You have something stuck between your teeth, Garfield. Where? Right between your front ones. What is it? It's the refrigerator. Do we have any really big floss?
1 April 2003
I'm going out, Garfield. Don't get into any trouble. At least nothing that involves a swat team. Then don't be long.
2 April 2003
It's quiet around here. Want me to break something? I'm not complaining, mind you. Want me to break something quietly?
3 April 2003
I have the feeling I'm going to have a good day. Thought you could lock me out, didn't you? I had to throw the birdbath through the picture window, and then pull up the mailbox to lean against the... That feeling is fading.
4 April 2003
I can't think of anything to say. Darn it, Jon! Then how am I supposed to ignore you?!
5 April 2003
Yo! Yo! Yo! Garfield, what it is? Just chillin' in the crib, homey? I'm letting chicks know that I'm da bomb. I'm gonna scope the park wit' my bad self. Whoa! THUD! Tru dat.
6 April 2003
There's just no pleasing you, is there?! Okay, once more, but this time with a little bit more emotion.
7 April 2003
HA! HA! HAW! HAW! HAW! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! Quit tickling the milkman!
8 April 2003
This house needs fixing. I'll need some of those little pointy things... Nails? And one of those poundy things. Stop him.
9 April 2003
Odie swallowed my golf ball! I'll play as it lies. Get back here.
10 April 2003
I can't decide whether to stay here... Or go someplace else. Compromise.
11 April 2003
This is one of those squirting flowers. This is one of those clawing paws. Can you say "detente"?
12 April 2003
It's a beautiful day, boys. Everyone's out with their pets. Celebrating their shared lives. Showing their affection for one another. Oh no... Oh, the joyous union of human and animal! Her eit comes... Group hug!
13 April 2003
My goal is to be a little less pathetic, Garfield. No! No! You can't do that, Jon! Think about your fans! You've set a standard to which losers everywhere aspire!
14 April 2003
Garfield, would you say I'm suave? Yes, I would. If you coated my body with honey and staked me down to an anthill. Debonair, even?
15 April 2003
Garfield, I'm starting a garden! Tilling the soil...nurturing seed. And did I mention I'm wearing overalls? I knew there was an ulterior motive.
16 April 2003
bip bip boop Hi, it's jus Jon calling to say hi... ...hi! Hey, let's go home and check my answering machine! Pity him.
17 April 2003
Chicks dig intellectual guys, soooooo... ZZZZZZZZZZ This makes my forehead look larger! Ah, the old "big brain" ploy.
18 April 2003
I sometimes feel like a failure at life. I was hoping for a little sympathy. That's another thing you've failed at.
19 April 2003
Z Z Z Z **Z** -
20 April 2003
Slacker! Why are you just sitting there?! There's napping to be done, man! Go waway.
21 April 2003
YAWN Is that all you have to do? Noooo... YAWN scratch scratch
22 April 2003
I don't want to be disturbed while I sleep. Or after I wake up, for that matter.
23 April 2003
Let's play a game, Garfield. Let's pretend you're vital. Let's pretend you're useful. Let's pretend gravity is great today.
24 April 2003
Breathe, Garfield. GASP! Lazy! I would have, eventually.
25 April 2003
I'm going to throw out everything moldy I can find. I hope you're cleaning out the refrigerator. Because if you're not, this is dandruff, not mold.
26 April 2003
Who wants to feed me? Who wants to fix food for the hungry kitty? Who wants to keep their lips? Is it dinner time already? You don't have to have the answers if you ask the right questions.
27 April 2003
I am now officially bored. Officially? I have a certificate. Cool!
28 April 2003
YAWN Was that necessary? Have you ever spent any time with yourself?
29 April 2003
You look bored. I'm not, really. This is just force of habit.
30 April 2003