We are only given a certain amount of time on earth. Some choose to live life to the fullest. Hi! I'm Moo-Moo! And some of us watch "Sock Puppet Friends".
Sir, I suspect that this may have been MURDER! Murder, you say?! Yes, sir...look at the piano. The piano? Um...the one sitting on the body? Ohhh, THAT piano. Inspector Oblivious of Scotland Yard.
...K-K-K-K-K... BZZT! POK POK POK You are watching the scrambled-image, static, and vertically flipping picture channel. Ah! You can cancel the service call.
Welcome the the all-act game show, "What Did Muffy Kill?" Okay panel, before your questions, you'll get one clue from Muffy, and here it is... HACK! Blue jay! Gotta be!
Garfield wanted to come with us tonight. Are you sure he didn't? Huh? Isn't that him riding the dessert cart? Mine! All mine! Not if I don't turn and look.
Ahem... That's MY chair. Que? GET UP RIGHT NOW! No hablo English, Senor Seatless. All right, if you won't let me have the chair... The LEAST you could do is SHARE it with me. Oh, very well... You're blocking the set.
There's me in the chess club...there's me in the latin club... There's me in the science club...there me in the calculus club... There's me, stag, at the junior prom. Go figure.
Garfield, Liz may be that special "one". Sure, she may tell lame jokes and her nostrils twitch when she's angry, but she may still be the "one". The "one" is right behind you, big mouth, and her nostrils are twitching.
Huh. Liz says I don't share my feelings. She says that's important in a relationship. Perhaps I am being a callous pig. Maybe I should try harder at this. I love you, man. Bring back the pig,...man.
Welcome to "How to Train Your Cat". Let's start with th basics, shall we? C'mon over here, Muffin. Muffin...c'mon, kitty. Heeere, kitty, kitty...heer-no, Muffin, this way...this way... Someone's being trained alright, and it ain'tMuffin...
Hmmm... I'm reading an article about cats and the stress they can cause. snatch RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP What article? What stress? A soothing sense of calm just came over my being.
And now "The Feline Gourmet" with your host, chef Snuggles. Hi, and welcome! Today, my owner is out for the afternoon... So we'll be whipping up a hardy guppy goulash! That's one nervous-looking fish.
Jon, we're going to be late! I'm ready! You are NOT going out in those pants. No, no parachute pants, either. I don't think so. Uhhhh...no. Over my dead body. Where does he GET these clothes? There was a sale at Clown Town.
A lady at the restaurant tonight told Liz and me we "make a lovely couple"! Buuuut?... But then I stepped on her foot, she screamed, and her dentures shot out and lodged in the busboy's neck. There's always a "but".
I need to be more creative. Red flag, red flag. You know, I used to paint when I was in college. Barns don't count. I bet I've still got a masterpiece in me! I think we're out of black velvet.
Busy day. Don't I know it! It seems like the harder I work, the behinder I get. One of the other cats called in sick. Are you listening to me? So I had to take two naps AT THE SAME TIME!
There's an antique doll show downtown. Well, let's GO, then! I'll get my coat! You really need to stop me when I do that. Say hi to Betsy Wetsy for me.
"Dear Ask Dog"... "My dog will stare at a spot on the wall that he thinks is a bug, but it isn't, for hours. Is he stupid?" Signed, "Just wondering". Odie? Odie?
I don't understand why you don't like me, Garfield. Is it because I'm cute? Or lovable? Or angelic? Or endearing? Or precious? Or young? Or personable? Or spunky? Or clever? ... Yes.
Welcome, Garfield, to another birthday nightmare! But you're a present. What's scary about that? Open me up? A senior citizen's discount card. BWAH-ha-ha-HAAAAAH!
I'm tonight's age nightmare, Garfield...the UNIVERSAL REMOTE CONTROL! BWAH-HA! HA! H Who's your friend? Huh? I'm the garage door opener. HE'S not scary. Didn't I tell you to wait in the car?
Z The light bulb blew out again and I'm scared. Z Can I have a glass of water? Tell me a story. Didn't get much sleep last night? Clean out the stupid fridge!
poing! SPLAT Maybe you need to go on a diet. OH, YEAH?! ...perhaps we can all derive a measure of comfort from Larry's last words... "LOOK WHO'S TALKING, FATSO."
You know what's weird? I've never heard Liz belch. All the times we've been together, she's never belched ONCE! Do you suppose she's saving it up` Sure. For when she meets your folks.
That thunder can't get us now, Garfield. munch munch munch It's safe here under the couch. munch munch munch It's also disgusting. Care for a petrified cheese curl?
