A new day dawns! - The sun is shining! - It must be grocery shopping day. I started the car for you!
1 April 2010
Farmers' Market - Farmers' Market - Farmers' ****** That's all that's left.
2 April 2010
I miss out on a lot of things. - I'm going to brush my upper teeths with one toothpaste, and my lower teeth with another toothpaste! - But not nearly enough things.
3 April 2010
- Garfield, LOOK! What? - TWANG yoing yoing yoing yoing - WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! - Jon, LOOK! - Yeah, riiiiiiight. - How stupid do you think I am?
4 April 2010
That's me the knight of the homecoming place. - I was too nervous to ask any girls at school, so I took my cousin... - Cliff was a lousy dancer. Lovely corsage.
5 April 2010
Why do I smell peanut butter cookies? I'll check it out. - Yes? - Lucky for us, she baked a double batch.
6 April 2010
You disgusting pig! - - I wouldn't take that. He was talking to YOU.
7 April 2010
Why must everything go right? - I mean wrong! See? I can't even gat THAT wrong! - I MEAN RIGHT! For those of you keeping track, two wrongs made a right.
8 April 2010
This is hour twenty of the Cat Benefit Telethon. - Let's check the tote board... - Eleven cents! Like cats care.
9 April 2010
Life is constantly changing. - Then by definition... - This must not be life.
10 April 2010
- - - - - - We're home now, stupid.
11 April 2010
You never show me any gratitude. - SLAP Good job, pal. - OW! And that's the thanks I get?!
12 April 2010
HOP HOP HOP - HOP HOP - I shrank my underwear in the dryer. Do that funny walk again!
13 April 2010
I washed the car with my favorite old T-shirt today. - It felt like I had insulted it. - How does one apologize to a t-shirt? Usually in front of a therapist.
14 April 2010
I CAN'T throw this t-shirt away, Liz! I've had it for years! - Garfield, help me out her! - beep. The shirt, please.
15 April 2010
Liz just doesn't understand how a guy FEELS about his favorite t-shirt. - You understand, don't you, old buddy? - beep. WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!!
16 April 2010
Garfield! Jon, Jon, Jon, Jon. - - Why are you staring at me like that? You owe me three "Garfields".
17 April 2010
- Hi, Grafield. Hi, Arlene. - How was your dinner? Lousy. - Jon burned the pot roast, the gravy was lumpy and the brussels sprouts were soggy. How was yours? - I ate a rat. - - Mint?
18 April 2010
I'm writing a profile of myself for my blog. - Of course I had to pad it a bit to make myself sound more brainy. - "Can count backward from 100"? Chicks dig smarts.
19 April 2010
Jon's Blog: Today my cat viciously attacked and devoured my precious pet goldfish. - Who knew that my cat was capable of such an evil and unspeakable deed? - I do have a NAME, you know. SMACK!
20 April 2010
I haven't had a single hit on my blog. - You'd think people would be interested in what I have to say! - Well, they WOULD! Is it sunny in Jonland today?
21 April 2010
Today a lady at a Chinese restaurant sneezed on me. - ...what was up with *that*?! - My blog is getting edgier! There's a snow pea on your shirt.
22 April 2010
Nobody ever visits my blog...it's too dull. - I guess no one wants to read about an ordinary guy and his cat. - Time to make stuff up! Give me an eye patch and a goatee!
23 April 2010
My new call phone has a areally cool ringtone. - - Want me to play it? It's the only way we're ever going to hear it.
24 April 2010
SLAM! - You wouldn't believe what happened to me! - I went out to get the paper, and my robe got caught on a passing street sweeper. - I swept five neighborhoods with my FACE before I could get the driver's attention. - It took three fire
25 April 2010
Have some tuna-flavored things. - You know what else is tuna flavored? - TUNA!
26 April 2010
27 April 2010
- BURP - You're disgusting. And we're out of soda.
28 April 2010
Have you seen my brother? - Where'd you last see him? Right where you are now. - Fomeone geth fiss mard mall moff me! Found 'im.
29 April 2010
I hear you're a real tough cat. - But you don't scare me. - AYIEEEEE!!
30 April 2010