Tell me, Maureen, do you hate me more than you used to? The same? I call that progress! You da man!
1 August 2003
don't believe it! Garfield only ate half of his food! I took a break for a snack. Oh.
2 August 2003
You know, I'm a do-nothin' kinda guy. But, I do nothin' very well. I fact, I'm the dean of do-nothin'! A LEAN, MEAN, DO-NOTHIN' MACHINE! How you doing? Feeling vital, thank you!
3 August 2003
Dark shirt. Cat. Tah daaah.
4 August 2003
I', going to vacuum this cat hair off the rug. Think, Jon! If you left the cat hair, we wouldn't NEED a rug!
5 August 2003
Sometimes it's good to count your blessings. Cat hair is NOT a blessing. Well, it comes in handy if you're a cat.
6 August 2003
A cat hair! I thought you were DONE shedding! So did I. Ah, it's the spare.
7 August 2003
If I see ONE more cat hair around here, I'm going to LOSE it. poink YAAAAHH! Definitely worth the price of admission.
8 August 2003
My life has no meaning. You know...when you don't move, you shed less. What was I thinking?
9 August 2003
? Open your mouth, dummy. There it is, dummy. SLURP!
10 August 2003
Do snails do ANYthing fast? No.
11 August 2003
* RING...RING... That'll be mom. I'd better take it... * RING She's calling long distance. Where does she live? * RING Behind that shrub over there.
12 August 2003
rub rub rub rub rub That was very affectionate, Garfield. I had peanut butter on my hands.
13 August 2003
My sock puppet is in the wash. Sydney shoe just isn't the same. My foot is cold.
14 August 2003
I've been all over the world! Which is no big deal... I can see the edge of it from here.
15 August 2003
Ah... What a beautiful day! It's raining. Not in the kitchen.
16 August 2003
Well, look at you! That's quite a smile! It's nice to see you in a good mood for a change. I SAT ON A MOUSETRAP.
17 August 2003
As time passes, you get fatter and fatter. Ah yes, the age-old dilemma, Jon. How to stop time.
18 August 2003
Sniff...it's lonely being a scale. Nobody listens to me. I'll listen. You're about eleven pounds shy of a big rig! I walked right into that one.
19 August 2003
You're fat. Fat? Really fat... Really fat? Really, really fat. Oh! Really, really fat. I knew that.
20 August 2003
Wow! Congratulations! On what? You are now officially prohibited from crossing some bridges.
21 August 2003
You're fat. How about now? You may LOOK smaller, but you're still fat!
22 August 2003
Just once I'd like to hear something nice form you. Oh, how wonderful it would be to soar through the sky like an eagle, so proud and free. I mean about me. You'd never get off the ground.
23 August 2003
Hey, pal! Hey, hallucination. Wait a minute! What are you doing here? I only see you when I'm on a diet. Well, SURPRISE! I just heard your owner on the phone with the vet, and you're going on one now! I am not! I'll vouch for him.Oh, no! Pizzas NEVER lie
24 August 2003
Been climbing trees? I know, diet time.
25 August 2003
You may have an entire grape for a snack! HOW ABOUT A DROP OF WATER TO WASH IT DOWN?!
26 August 2003
I'm only having ONE meatball.
27 August 2003
I like celery. Oh, me too! That's why I've dressed this stalk up in its own little outfit! You're supposed to eat it. CANNIBAL!
28 August 2003
"Cheeesecaaake". I was right! What? You just gained a pund.
29 August 2003
I'm off my diet. I'm on my diet. I'm off my diet.
30 August 2003
BURP * Teddy bears are like keys...they're always in the first place you think they'd be, and the last place you look.
31 August 2003