And now, a word from our sponsor. - Friends, how many times has THIS happened to YOU? - BAM! BAM! BAM! GAAAHHH! MY THUMB!!! - *BUMP* SSSSSS YAAHH! HOT STOVE!! - WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AGGA AGGA AGGA AGGA NECKTIE IN THE BLENDER!!! - If this is YOU,
Chez EATS - I bet Garfield was a cute kitten. Oh, he was... - Wanna see a picture? - You keep a picture of your cat as a kitten...in your wallet? Sure! - - SMOOOOOCH - I owe you one, Garfield. Lips that touch vets shall never touch mine!
Sigh... - I keep a framed picture of Liz beside my bed... - She's the screen saver on my computer, too. - Plus, I carry a snapshot of her in my wallet... - And I put her picture on my cell phone. - I guess I just can't get enough of her. I
A spokesman for the company stated that, "it just vanished completely". - Authorities admit that this just may have been "the perfect crime". - There's an ice cream truck parked in the garage. You saw nothing.
Hmm... - It says here that cats are smarter than dogs... Check. - ...and that cats are starter than humans... Check. - ...and that cats should be pampered... Big check. - ...And that cats are a gift to mankind, and should be worshipped...
SLAM! - You wouldn't believe what happened to me! - I went out to get the paper, and my robe got caught on a passing street sweeper. - I swept five neighborhoods with my FACE before I could get the driver's attention. - It took three fire
...and he loves animals too, Mom! - This young man of yours sounds nice, dear. What does he do? He's a cartoonist. - Mon?... Mom? Lizzie, it's dad. What did you just tell your mother? - What's wrong, daddy? She's hyperventilating into a paper
- We wrote a song about you, Garfield. - * Oh, the cat is fat, but we don't care! * - * And the cat is lazy, but we don't care! * - * And the cat is ugly, but we don't caaaaare... * - * 'Cause he won't eat us! * - He's gonna pay for those
BWA-ha-ha!! - BWA-HA-HA! Eat more vegetables! They're good for you! I'LL save you! - SMACK! PUNCH PUNCH POW! - And the world is once again safe for deep-fries treats! Thanks to YOU, Captain Donut! - ...for I shall seek out those
OK, Liz...bye. - That wa sLiz...AGAIN. - She's always calling me! - It's all "what are you doing?"..."how are you feeling?"..."how's work?"..."did you feed the cat?"... - "I'm so excited about our date"..."I miss you"..."I can't wait"..."I'm
Hey, Garfield! - Check out this drawing I did of a pig! - - I think I really captured its porkness... scribble scribble scribble - - - Pigs don't have wings! They will before you can outdraw me, pablo.
Trevor... - Oh, Trevor, the walls in the parlor are bleeding. Doesn't mean athing, dearest. - The solarium ceiling is covered in black flies... Nothing to concern yourself with, cuddleup. - The kitchen sink told me to get out of the house...
* - We will return after these messages. - IT'S A BLANKET! IT'S A ROBE! IT'S A GIANT HANKY! ALL IN ONE!! - RED INK?! SPAGHETTI SAUCE?! TELLTALE TURNIP STAINS?! ...NO PROBLEM!! - IT SLICES! IT DICES! IT CHOPS! IT CONJUGATES VERBS!! - MY TEETH
Okay, Liz... - How about this? No WAY are you going out in public wearing that. - I want a second opinion! Fine. - - BWA HA HA HA HA HA - You guys are in cahoots! Just put it in the "ick" pile. I'll call the hazmat disposal squad.
"Dear Ask A Dog."... - "Every time I try to throw a stick away, my dumb dog keeps bringing it back. What's up with that?" Signed, "Clueless in Seattle" - Dear Clueless, the first rule of training a dog is that you must be smarter than the
Liz and I are pretty serious, Garfield. - Do you think it's time I tell her that I l...lu...luh...luh... - ...loy...leee...laah...lay...loo... - ...LOOOEEEEEEUUUHHHHHHFFF... - - ...that I like her? Go for it, whirlwind romance boy!
Ah, summer nights... - The smell of the neighborhood barbecues... slap slap slap slap slap slap - And the sound of Jon flailing ad mosquitos. slap slap slap slap slap I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE!! slap slap slap slap slap slap
Tsunami Junction - It was a good idea of Jon's to come to a water park. - Say, where is he, anyway? I think he went on that big slide... - eeeee EEEEEEEEEEE - EEEEYAAAAAAAAAA - AAAAAHHHHHHH SPLASH! - The "Atomic Wedgie". Can we go home now?
- Jon, let's not go out tonight. Let's just talk. - Talk? Sure! We talk on the phone all the time...sometimes for hours! - Um...okay. Good. You start. - Excuse me for a minute. - * beedle beedle beedle - So, how was your day? Get back in
Okay, see you then! - Tonight Liz and I are having a "DVD date night"! - This week she picks the movie, and I make the popcorn! - We'll get comfortable on the couch...pop in the DVD... - Turn down the lights...snuggle up tight...and... - Kiss
Gentlemen, if my experiment succeeds, I will rid the world of 12-foot mutant rats forever! - Fascinating, professor. What is it you propose to create! - Sixty-foot owls! He's gonna need a biiiiig barn.
Oh, wow! Really? - So what are you making, mom? Uh huh...turkey...stuffing...mashed potatoes...gravy... - Green bean casserole...corn on the cob...potato salad...corn bread... - Cranberry sauce...scalloped potatoes...butter rolls...baked
A little to the right... - A little to the left... - A little more to the left... - Okay, now a bit to the right... - And jussssst a touch back to the left...little more... - Annnnt...THERE! Stop! - Perfect! Help. See you in january.
All right, Garfield! - That's it! I'm calling Santa! - bip bip beep boop bip beep And I'm telling him what you did! - You have reached the north pole "naughty line". - We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls... - Please stay on
...every Christmas, dad would go out and chop down a tree for us... Not again. - Then one year the bark beetles comae. Make it stop. - Tinsel on an elk rack just ain't the same. MAybe I should hit him with a yule log.
- Weeks Ago: Ah! - bip bip boop beep boop boop bip - I'd like to order a present for my boyfriend... - It's the one on page 32... my credit card number is... - There! That was easy. - Now: Think she'd like a pressure gauge? We're BACHELORS,
Sigh - The day after Christmas is always so quiet and peaceful... - And the excitement has died down... - All the presents have been unwrapped... - All the carols have been sung... - All the cookies have been scarfed... - WAAAAAAAHHHH