Ellen, when you say hurtful things to me, I just want to curl up and wither away. She's saying hurtful things. So wither already.
1 October 2004
Today is a teense less boring than yesterday. Party on.
2 October 2004
O-kay... Time to get up. Yup. Gotta get up right now... Yessir-reedy-deedy-do -up and at 'em... What are you doing? Fooling myself.
3 October 2004
Garfield! Did you eat all three of those cakes I baked?! Nope. Two and a half.
4 October 2004
Garfield... You've been eating in bed again, haven't you? So, Sherlock, what tipped you off?
5 October 2004
* RIIIING! Hello? No, no...it's all right. That was the Titanic. They spotted an orange iceberg. I wonder if YOU float?
6 October 2004
I now do weight and fortunes. You're on. You're fat. ...and my fortune? I predict you're going to stomp me flat. You're good.
7 October 2004
If you continue to gain weight at your current rate... In 17 years, you'll blot out the sun! Where are you going? To get a donut and a flashlight.
8 October 2004
Low-fat cat food. DO I LOOK LIKE A LOW-FAT CAT?!
9 October 2004
Have a salad...have A salad... HAVE a salad... Have a SALAD... Ahem... Havea SALAD. There's just no right way to say that to him.
10 October 2004
If you close your eyes, you can pretend this lettuce is chocolate cake. If you close YOUR eyes, I can have REAL chocolare cake!
11 October 2004
Hey, Jon, check out my new diet! munch munch GULP Did you notice I chewed before I swallowed?
12 October 2004
How's the diet going? Hey! Somebody out there's eating! I withdraw the question. BACON!
13 October 2004
How's the diet going? Great! I've cut out snacks. I did, however, have eleven lunches.
14 October 2004
I've eaten all the donuts... Now they can't tempt me to cheat on my diet. Flawless logic, if ever I've heard it!
15 October 2004
Are you having a good time? BECAUSE I'M NOT! SPLOT Wait. That was kind of fun.
16 October 2004
GARFIELD BURP Hi! Whoa. Say, aren't you the invisible man? No, I'm not. He's shorter than I am. He's only about this tall. Oh, yeah. But don't feel bad. A lot of people confuse us. I think I'll wake up now.
17 October 2004
Why are acts so mysterious? Allow me to explain by way of an interpretive dance. -
18 October 2004
Why is a dog's nose so cold? Let's find out. Ah-ha... *
19 October 2004
GOING WHERE did you get the gong? Spanky's house of all things dinner.
20 October 2004
Cats are very clean animals. They even clean themselves with their tongues. But not you! We're out of conditioner.
21 October 2004
Garfield, I think that girl down the counter is looking at me! No she isn't. I think she wants to meet me! No she doesn't! I may have been mistaken. Yes, you were.
22 October 2004
I'm so bored I can't believe it. Not me. I can believe it.
23 October 2004
I can sleep anywhere. Z Z See? Whoops. Z
24 October 2004
WOW! LOOK AT THAT BUG, FAT, ORANGE Pumpkin.
25 October 2004
Hmmm, just like Odie... The light's on, but nobody's home.
26 October 2004
...that monster could be ANYwhere! ...he could even be right behind Hi, guys... Cue the bloodcurdling screams.
27 October 2004
Larry, don't! ...don't go in there! I must go in there, Margaret! Brave, Larry. AAAAGGGHHH! Brave, stupid, Larry.
28 October 2004
Tonight we're speaking with a big, fat, creepy monster. Glad to be here. So, where do you live? Under your bed. Uhhhh... And aren't you a little old to be wearing bunny slippers? Sweet dreams.
29 October 2004
We're speaking today with an actual vampire. Good morning, sir. Thank yo-...morning= MORNING?!! They just might want to draw those blinds.
30 October 2004
Boo! Pardon? Boo. I'm a ghost. You don't say. Oh, yes. I'm quite frightening. No, you're not. I'm not? Not even close. Are you sure? I find you yery pleasant. I wish I were dead. I'm not sure how to break this to you, pal.
31 October 2004