1 January 2006
Here I come, world! What's that? The world wants five more minutes.
2 January 2006
3 January 2006
How's it going? Never better! Have a nice day! I can't escape the feeling there's something I should be doing. Beware of the Vicious Dog.
4 January 2006
Look, Garfield! A rubber mousie! Fetch it! Fetch it, Garfield! Fetch, fetch, fetchy-fetchy fetch, fetch, fetch! FETCH! Do you have dipping sauces?
5 January 2006
Beth, go out with me or my heart will be broken! She said leave her alone of my legs will be broken. She's just being coy.
6 January 2006
I accidentally glued a piece of paper to my face. What a shame. Allow me to fix it. Why am I not happy? Oh, but you are.
7 January 2006
chew chew chew f-f-f AH CHOO -
8 January 2006
What time is it? Sorry. I'm not wearing a watch. That was a little clock humor. How about a little hammer humor?
9 January 2006
Dogs can be lazy. CAN be. Thy just aren't as dependable as cats.
10 January 2006
Dinner will be a little late. "Roast dummy" takes time to prepare.
11 January 2006
It's the "All-Remote" channel! click So put that remote down, guys! We click through every channel for you! click click click FINALLY! A channel that takes all the work out of being lazy. click click click click
12 January 2006
Ellen, for you, I would swim the deepest ocean... Pardon? You'll take me up on that? Long way to dog paddle with water wings.
13 January 2006
Garfield, what do you want on your bologna? A steak!
14 January 2006
Maybe I should start eating mice... If I ate mice, I wouldn't have to wait around for Jon to feed me. You don't want to do that. Why not? Have you SEEN the mice in this house?
15 January 2006
Garfield, why don't women like me? They all say, "Oh, Jon, you're so nice...you'll make someone a wonderful husband," but I'm never right for them. Why, Garfield, why?!! Because they're lying to you, Jon.
16 January 2006
Really?...you will? KLONK I Have a DAAAATE!! It's the end of the world as we know it!
17 January 2006
You ate the flowers I bought for my date! Now what am I going to do? Have her smell my breath.
18 January 2006
I'm ready for a date! Whaddaya think? Oh, YEAH! You sure it's not too much? No way! You da man! Go get 'em! Atta boy! SLAM
19 January 2006
You don't want to know how my date went. Which means I DO want to know how your date went!
20 January 2006
The strangest thing, Garfield...my date had one nostril bigger than the other. When she inhaled, it wheezed like a kazoo. And when she EXHALED... Make him stop.
21 January 2006
Z BUMP! What was that? I heard something go bump in the night! BUMP! There it is again! ...it's getting louder! It's coming this way! BUMP! The bump in the night is coming for me!! BUMP! EEEYAAAAHHH!! It's cold out here. I THEDI'm sorry.
22 January 2006
Notice how calmly I'm waiting to be fed. Here. Now, where are my pants? All in good time.
23 January 2006
Catch the ball, Odie! I may have thrown it a bit too hard.
24 January 2006
If you ate less, you would weigh less. Interesting theory... If only there were a way to test it.
25 January 2006
That could be for almost anything.
26 January 2006
I am not worthy of you. You got THAT right. So much for humility. You got THAT right.
27 January 2006
So, the moral of the story is... I'm back! I was telling a story and you left! You're not going to tell it again, are you?
28 January 2006
eeerrrrrggghhhh nnnnnggghhhhh poot munch munch munch AAARRRGH You gotta want it bad enough.
29 January 2006
Sigh Sigh My life isn't turning out like I planned. Mine either. I wanted to ACCOMPLISH something. I wanted tuna.
30 January 2006
SCHLURP How's your hot chocolate? Fine. And yours?
31 January 2006