Do you remember my old girlfriend Loretta? No. - The one with the huge buckteeth? You know I'm terrible with names. - She could open a can with her overbite. Oh, yeah...utensil face!
1 October 2008
Remember my old girlfriend Rhonda? Nope. - She was all kinda stooped over?... Nope. - ...and had the giant sloping forehead, Cro-Magnon brow and bad teeth? Oh, yeah. The hand model.
2 October 2008
Do you remember Myrna, that girl I took out once? - The one with the humongous nostrils? - That's an understatement. I never did find my keys that night.
3 October 2008
Remember my old girlfriend Griselda? - The one with the bulging jaw muscles?... - Boy, could she ever put away a rack of ribs. Why you let her get away, I will never know.
4 October 2008
Guess who's here? - We're kitten-sitting Nermal today, Garfield! - You two play nice together. - So what should we play? How about hide and seek? - Okay! - - What are you doing? Winning.
5 October 2008
I'm sorry, Sir, but a coat and tie are required for dinner. - - DON'T YOU GET ANY GRAVY ON THOSE!
6 October 2008
It says here a guy ate twenty pounds of baked beans. - In just fifteen Minutes. - Doesn't say what he won, though. Probably not any new friends.
7 October 2008
Jon, this restaurant we're going to...is it fancy? Sort of. - Should I wear my little black dress? ...Hello? He says yes.
8 October 2008
Psst! Liz! Which fork do I use? The salad fork. - Oh. - Psst!
9 October 2008
I'm back from my dinner date! - Look, Odie! I brought you a doggie bag! - And here's you kittie bag. That's all?
10 October 2008
I was feeling so manly today, then I had to go and stub my toe. - ...cried like a baby... - Wanna see my boo-boo? Frm manly to sissy, just like that.
11 October 2008
Of course I'm still seeing Jon... - Things are going well, mother...he took me to a restaurant last night... - This place was *fancy*, Mom! Cloth napkins, three forks, no flies on the salad bar... - ...and a strolling violinist! Jon requested
12 October 2008
I heard from my cousin Kenny today. Kenny? - You know, the one with the botched facelift? I know a lot og Kennys. - Looks like this? Ah, *that* Kenny?
13 October 2008
There are my frat buddies in college. - We had some great times. - Good ol' "Ph Ama Geeka". Is that a keg of herbal tea?
14 October 2008
My frat brothers were real practical jokers. - It was all innocent fun, though. - That's me, asleep, with a chicken glued to my forehead. Hang on, I'm writing this down.
15 October 2008
Here I am in the homecoming parade. - I got to dress up and ride on the float my fraternity built. - That's the biggest pocket protector I've ever seen. I'm the third mechanical pencil from the left.
16 October 2008
There's Doc Boy with his girlfriend. And there he is with his prize pig! - - I think I have those in backward. Hard to tell...they're both wearing ribbons.
17 October 2008
Remember my old girlfriend Babette? I'm not sure. - I think she was on the rebound. Oh, yeah... - She wore that oil painting of her ex-boyfriend around her neck. Biggest locket I ever saw.
18 October 2008
z - z - z - z - z - OOOOF -
19 October 2008
You used to purr when I entered the room. - BURP - You call *that* a *purr*? - You call that an entrance?
20 October 2008
- - You're right, Odie. That other dog *is* stupid looking.
21 October 2008
- - And just what...? Did you know people feed ducks in the park?
22 October 2008
- Well! - Looks like *some*one had a good night. I had a suicidal giant cookie dream again.
23 October 2008
Mmm! These Escargots are good! You have a very sophisticated palate, Sir. - Hmm? Not everyone appreciates the fine taste of snails. - PHHHHHT
24 October 2008
Eww...ick! Get away! - Help! Affectionate dog! -
25 October 2008
- I am a headless swamp monster! - Fear me! Maybe later. - I am an invisible vampire! Good for you. - RAAAAWWWHHHR! Do tell. - EEK! - My dish is empty!
26 October 2008
- - I'll never eat an entire plate of Jalapeno poppers before bed again.
27 October 2008
- - Do us all a huge favor and wake up.
28 October 2008
Weird dream, huh? You said it. - Tell me, is it yours or mine? I'm not sure. - ...or theirs.
29 October 2008
- - You know, once I had a dream where I could fly... Is it morning yet?
30 October 2008
31 October 2008