Hey! That girl you sit on the fence with ate my buddy, Dave! Arlene? Never again will I thrill to him playing those traditional mouse folk rumbas on his tiny accordion! Sob! I'll speak to her about it. Hi, Arlene. Hi, Garfield. -Thanks for eating Dave. Hi
SLAM! I'm back from the gym! Yeah, there's nothing like pumpin' iron! You know, a dude like me can never be TOO ripped. Just check out these guns! I'll be flexing in the foyer. Don't strain your imagination.
Oh, no! I washed my underwear with my new red sweater, and turned it all pink! What am I gonna do? I can't wear pink underwear! Waaait a minute...I know, I know, I'll buy a blue sweater... ...wash it with the underwear... And turnit all *purple*! And his
Jon, what are these? Just fridge magnets. Each one has the phone number of a different pizza delivery place. There must be at least 200 of them here. 232, actually. They're ranked top to bottom according to their black olive count,gooeyness of cheese, an
bip bip beep boop You have *no* new messages. And I know I'm only a cell phone, but I get lonely TOO, y'now... So get some FRIENDS already why don't you, you sad excuse for a wireless customer... ...before I permanently switch yourringtone to the sound of
RAAAAHR!!! Holy BONES, Corporal! There's a giant monster invading the city! That's not a monster, Sir. What are you talking about?! Call out the artillery!! It's just a bad actor in a rubber suit. OH, it's NOT! It's a monster! Comeon...I can see the zippe
Dear Jon, life here with you has become unbearable tic tic tic I can't stand it in this house another day, so I am running away the French Foreign Legion. tikka tikka tic tic tic Please don't try to find me. Just know that this is whatI want, and that it
SLAM! I'm back from Binky Burger! I got a "Binky Buster" meal... Odie, you got the "Officer Bo-Bo Munch-A-Bunch Box"... And your usual is over there. Hey! Captain Gorge's Treasure Chest They forgot my "Larder O'Tartar Sauce"
Sigh. Sigh. Y'know? Fishing's great, Garfield...the fresh air... I smell bait. The wildlife... Mosquitoes the size of canned hams. zzzzzzz The solitude, the companionship. Stranded in a dinghy with Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Kindamakes a guy just wanna si
Hey, birthday boy! Wha?... We're the things you have to look forward to! Yea! I'm a grey hair! And's I'm a wrinkle! And don't forget me! What are you? I'm a liver spot! But I can't SEE you. Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late!
What a perfect night, Garfield. Uh-huh. A beautifull moon...a million stars...you and me together... Yup. Would you like to make it special? I sure would! But if I order another pizza with Jon's credit card, he'll kiss me. Arlene? -What a perfect night..
XAN's Cafe Caffeine SIP GULP Woo! Ahhhhhh WOW, they make strong coffee here. Just how I like it. SIP CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG I think I'll go home and read the encyclopedias. And I'll mow the lawn with my teeth.
SLAM! I got my hair cut today! Haircuts are great. You get to sit in a comfy chair and put your feet up... The barber drapes a big cape over you...you hear the hum of the clippers... And then afterward he dusts your neck with thatcool powder. Everything a
Sigh. Liz is coming over again tonight, Odie. She comes over every weekend now. The two of them really seem to get along. I wonder how serious they really are... ...and I already ordered the pizza. No anchovies, just the way youlike it! Life as we know it
I was just thinking... Oh, about your pitful existence? And how, with your limited mental assets, only hopelessness and despair await you for eternity? ...and there's nothing you can do about it?! I was just thinking about gettinga glass of water!
Liz and I went shopping at the mall today. They opened a new pet buotique. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they sell there. Oh, no...you wouldn't. You didn't. I'll give you a dollar to eat his credit cards. Tuff Kitty
ARF! ARF! ARF! What's that, girl? ARF! ARF! ARF! You say little Timmy's fallen down the well again? ARF ARF ARF ARF And that he's hurt? ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF And he needs our help? ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARFARF And that you couldn't
Sigh... I miss high school. Did I ever tell you I was on the pep squad? Our team was "The Fighting Cows." I led cheers all the games. I bet my old uniform still fits! Jon? Are you home? GIMME A "C"!! Always phone first.
I remember my aunt Orleen carried a REALLY big purse around all the time. Her right biceps was as big as her thigh. She was a sight in a strapless evening gown. And thank you in advance for my new nightmare.
SLAMP! Want to hear about my date with Liz? Do I have a choice? We were in the car, staring into each other's eyes... I reached out to turn on the car radio, but pushed the lighter instead... Then it popped out into my lap, I screamedand jumped, my head w
Ohhh I'm foamin' at the mouth over youuuu... You're the vet who's my sweetie, oh so truuuuue... In-oculate me with your love, oh please doooo... 'cuz I'm foamin' at the mouth over you. Like it? Uhhhh... All the patients are outside eatinggrass.
Hey, DIRTBAG! Yeah, YOU King Ugly! You're so ugly, you make onions cry! You're so ugly, you have to trick.or.treat by phone! And by the way, Stupidville called...they need you for the town statue! WHACK! Open mic night is gettingout of hand. tap tap tap
Are we ready to order? Could I have just a few more minutes? GURRRGLE Just a minute more? GROWWWL Jon, you go first. Steakmediumrare, bakedpotato, sourcreamandchives, and thesteamedsparagus. Ummmmm... More bread? urrrgle BREAD!YES!!
SLAM! I went to a girly boutique today to find Liz's gift. They had fancy soaps, skin creams, and perfumes. Then this batty old woman wearing ten pounds of makeup runs at me with an atomizer! I tried to run, but I tripped over abasket of luffas, crashed t