BURP! - beep! beep! beep! All right! - beep! beep! beep! beep! I set off a car alarm!
1 March 2006
Aren't you going to take the last cookie? - Because if you don't want it, I'll. -
2 March 2006
- Keep of the Grass -
3 March 2006
Everything I did today went wrong. - I didn't do anything today. - Do you see where I'm headed here?
4 March 2006
- - SPLOT! - munch munch munch munch - POO clonk - - You've got a little mustard riiight there.
5 March 2006
An awful thing happened on the way to the studio this morning. - A furry creature ran in front of my car. - But, no sense wasting a good squirrel! Low-budget cooking show.
6 March 2006
Frank, dearest, there's something I MUST tell you. Go ahead, my darling. Tell me... - ...uh... - This has been "Writer's Block Theatre".
7 March 2006
Oh, Dirk, I know you love me, and I love you...but our love can never be! - Okay, bye. - Um, Dirk? Dirk's gonna paaaay...
8 March 2006
We have with us tonight a man who hasn't spoken in 32 years. Good evening, sir. Good eve- - Uh...can I take that back? No, sir. You distinctly spoke. - No, I didn't. There! You spoke again! His lips aren't really moving that much.
9 March 2006
Shirley, I think the monster is behind that door! Oh, Bob! - ** DING-DONG - Wanna get that, Shirl? Prince of a guy, that Bob.
10 March 2006
DANG, Earl, it's a SPACESHIP! - DANG, Earl, them's ALIENS! - DANG, Earl, yer bein' PROBED! Can't be more than four teeth in that grin, Earl.
11 March 2006
- Good evening. - We ask that you please remain seated for the duration of the performance... - ...and to kindly hold your applause until the show's conclusion. - Also, no smoking, talking, flash photography, beepers, laser pointers, or cell
12 March 2006
Ellen, my dear... - It's impossible for me to put into words the way I feel about you. - But I have composed a little yodel that I think says it all.
13 March 2006
I have a thing for you, Ellen. - Ad it won't go away. - Kinda like a rash. I need air.
14 March 2006
Ellen put me on hold. - Interesting song... - Sounds like a dial tone. You folks go on about your business. We're going to be here for a looong time.
15 March 2006
Ellen, I'm your man! - And you'r emy woman! - My woman hung up on her man. And his cat isn't surprised.
16 March 2006
Let's play "Hide and Seek," Garfield! - Eight, nine, ten...READY OR NOT, HERE I COME! - You're not hiding, are you? It's friday night. Will someone out there please date this man?
17 March 2006
Ellen, how about going to the drive-in tonight? What's showing?... - Who CARES, baby?! - click! I said that out loud, didn't I? Dibs on the TV remote.
18 March 2006
- Another breakfast just like the one before... - Jon enjoying his coffee... - Odie with his ever-present dingle ball... - Sigh...same ol', same ol'... - - Yessss.
19 March 2006
Hmm... - I think I'll order the fish of the day. - How about you? I'll go with the cow of the day.
20 March 2006
I don't know, Garfield... - This place looks pretty fancy. - I have sixteen forks. Which one is for scratching your nose?
21 March 2006
I'm starving. Where's that waiter? - * WHONK - THAT got his attention.
22 March 2006
So, Garfield, did you have room for dessert? - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
23 March 2006
WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! - - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA!
24 March 2006
Garfield, the next time we go to a restaurant, remember... - The food at other tables... - BELONGS TO OTHER PEOPLE! Who made up that stupid rule?
25 March 2006
- One cookie left... - That one old cookie that's lain in the bottom of the jar forever. - Covered in the ancient dust of a million other cookies and the fingerprints of a million grimy hands. - ...stale, rock hard, and hideously
26 March 2006
Eileen Bultwiger...I had SUCH a crush on her. - Sigh - I hope she's fat now. I sense bitter here.
27 March 2006
Garfield, when it comes to women, I play hard to get. - Yeah, right. - How can you play hard to get when they play hard to find?
28 March 2006
That was Debbie calling to cancel our date. - Funny...we didn't have a date. - In fact, I don't even KNOW a Debbie. A girl can't be too careful.
29 March 2006
I just wish I could meet a girl. - - Who wouldn't beat me with hre purse. Well, now you're just being picky.
30 March 2006
I'm going on an imaginary date tonight! - Sad... - Even his imagination is desperate.
31 March 2006