Wanna order a pizza? Make it TWO.
1 January 2006
Here I come, world! - What's that? - The world wants five more minutes.
2 January 2006
- SLURP! -
3 January 2006
How's it going? Never better! - Have a nice day! - I can't escape the feeling there's something I should be doing. Beware of the Vicious Dog.
4 January 2006
Look, Garfield! A rubber mousie! Fetch it! - Fetch it, Garfield! Fetch, fetch, fetchy-fetchy fetch, fetch, fetch! - FETCH! Do you have dipping sauces?
5 January 2006
Beth, go out with me or my heart will be broken! - - She said leave her alone of my legs will be broken. She's just being coy.
6 January 2006
I accidentally glued a piece of paper to my face. What a shame. - Allow me to fix it. - Why am I not happy? Oh, but you are.
7 January 2006
chew chew chew - f-f-f - - - AH - CHOO -
8 January 2006
What time is it? - Sorry. I'm not wearing a watch. - That was a little clock humor. How about a little hammer humor?
9 January 2006
Dogs can be lazy. - CAN be. - Thy just aren't as dependable as cats.
10 January 2006
- Dinner will be a little late. - "Roast dummy" takes time to prepare.
11 January 2006
It's the "All-Remote" channel! click - So put that remote down, guys! We click through every channel for you! click click click - FINALLY! A channel that takes all the work out of being lazy. click click click click
12 January 2006
Ellen, for you, I would swim the deepest ocean... - Pardon? - You'll take me up on that? Long way to dog paddle with water wings.
13 January 2006
Garfield, what do you want on your bologna? - - A steak!
14 January 2006
- Maybe I should start eating mice... - If I ate mice, I wouldn't have to wait around for Jon to feed me. - You don't want to do that. - Why not? - Have you SEEN the mice in this house?
15 January 2006
Garfield, why don't women like me? - They all say, "Oh, Jon, you're so nice...you'll make someone a wonderful husband," but I'm never right for them. - Why, Garfield, why?!! Because they're lying to you, Jon.
16 January 2006
Really?...you will? - KLONK - I Have a DAAAATE!! It's the end of the world as we know it!
17 January 2006
You ate the flowers I bought for my date! - Now what am I going to do? - Have her smell my breath.
18 January 2006
I'm ready for a date! Whaddaya think? Oh, YEAH! - You sure it's not too much? No way! You da man! Go get 'em! Atta boy! SLAM
19 January 2006
You don't want to know how my date went. - - Which means I DO want to know how your date went!
20 January 2006
The strangest thing, Garfield...my date had one nostril bigger than the other. - When she inhaled, it wheezed like a kazoo. - And when she EXHALED... Make him stop.
21 January 2006
22 January 2006
Notice how calmly I'm waiting to be fed. - Here. - Now, where are my pants? All in good time.
23 January 2006
Catch the ball, Odie! - - I may have thrown it a bit too hard.
24 January 2006
If you ate less, you would weigh less. - Interesting theory... - If only there were a way to test it.
25 January 2006
- - That could be for almost anything.
26 January 2006
I am not worthy of you. - You got THAT right. - So much for humility. You got THAT right.
27 January 2006
So, the moral of the story is... - I'm back! - I was telling a story and you left! You're not going to tell it again, are you?
28 January 2006
- eeerrrrrggghhhh - nnnnnggghhhhh - - poot - munch munch munch - AAARRRGH You gotta want it bad enough.
29 January 2006
Sigh Sigh - My life isn't turning out like I planned. Mine either. - I wanted to ACCOMPLISH something. I wanted tuna.
30 January 2006
- SCHLURP - How's your hot chocolate? Fine. And yours?
31 January 2006