The accordion is my life, Garfield. You know why? I don't know, Jon...WHY? Because I have soul! No, Jon. You have an accordion.
1 April 2002
Hello, symphony orchestra? I noticed you don't have an accordion player. Yes, I'll stay on the line. While they trace the call.
2 April 2002
My girlfriend is ashamed to be with me. Amen, brother! She tried to run over it with her car. I feel your pain! But I won't be stopped! "Accordions Anonymous".
3 April 2002
I'm thinking our lawn needs something. I'm thinking of a lawn ornament. I'm thinking of a ten-foot concrete accordion. I'm thinking of moving.
4 April 2002
Who needs women, Garfield? All we need is a pair of tiny shoes, and... It's the dancing accordion! You need a woman.
5 April 2002
Accordion music isn't just music, Garfield. It's a way of life. And you get to wear leather shorts! Let's just leave it at that. Okay, Jon?
6 April 2002
Uhhh... Dinner will be a little late. The lasagna needs a few more minutes... The LASAGNA?! Stand aside...I'll be the judge of this! My sincerest apologies, you were right. HEY! BURP
7 April 2002
Garfield, let's think nice thoughts today. I'm floating on a cloud. I'm barbecuing a small woodland creature.
8 April 2002
Odie, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. BOOT! splat! Or maybe not...
9 April 2002
Still eating, Garfield? Soon your stomach will grow large and you will explode. He's like an evil fortune cookie.
10 April 2002
Have you lost weight? You beast!
11 April 2002
News flash! A deranged hamster is terrorizing the city! Residents are advised against filling their pockets with lettuce and lying in tall grass. Oh, great! There goes his weekend.
12 April 2002
Doc, I have a stomach ache. Indigestion?!... Ohhh...so it's NOT a parasitic alien life form bent on world conquest? You live alone, you get paranoid.
13 April 2002
BOOT! Stupid head wind.
14 April 2002
You're more than a pet to me, Garfield. You're like a son. A big, fat, worthless son! Lighten up, dad.
15 April 2002
I make a lot of things around here, Garfield. I make the house clean. I make the meals... I make the beds... And don't forget that continual whining sound.
16 April 2002
You have it so easy! Easy?...EASY?! I'm working without a mattress here!
17 April 2002
Let's make a list of your faults, Garfield. Fat, lazy, selfish... And... And let's not forget disrespectful. My personal favorite.
18 April 2002
When you were little, you'd lie on my lap and purr. BURP That was long, looong ago. I've matured nicely, don't you think?
19 April 2002
I'm tired of just lying here. Carry me someplace else. yank yank
20 April 2002
21 April 2002
I'm perfect. You're a mess. That's a PERFECT mess, bozo!
22 April 2002
Maybe someday they'll make a movie about my life. Whoa... Those poor stunt men!
23 April 2002
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hey, Jon! Check out this comic about a fat, lazy human!
24 April 2002
I wonder if gravity is still working. PUSH It's nice to know that there are some things you can count on. THUD
25 April 2002
Women like a man of mystery, so I'm going to wear a mask on my date. This should be a hoot. Don't wait up. Take me with you.
26 April 2002
Ready to eat, Garfield? Excuse me?! I eat, I sleep. That's all I do. Do I look like I'm sleeping? Are you okay? DO YOU SEE A "Z" FLOATING OVEr MY HEAD?!
27 April 2002
28 April 2002
Somewhere out there is the woman for me. Hiding, no doubt. That was MY line!
29 April 2002
Uh-huh. I see. Okay. Makes sense. All right. I can't argure with that one. I had no idea there were so many reasons not to go out with me. * RIING She thought of some more.
30 April 2002