Is that how you're going to spend your day? - My day, my week, my month... - You're pathetic. My year, my decade, and my century.
1 May 2003
Can I tell you something, Garfield? Something very personal... - Something of great importance... - I guess not.
2 May 2003
My date had a great time tonight! - - I suspect. A no-show, huh?
3 May 2003
- How can you just LIE here like that?! - - - Simple. - - Like this.
4 May 2003
You don't scare me. I'm not trying to. - Good, because you don't. Like I care. - Oh, the bitter struggle between cat and dog.
5 May 2003
You know what I hate? - War? Pestilence? Poverty? Injustice? - Humidity. Me too!
6 May 2003
Life...this is it, Garfield. - This is all there is. - No dessert?
7 May 2003
I'm finished running. Me too. - Well... - Finished. Didn't start. Whatever.
8 May 2003
Wow. What a beautiful sunset. - What could be more beautiful than that? - I'm going to say tuna salad.
9 May 2003
YAWN! - Uh-oh. My mouth is stuck open! - Help me! Or throw some food in! Preferably the latter.
10 May 2003
- bzzzzzz Hey, look...a cat. bzzzzzzzzz So it is. - bzzzzzzz Let's buzz around his head a few hundred times. bzzzzz Cool! - zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz - You don't suppose he finds this annoying, do you? Nah, everybody loves
11 May 2003
We have with us this morning the inventor of decaffeinated coffee. - Sir, what inspired you? Z - Sir?... Sir?... Z I'll drink to that.
12 May 2003
We have with us the inventor of the tape recorder. - Good evening, sir. Good evening, sir. - Now, stop that! Now, stop that! THIS is why I watch television.
13 May 2003
Now back to "Grandma's Knitting Basket"! - click-click clickety clickety click clickety cli - @#M*%@!!! DROPPED A STITCH! Grandma's a colorful old gal.
14 May 2003
We have with us tonight a man with...uh...one eye, in the middle of his forehead... - Your name, sir? Cy. Cy Clops. - GET HIM OUTTA HERE! Hey, I'll keep an eye out for ya! Hol don! That's a rubber eye!
15 May 2003
The following is a rerun... - And just why are we rerunning it? - Because NOBODY watched it the first time! I'll watch!
16 May 2003
Our first guest tonight is a man who can't say no... - Are you married, sir? No. - Oops! Dang! - Our next guest... Fame is fleeting.
17 May 2003
- - - - - - Throw rugs have it good.
18 May 2003
Z - You woke up with a smile! I know... - Help me!
19 May 2003
- - Are you gonna finish that? GARFIELD!
20 May 2003
The stupid... - - You have to admire their consistency.
21 May 2003
Odie is missing and the vacuum cleaner is barking. - And do you know WHY? - Because *I* sure don't. Whew!
22 May 2003
That hamburger had better be right THERE when I get back! - - GARFIELD! Problem?
23 May 2003
GULP! - Ha! I FOOLEd you! That was a fake WAX hamburger! - Well, stick a wick in my navel and make a wish. pick pick
24 May 2003
Sigh... - I need a date. - I really, REALLY need a date. - My soul aches for the mere presence of a woman in my general vicinity... - My lonliness knows no bounds! My longing for companionship is unrivaled in the annals of human existence!
25 May 2003
What a beautiful, sunny day! - - We need heavier drapes.
26 May 2003
I know that look. Feed me. - You want to be brushed, right? - Or perhaps not. Feeeed meeeee
27 May 2003
I wish I could know what you're thinking... - - Is it "feed me"? Hel-LOOO, DR DOOLITTLE!
28 May 2003
I know that look. - It's you "Who, me?!" look. - This means you've done something awful. Who, me?
29 May 2003
I know that look...it's your "I ate your goldfish" look. - Burrrrrrrrrp - Wow, you're good.
30 May 2003
I know that look. - That's your argumentative look. - Sez who, beetle brain?
31 May 2003