Hi, Ellen, it's Jon! How are you? A splitting headache? I'm so sorry...how long have you had it? Seven seconds... Hey! Isn't that about the time you called?
1 May 2006
Ellen, you can go out with me now. Remember you said you only date men who live dangerously? Well, yesterday I ran with scissors! He laughs in the face of stupidity.
2 May 2006
I really like talking to you, Ellen... I really, really, really like talking to you. Please say something back. Her mother told her if she couldn't say anything nice...
3 May 2006
Ellen, I think it's time we take our relationship to another level. Pardon? That's not another level, Ellen. That's another country. Jon isn't as stupid as he looks.
4 May 2006
I'm ready for my big date! I don't have a big date! Yeah, the word "big" gave you away.
5 May 2006
Ellen...bless you...did you get...bless you...the flowers...bless you...I sent? What do oyu mean, "guess"? How should I know? That would require a brain.
6 May 2006
7 May 2006
I may not be rich, Ellen. But remember one thing... Money can't buy happiness. You rent it?
8 May 2006
So, Ellen, what are my chances of a date with you? SLAM! I heard a door slam. I'd say those were your chances leaving the building.
9 May 2006
Ellen, I've decided to go out with you. But you'll have to beg. Waaaah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! So much for reverse psychology. you said it, Sigmund.
10 May 2006
Ellen, I have something to tell you. I only have a week to live. YEEES!! So much for the sympathy angle. You have all mine.
11 May 2006
I'm a real cute guy, Wendy. Like a small woodland creature. Wendy doesn't date weasels. Wendy's clever.
12 May 2006
Do you know what I think? YAWN! Yes.
13 May 2006
14 May 2006
You know, Garfield... Some pets are actually entertaining. Really? Hey! Where can WE get some of those?!
15 May 2006
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Notice how cool I remained during your two-hour dissertation? I noticed you fell asleep at one point. ULTRA cool!
16 May 2006
If you chewed longer, it would seem like you had more food. No, if I had more FOOD it would seem like I had more food.
17 May 2006
Keep away from my fish dinner!
18 May 2006
Is this tie too big? Not at all... As long as your circus friends don't object, neither do I!
19 May 2006
Saturday night and no date again. How about a game of checkers? Checkers? Hey! I THOUGHT those went down hard.
20 May 2006
PING-A-TINK PING PING PTINK PTOINK PTOINK PTANK PTOONG koink KEENK KWANK Strange... KWINK KEE-TANK KANK-KANK KINKA TINKA KOINK KOINK I've looked and I've looked... P-KANG P-KOINKA KEENK BINKa BINKA TINKA But I can't find my keysanywhere. KWINKA KWANKA tin
21 May 2006
I have a note from a secret admirer! I'm not surprised... If I admired Jon, I would want to keep it a secret, too.
22 May 2006
I've written down some witty things to say to my date tonight. "Howdy doo!" "How's tricks?" Ladies and gentlemen, shecky Arbuckle.
23 May 2006
Women are crazy about love poems. What rhymes with "Wolverine"? "Loser".
24 May 2006
I have a date, Garfield. This woman is VERY particular. If you know what I mean. She only dates geeks?
25 May 2006
Big date tonight, Garfield. She likes her men to smell masculine. I haven't showered in three days! That explains the dead fern.
26 May 2006
Cough. Hee! Hee! Hee! My date showed up! She just happened to be invisible! I didn't say anything.
27 May 2006
28 May 2006
Everyone on the PLANET loves cats! And anyone who doesn't... Is a SPACE ALIEN!
29 May 2006
Oh, boy... Do you know what people think when they see a man in a top hat? Sophistication. Or, you must have a funny-shaped head.
30 May 2006
Would you say my lips are pouty and kissable? I don't know. KISS Pouty? No. Kissable? Yeees, but not that fireworks-going-off, give-you-goose-bumps kind of kissable. poo! poo!
31 May 2006