click My next guest is a ghost. Welcome to the show. Glad to be here. So, what's new with you? Not much, really. I'm dead, you know. And what's that like? It's kind of fun... I can float throuch walls, and... BOO! YAAAH! -do that.There went a perfectly go
Oh, no! My sock puppet has turned into a bloodthirsty zombie! He attacks an unsuspecting victim! What are you doing, Garfield? And sucks his life forces rigth out through his skull! Sigh Oh! This is so horrible I can't watch! I'mgoing to throw this thing
Hey, pal. Hey. You know, Garfield, I once considered becoming an actor. Do tell. Possibly reciting Shakespeare on stage. Whoa. Or maybe a leading man in the movies. Really? I might have had mobs of screaming fans. You know it! Evenmy own star on the Holly
Operators standing by! Yes, you too can be more popular with women if you use Babe Magnet Body Lotion! Side effects may include excessive body hair... itchy elbows, note twitching... foot tapping, leg slapping...and flutteringeyelids. What idiot would buy
You know, Garfield, sometimes I feel like a failure. Maybe I could have made better decisions in my life. Jon, you decided to have pets who love you... So you can never be a failure. pat pat Now, this self-pity thing isn't going todelay dinner, is it?
Garfield, help me choose a tie for my date tonight. Should I go with this bunny tie that says, "I'm cuddly"... The golfer's tie that says, "I'm athletic"... Or the animal print that says, "I'm wild!"? How about this one? The
Wow! The world's biggest cookie! -and the world's biggest can of sardines! And the world's biggest loaf of garlic bread! And the world's biggest bowl of five-alarm chili! BURRRRP!!! What would you like for breakfast? The world'sbiggest antacid.
Bob, we've only got 3 seconds before the bomb explodes! Cut the red wire, not the green one! Bernice, there's something I've always wanted to tell you... Yes? ...I'm color-blind. Bye-bye, Bob and Bernice.
click Ooh...reality TV... Today, on "Wild and Crazy Animals with Pat Schepple"... Cats! Why do they climb up trees? They can't get down out of them... So why do they keep climbing up them? Hey, Garfield! It's dress-up-lie-a-wombatnight! Ask me,
I think I'll hypnotize Odie. Hmm. He appears to already be in a trance. Of course with dogs, it's hard to tell. Let's see how receptive he is to suggestion. You are a chiiickennn... cluck cluck cluck Is Odie hypnotized? No. Juststupid.
I was in your neighborhood, so I thought I'd hand deliver this. Gee thanks, dag. Garfield! We got an invitation to Blondie and Dagwood's anniversary party! FOOD! "No gifts. Casual dress. Dialogue and lettering will be provided". Yesss!I won't ev
* RIIIN... Hello? Mrs. Feeny is on the phone. Give her my love. She's angry with you again. She's beautiful when she scrowls. I can hear her teeth grinding. In her mouth, or in the glass? She wants to know where her blommers are.They're now in a circus te
What's with the big grin? I'm grinning? That can't be! I'm VERY unhappy. MY FACe MUST BE UNDER THE CONTROL OF GRIN-HAPPY ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET! Oh, the horror of it all! You ate the last donut, didn't you? It's the grin-happyaliens, I tell you!
Sigh I saw the CUTEST girl at the deli today, Garfield. She was a vision, standing at the counter right in front of the chopped liver... The smell of love and hot pastrami filled the air... Suddemly, I was a knish on a mission! Irushed over to her and sai
I saw THE cutest girl in the kissing booth at the fair today. So I bought her whole roll of tickets... Then she went on break and Delores the Wonder Chimp stepped in for her. Is that banana on your breath?
Oh, Marie! I could never live without you! Nor I you, Ted! Let's get married! Oooookaaay...let me just check my schedule... MUHWEE! COME MACK! COME MACK! MUHWEE! It's tough to talk with a day planner in your nose.
crack crack crack Dear Santa, this is Garfield. I am writing to tell you about my behavior this past calendar year. It has been good. Very good...nay, outstanding...nay, nay, exemplary. I might even go so far as to say that I havebeen a paragon of virtue,