Is that how you're going to spend your day? My day, my week, my month... You're pathetic. My year, my decade, and my century.
1 May 2003
Can I tell you something, Garfield? Something very personal... Something of great importance... I guess not.
2 May 2003
My date had a great time tonight! I suspect. A no-show, huh?
3 May 2003
How can you just LIE here like that?! Simple. Like this.
4 May 2003
You don't scare me. I'm not trying to. Good, because you don't. Like I care. Oh, the bitter struggle between cat and dog.
5 May 2003
You know what I hate? War? Pestilence? Poverty? Injustice? Humidity. Me too!
6 May 2003
Life...this is it, Garfield. This is all there is. No dessert?
7 May 2003
I'm finished running. Me too. Well... Finished. Didn't start. Whatever.
8 May 2003
Wow. What a beautiful sunset. What could be more beautiful than that? I'm going to say tuna salad.
9 May 2003
YAWN! Uh-oh. My mouth is stuck open! Help me! Or throw some food in! Preferably the latter.
10 May 2003
bzzzzzz Hey, look...a cat. bzzzzzzzzz So it is. bzzzzzzz Let's buzz around his head a few hundred times. bzzzzz Cool! zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz You don't suppose he finds this annoying, do you? Nah, everybody lovesflies. SMACK! SMACK!
11 May 2003
We have with us this morning the inventor of decaffeinated coffee. Sir, what inspired you? Z Sir?... Sir?... Z I'll drink to that.
12 May 2003
We have with us the inventor of the tape recorder. Good evening, sir. Good evening, sir. Now, stop that! Now, stop that! THIS is why I watch television.
13 May 2003
Now back to "Grandma's Knitting Basket"! click-click clickety clickety click clickety cli @#M*%@!!! DROPPED A STITCH! Grandma's a colorful old gal.
14 May 2003
We have with us tonight a man with...uh...one eye, in the middle of his forehead... Your name, sir? Cy. Cy Clops. GET HIM OUTTA HERE! Hey, I'll keep an eye out for ya! Hol don! That's a rubber eye!
15 May 2003
The following is a rerun... And just why are we rerunning it? Because NOBODY watched it the first time! I'll watch!
16 May 2003
Our first guest tonight is a man who can't say no... Are you married, sir? No. Oops! Dang! Our next guest... Fame is fleeting.
17 May 2003
Throw rugs have it good.
18 May 2003
Z You woke up with a smile! I know... Help me!
19 May 2003
Are you gonna finish that? GARFIELD!
20 May 2003
The stupid... You have to admire their consistency.
21 May 2003
Odie is missing and the vacuum cleaner is barking. And do you know WHY? Because *I* sure don't. Whew!
22 May 2003
That hamburger had better be right THERE when I get back! GARFIELD! Problem?
23 May 2003
GULP! Ha! I FOOLEd you! That was a fake WAX hamburger! Well, stick a wick in my navel and make a wish. pick pick
24 May 2003
Sigh... I need a date. I really, REALLY need a date. My soul aches for the mere presence of a woman in my general vicinity... My lonliness knows no bounds! My longing for companionship is unrivaled in the annals of human existence!...so, how about it? Tel
25 May 2003
What a beautiful, sunny day! We need heavier drapes.
26 May 2003
I know that look. Feed me. You want to be brushed, right? Or perhaps not. Feeeed meeeee
27 May 2003
I wish I could know what you're thinking... Is it "feed me"? Hel-LOOO, DR DOOLITTLE!
28 May 2003
I know that look. It's you "Who, me?!" look. This means you've done something awful. Who, me?
29 May 2003
I know that look...it's your "I ate your goldfish" look. Burrrrrrrrrp Wow, you're good.
30 May 2003
I know that look. That's your argumentative look. Sez who, beetle brain?
31 May 2003