Tell me, Maureen, do you hate me more than you used to? - The same? - I call that progress! You da man!
1 August 2003
don't believe it! - Garfield only ate half of his food! - I took a break for a snack. Oh.
2 August 2003
- - You know, I'm a do-nothin' kinda guy. - But, I do nothin' very well. - I fact, I'm the dean of do-nothin'! - A LEAN, MEAN, DO-NOTHIN' MACHINE! - How you doing? Feeling vital, thank you!
3 August 2003
Dark shirt. - Cat. - Tah daaah.
4 August 2003
I', going to vacuum this cat hair off the rug. - Think, Jon! - If you left the cat hair, we wouldn't NEED a rug!
5 August 2003
Sometimes it's good to count your blessings. - Cat hair is NOT a blessing. - Well, it comes in handy if you're a cat.
6 August 2003
A cat hair! - I thought you were DONE shedding! So did I. - Ah, it's the spare.
7 August 2003
If I see ONE more cat hair around here, I'm going to LOSE it. - poink - YAAAAHH! Definitely worth the price of admission.
8 August 2003
My life has no meaning. - You know...when you don't move, you shed less. - What was I thinking?
9 August 2003
- ? - - - Open your mouth, dummy. - There it is, dummy. - SLURP!
10 August 2003
Do snails do ANYthing fast? - - No.
11 August 2003
* RING...RING... That'll be mom. I'd better take it... - * RING She's calling long distance. Where does she live? - * RING Behind that shrub over there.
12 August 2003
- rub rub rub rub rub - That was very affectionate, Garfield. I had peanut butter on my hands.
13 August 2003
My sock puppet is in the wash. - - Sydney shoe just isn't the same. My foot is cold.
14 August 2003
I've been all over the world! - Which is no big deal... - I can see the edge of it from here.
15 August 2003
Ah... - What a beautiful day! - It's raining. Not in the kitchen.
16 August 2003
- - - Well, look at you! - That's quite a smile! - It's nice to see you in a good mood for a change. - I SAT ON A MOUSETRAP.
17 August 2003
As time passes, you get fatter and fatter. - Ah yes, the age-old dilemma, Jon. - How to stop time.
18 August 2003
Sniff...it's lonely being a scale. - Nobody listens to me. I'll listen. - You're about eleven pounds shy of a big rig! I walked right into that one.
19 August 2003
You're fat. Fat? - Really fat... Really fat? - Really, really fat. Oh! Really, really fat. I knew that.
20 August 2003
- Wow! Congratulations! On what? - You are now officially prohibited from crossing some bridges.
21 August 2003
You're fat. - - How about now? You may LOOK smaller, but you're still fat!
22 August 2003
Just once I'd like to hear something nice form you. - Oh, how wonderful it would be to soar through the sky like an eagle, so proud and free. - I mean about me. You'd never get off the ground.
23 August 2003
- Hey, pal! Hey, hallucination. - Wait a minute! - What are you doing here? I only see you when I'm on a diet. - Well, SURPRISE! - I just heard your owner on the phone with the vet, and you're going on one now! I am not! - I'll vouch for him.
24 August 2003
- - Been climbing trees? I know, diet time.
25 August 2003
You may have an entire grape for a snack! - - HOW ABOUT A DROP OF WATER TO WASH IT DOWN?!
26 August 2003
- - I'm only having ONE meatball.
27 August 2003
I like celery. Oh, me too! - That's why I've dressed this stalk up in its own little outfit! - You're supposed to eat it. CANNIBAL!
28 August 2003
"Cheeesecaaake". - I was right! What? - You just gained a pund.
29 August 2003
I'm off my diet. - I'm on my diet. - I'm off my diet.
30 August 2003
BURP - - - - - - * - Teddy bears are like keys...they're always in the first place you think they'd be, and the last place you look.
31 August 2003