- BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hey, how about I take you for a walk? - A CAT walking a dog? Are you trying to humiliate me?! No, I was just... - Well, you're doing a good job, mister! - My self-esteem is ruined! Sorry, I was joking. - So...no walk?
Sigh... - I gave up donuts for my new year's resolution, Garfield. - I haven't eaten a donut for three weeks now. - I didn't think it would be so hard. - Boy, I sur emiss them . HI, Liz! - Okay, did you see that? He usually has sprinkles.
Date night, Garfield. - It's Liz's turn to pick the movie this week. - Oh, man, I hope it's not a weepy chick movie. - Give me a good monster movie any old day! bip bip - Hi, Liz, it's Jon! What are we seeing tonight? - I picked a monster
O-kay! - Time for spring cleaning, Garfield! - Let's see...receipt...receipt...receipt...ticket stubs...that was a good movie... - Credit card slip...when did I eat THERE? ...business cards...parking ticket...oops, better pay that. -
Good riddance, winter! - At last! No more snow! No more ice! - No more windchill factors! - No more cold floors in the morning! - We can even open the WINDOWS again!! - All those things that drive me crazy are finally... -
* - What a beautiful spring day, Garfield. - Blue sky...warm sun... - Perfect for working in the garden. - People should really celebrate days like this. - HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!!! - Should I look? How's your heart?
Sigh - Aren't the stars beautiful tonight, Garfield? - They're all sparkling like little diamonds! - You know, I'm really glad you're here to share this evening with me. It makes it even more special. - Are you glad I'm here with you, too? - Z
97, 98, 99,199! - I just did 100 pushups! - All right, I admit they were video game pushups. - But I think I strained a tendon... - And tore a cutile. - I think I'll go put ice on it and lie down. - Is he always this. You don't know the half
- "Directions for easy preparation". - "Preheat oven to 425 degrees". - "Place on center rack for 17 to 19 minutes, or until crust is golden brown". - It also says we can microwave it in six minutes. - What do you think? - 'bout what?
- Murf-murf-murf Buck? - Murf-murf-murf What is it, boy? - Murf-murf-murf Is it trouble, boy? - Murf-murf-murf Is somebody hurt? - Murf-murf-murf IS THE BARN ON FIRE?! - Mur-murf WHAT IS IT?! Buck is telling you that you're out of peanut
click - Tonight, after months of dieting, exercise, and hard work... - We will learn which of our contestants has lost the most wieght! - WHO will be our grand prize winner?! - Stay tuned for the exciting final weigh-in, right after these
- - I know that look. - That's your "When-Jon-gets-in-the-shower-I'll-steal-all-the-donuts... - ...then-I'll-ransack-the-house-jummy-the-door-lock-and-tie-myself-to-a-chair... - ...so-it'll-look-like-a-crazed-maniac-broke-in-and-did-it" look.
I see everyone is here... - Thank you all for coming. Please take your seats. - BLORK - FLARP SQEET - FWEEEEP HORNK - VOOMP SQUARK QUEEEP BLART - "Whoopie Cushion Theater" will return in a moment. I beg to differ.
* RING - No, that's okay...I understand, we'll do it next week. - That was Liz. She had to cancel our date. - An emergency came uo at the animal hospital. Shot down because of a gerbil with a chest cold. - Sigh. - I hate gerbils. So do I,
- - Where do you keep your baster? Bottom kitchen drawer. - Thanks. No problem. - Just a turkey hallucination. I get them this time every year. - Nothing to worry about. - Hey, we can't find the casserole dish. They keep moving it. Some
- I'm baking Christmas cookies for Liz! - OW! OW! OW! - HOT! HOT! YAAH! FIRE! - - I accidentally set the oven to "broil". - We lost 12 gingerbread men, 6 elves, 3 Santas, and a sugarplum fair. Oh, the humanity.
Let's see what I have... - How about the purple... No. - Or the plaid... No. - Or the puce... No. Or the striped... No. Or the vrushed velvet... NO. - Geez, Liz, all that leaves are my lederhosen and a gunnysack! - ...what is WHAT like? -