BURP! beep! beep! beep! All right! beep! beep! beep! beep! I set off a car alarm!
1 March 2006
Aren't you going to take the last cookie? Because if you don't want it, I'll. -
2 March 2006
Keep of the Grass -
3 March 2006
Everything I did today went wrong. I didn't do anything today. Do you see where I'm headed here?
4 March 2006
SPLOT! munch munch munch munch POO clonk You've got a little mustard riiight there.
5 March 2006
An awful thing happened on the way to the studio this morning. A furry creature ran in front of my car. But, no sense wasting a good squirrel! Low-budget cooking show.
6 March 2006
Frank, dearest, there's something I MUST tell you. Go ahead, my darling. Tell me... ...uh... This has been "Writer's Block Theatre".
7 March 2006
Oh, Dirk, I know you love me, and I love you...but our love can never be! Okay, bye. Um, Dirk? Dirk's gonna paaaay...
8 March 2006
We have with us tonight a man who hasn't spoken in 32 years. Good evening, sir. Good eve Uh...can I take that back? No, sir. You distinctly spoke. No, I didn't. There! You spoke again! His lips aren't really moving that much.
9 March 2006
Shirley, I think the monster is behind that door! Oh, Bob! ** DING-DONG Wanna get that, Shirl? Prince of a guy, that Bob.
10 March 2006
DANG, Earl, it's a SPACESHIP! DANG, Earl, them's ALIENS! DANG, Earl, yer bein' PROBED! Can't be more than four teeth in that grin, Earl.
11 March 2006
Good evening. We ask that you please remain seated for the duration of the performance... ...and to kindly hold your applause until the show's conclusion. Also, no smoking, talking, flash photography, beepers, laser pointers, or cellphones. KONK! -or pin
12 March 2006
Ellen, my dear... It's impossible for me to put into words the way I feel about you. But I have composed a little yodel that I think says it all.
13 March 2006
I have a thing for you, Ellen. Ad it won't go away. Kinda like a rash. I need air.
14 March 2006
Ellen put me on hold. Interesting song... Sounds like a dial tone. You folks go on about your business. We're going to be here for a looong time.
15 March 2006
Ellen, I'm your man! And you'r emy woman! My woman hung up on her man. And his cat isn't surprised.
16 March 2006
Let's play "Hide and Seek," Garfield! Eight, nine, ten...READY OR NOT, HERE I COME! You're not hiding, are you? It's friday night. Will someone out there please date this man?
17 March 2006
Ellen, how about going to the drive-in tonight? What's showing?... Who CARES, baby?! click! I said that out loud, didn't I? Dibs on the TV remote.
18 March 2006
Another breakfast just like the one before... Jon enjoying his coffee... Odie with his ever-present dingle ball... Sigh...same ol', same ol'... Yessss.
19 March 2006
Hmm... I think I'll order the fish of the day. How about you? I'll go with the cow of the day.
20 March 2006
I don't know, Garfield... This place looks pretty fancy. I have sixteen forks. Which one is for scratching your nose?
21 March 2006
I'm starving. Where's that waiter? * WHONK THAT got his attention.
22 March 2006
So, Garfield, did you have room for dessert? WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
23 March 2006
WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
24 March 2006
Garfield, the next time we go to a restaurant, remember... The food at other tables... BELONGS TO OTHER PEOPLE! Who made up that stupid rule?
25 March 2006
One cookie left... That one old cookie that's lain in the bottom of the jar forever. Covered in the ancient dust of a million other cookies and the fingerprints of a million grimy hands. ...stale, rock hard, and hideouslymalformed...the "elephant co
26 March 2006
Eileen Bultwiger...I had SUCH a crush on her. Sigh I hope she's fat now. I sense bitter here.
27 March 2006
Garfield, when it comes to women, I play hard to get. Yeah, right. How can you play hard to get when they play hard to find?
28 March 2006
That was Debbie calling to cancel our date. Funny...we didn't have a date. In fact, I don't even KNOW a Debbie. A girl can't be too careful.
29 March 2006
I just wish I could meet a girl. Who wouldn't beat me with hre purse. Well, now you're just being picky.
30 March 2006
I'm going on an imaginary date tonight! Sad... Even his imagination is desperate.
31 March 2006