about my day? - - NO I'm not paying for this card!
15 March 2001
There are many, many things I will never understand. - - And they're all women. A rare moment of honesty.
16 March 2001
This is "NAtional Ugly Fish Week". - So eat an ugly fish today... - And leave the planet that much less ugly. Slogan needs work.
17 March 2001
- - - - - - Enjoy the little thingsand the big things will take care of themselves.
18 March 2001
Ma, can I ask you something? Of course, Timmy. - Can I have a pet? A pet? - He followed me home, ma. You're not very bright, are you, Timmy?
19 March 2001
- Watch out for the spider! - Some lookout you are. Sorry.
20 March 2001
You'd better not mess with me! Know why? - SMACK! - Because you're so tough? And don't you forget it.
21 March 2001
...and with a kiss from the beautiful princess... - The frog turned into a handsome spider... - Which the princess stomped flat! Hey! Hey! Stick to the story!
22 March 2001
Hey, cat, I'm gonna hop on your neck and suck out all your bodily fluids. - WHACK! - Hey! You crimped my sraw!
23 March 2001
This is my college intern. - SMACK! - He does good work. *I* think so.
24 March 2001
- I'll be shaving, in case anyone calls for me. - - buzzzzzzzzzzzzz - buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - click - Just checking...did anyone call? The paranoia police send their regards.
25 March 2001
Life stinks. - You should have a more positive attitude. - Life stinks.
26 March 2001
I'm thinking about writing the story of my life. - - Maybe I should actually do something first. That would really help with the title.
27 March 2001
Remember that day at the amusement park, Garfield? How can I forget? - They sure had some scary rides. Embarrassing... - I couldn't stop screaming. But in the parking lot, Jon?
28 March 2001
When communicating with pets... - Keep commands simple and to the point. - Lose...some...weight. Get...a...life.
29 March 2001
Maybe I'll get together with friends tonight. - We'll laugh and engage in stimulating conversation... - Or maybe I'll stay home and floff. Reality sets in.
30 March 2001
Do you know what's wrong with cats? - They... CLICK - Hey! You watch too much television.
31 March 2001