Hi, Ellen, it's Jon! How are you? - A splitting headache? I'm so sorry...how long have you had it? - Seven seconds... Hey! Isn't that about the time you called?
1 May 2006
Ellen, you can go out with me now. - Remember you said you only date men who live dangerously? - Well, yesterday I ran with scissors! He laughs in the face of stupidity.
2 May 2006
I really like talking to you, Ellen... - I really, really, really like talking to you. - Please say something back. Her mother told her if she couldn't say anything nice...
3 May 2006
Ellen, I think it's time we take our relationship to another level. - Pardon? - That's not another level, Ellen. That's another country. Jon isn't as stupid as he looks.
4 May 2006
I'm ready for my big date! - - I don't have a big date! Yeah, the word "big" gave you away.
5 May 2006
Ellen...bless you...did you get...bless you...the flowers...bless you...I sent? - What do oyu mean, "guess"? - How should I know? That would require a brain.
6 May 2006
- - - - - - Bacon frying.
7 May 2006
I may not be rich, Ellen. - But remember one thing... - Money can't buy happiness. You rent it?
8 May 2006
So, Ellen, what are my chances of a date with you? - SLAM! - I heard a door slam. I'd say those were your chances leaving the building.
9 May 2006
Ellen, I've decided to go out with you. - But you'll have to beg. - Waaaah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! So much for reverse psychology. you said it, Sigmund.
10 May 2006
Ellen, I have something to tell you. - I only have a week to live. - YEEES!! So much for the sympathy angle. You have all mine.
11 May 2006
I'm a real cute guy, Wendy. - Like a small woodland creature. - Wendy doesn't date weasels. Wendy's clever.
12 May 2006
Do you know what I think? - YAWN! - Yes.
13 May 2006
- - - - - - -
14 May 2006
You know, Garfield... - Some pets are actually entertaining. Really? - Hey! Where can WE get some of those?!
15 May 2006
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Notice how cool I remained during your two-hour dissertation? - I noticed you fell asleep at one point. ULTRA cool!
16 May 2006
If you chewed longer, it would seem like you had more food. - - No, if I had more FOOD it would seem like I had more food.
17 May 2006
- - Keep away from my fish dinner!
18 May 2006
Is this tie too big? - Not at all... - As long as your circus friends don't object, neither do I!
19 May 2006
Saturday night and no date again. - How about a game of checkers? Checkers? - Hey! I THOUGHT those went down hard.
20 May 2006
PING-A-TINK - PING PING PTINK PTOINK - PTOINK PTANK PTOONG koink KEENK KWANK - Strange... KWINK KEE-TANK KANK-KANK KINKA TINKA KOINK KOINK - I've looked and I've looked... P-KANG P-KOINKA KEENK BINKa BINKA TINKA - But I can't find my keys
21 May 2006
I have a note from a secret admirer! - I'm not surprised... - If I admired Jon, I would want to keep it a secret, too.
22 May 2006
I've written down some witty things to say to my date tonight. - "Howdy doo!" - "How's tricks?" Ladies and gentlemen, shecky Arbuckle.
23 May 2006
Women are crazy about love poems. - - What rhymes with "Wolverine"? "Loser".
24 May 2006
I have a date, Garfield. - This woman is VERY particular. - If you know what I mean. She only dates geeks?
25 May 2006
Big date tonight, Garfield. - She likes her men to smell masculine. - I haven't showered in three days! That explains the dead fern.
26 May 2006
Cough. - Hee! Hee! Hee! - My date showed up! She just happened to be invisible! I didn't say anything.
27 May 2006
- - - - - -
28 May 2006
Everyone on the PLANET loves cats! - And anyone who doesn't... - Is a SPACE ALIEN!
29 May 2006
Oh, boy... - Do you know what people think when they see a man in a top hat? - Sophistication. Or, you must have a funny-shaped head.
30 May 2006
Would you say my lips are pouty and kissable? I don't know. - KISS - Pouty? No. Kissable? Yeees, but not that fireworks-going-off, give-you-goose-bumps kind of kissable. poo! poo!
31 May 2006