* FEEELINGS... What is a karaoke machine doing in the living room?
1 August 2001
AAAAGGGHHH WHO TORE THE LAST PAGE OUT OF THE MYSTERY BOOK I WAS READING?! The cat did it.
2 August 2001
I walked my date to the door. And then what happened? I kissed her hand... And then what happened? Leaving her othe rhand free... And then what happened?
3 August 2001
I sat on a bee today. So I'm not happy. I'll bet the bee isn't exactly gleeful, either.
4 August 2001
Z Spiders are your frieeeeeends... Z You liiiiiiiike spiders. Z You would nevvvvvvvvvvvvver hurt a spider... Z Next Moring: Morning, friend! SMACK! I'm a liiiiiiight sleeeeeper.
5 August 2001
6 August 2001
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Dog treat. Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! They're so easy.
7 August 2001
Tonight we have with us a man who thinks he's a dog...how are you, sir? Dogs can't talk, Phil. But you just did. Uh...I mean, "arf". People will do anything to get on TV.
8 August 2001
The toaster doesn't work, Garfield. I'll take it to the garage and fix it. Not the garage! That's where all small appliances go to die.
9 August 2001
I know why you won't go out with me, Cindy. You think I'm stupid, don't you?... Darn, I was hoping that wasn't it. You were hoping for "loser," maybe?
10 August 2001
DING-DONG squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek Who was it? Just some clown.
11 August 2001
Ahem... If you want a cookie, you'll have to move. I forgot how far cats can stretch. Now, I think I'll get some milk out of our neighbor's refrigerator.
12 August 2001
Mom used to tuck me into bed at night. She'd kiss me on the forehead and say, "nighty-night". Then dad would tiptoe in and whisper, "Beware the chicken!" I've always liked your dad.
13 August 2001
Look, Garfield! A package from my mom! I wonder what it is?! I hope it's cookies! I hope it's a ham! It's ham-shaped cookies! Mom shoots! Mom SCORES!
14 August 2001
We couldn't afford doctors on the farm. We relied on natural remedies. Did you know that kissing a chicken cures cold sores? Get away from me.
15 August 2001
News from the farm, Garfield...a letter from Doc Boy. "Maddie Ferguson's pie took first place at the fair..." "So mom burned her barn down". All right, mom!
16 August 2001
Garfield is fine, mom...want to talk to him? What's she saying? She's saying she can't believe she's talking to a cat on a long-distance call.
17 August 2001
We got a post card from Doc Boy! He's vacationing on Loogieville, Indiana. ...says he had his picture taken with the world's largest corn cob. Eiffel Tower, eat your heart out.
18 August 2001
You have a nice, peaceful, long, restful nap. I don't need that kind of pressure! WHOP! poo
19 August 2001
I've decided to do nothing...just like you. Good luck, pal. NOBODY can do nothing like me.
20 August 2001
Garfield, I found a treasure. A record album? It's a classic. "Mel Tweedy's best farm tunes"? It has all the hits! "Our love's gone dry and so has the cow."
21 August 2001
I learn from my mistakes. Wow. There goes the world's smartest man!
22 August 2001
pant pant pant Leather breath. Hey! Where's my other shoe?!
23 August 2001
I bought this box of candy for my date! And I ate it. We're a team!
24 August 2001
Well, the dishes are washed. Maybe I'll wax them. It's the weekend that wouldn't end.
25 August 2001
AH HA! Oh. You're not doing anything. AH HA! Oh, You're still not doing anything. AH HA! I'll let you know.
26 August 2001
I think I'll take a nap. Then doze awhile...and then top it all off with a nice snooze. Remember, kids, fo well-balanced rest, you must have something from the three basic sleep groups each day.
27 August 2001
Hmf! If you continue to lie there like that, you're going to atrophy! I'd go to the dictionary to look that up, but my legs have withered.
28 August 2001
I'm bored! Reeeally bored. I'm so bored it's almost interesting.
29 August 2001
Maybe there IS something to lying on your back...maybe I should try it. Look at all the GUM stuck under this table! Close your eyes, dipwad.
30 August 2001
I'm going out for a while. Don't bother waiting... ...up for me. Z
31 August 2001