SMACK! - - You're late. Sorry.1 March 2001 |
 I don't have time to stop! - SMACK! - You must learn to relax. How's this?2 March 2001 |
 SPIDER! Wait! - Spiders eat insects! - INSECT EATER! SMACK!3 March 2001 |
 - - WHACK! - - - ? - Wheeeeeeeeee!! BLAT!4 March 2001 |
 SLORP! SLURP! SLUP! SLURP! - Please, Garfield, thare's nothing more disgusting than that! SLORP! SLUP! - Except that.5 March 2001 |
 Garfield, help! I locked myself out getting the paper! - Hurry! I don't have any pants on! - I'm wearing the puppy underwear! - Then come in through the pet door.6 March 2001 |
 - - Tomorrow, I'm going back to getting dressed AFTER I take my shower! Well, at least you tried something.7 March 2001 |
 RRRrrrrrrr - Garfield, was that the blender? - Forget it, I don't want to know. Bunny-slipper frappe?8 March 2001 |
 I know how to get a woman's attraction. - WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME BARNYARD IMITATIONS?! - Well, that got her attention. I didn't know anyone could run that fast in heels.9 March 2001 |
 Heh, heh, heh... - Oh, the trouble I could cause! - If my claws weren't stuck in the table.10 March 2001 |
 than cold coffee. twitch twitch - EEEEYAAAAAAHHH!!! - Okay...soggy shorts, -maybe.11 March 2001 |
 C'mon, Garfield...up an' at 'em! - LIFE is calling! - Tell life to leave a message.12 March 2001 |
 ...it's not like I haven't done anything with my life... - Oh, wait a minute... - Yes, it is!13 March 2001 |
 You apologize to Odie for what you did to him, or I'll punish you severely! - - Punish me severely.14 March 2001 |
 Wanna hear about my day? - - NO I'm not paying for this card!15 March 2001 |
 There are many, many things I will never understand. - - And they're all women. A rare moment of honesty.16 March 2001 |
 This is "NAtional Ugly Fish Week". - So eat an ugly fish today... - And leave the planet that much less ugly. Slogan needs work.17 March 2001 |
 - - - - - - Enjoy the little thingsand the big things will take care of themselves.18 March 2001 |
 Ma, can I ask you something? Of course, Timmy. - Can I have a pet? A pet? - He followed me home, ma. You're not very bright, are you, Timmy?19 March 2001 |
 - Watch out for the spider! - Some lookout you are. Sorry.20 March 2001 |
 You'd better not mess with me! Know why? - SMACK! - Because you're so tough? And don't you forget it.21 March 2001 |
 ...and with a kiss from the beautiful princess... - The frog turned into a handsome spider... - Which the princess stomped flat! Hey! Hey! Stick to the story!22 March 2001 |
 Hey, cat, I'm gonna hop on your neck and suck out all your bodily fluids. - WHACK! - Hey! You crimped my sraw!23 March 2001 |
 This is my college intern. - SMACK! - He does good work. *I* think so.24 March 2001 |
 - I'll be shaving, in case anyone calls for me. - - buzzzzzzzzzzzzz - buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - click - Just checking...did anyone call? The paranoia police send their regards.25 March 2001 |
 Life stinks. - You should have a more positive attitude. - Life stinks.26 March 2001 |
 I'm thinking about writing the story of my life. - - Maybe I should actually do something first. That would really help with the title.27 March 2001 |
 Remember that day at the amusement park, Garfield? How can I forget? - They sure had some scary rides. Embarrassing... - I couldn't stop screaming. But in the parking lot, Jon?28 March 2001 |
 When communicating with pets... - Keep commands simple and to the point. - Lose...some...weight. Get...a...life.29 March 2001 |
 Maybe I'll get together with friends tonight. - We'll laugh and engage in stimulating conversation... - Or maybe I'll stay home and floff. Reality sets in.30 March 2001 |
 Do you know what's wrong with cats? - They... CLICK - Hey! You watch too much television.31 March 2001 |
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