SMACK! You're late. Sorry.
1 March 2001
I don't have time to stop! SMACK! You must learn to relax. How's this?
2 March 2001
SPIDER! Wait! Spiders eat insects! INSECT EATER! SMACK!
3 March 2001
WHACK! ? Wheeeeeeeeee!! BLAT!
4 March 2001
SLORP! SLURP! SLUP! SLURP! Please, Garfield, thare's nothing more disgusting than that! SLORP! SLUP! Except that.
5 March 2001
Garfield, help! I locked myself out getting the paper! Hurry! I don't have any pants on! I'm wearing the puppy underwear! Then come in through the pet door.
6 March 2001
Tomorrow, I'm going back to getting dressed AFTER I take my shower! Well, at least you tried something.
7 March 2001
RRRrrrrrrr Garfield, was that the blender? Forget it, I don't want to know. Bunny-slipper frappe?
8 March 2001
I know how to get a woman's attraction. WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME BARNYARD IMITATIONS?! Well, that got her attention. I didn't know anyone could run that fast in heels.
9 March 2001
Heh, heh, heh... Oh, the trouble I could cause! If my claws weren't stuck in the table.
10 March 2001
11 March 2001
C'mon, Garfield...up an' at 'em! LIFE is calling! Tell life to leave a message.
12 March 2001
...it's not like I haven't done anything with my life... Oh, wait a minute... Yes, it is!
13 March 2001
You apologize to Odie for what you did to him, or I'll punish you severely! Punish me severely.
14 March 2001
Wanna hear about my day? NO I'm not paying for this card!
15 March 2001
There are many, many things I will never understand. And they're all women. A rare moment of honesty.
16 March 2001
This is "NAtional Ugly Fish Week". So eat an ugly fish today... And leave the planet that much less ugly. Slogan needs work.
17 March 2001
Enjoy the little thingsand the big things will take care of themselves.
18 March 2001
Ma, can I ask you something? Of course, Timmy. Can I have a pet? A pet? He followed me home, ma. You're not very bright, are you, Timmy?
19 March 2001
Watch out for the spider! Some lookout you are. Sorry.
20 March 2001
You'd better not mess with me! Know why? SMACK! Because you're so tough? And don't you forget it.
21 March 2001
...and with a kiss from the beautiful princess... The frog turned into a handsome spider... Which the princess stomped flat! Hey! Hey! Stick to the story!
22 March 2001
Hey, cat, I'm gonna hop on your neck and suck out all your bodily fluids. WHACK! Hey! You crimped my sraw!
23 March 2001
This is my college intern. SMACK! He does good work. *I* think so.
24 March 2001
I'll be shaving, in case anyone calls for me. buzzzzzzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz click Just checking...did anyone call? The paranoia police send their regards.
25 March 2001
Life stinks. You should have a more positive attitude. Life stinks.
26 March 2001
I'm thinking about writing the story of my life. Maybe I should actually do something first. That would really help with the title.
27 March 2001
Remember that day at the amusement park, Garfield? How can I forget? They sure had some scary rides. Embarrassing... I couldn't stop screaming. But in the parking lot, Jon?
28 March 2001
When communicating with pets... Keep commands simple and to the point. Lose...some...weight. Get...a...life.
29 March 2001
Maybe I'll get together with friends tonight. We'll laugh and engage in stimulating conversation... Or maybe I'll stay home and floff. Reality sets in.
30 March 2001
Do you know what's wrong with cats? They... CLICK Hey! You watch too much television.
31 March 2001