Besides beauty and intelligence... I need a woman who will respect me. A human woman?
1 May 2002
Evelyn, say you'll go out with me... Really?! You're not just saying that?! Oh, you are just saying that. Nice shot, Evelyn!
2 May 2002
I have to show Ellen that I love animals and children. So, I'm taking you on my date tonight. Now, where can I find a kid? I don't work with children.
3 May 2002
She loves me...she loves me not... She loves me...she despises the air I breathe. She loves me...she wishes my head would explode... Relay, Jon, relax.
4 May 2002
Your move. JUMP JUMP JUMP In "Checkers with Cookies," there ARE no losers. Yer moof.
5 May 2002
Garfield! I thought you were getting up! I am. This has to be done in stages.
6 May 2002
Shades make you look cool. There's not a pair big enough, pal!
7 May 2002
Pet ownership is a two-way street, you know. I do expect some affection in return. No prob... Odie, owner, affection, now.
8 May 2002
I'll feed you in a minute, Garfield. Grrr Grrr What could he do? I had him outnumbered.
9 May 2002
I have a dilemma, Garfield. There's a girl who wants to go out with me saturday night. And she has a face that could stop a clock. So, what should I wear? Well, don't wear your watch.
10 May 2002
A cat is constantly on the move. I don't personally know this cat, but I've heard of him.
11 May 2002
Made you look!
12 May 2002
There's our cow, Bossie. She kicked me in the head once. She kicked me in the head once. Comes the dawn...
13 May 2002
...and this is a picture of my prize rooster, Henry. That's a picture of an egg. He was much younger then. Ah... But he already had his dad's rugged good looks. You're scaring me, Jon.
14 May 2002
We had to make our own fun back on the farm... Doc Boy and I used to play a game with the electric fence we called "Touch it, Whimp!" My fingers still tingle. And the brain's still numb.
15 May 2002
I remember back on the farm...my mother calling to me... "Jon, you're boring the cattle!" Ever seen a cow yawn? Now you're boring the cat.
16 May 2002
Mom set me up on a blind date with a girl from back on the farm. She churns her own butter... ...and has a wonderful sense of humor. And has a wonderful sense of humor.
17 May 2002
Garfield, a letter from home! Just when I was feeling down, too. "Dear son, the entire family fell off the roof". I don't even want to know...
18 May 2002
Atta-boy, Garfield! Let that mouse have it! SHow no mercy! WHUMP! Way to go! The new arm-wrestling champ! Best two out of three?
19 May 2002
I know why you're so lazy, Garfield. Low self-esteem. You have to realize your worth. Did I say you could speak?
20 May 2002
I'm running in place! I'm just standing here. And I'm winning.
21 May 2002
Know why humans are smarter than cats, Garfield? Bigger brains. Ah... That explains those huge, ugly heads.
22 May 2002
Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Odie, if you'll shut up, I'll give you a piece of candy. Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
23 May 2002
Marcie, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me. I see. She hates, loathes, and is disgusted by every fiber of my being. I'll mark her down as a possible.
24 May 2002
Would you like to see me juggle flaming chain saws blindfolded? Or hear me sing? The first one!! Dogs don't get to vote.
25 May 2002
*TRIP* SPLAT! Graceful.
26 May 2002
I'm here! Let the party begin! SMACK! I'll open the chips.
27 May 2002
Fear me, cat! Fear my wrath! Fear my might! WHAP! Fear my flatness!
28 May 2002
Your husband's a celebrity now. Pardon me? Yeah, I saw him on the front page of the newspaper. Really?! MORTY! Flame IS fleeting.
29 May 2002
New hat? Thanks for noticing.
30 May 2002
Here's a picture of my kids. Whoa, they're disgusting! Why, thank you!
31 May 2002