- - * FEEELINGS... What is a karaoke machine doing in the living room?
1 August 2001
AAAAGGGHHH - WHO TORE THE LAST PAGE OUT OF THE MYSTERY BOOK I WAS READING?! - The cat did it.
2 August 2001
I walked my date to the door. And then what happened? - I kissed her hand... And then what happened? - Leaving her othe rhand free... And then what happened?
3 August 2001
I sat on a bee today. - So I'm not happy. - I'll bet the bee isn't exactly gleeful, either.
4 August 2001
Z - Spiders are your frieeeeeends... Z - You liiiiiiiike spiders. Z - You would nevvvvvvvvvvvvver hurt a spider... Z - Next Moring: Morning, friend! - SMACK! - I'm a liiiiiiight sleeeeeper.
5 August 2001
- - Tah da!
6 August 2001
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Dog treat. - Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! They're so easy.
7 August 2001
Tonight we have with us a man who thinks he's a dog...how are you, sir? - Dogs can't talk, Phil. But you just did. - Uh...I mean, "arf". People will do anything to get on TV.
8 August 2001
The toaster doesn't work, Garfield. - I'll take it to the garage and fix it. Not the garage! - That's where all small appliances go to die.
9 August 2001
I know why you won't go out with me, Cindy. - You think I'm stupid, don't you?... - Darn, I was hoping that wasn't it. You were hoping for "loser," maybe?
10 August 2001
DING-DONG - squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek - Who was it? Just some clown.
11 August 2001
Ahem... - If you want a cookie, you'll have to move. - - - - I forgot how far cats can stretch. Now, I think I'll get some milk out of our neighbor's refrigerator.
12 August 2001
Mom used to tuck me into bed at night. - She'd kiss me on the forehead and say, "nighty-night". - Then dad would tiptoe in and whisper, "Beware the chicken!" I've always liked your dad.
13 August 2001
Look, Garfield! A package from my mom! I wonder what it is?! - I hope it's cookies! I hope it's a ham! - It's ham-shaped cookies! Mom shoots! Mom SCORES!
14 August 2001
We couldn't afford doctors on the farm. - We relied on natural remedies. - Did you know that kissing a chicken cures cold sores? Get away from me.
15 August 2001
News from the farm, Garfield...a letter from Doc Boy. - "Maddie Ferguson's pie took first place at the fair..." - "So mom burned her barn down". All right, mom!
16 August 2001
Garfield is fine, mom...want to talk to him? - - What's she saying? She's saying she can't believe she's talking to a cat on a long-distance call.
17 August 2001
We got a post card from Doc Boy! - He's vacationing on Loogieville, Indiana. - ...says he had his picture taken with the world's largest corn cob. Eiffel Tower, eat your heart out.
18 August 2001
- You have a nice, peaceful, long, restful nap. - - - - - I don't need that kind of pressure! WHOP! poo
19 August 2001
I've decided to do nothing...just like you. - Good luck, pal. - NOBODY can do nothing like me.
20 August 2001
Garfield, I found a treasure. A record album? - It's a classic. "Mel Tweedy's best farm tunes"? - It has all the hits! "Our love's gone dry and so has the cow."
21 August 2001
I learn from my mistakes. - Wow. - There goes the world's smartest man!
22 August 2001
- pant pant pant - Leather breath. Hey! Where's my other shoe?!
23 August 2001
I bought this box of candy for my date! - And I ate it. - We're a team!
24 August 2001
Well, the dishes are washed. - - Maybe I'll wax them. It's the weekend that wouldn't end.
25 August 2001
- AH HA! - Oh. You're not doing anything. - - AH HA! Oh, You're still not doing anything. - - AH HA! I'll let you know.
26 August 2001
I think I'll take a nap. - Then doze awhile...and then top it all off with a nice snooze. - Remember, kids, fo well-balanced rest, you must have something from the three basic sleep groups each day.
27 August 2001
Hmf! - If you continue to lie there like that, you're going to atrophy! - I'd go to the dictionary to look that up, but my legs have withered.
28 August 2001
I'm bored! - Reeeally bored. - I'm so bored it's almost interesting.
29 August 2001
Maybe there IS something to lying on your back...maybe I should try it. - - Look at all the GUM stuck under this table! Close your eyes, dipwad.
30 August 2001
I'm going out for a while. - Don't bother waiting... - ...up for me. Z
31 August 2001