Happy new year. Not from where I'M standing.
1 January 2003
I have no regrets, Garfield. Do you have any regrets? A few... Beginning with this stupid conversation.
2 January 2003
Just imagine the amazing things that will happen in the future. Like will I get the sesame seed from between my teeth?
3 January 2003
Let's celebrate! You're fat. Not the excuse I would have picked, but it'll do.
4 January 2003
At last! Here it is, Garfield! Our new mega-home entertainment theatre. We have digital high definition, wide-screen, CD, VHS, DVD, CD-ROM, surround sound... ...and then there's the best part... Five, count 'em, five remotes! We canshare!
5 January 2003
In the long run, I think bad luck and good luck even out. THUD I missed the chair. You're going to have to get on a really, really, REALLY long run of good lick to catch up, pal.
6 January 2003
Going somewhere? Uh-huh. And unfortunately for you, this is it.
7 January 2003
CRASH! What was that? The new paperboy. He has quite an arm.
8 January 2003
If you average them out, they're normal.
9 January 2003
Well, Cindy, I am a literally kind of guy. Actually, I'm writing my memoir. I'm up to my thumb-sucking years. That's three chapters.
10 January 2003
Any requests? Yeah! Hold still!
11 January 2003
Jon, Jon Arbuckle! Don't you remember me? Uh...no! It's me...Bertha! I've lost 200 pounds! Wow. Well, gotta go! Good to see you. Yeah...you too. Wow. I can't believe she would let herself go like that.
12 January 2003
Is it my turn to decide what we do today? Yes. But it's my turn to say I don't want to do it.
13 January 2003
The best things in life are free! How much would the SECOND-best things cost?
14 January 2003
You're in medium-sized trouble, mister! Rats. That was hardly worth the effort.
15 January 2003
It's one of those restless nights. When the weight of the world comes down on you. Like what if the refrigerator explodes?
16 January 2003
You're getting fatter. I am? Whew! I thought the world was shrinking!
17 January 2003
I have disdain for you. Unless "disdain" means something good.
18 January 2003
Sigh... ...so I took her to this fancy restaurant and everything was going fine...when I missed my mouth and stuffed a breadstick up my nose. My date laughed an inhaled an olive. I jumped up to help her, not realizing that I had tuckedthe tablecloth into
19 January 2003
This sandwich tastes funny. You think YOU have problems... I have peanut butter between my toes.
20 January 2003
There's something happening. I finally got the wildfire in my sock drawer under control! Out of the ordinary, I mean.
21 January 2003
Don't bother me. I said, don't bother me! You just insist on existing, don't you?!
22 January 2003
Check it out, Garfield. A tie is the crowning touch to any ensemble. And if you happen to have on that lights up... You'll be an easier target.
23 January 2003
I am really striking out, Garfield. Even "Gap-Toothed Gretta," the distance-spitting queen, shot me down. Too bad. She actually sounds like a fun date.
24 January 2003
I'm back from damaging the neighborhood! I just got off the phone. Wonderful! Saves me from having to fill you in on all the details.
25 January 2003
Garfield, check this out. I bet not even YOU could be this relaxed. OK, I'm humbled. Don't mess with the master.
26 January 2003
You are the pet, I am the master. The most important thing in your life is your master's voice. Are you listening? Sorry, I was thinking about cereal.
27 January 2003
Where's your smile, friend? I must have left it on my other face.
28 January 2003
Jon, do we have a toothpick? I have bread and ham stuck between my teeht... ...on second thought, do we have any cheese?
29 January 2003
Greetings...I am an alien life form bent on world domination. Why are you in the refrigerator? I used to be a meat loaf. JON!
30 January 2003
That's it. No date. I tried every woman I know. He did, too. And even some I don't. Boy, were THEY surprised.
31 January 2003