I don't believe this. I'm hinding from a thunderstorm, under the couch, with my cat. This will be out little secret, okay? Just between you, me, and my blog.
Garfield! Garfield! The Donut Barn is having a clearance sale! EEEEEEEEE! Oh, for Pete's sake! EEEEeeeeeee YOU TWO ARE NUTS! SLAM beep beep boop beep beep Hello? I want sprinkles.
Could I please speak to the most beautiful girl in the world? She's not here right now...will *I* do? How do I answer THAT? I'd hang up and hide behind the drapes.
At the top of this mountain lives a wise man. Right on the top, huh? He has a long beard, and he says great things about life. Oxygen deprivation will do that to you.
On today's show, people who don't trust their pets. I walked into the kitchen and found Fluffy at the table... Reading my life insurance policy! Kinda obvious there, Fluffy.
* RIIING *click* Jon here, I'm not home right now... I'm probably off on some exotic adventure... Hey, maybe I'll find a shrunken head! This is why we never get messages.
What a nice day at the beach, Garfield. Even Jon is enjoying himself. Poor guy...he's usually a walking disaster area. Where is he with those hot dogs, anyway? SEAGULLS! I'm not gonna look. Good thinking.
You look bored. You got that right. You need a change of scenery. You got that right. So, how about moving from that spot?! So, how about painting the ceiling a different color?!
You say your ordered too much chinese food tonight? ** DING-DONG There's the doorbell...hold on. He's already there, isn't he? Brought his own chopsticks.
WHAP! * beedle beedle beedle Hi, Jon! What's up? Uhhhh... I forgot why I was calling you. Well, call me back when you remember. click I FORGOT HER NUMBER!!! Old people are funny.
Hey, that's great! OK, see you in a few! Liz is bringing over dinner tonight! ...and she made LAGASNA! Yep...she should be coming through that door any minute now! ** DING DONG It's open! Jon? Jon who?
I could be wrong, Garfield... But I think it might be time to clean the refrigerator. I just got an EMail from the mayonnaise. "Jon Arbuckle and Mayonnaise are now friends".
Z Sigh... I'm bored. I know! Let's walk down the street and have a parade! I'll be the grand marshal, and you can be a float! People will line the street, cheering and throwing flowers! SMACK! I'm bored again. Welcome back.
Jon, why don't we stay in tonight? There's a figure skating competition on TV. Sure! I LOVE watching that! Wonderful! Okay, I'm guessing figure skating.
I'm glad we went out for breakfast. It's nice to have some time alone. Oops...spoke too soon! I can't eat with them staring at us like that! Just ignore them. Try lowering the blinds. -
Yes, mom, Liz and I are still together. Yes, I know we make a lovely couple. Yes, I know you'd like to see grandchildren before you die. Moms are not masters of subtlety.
General, the zombies have breached our perimeter! Should I hold my position? Over... What are they doing now? Over... Dipping my foot in guacamole, sir. Over... I'd fall back about now.
The monster is coming this way! Ha! Look how slow it is! My GRANDMOTHER could outrun that mon EEEEK! Um...chaeck that. Maw-Maw went with her track shoes on.
Mr. Mayor! A giant cheesy fake rubber spider is invading the city! You can see the wires and everything! Thrn call out the tiny toy tanks! Pardon me, but your budget is showing.
General, there's a giant mutant 98-year-old lady approaching on radar! How bad can that be? Bad, sir. She's driving a 32-story 1965 Bonneville! With a 16-foot blinking left turn signal.
click ...GIVE MY CREATURE *LIFE*!!! ZZZZZIT! ZZZZZOT! LIFE, I SAY...*LIFE*!!! ZZZZZZIT! ZZZZZZOT! ZZZZZZAT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!! I'LL GET UP ALREADY!!! STOP WITH THE JOY BUZZER, MOM!!! Lazy teenage monsters.
bip boop boop beep bip What do you feel like for dinner tonight, Liz? How about Italian? No? Chinese, then? How does pizza sound? Or we could just do big greasy burgers. Oh, and we may have to bring the cat. "May"? There is no"may".
To: sclaus@nor Dear Santa, I have been a very good cat all year long. You can't fool Santa, you know. He knows if you've been good OR bad. And he's watching you all the time. Although perhaps you've seen my evil twin.
Jon, stop worrying about what to get me... I'm sure whatEVER you pick will be PERFECT, and JUST what I want! No pressure there. In theater, this is referred to as "flop sweat".
I don't know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas, dad. Why don't you get her a pair of frilly overalls? Frilly? The ones with the lace bib. May I talk to mom?