Besides beauty and intelligence... - I need a woman who will respect me. - A human woman?
1 May 2002
Evelyn, say you'll go out with me... - Really?! You're not just saying that?! - Oh, you are just saying that. Nice shot, Evelyn!
2 May 2002
I have to show Ellen that I love animals and children. - So, I'm taking you on my date tonight. - Now, where can I find a kid? I don't work with children.
3 May 2002
She loves me...she loves me not... - She loves me...she despises the air I breathe. - She loves me...she wishes my head would explode... Relay, Jon, relax.
4 May 2002
- Your move. - JUMP - - JUMP JUMP - - In "Checkers with Cookies," there ARE no losers. Yer moof.
5 May 2002
Garfield! - I thought you were getting up! I am. - This has to be done in stages.
6 May 2002
Shades make you look cool. - - There's not a pair big enough, pal!
7 May 2002
Pet ownership is a two-way street, you know. - I do expect some affection in return. No prob... - Odie, owner, affection, now.
8 May 2002
I'll feed you in a minute, Garfield. - Grrr Grrr - What could he do? I had him outnumbered.
9 May 2002
I have a dilemma, Garfield. There's a girl who wants to go out with me saturday night. - And she has a face that could stop a clock. - So, what should I wear? Well, don't wear your watch.
10 May 2002
A cat is constantly on the move. - - I don't personally know this cat, but I've heard of him.
11 May 2002
- - - - - - Made you look!
12 May 2002
There's our cow, Bossie. She kicked me in the head once. - - She kicked me in the head once. Comes the dawn...
13 May 2002
...and this is a picture of my prize rooster, Henry. That's a picture of an egg. - He was much younger then. Ah... - But he already had his dad's rugged good looks. You're scaring me, Jon.
14 May 2002
We had to make our own fun back on the farm... - Doc Boy and I used to play a game with the electric fence we called "Touch it, Whimp!" - My fingers still tingle. And the brain's still numb.
15 May 2002
I remember back on the farm...my mother calling to me... - "Jon, you're boring the cattle!" - Ever seen a cow yawn? Now you're boring the cat.
16 May 2002
Mom set me up on a blind date with a girl from back on the farm. - She churns her own butter... - ...and has a wonderful sense of humor. And has a wonderful sense of humor.
17 May 2002
Garfield, a letter from home! - Just when I was feeling down, too. - "Dear son, the entire family fell off the roof". I don't even want to know...
18 May 2002
- - - Atta-boy, Garfield! - Let that mouse have it! SHow no mercy! - WHUMP! Way to go! - The new arm-wrestling champ! Best two out of three?
19 May 2002
I know why you're so lazy, Garfield. - Low self-esteem. - You have to realize your worth. Did I say you could speak?
20 May 2002
I'm running in place! - I'm just standing here. - And I'm winning.
21 May 2002
Know why humans are smarter than cats, Garfield? - Bigger brains. Ah... - That explains those huge, ugly heads.
22 May 2002
Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! - Odie, if you'll shut up, I'll give you a piece of candy. - Yip! Yip! Yap! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!
23 May 2002
Marcie, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me. - I see. - She hates, loathes, and is disgusted by every fiber of my being. I'll mark her down as a possible.
24 May 2002
Would you like to see me juggle flaming chain saws blindfolded? - Or hear me sing? - The first one!! Dogs don't get to vote.
25 May 2002
- - - - - - *TRIP* SPLAT! Graceful.
26 May 2002
I'm here! Let the party begin! - SMACK! - I'll open the chips.
27 May 2002
Fear me, cat! Fear my wrath! Fear my might! - WHAP! - Fear my flatness!
28 May 2002
Your husband's a celebrity now. Pardon me? - Yeah, I saw him on the front page of the newspaper. Really?! - MORTY! Flame IS fleeting.
29 May 2002
- - New hat? Thanks for noticing.
30 May 2002
Here's a picture of my kids. - Whoa, they're disgusting! - Why, thank you!
31 May 2002