BARK! BARK! BARK! Hey, how about I take you for a walk? A CAT walking a dog? Are you trying to humiliate me?! No, I was just... Well, you're doing a good job, mister! My self-esteem is ruined! Sorry, I was joking. So...no walk?Dogs.
Sigh... I gave up donuts for my new year's resolution, Garfield. I haven't eaten a donut for three weeks now. I didn't think it would be so hard. Boy, I sur emiss them . HI, Liz! Okay, did you see that? He usually has sprinkles.
Date night, Garfield. It's Liz's turn to pick the movie this week. Oh, man, I hope it's not a weepy chick movie. Give me a good monster movie any old day! bip bip Hi, Liz, it's Jon! What are we seeing tonight? I picked a monstermovie. YES! "When Godz
O-kay! Time for spring cleaning, Garfield! Let's see...receipt...receipt...receipt...ticket stubs...that was a good movie... Credit card slip...when did I eat THERE? ...business cards...parking ticket...oops, better pay that. -...expired coupons...fortune
Good riddance, winter! At last! No more snow! No more ice! No more windchill factors! No more cold floors in the morning! We can even open the WINDOWS again!! All those things that drive me crazy are finally... -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
* What a beautiful spring day, Garfield. Blue sky...warm sun... Perfect for working in the garden. People should really celebrate days like this. HELLO, MISTER SPRINGTIME!!! Should I look? How's your heart?
Sigh Aren't the stars beautiful tonight, Garfield? They're all sparkling like little diamonds! You know, I'm really glad you're here to share this evening with me. It makes it even more special. Are you glad I'm here with you, too? Z Z How was your date?
97, 98, 99,199! I just did 100 pushups! All right, I admit they were video game pushups. But I think I strained a tendon... And tore a cutile. I think I'll go put ice on it and lie down. Is he always this. You don't know the halfof it. lady. GAH! THAT'S C
"Directions for easy preparation". "Preheat oven to 425 degrees". "Place on center rack for 17 to 19 minutes, or until crust is golden brown". It also says we can microwave it in six minutes. What do you think? 'bout what?
Murf-murf-murf Buck? Murf-murf-murf What is it, boy? Murf-murf-murf Is it trouble, boy? Murf-murf-murf Is somebody hurt? Murf-murf-murf IS THE BARN ON FIRE?! Mur-murf WHAT IS IT?! Buck is telling you that you're out of peanutbutter, dimwit.
click Tonight, after months of dieting, exercise, and hard work... We will learn which of our contestants has lost the most wieght! WHO will be our grand prize winner?! Stay tuned for the exciting final weigh-in, right after thesemessages! ...and we're ba
I know that look. That's your "When-Jon-gets-in-the-shower-I'll-steal-all-the-donuts... ...then-I'll-ransack-the-house-jummy-the-door-lock-and-tie-myself-to-a-chair... ...so-it'll-look-like-a-crazed-maniac-broke-in-and-did-it" look. Boy, I gott
I see everyone is here... Thank you all for coming. Please take your seats. BLORK FLARP SQEET FWEEEEP HORNK VOOMP SQUARK QUEEEP BLART "Whoopie Cushion Theater" will return in a moment. I beg to differ.
* RING No, that's okay...I understand, we'll do it next week. That was Liz. She had to cancel our date. An emergency came uo at the animal hospital. Shot down because of a gerbil with a chest cold. Sigh. I hate gerbils. So do I,They're all gristle.
Where do you keep your baster? Bottom kitchen drawer. Thanks. No problem. Just a turkey hallucination. I get them this time every year. Nothing to worry about. Hey, we can't find the casserole dish. They keep moving it. Somepeople.
Let's see what I have... How about the purple... No. Or the plaid... No. Or the puce... No. Or the striped... No. Or the vrushed velvet... NO. Geez, Liz, all that leaves are my lederhosen and a gunnysack! ...what is WHAT like? -It's brown and itchy. I'll