- - Happy new year. Not from where I'M standing.
1 January 2003
I have no regrets, Garfield. - Do you have any regrets? A few... - Beginning with this stupid conversation.
2 January 2003
Just imagine the amazing things that will happen in the future. - - Like will I get the sesame seed from between my teeth?
3 January 2003
Let's celebrate! - You're fat. - Not the excuse I would have picked, but it'll do.
4 January 2003
At last! - Here it is, Garfield! - Our new mega-home entertainment theatre. - We have digital high definition, wide-screen, CD, VHS, DVD, CD-ROM, surround sound... - ...and then there's the best part... - Five, count 'em, five remotes! We can
5 January 2003
In the long run, I think bad luck and good luck even out. - THUD - I missed the chair. You're going to have to get on a really, really, REALLY long run of good lick to catch up, pal.
6 January 2003
Going somewhere? - Uh-huh. And unfortunately for you, this is it.
7 January 2003
CRASH! - What was that? The new paperboy. - He has quite an arm.
8 January 2003
- - If you average them out, they're normal.
9 January 2003
Well, Cindy, I am a literally kind of guy. - Actually, I'm writing my memoir. - I'm up to my thumb-sucking years. That's three chapters.
10 January 2003
Any requests? - - Yeah! Hold still!
11 January 2003
- Jon, Jon Arbuckle! - Don't you remember me? Uh...no! - It's me...Bertha! - I've lost 200 pounds! Wow. - Well, gotta go! Good to see you. Yeah...you too. - Wow. I can't believe she would let herself go like that.
12 January 2003
Is it my turn to decide what we do today? - Yes. - But it's my turn to say I don't want to do it.
13 January 2003
The best things in life are free! - - How much would the SECOND-best things cost?
14 January 2003
You're in medium-sized trouble, mister! - Rats. - That was hardly worth the effort.
15 January 2003
It's one of those restless nights. - When the weight of the world comes down on you. - Like what if the refrigerator explodes?
16 January 2003
You're getting fatter. - I am? - Whew! I thought the world was shrinking!
17 January 2003
I have disdain for you. - - Unless "disdain" means something good.
18 January 2003
Sigh... - ...so I took her to this fancy restaurant and everything was going fine...when I missed my mouth and stuffed a breadstick up my nose. - My date laughed an inhaled an olive. I jumped up to help her, not realizing that I had tucked
19 January 2003
This sandwich tastes funny. - You think YOU have problems... - I have peanut butter between my toes.
20 January 2003
There's something happening. - I finally got the wildfire in my sock drawer under control! - Out of the ordinary, I mean.
21 January 2003
Don't bother me. - I said, don't bother me! - You just insist on existing, don't you?!
22 January 2003
Check it out, Garfield. - A tie is the crowning touch to any ensemble. - And if you happen to have on that lights up... - You'll be an easier target.
23 January 2003
I am really striking out, Garfield. - Even "Gap-Toothed Gretta," the distance-spitting queen, shot me down. Too bad. - She actually sounds like a fun date.
24 January 2003
I'm back from damaging the neighborhood! - I just got off the phone. - Wonderful! Saves me from having to fill you in on all the details.
25 January 2003
Garfield, check this out. - I bet not even YOU could be this relaxed. - - - - - OK, I'm humbled. Don't mess with the master.
26 January 2003
You are the pet, I am the master. - The most important thing in your life is your master's voice. - Are you listening? Sorry, I was thinking about cereal.
27 January 2003
Where's your smile, friend? - - I must have left it on my other face.
28 January 2003
Jon, do we have a toothpick? - I have bread and ham stuck between my teeht... - ...on second thought, do we have any cheese?
29 January 2003
Greetings...I am an alien life form bent on world domination. - Why are you in the refrigerator? - I used to be a meat loaf. JON!
30 January 2003
That's it. No date. - I tried every woman I know. He did, too. - And even some I don't. Boy, were THEY surprised.
31 January 2003