This is Mrs. Spittle, my third grade teacher. - She hated me. She made me take summer school. - She was okay, I guess. ...thus the lovingly rendered horns, goatee, and blacked-out tooth...
1 May 2001
PLay dead, Odie! - Good boy! - Now, stay.
2 May 2001
A what?...on your WHAT?! - Yes, Mrs. Feeny, I'll look into it. - DEAD GERBIL ON HER GLIDER?! Not my work. Way too obvious.
3 May 2001
Uh-oh. - Bad sign. - Jon's kite came home without him.
4 May 2001
Good coffee. - Hot coffee. Here it comes... - Gooooooood hot coffee. Sigh.
5 May 2001
bzzzzzzz - - - - - ...and to your right is a house cat. Now let's move to the living room. - Do you feel a draft? You lef tthe door open, dipwad.
6 May 2001
When I look around the room and see how dirty it is... - I think it's time we do something about it. - Got the blindfolds right here. Gimme the blue one.
7 May 2001
I'm going to meditate. - You do that. - Z I could use a little meditation myself.
8 May 2001
Who wants to have fun? - Not me! Not me! - Mr. Ball of Yarn needs some attention. You two have a lovely life together.
9 May 2001
A great new store opened up, Garfield! - It's called "Create-A-Pet". - I now have a bunny! Who maims.
10 May 2001
Hey, Tima, I'm throwing a party saturday night. Want tom come? - - YEEES, I'll be there. Party pooper.
11 May 2001
Garfield, weekends are my time to rear back and howl! Close. - ...lie down and giggle? Closer. - ...crawl into a fetal position and whimper? There you go.
12 May 2001
Z - Z Z Z Z - Z - Z - Z - Z If sleeping is an art, then I'm a masterpiece.
13 May 2001
click (drivel) - click (nonsense) - (nonsensical drivel) At last!
14 May 2001
This is one long movie. - It's going on like, FOREVER! - Where's the remote? You're sitting on the pause button, techno boy.
15 May 2001
Welcome to "Recycle that Roadkill." What have we got tonight, Bob? - Hard to tell, Chuck...he's pretty flat... - Might make a nice coaster. With great big eyes.
16 May 2001
And your avocation, sir, is? I squish spiders. - Care to demonstrate? Certainly. - SQUISH! Lousy form. No follow-through at all.
17 May 2001
...we DID have some amazing footage of that downtown fire, but DAN in editing accidentally ERASED it... - So, instead of exciting fire footage, we present DAN in his undershirt and boxer shorts playing a comb with tissue paper: - ffft ** ffft
18 May 2001
Z Z - Z Z - This has been "Nap Along with Fluffy". YAWN
19 May 2001
Let's check the ol' message machine. click - *beep*...Jon, this is Cindy. I've changed my name. You'll never find me! Ha! Ha! Ha! - *beep* ...Jon?...Marsha...I can't date you because I'm allergic toboring. - *beep*...Jon, thi is Nancy. Don't
20 May 2001
SMACK - Spring is here... - The first robin of the season just flew into the picture window.
21 May 2001
Don't you love springtime, Garfield? - The warmth...thle flowers. - Even you are smiling! I have a mouth full of butterflies.
22 May 2001
I pushed Odie off the roof! - Fortunately, his fall was broken when he landed on Jon. - Come closer, Garfield. Look, Odie! He crawled in here all by himself!
23 May 2001
Garfield, you sleep too much. I have a condition. - And there's a name for that. "Exerciseophobia". - Lazy! The fear of sweat.
24 May 2001
There was a cookie on this plate a minute ago... - And I want to know where it went! - It's enjoying the company of the missing pork chop.
25 May 2001
This cat food contains tuna-flavored chicken... - That looks like beef. - I prefer the beef-flavored tuna that looks like chicken.
26 May 2001
- - How's it going, Giant Hamburger? - Giant Hamburger? - You're dreaming. That's what I assumed. - - NEVER ASSUME!
27 May 2001
Here are your menus, hon. I love diners. - - Oooh, I have a heartburn already! I'm in deep-fried heaven.
28 May 2001
Hmm...the green-bean burrito looks good... - - Sorry, we're out of that. I owe you one, Irma.
29 May 2001
Would you like extra horseradish sauce on your garlic-onion-sardine sandwich? - - Sure. - No goodnight kiss for you.
30 May 2001
There's a note in my sandwich. - It says, "inspected by number 23". - They inspected my tuna melt? That, or the cook's wearing a new shirt.
31 May 2001