Ellen, I would ford the mightiest river for you! - Aha?- ...all right. - She's checking her atlas for piranha-infested tributaries. It pays to do your homework.
1 March 2002
-and after I tied my shoe, I tied the other one... - Then I thought about standing up... - Then I stood up. It actually takes Jon longer to tell about his day than to live it.
2 March 2002
treadmill at the gym yesterday. - You're both pathetic! Run for you, uh, life, mouse. Eek, and eek again. A cat...
3 March 2002
Two steak dinners, and make mine medium. And your buddy's? - Moo. - Rare. Check.
4 March 2002
Hmm...I can't decide between the chicken or the fish... - BUC-BUC BUC-COUGH KAFF KAFF KAFF BUC - Try the fish.
5 March 2002
Don't you two ever want to sit in a booth? - Oh, no! Never! Why not? - SPIIIIIIINNNN
6 March 2002
Here's your tossed salad. Thanks. - Would you like fresh-ground pepper on that? - HA! HA! HA! HA! WAH-HA! HA! Diner humor.
7 March 2002
What's the catch of the day? Pan-fried ugly fish. - Uhhhcan you serve it without its head? No. - Why not? 'cause then it wouldn't be UGLY now, would it?
8 March 2002
How are your ribs? Ticklish. - I meant your beef ribs. - Don't know, hon. I've never tickled a cow. You don't know what you're missing. I'm not with this man.
9 March 2002
- peck peck peck - - - -
10 March 2002
Some days everything goes right. - SMACK! - I mean wrong.
11 March 2002
- Burp - You don't have to save those for me! What's mine is yours.
12 March 2002
No more, and that's final! - - SCHLOP!
13 March 2002
That brownie has been mold growing on it. - - Making it count as vegetable.
14 March 2002
Ellen, I was wondering... - What if we were the last two people on earth? - Humanity is doomed. And cats will rule the world!
15 March 2002
You've just won ten million dollars! - SLAM! - Who was it? It wasn't the pizza guy.
16 March 2002
WAA! - HOOOO! - WOOOOH! - NYAAAH! - Ah-ha. GAAAHHH! - Hot elastic. GHEEEEE! - Annnd, he's in the front yard. EEEEK!! Somebody call a cop!
17 March 2002
I'm going to make fun of dogs! - - Maybe I'll go home and make fun of dogs over the Internet.
18 March 2002
You can't catch me! - Uh, are those new running shoes? - What happened to your tail? It's a victim of new innovations in athletic footwear.
19 March 2002
Beware Of The Vicious Dog - ...The Really Huge Violence-Prone Teeth-Gnashing Dog - You okay? I can't stand the pressure!
20 March 2002
Check out these sharp teeth! Whoa... - How about these claws? Ooo... - We've decided to gang up on the mailman.
21 March 2002
Beware Of Dog! - Who Am I Kidding? The Thing's A Disgrace. - Please DO Not Kick The Dog This is almost sad.
22 March 2002
Beware Of Gophers - - pook pook pook
23 March 2002
- - - Hey, turkey leg! Where are you going? - I have been a leftover for three weks now! I know when I'm not wanted! - I'm leaving! - Tell me I didn't see that. He's just feeling unloved. Let's eat him.
24 March 2002
Look at you, you pig... - Why, I bet you have more fat than muscle. - You take that back.
25 March 2002
Don't blink. - - Tol' ja.
26 March 2002
My hidden camera took there pictures of you stealing the last donut! - Hmm. - Okay, I'd like an 8x10 of this one and some wallet-sized prints of these.
27 March 2002
Odie - SPLUT! - Food Coach Open your mouth FIRST!
28 March 2002
Whaddaya think? You're wearing that...to a monster truck rally? - To meet a blind date with a gold tooth? -
29 March 2002
Garfield! Get your paw out of the cookie jar! - - Who taught you that gesture?! You, in the car, when you drive.
30 March 2002
- flap flap flap flap - - - - - ...keep...window...closed...
31 March 2002