click - My next guest is a ghost. - Welcome to the show. Glad to be here. - So, what's new with you? Not much, really. I'm dead, you know. - And what's that like? It's kind of fun... I can float throuch walls, and... - BOO! YAAAH! - -do that.
- Oh, no! - My sock puppet has turned into a bloodthirsty zombie! - He attacks an unsuspecting victim! - What are you doing, Garfield? And sucks his life forces rigth out through his skull! Sigh Oh! This is so horrible I can't watch! - I'm
Hey, pal. Hey. - You know, Garfield, I once considered becoming an actor. Do tell. - Possibly reciting Shakespeare on stage. Whoa. - Or maybe a leading man in the movies. Really? - I might have had mobs of screaming fans. You know it! - Even
Operators standing by! - Yes, you too can be more popular with women if you use Babe Magnet Body Lotion! - Side effects may include excessive body hair... - itchy elbows, note twitching... - foot tapping, leg slapping...and fluttering
- Hey, everyone! We're here! - My little Jon-Jon! squeeze - Hiya, son. SMACK! - Hey, bro. POP - 'sup, sport? NOOGIE, NOOGIE NOOGIE - What more could you ask for in a family? Two aspirin and a neck brace?
Sigh... - Well, Jon went up to fix the leaky roof again... - Who knows why our roof leaks... - Maybe our shingles are cracked... - Or warped... - WHUMP! - ...but I strongly suspect they're loose. Mommy...
- You know, Garfield, sometimes I feel like a failure. - Maybe I could have made better decisions in my life. - Jon, you decided to have pets who love you... - So you can never be a failure. pat pat - Now, this self-pity thing isn't going to
Sigh... - Another birthday. - This one's number 27... - And that's pretty old for a cat. - If only there were something I could do... - - You're walking backwards. It's only a theory, but it just might work.
- Garfield, help me choose a tie for my date tonight. - Should I go with this bunny tie that says, "I'm cuddly"... - The golfer's tie that says, "I'm athletic"... - Or the animal print that says, "I'm wild!"? - How about this one? - The
- Wow! The world's biggest cookie! - -and the world's biggest can of sardines! - And the world's biggest loaf of garlic bread! - And the world's biggest bowl of five-alarm chili! - BURRRRP!!! - What would you like for breakfast? The world's
Bob, we've only got 3 seconds before the bomb explodes! - Cut the red wire, not the green one! Bernice, there's something I've always wanted to tell you... - Yes? ...I'm color-blind. Bye-bye, Bob and Bernice.
click Ooh...reality TV... - Today, on "Wild and Crazy Animals with Pat Schepple"... - Cats! Why do they climb up trees? - They can't get down out of them... - So why do they keep climbing up them? - Hey, Garfield! It's dress-up-lie-a-wombat
- I think I'll hypnotize Odie. - Hmm. He appears to already be in a trance. - Of course with dogs, it's hard to tell. - Let's see how receptive he is to suggestion. - You are a chiiickennn... - cluck cluck cluck Is Odie hypnotized? No. Just
I was in your neighborhood, so I thought I'd hand deliver this. Gee thanks, dag. - Garfield! We got an invitation to Blondie and Dagwood's anniversary party! FOOD! - "No gifts. Casual dress. Dialogue and lettering will be provided". - Yesss!
* RIIIN... Hello? - Mrs. Feeny is on the phone. Give her my love. - She's angry with you again. She's beautiful when she scrowls. - I can hear her teeth grinding. In her mouth, or in the glass? - She wants to know where her blommers are.
- What's with the big grin? I'm grinning? - That can't be! - I'm VERY unhappy. - MY FACe MUST BE UNDER THE CONTROL OF GRIN-HAPPY ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET! - Oh, the horror of it all! - You ate the last donut, didn't you? It's the grin-happy
Sigh - I saw the CUTEST girl at the deli today, Garfield. - She was a vision, standing at the counter right in front of the chopped liver... - The smell of love and hot pastrami filled the air... - Suddemly, I was a knish on a mission! I
I saw THE cutest girl in the kissing booth at the fair today. - So I bought her whole roll of tickets... - Then she went on break and Delores the Wonder Chimp stepped in for her. Is that banana on your breath?
Oh, Marie! I could never live without you! Nor I you, Ted! Let's get married! - Oooookaaay...let me just check my schedule... - MUHWEE! COME MACK! COME MACK! MUHWEE! It's tough to talk with a day planner in your nose.
crack crack crack - Dear Santa, this is Garfield. - I am writing to tell you about my behavior this past calendar year. - It has been good. Very good...nay, outstanding...nay, nay, exemplary. - I might even go so far as to say that I have