Culthbert...oh, Culthbert... - Culthbert, there's something I must tell you... Yes, Philomena, my dear? - I...I am in love with anoter...it's Thaddeus. Thaddeus Ramsbottom? - Yes... Might I remind you, Mrs. Aphat, that your maiden name is
Guess what? - Liz is coming over on Valentine's Day! - She's renting a chick flick on the way over... - I'll make hot cocoa, and we'll watch it here on the couch... - And share a tub of ice cream and a box of tissues together. - - What are
Greetings! - I'm the big fat onion slice you ate on your hamburger last night... - -and I'm conducting a customer opinion survey. Would you say my service was satisfactory? You gave me GAS. - In the future, would you recommend me to a friend?
- AAAAAGGHHH! - I don't believe it! - I spent all morning composing a passionate, tender love sonnet to Liz... - -AND THEN MY STUPID COMPUTER CRASHED!! - * - You didn't crash, did you? Even the Internet has its standards.
XAN'S Cafe Caffeine - - - - click click click click click click click - click click click Wow. click click click click - The bathrooms here have those neat hot-air hand dryers. I've never SEEN so many camera phones. click click click click
riiiinnng - Hi, this is Jon... - I'm not home right n-OW! - Hey, that was my LEG! What do you think you're do-OW!!! - STOP it with the claws already, or I'll-OWWWW!!! - All right, that's it! It's GO-time, pal! you've had it
Mini Golf -> I've never been miniature golfing before. I must warn you, I'm a pro at it. - "Jonny Ace" they call me...I even have my own putter! - Of cour'se, it's been a while... Back when he was but a wee little nerdlet.
Boop Bip Beep Beep Bip - Hi, Jon, it's Liz. I can't decide what to wear tonight. - At first I thought my blue dress would be perfect, but then I decided my red top and skirt would look even better... - Then I couldn't find any shoes to go
- You're really attached to Garfield, aren't you? - We've been together a long time. - Just like an old married couple. - - A looooonnnnng time. SLAP! And what's *that* supposed to mean?! - I think I'll check the roast. I want a divorce! I
In the minus column, there's loss of memory, loss of hair, acquisition of nose and ear hair, liver spots, wrinkles, achy joints, and saggy skin. - In the plus column: cake. - No contest. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
- Jon, you need to rethink your wardrobe. I do? - Come on, we'll start by going through your closet. - Hmmm...let's see...well, this has to go...oh, ick, and this, too... But I love that shirt! - And this, and this, and this, and this, and
We've been together a long time, Garfield. Long time. - Remember the good old days? That's not what I'd call them. - Remember when I got the brussels sprout stuck in my navel? Those were the STUPID old days.
Hey, Garfield, you know that checkout lane at the grocery store for 10 items or less? - Well, Sir, I made it through with 12, count em', *12* items! - One small step for man, one giant leap for nerdkind.
- And now we have a dedication... - This one goes out to Liz... - ...from her boyfriend Joh, with all the love in his heart. - So here it is, Liz, just for you...a little something called... - "You're the rooty-tooty cross-eyed cutie who put
I don't believe it! - Liz is out with another guy!... But why?! - I bet if I disguised myself as a french waiter I could find out what was going on over there. - But that would be incredibly stupid, wouldn't it? Absolutely. - - - I'm going
boop - Hello?...Liz?!---Sorry. I must have pushed your speed-dial number by mistake! - I was calling to order a pizza...say, would you like to join us?...Great! - Sure, pick up a movie on the way over! We'll make a night of it! - Wow, I
- Hi, I'm Jon's hamburger. - Have you seen the catup around? Um...no. - Hey, Ham, where's Catsup? Running late. - Late again?! My *ice* is melting! Cool down, Pops... - We're *sick* of him *never* being on time for meals! Right *on*, frenchy!
GURRRGLE - GURGLE Hey! - Waiiiit a minute... - This lousy diet has me seeing things again... - You're a diet hallucination, aren't you?! Okay, sport. You got me. - GURGLE URGLE URGLE ORGLE URGLE - I wonder what diet hallucinations taste like.
RIING - Jon, I have to break our date. We just had an emergency case come into clinic. That's okay, Liz. I understand. - Well, pal, no date. I guess it's just you and me tonight. - - - Boy, does this ever bring back memories, huh? Like a
GOOD Morning! YOU'RE up early. - I haven't even made your breakfast. I think I'll skip it and go jogging. - Oh, goody! Tomorrow's monday! - - pat pat pat - This has got to be the worst nightmare I ever had.
Of course I'm still seeing Jon... - Things are going well, mother...he took me to a restaurant last night... - This place was *fancy*, Mom! Cloth napkins, three forks, no flies on the salad bar... - ...and a strolling violinist! Jon requested
- I saw you on the fence with Arlene last night. - In fact, you've been out there *every* night this week... - Could love be in the air? That is none of your business. - Hey Arlene. Couldn't stay away, huh? - You know what I like. Come a
Frank! ...are you listening to me?!... - Frank, I've had it with you! Don't start with me...I'm not in the mood. - All you do is sit around and suck blood all day! Hey! I'm a flea! Excuse me for making me a living! - I should have married
Greetings. - I am a new state-of-the-art multifunction diagnostic scale. - I not only provide digital and voice weight measurement to the ten-thousandth of a pound... - But also body fat percentage, a muscle mass index rating, pulse reading,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh *boy*... - Just five more days till Christmas! Only five! - ...of course I don't need to count Christmas day, so that'd make it *four*... - And *today's* almost half over, so if I don't count it, that's *three*... - Then